Chapter 1
Is it spying or cheating?
Maybe I never should have opened Carol’s laptop but there’s something seductive about spying. Carol was a hundred miles away when I got her password right and the screen opened up to her desktop, file icons scattered across a picture I know she took on our honeymoon, seven years ago. Ironic that, given what I found.
I could feel my pulse raging inside my chest, as though I might be discovered any moment. I kept going even though the adrenaline made my fingers tremble for ten minutes and my control of the mouse was clumsy.
That kind of rush is addictive. Even though what I found on the machine damn near killed me, it drove me on, took me deeper and so for better or worse, as they say. I was hooked.
Carol changed jobs a few months ago and now she has to be away a lot more. Her company sells stuff, complicated stuff, kit with back up services that sit behind all sorts of customer-facing services. It can need a team to handle all the angles, so Carol often has to work with two guys, Dean and Jay. Dean is the senior and Jay's a kid, a year out of college.
The last two months she's always taken her laptop with her when she's been away but recently they've given her a flash new one now so the old one stayed at home. Carol is none too sharp on the IT front and didn’t have the sense to pick a good password. None of this would have happened if Carol had been savvy with her password... so it's kind of her fault— getting caught I mean— the adultery is down to her too; her and Dean and whoever else...
What I read was downright incriminating, and exciting too, I guess, for anyone apart from her husband, me. I can't say it was great literature, and unless the reader was very wet behind the ears they wouldn't learn a lot— everyone knows what goes where, don't they. How often, and how risky the environment, was what Carol bragged about to her laptop.
Adultery is the old-fashioned term but I find it hard to call it that. Adultery has always sounded tacky to me; it brings up images of sordid hotel rooms and furtive sex. What I read was way beyond that. It completely spooked me, so much so that I found it hard to believe; this was almost fantasy sex, everything was bigger, went on longer, made better orgasms; she even bragged to her laptop about how sore she was and how much she had to put me off because she couldn't take any more.
I didn't want to believe it, didn’t want it to be true. I can't even bear to write down the details. What she described was what to her was the most wild and exciting sex ever, ever, ever. I tried to tell myself that she's in sales and salespeople can't help exaggerating— that's a known fact, right?.
Maybe because it hurt so much my mind kept trying to find other ways of seeing what was happening. I started to wonder if it was a trap. Was Carol pissed off with me because I'd been asking too much about what she did when she wasn’t home half the week?
Maybe I overdid that and annoyed her. Possessive stay at home husbands are a bore, right? Maybe that was me but so many things piled up in my head. Too many nights when I couldn't get her at her hotel. Too many times when her mobile was off. Too many times when she was in too much of a hurry to do her laundry when she came home; and when she bought new underwear saying that it helped her to feel confident but I didn't get to see her wear it.
Was I so whiney and needy that she left the computer there to tempt me? Could Carol be that devious? She'd never been that way before, but thinking about it helped... some of the time it helped.
I couldn't come right out and say I'd found a way into her computer— I mean, how would that make me look? I had to have another source of data, something to confirm that the emails and diary I'd read and copied were genuine.
I guess I could have called her right away or confronted her the next time she was home. I knew I had to do something or one day I'd find her gone... that's how I felt.
Easy to say that but those first few days every line I imagined saying made me sound pathetic. I had to do better than that.
The last entry worried me most. She told Dean— yeah, you've guessed it, she was screwing the two guys in her team. She told Dean I was away at a conference next week and they were working locally. Open house at our house was what she was offering— whatever they wanted and in my fucking bed; literally my fucking bed, not that I've done much fucking in it recently.
If it was a trap then she must think if I read that promise of an orgy at home it would flush me out for sure, but if I did nothing and she knew that I knew— hell that could be worse. Whatever way I cut it, I had to do something.
In the two days before she came home from her current trip, I consulted a private detective. I knew I had to get my shit together but why not hire some help? It cost me some time and money but got me the essential spyware and a load of recording kit.
After my consultation with the professionals, I put a programme on her computer that silently and invisibly sent me copies of anything she might write. If she abandoned that old laptop that would be a waste of money but better to be sure— it was good practice anyway in case I had to get into her new laptop. When she got home Friday I got up very early next morning and after some more guesswork for the passcode, I got a similar programme onto her phone. All that cost me serious money but I had a plan to get the money back.
I'd already cunningly changed the password on that old laptop. I made the first letter a capital. She’d be annoyed when she couldn’t get into it and I figured I could convince her she'd made a mistake when she set it and the experience would spook her a little. There was a good chance that she would change her password, which would make her more confident that her secrets were safe. My spyware would give me the new password, so my secret would be safer than hers.
The material that I'd already seen told me that she was worried about her main boss back at company HQ finding out that she was having wild sex with Dean and Jay. The company didn't approve of stuff like that— they once got sued by a pissed off husband. I made a note of that and researched the case and the company policy.
The only crumb of comfort I could find was the language she used in her emails to Dean. She raved about the wild time they had but not about how much she loved him. She was obsessed with having fun. Cheating, doing wild things, thrill-seeking, yeah, but not loving; she never used the word love; I hung onto that.
Dean was a big guy with a big ego and big everything else if her diary was to be believed. I never liked the man, there was something about him, he was too full of himself. He ignored me whenever we met anywhere but he paid attention to Carol, almost like he was mocking me. I was suspicious as hell— wouldn't you be?
Saturday afternoon I saw her cursing that her old laptop wouldn't open.
"Try a capital for the first letter," I said. "I got locked out of mine one day because I'd done that. Force of habit typing."
She tried it and got in. After that it didn't matter if she changed it, my spyware would tell me straight away.
The next week she was away again. I went to see her big boss at the head office. I wore my best suit, had a haircut and psyched myself up. I talked my way past the secretary's bullshit, took a deep breath, ignored the plush surroundings of the massive office, barged in and cut right to it. The secretary tried to chase me but I shut the door behind me.
I started talking as soon as the door closed.
"My wife is having extramarital sex with two of your employees on work time. One of them is her immediate superior, so I think there could be some bullying and harassment involved. I don't want to waste your time. I have evidence and I thought it was only fair to tell you in case you want to avoid the publicity of a scandal and the hassle of a lawsuit."
The door behind me opened but the secretary retreated after a gesture from the boss. He might have a luxury swivelling chair and a huge desk, but I had his attention.
"I like your style," he said. "Right to the point. You'd better tell me who your wife is."
"The names are in the pages," I said as I laid the print-out on the table. "Best if you read. This is from her personal laptop— she accidentally left it switched on at home. I haven't looked at her work machine or work files so your trade secrets are safe."
I took a chair and let him read. I can't say that I'd learned by heart every word of what she'd written, but it was kind of burned on my brain. I could match the way his face changed as he read the words as easily as if I was conducting an orchestra. The words where she said she’d be toast if the company knew what was happening was the part I was waiting for.
I was happy to own up to being a little selective in what I printed; why waste ink on boring bits? I left out her fantasies too; I figured they couldn't count as evidence. Having the hots for someone isn't a misdeed unless it's followed up. That might have made it look more like Dean was pushing her. Tough— the basic facts were crystal clear, this activity was on work time and would not have happened without their work connection. The big boss sure looked irritated before he got to the end.
"So?" I said when he put the papers down. "I'm guessing that there's a company policy that says that kind of carry-on is somewhat forbidden?"
He looked up, working at getting his negotiating face back.
"Well," I said, before he had a chance to interfere, "I'm not exactly guessing, I've read your personnel policies and some company history and it seems to me you all know the kind of liabilities you could end up with. Dean is Carol's superior, so whichever way you swing it he looks bad. Jay, the other kid could argue that he was being exploited too so that might cut him some slack, but I think the kit he used to make porno movies of my wife is company property and he used it on company time."
The man in the swivelling chair couldn't stop himself nodding. I gave him a little time.
"Are you going to divorce her?" he said eventually
"I don't know," I said. "I haven't confronted her yet. I’m putting it together. I don't want to be unfair. I know what’s going on but I don’t know why yet. She may have a good defence that she was coerced because he's her immediate boss. Will you be firing the three of them?"
"I may have to," he said with a sigh. "Carol would be a loss. She's ambitious and good, that's why she was promoted. She could argue that she was put in a position... I'm not giving anything away if I say Dean doesn't surprise me."
"Has it happened before?"
"That's for me to know and you to guess."
"Yeah, right— what about Jay?"
"He's new. Off the record, neither of them would be a great loss."
"Is there any way you could hold off for a week?"
"Why?"
"I'd like to be totally certain,” I said. “What's there is her own writing, but it could be fantasy, Dean could deny it, write it off as all in Carol's mind and he can't help it if he's attractive."
The man in the swivel chair nodded.
"I bet you can imagine him saying that, yeah?"
Another nod.
"I think I can get some solid evidence: pictures and recordings. If you fire them now neither of us will know for sure and they might come back at you. That file is her diary and emails— it’s totally obvious what’s been going on but she could spin it, and so could he. I want it to be solid before I move."
"And you think you have a way to be certain?"
"I have a plan," I said, not giving anything away. I'd already bugged every room in our house and the garage; if they got up to anything when I was away next week then I'd have everything I wanted; well no, not what I wanted— but all the evidence needed to be certain.
"Are you going to sue me?"
"Blunt meets blunt," I grinned. "That could be messy and take a while. Can I offer an alternative?"
"Go ahead."
"Pay me three years of her salary before tax. Call it an out of court settlement. If she ends up fired I might need the money, same if she leaves me. If we stay together it gives us time to put it behind us and she can move on to some other work. Pay me whether you keep her on or not."
"You might get more than that in court."
"Yeah, I guess, but if I need the money I'll need it soon, so I'd rather you paid me now. Why do you want to keep her?"