Messenger 14

“Do you know where Anthony is?” Julie asked.

“No,” Laura shrugged. "I know where he was; but he could be anywhere now."

“Anywhere?”

“Anywhere within a hundred miles of where I left him. Can't you track him with your phone?”

“He left his phone at the office."

"Why do you need to find him. He's coming back."

“Are you sure? I mean how am I to know?"

“He is coming back. Believe me. You need to think about what you want from him so you know when he gets here.” Laura paused for a second, “and what you want from me too.”

“If you’d asked me four weeks ago I’d have been happy with what I had.”

“Really?”

“Most of the time. Yeah. There’s always something isn’t there, but mostly yeah. The thing is— well um, who pays attention to what’s working. The first time you have a washer-dryer it’s amazing, those clothes come out fluffy and beautiful but it’s hard to still be wildly excited about it six months later.”

“Good, I like that. You’re getting back on form, very rational, so go on, tell me what was missing.”

“Like Anthony said, he neglected me— no, that doesn’t sound right, there were days, times, when more would have been good. It wasn’t that bad. We’d have got there; but since the court everything's different."

"Go on."

"He's worried about himself, I've worried about me, about us— him and me I mean. Why do I want more?"

“I thought you were getting plenty.”

Julie grimaced. “Yeah, sort of. Physically yes, but did that work stuff work make me more horny? Actually I don't mean horny. I was giving out a lot to clients, I needed something back and partly I needed it with without asking, without making all the moves, without thinking ahead. I wanted to be out of control."

"Out of control? You?"

"A bit. Like when you beat me up. I let you do it because it was so great to let go."

"It's not going to be easy getting that into a contract."

"I brought a tape home. You should watch it."

"Who made it?"

"I did, George grilled me when the others had gone. I guess I was beginning to lose it. I worked damn hard with those guys and then I couldn’t get hold of you or Anthony."

"I'll watch it if you want me to, but isn't it for Anthony?"

"But he's not here."

Laura nodded. "Maybe we'd better find him."

"Not yet. I'll swim and laze around. You're right, It's best if I wait for him isn't? I mean what's the point in finding him before he's ready?"  She glanced at the table. "Anyway I haven't done my homework yet. I have to read all those papers before he gets back."

~  ~  ~  ~

It was two days before Anthony appeared, two days in which Julie and Laura hung out around the pool and talked.

When the motorhome appeared on the drive mid morning the two of them rushed outside. Laura got to the drive first. The vehicle seemed huge and Julie couldn't imagine how Anthony could park it and allow room for the other cars to get out.  Caught in two minds, hardly daring to watch, she hung back— it would be terrible to be standing there if he hit something. She started to turn to go inside but the engine stopped. By then Laura was standing next to the door and Anthony had little choice but to step out into her arms.

Julie ran into the house, grabbed a bottle of champagne from the fridge, ripped the foil off and pulled the cork, filling three glasses before the liquid could spill everywhere. Clutching the glasses in one hand she was back at the front door as Anthony arrived.

She stood there holding a glass forward for him and he stopped, unsure, awkward.

"Thanks," he said taking the glass, his voice hesitant.

"What?"

"I was going to hug you."

Julie sagged, her smile drooping, her legs almost giving way.

"Damn."

“What?”

“I got it wrong again.”

Anthony blinked, half smiled and then looked serious.

“How long have we known each other?”

“About ten years.”

“Does this feel weird to you, like we were starting over.”

Julie hesitated for a second. “You look the same as always.”

“Yes,” he said, “I checked this morning. I did think about growing a beard.”

“To shock me?”

“More for me. To remind myself that I don’t know who I am.”

“Really?”

"I know that lawyer guy," he said, "but the guy driving the camper turned out to be someone I hardly knew."

"Julie took his arm, tentatively at first, watching to see his reaction, and then with a little more assurance she led him into the living room. "Tell me about him," she said.

"I'm not sure I know him too well myself."

"If this new guy was driving, how did you manage to get the lawyer to do that contract stuff?"

"Hypnosis."

Julie began to chuckle and slowly began to laugh. Anthony waited, unsure what to do, waited until she calmed down.

"The thing is," she said. "I'm married to the lawyer guy. Is it cheating if I seduce this new bloke?  Does he have a name by the way?"

"Tony."

"Ah. Any chance Tony could take me for a drive? I'd like to see what that machine is like. Is the bed comfortable?"

"There's two beds, one over the cab and one at the back."

"Could you persuade Tony to take me for a drive?"

"Sorry," he said, working hard to keep a straight face. "Do I know you?"

"Angela," she said, "Angela Evans, I'm your wife's alter ego."

"Very good," said Laura, strolling into the room with her glass of wine. “I think you should do that, the two of you.”

“You don’t want to come?”

“I do,” she said “but I shouldn’t. This whole thing with us only works if you two are solid— well that’s how I see it. I haven’t known you long but it’s been intense. It feels like you’re one person. I don’t want to lose that person. Does that make any sense at all?”

“No.” Julie and Anthony said together. “ But yes too,” Julie said. “But I get how it could be.”

“You guys take that truck and roam for a day or two, I have stuff to do.”

“Stuff?”

“Well it depends on you two. It would be cool to move here but the flat at the studio would be good too. This sounds slightly crazy but  could I try this place for a couple of days and the flat for a few. I could do that until you get back and then I’d like to borrow the truck.”

“You want to go on a trip?”

“No, if you two will still have me I’ll want to move house, it’s hard to do with a motorbike, even with three wheels, but I’d get everything into that thing.”

“It’s only rented.”

“Rent it for longer.”

~  ~  ~  ~

Julie had a quick look at the interior of the camper, threw some clothes and sleeping gear into a bag and was ready to go. Anthony watched, waiting until she seemed ready before saying anything.

"Okay," she said. "I'm ready. Do you need to shower or eat or get anything?"

"I'm fine," he said. "Do you want to drive?"

"I don't want to back out of here; maybe I could have a go when we get out on open roads. You could give me a lesson."

They tossed a coin for North or South and ended up heading for the Lake District. They took it in turns driving between the service stations on the M6. They skipped lunch and made it to the lakes by late afternoon.

"Does Tony cook?"

Anthony laughed. "Of necessity," he said. "You'll have to be the judge."

"I'm going to try the shower."

Five minutes later the bathroom door opened a crack. "Naked or dressed?" she said.

"A bathrobe. I don't want you getting cold."

There was only one robe in the room, obviously Anthony's, but no matter, there was something about Anthony's voice that said it might be a more serious meal.

Julie sat at the table and watched Anthony put plates and cutlery ready. She knew from the aromas that this was going to be another chilli beef extravaganza. Did he have strawberries in the fridge?
She watched him serve the meal, smiling, wondering what to say.

"Thanks," she said. "Nice touch."

Anthony gave a sheepish smile. "If I can make out that it's a romantic special it hides the fact that it's the only thing I know how to cook."

"I can eat and listen if you want to tell me about Tony."

"Yeah," he said. "It's not easy; that's what I realised while I was away. The good thing is that I told Laura to go home."

"Why? I wouldn't... um, no, go on don't let me interrupt."

"If she'd stayed I guess it we'd have had great sex but I think I would have been lost. It was a sort of survival instinct, sending her away. I would have been lost if she'd stayed."

"Lost?"

"Well," he chuckled, "Tony would have been lost."

She ate another fork full of chilli and waited.

"Tony is sort of who I was before I met you, well not just before, Tony is who you married. That first year, we had a lot of fun, dreaming, thinking about who we wanted to be. That was Tony."

"Was I Angela back then?"

He smiled. "Sort of in a way except I don't think you were screwing other guys. I don't think you were."

"No," she said, chuckling. "I wasn't."

"But we did talk about it didn't we. I remember we had a serious discussion and we thought it might be fun—“

"But we decided it was risky."

"Yeah, risky, but as I remember it we thought the risk was other people knowing. We thought we'd be okay. That's what I remember."

He looked up, catching her eye. She nodded, trying to think back ten years.

"Once I persuaded Laura to go home, that's when it all got weird. My plan was to drive off into the wild blue yonder and have fun."

"Sounds like a good plan."

"Yeah, a great plan, only one problem, I had no idea what fun was. When you're driving you have to make decisions, which way to go, where to stop, why to stop. I realised that I'd spent a decade doing what was put in front of me. I know that's what everyone does, and I did want to do it, sort of. I liked the law, I liked the challenge. I liked being good at it, but I became that guy. I got all my fun from doing that."

He looked up quickly, suddenly worried. "It wasn't you," he said. "I think it was the job, and me never stopping to think."

"Ditto."

"Yeah, I guess."

"We could save some time," she said, "If we didn't bother trying to decide who was most to blame. We could call it a draw and start on where to go next."

Anthony's face brightened. “I’d like that.”

“Sure?”

He laughed.

“So we’ve found something you like?”

“Yeah, right," he said. "What about you? I started off on this feeling bad because I didn’t look out for what you needed.”

“I have something you need to hear,” she said. “I need the internet to get the tape, do you mind, it won’t take long.”

I took a couple of minutes to log in, search for the right place and download it.

“The other voice is George," she said. "The others had gone by then. He pushed me and I guess I knew deep down it might be useful.”
She hit the switch and the tinny sound came out of her laptop, a voice barely recognisable as hers.

Julie:- “I'd like to be swept off my feet, to be out of control, fucked out of my brains, not have to think, be taken over and over."

George:- "Could you let yourself go like that?"

Julie:- "I don't know, but I'd really like to find out."

George:- "You've recorded this haven't you."

Julie:- "Yes, I guess I have."

George:- "Promise me this, if you don't get what you need then play Anthony this tape. Will you do that?"

Julie:- "Maybe,"

George:- "Promise."

“Did you promise?”

“Actually no, but I’m showing it to you anyway.” She paused for a second, looking at the table. "I hate dropping this on you, it sounds raw like that. It doesn't have to be rough sex. Not having to think is what matters."

She looked up, trying to read his face. "The think is love, I think you need something like the same thing. All those detective thrillers and sports that you watch, they're cheap thrills, freebie excitement. All you have to do is hit the button on the remote. You get all your sense of achievement from what you do at work and I've become the same. I get a buzz out of stuff like I did at the weekend and it's the same with your big cases, but it wipes us out."

Anthony smiled, reached out a hand to hold her's. "So what do we do?"

"Am I right?"

"Some of it, some of it for sure, but I'm not sure what I need is raucous sex. Maybe," he chuckled, "I don't have a clue. you're better at thinking about this stuff because you've done it for so many people."

He stopped, frowning, trying to read her face but she was waiting for him. "If you were advising me what would you say?"

"I don't think I can do that," she said. "Usually I ask clients what they think they want and why they can't get it. I don't think I can do that with you. I think we have to come at it from a different angle."

"Couldn't you at least try?"

She squeezed his hand. "Of course. Sorry, I was covering my professional back. Will you promise to answer whatever I ask you, even if it hurts."

"Yes."

"When you put those papers together, what were you feeling? What were you thinking and feeling. What sort of thoughts were going through your mind, and how did your feelings develop as you did it. When it was done, what was it like giving it to Laura and what did you feel when she'd gone, when you knew there was no turning back? When you knew I was bound to read it?"

"Can I make some coffee?"

"I'll make it, you try to think. Dig into your feelings." She got up tying the robe around her and quickly found the coffee grounds and set the percolator going.

"I did the lawyer thing," he said. "I started from first principles— what does the law say. What does the marriage contract amount to. I tried to write down what it would look like if a couple just drew up a contract to cover the same things. First off I took the text from the marriage service, that was easy. Then I hunted up a bunch of prenup agreements and dug out from those a kind of reverse marriage agreement; what not to do kind of thing."

"That screws me then," she said.

"No, no love, I'm not finished." He looked up quickly and saw her smiling. "Oh, right, you've read it of course. I thought the thing to do with all that stuff was make it subject to agreement. Not do the following unless... kind of thing. After that I looked at divorce agreements to see if there was anything in there that could be added."

"Why?"

"Well in a divorce the partners agree what to do about children and property and so on, so that implies that those things must be in the marriage and amount to parts of the deal that you can't quit on." He stopped to sip some coffee. "After that I tried to think my way though stuff like review periods, penalty clauses and all the stuff that most contracts have."

"And how did it make you feel?"

"The first day was good. It was a relief to get away from... well from me, from Tony, and do some work. It was a distraction from everything.” He stopped, closing his eyes for a few seconds. “The next day was hell."

"Why?" she was still holding his hand.

"By then I had most of the structure there and I started to let the words sink into my head..."

"And that was bad?"

"I started to feel like an idiot. That was my whole life, that's what I did, turned people's lives into pieces of paper. I read it over and over and it tore me to pieces. Those words about honour and cherish you can't turn them into legal algebra. I could hear myself grilling a witness; 'Could you give me an example of how you were cherished?' I knew I could tear it to bits."

"Do I cherish you?"

Julie's voice was so small it could have been lost in the birdsong outside the van, but the doors and windows were closed.

"You do."

"Really?" she said, almost choking on the words.

"I've been thinking a lot. That night when you were naked under the satin dress and I didn't notice. I've been though it in my mind over and over. 'There's a surprise,' you said. I thought it was cream with the apple pie but actually you were the surprise, naked under the dress. You didn't get annoyed, if you did, you didn't show it. You collected the cream as if that was the surprise all along. If that isn't cherishing love, then I don't know what is."

He squeezed her hand, trying to smile though tears welling up in his eyes. "It's me that's no good at it, not you."

"Sorry love," she said. "I shouldn't have told you about the dress."

"I needed to know, I needed to be told, I'm just not sure if I can do it."

"Do what?"

"Make you lose control, fuck your brains out or whatever you said."

"Maybe I can help."

"You know the craziest thing."

"I can't begin to guess."

"That night when I was at home after the court case, before Laura turned up— I actually thought about calling Angela. I'd seen her in court, she was impressive and kept her cool through some tough stuff. I figured she knew you pretty well and she was in the right line of work so I thought maybe she could help me."  He looked up, properly grinning for the first time since they stopped. "It's fucking funny isn't it."

"Angela helping Tony," she said. "It could work", she giggled. "I could call her in the morning and you could talk to Tony.” She smiled, “we could do it like a game, pretend we were writing a script.”

“Seriously?”

“I don’t know love. We wouldn’t know unless we tried.” She gave his hand another squeeze. “Could we go for a walk? A stroll?”

“Hold hands in the moonlight?”

“Mmmm.”

The lakeshore was a short walk from where they were parked so although the first hundred yards could hardly be called romantic they were soon in sight of the water. The moon did it’s best. Despite being only three-quarter full and struggling to avoid clouds it gave them a few minutes of reflection off the water. Long enough to kiss in the moonlight.

Most of the time they didn’t talk, and when they did it was for one or other to point at a reflection or a jumping fish.

“Are you okay?” Julie said eventually. “I like being with you, not doing anything, not having to do anything. Is that alright?”

“So no master plan then?”

“Did you think there would be one?”

“I read your files remember, you had plans for your clients.”

“Do you feel left out?”

“No,” he said, shrugging his shoulders. “I kind of don’t know where to start.”

“How cold do you think the water is?”

“You want to swim?”

“Guys are supposed to be turned on by girls who can’t resist skinny dipping, especially if it’s slightly unofficial.”

“With moonlight,”

“Exactly.”

“Go on then. I’ll hold your coat.”

“You don’t want to come in?”

“In two minds... Is this part of being out of control?”

“I guess, maybe.”

“So?”

“Could we get a bit closer to the water, it’s not as if the tide is going to come in. I don’t want to walk a long way on the pebbles.”

"What about me?"

"Do you want to swim?"

"I don't know."

"Try it," she said, taking off her coat to reveal that she'd been naked all along.

"This was a set up."

"No," she said, kicking off her shoes. "More of a just-in-case plan. If there's been people around I might have chickened out. Come on, try it." She started unbuttoning his shirt.

"What about towels?"

"In my coat pocket."

"They must be very small."

"You bought those microfibre things, they were in the van. Did you even know what you bought." Julie carried on dragging Anthony's clothes off.

"Love..."

"You need to be told what to do. If you don't like it we'll laugh about it after."

"But..."

"We won't know if we don't try," she said as she dropped his trousers and briefs in one go. "Come on." For a second her hand headed for his groin but then she caught his eye and grinned, took his hand instead and headed for the water.

Anthony needed dragging all the way but relented when the water at the edge turned out to be warm. He stood with one foot on dry land and the other poised above the surface. Julie had both feet in.

"Don't be chicken. It's warm. Come on before someone comes."

"Oh fuck," he said, and dashed forward, taking three quick strides before the water got deeper and he tripped, made a huge splash and soaked Julie. She laughed and flung herself into the water alongside him.

They had just gotten their breath back when they saw a light at the other end of the beach. Clutching each other  and trying desperately to be quiet they watched, trying to see who was there.

"It's someone smoking," whispered Anthony.

"Man or woman?"

"Does it matter?"

"What shall we do?"

Anthony looked around behind them, across the lake; the moon, low in the sky was very visible.

"Wait for that cloud," he said. They lay in the water, gradually getting colder, clutching each other tighter and tighter, kissing to stop themselves giggling as the cloud crept towards the moon. It was probably only two minutes but it felt like twenty before the dark engulfed them and they rushed out of the water grabbed the towels and got themselves dry enough to get into their coats.

Back in the camper they showered together, letting the water heat them. Two hot chocolates were consumed before they made it to bed.

Naked in bed for what felt like the first time in ages Julie enjoyed feeling his warmth. Amongst the pressure and drama of the last few weeks she'd forgotten how to let go and allow herself to be enveloped and cuddled. Should she try to arose him, give Anthony a performance? Not right now, she thought. Let him take the lead and see where it went.

Slowly, after several minutes had gone by she felt his arms wrap tighter around her, pulling her even closer.

"Are you feeling any warmer?" he said.

"Mmmm, a bit."

"Apart from freezing, how do you rate the experience?"

"Are we on Trip-Advisor now?"

Anthony laughed. "I have no idea. That's the thing isn't it. My thing I mean, asking questions. I should be the one giving answers."

"Go on then. What was it like for you?"

"Wet, cold... and um, wild I guess. Seeing that light, I mean it was nothing really, whoever it was wouldn't have seen anything if we had got out of the water."

"Even in the moonlight?"

"A quarter of a mile away? we'd have just looked like swimmers."

"So why did you hide?"

"I knew I was naked."

"Was it a turn on or were you just embarrassed and scared?"

"All of the above."

"That's what I like about being out of control."

Julie snuggled closer trying to show no sigh of the suspense she was feeling. Did Anthony like that feeling or did he think she was crazy. Why had they never had this conversation before?

"How wild would you like to get?"

"Back to asking questions."

"I can't help myself," he said. "How daring do you want to be?"

Julie rolled Anthony onto his back and spread her legs as she snuggled down onto him. "What did you have in mind?"

He pushed her head back enough to see her face. "I don't have a clue, but if that's what you want I need to work on it. You know me; research, data, evidence. If that's what you want then I want to try to give it to you."

"Why don't you do some research and surprise me. Better still, shock the hell out of me." She pushed herself up on her arms. "I must have shocked you enough the last few weeks."

Julie slid down the bed and found his cock"You taste of lake water," she said.

"Should we take some home as a souvenir?"

"I'm taking home the part that matters."

“Do you like doing that?”

She pulled back for a second, her tongue lingering on the tip. “What?”

“Well do you? I’m sorry I’m so unsure of everything. You could be doing it because it’s what’s expected.”

“Actually,” she said, “I do like it, but I’d rather it wasn’t expected. I prefer it to be a surprise.” She stopped for a second. “You're hard enough now so I’d like you to fuck me. That's what's usually expected.”

"Are you going to give me marks out of ten?"

"No," she said. "No I'm not. I don't want us to go there. Today's been lovely. All I want is to be with you."

"Really?"

"When I opened that envelope and saw the divorce papers I nearly died. I couldn't breath, I couldn't walk, if I hadn't been sitting down I would have collapsed. It took me ten minutes to get myself steady enough to move. An hour later I still couldn't read past the first line."

"But—"

"I know. It was blank. Laura explained. She was gone for an hour after she left the envelope. That was the worst hour of my life."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be. That hour told me what I couldn't tell myself. It told me what I needed to know. I read it all once I understood. It's very clever, but what matters most to me is being with you.  You don't have to fuck me, fucking's easy, anyone can do it. You being you, me being with you, that's what I want."

"I don't want to disappoint you."

"You won't. If I want something I'll ask, I'll tell you what I want, but if you want lessons then get them from Laura, she could teach you whatever you need and then you can surprise me."

Anthony caught his breath, trying not to laugh.

"Really," Julie said. "Really— or you could delegate, tell Laura to fuck me, tell anyone. Delegate the sex if you want, just be with me. I'm sorry it's been such hell finding out, but that's what I want."

He pulled her close and felt her tears running down his neck as she nuzzled against his cheek, felt her breathing slow down, her body relax until he knew she was asleep.

~  ~  ~  ~

They spent the next day rolling through scenery, stopping to walk now and again, taking pictures, looking at but not buying postcards and as Julie described it, being; being together.

Over supper Anthony risked asking if she was planning another skinny dip.

"No," she said. "One of these days I'd like to go to a nude resort. I think that would be fun."

As they sat eating supper Julie saw something in Anthony's face.

"Come on love," she said. "Say it."

"What you said last night has been going around in my head." He paused for a second, studying her face, waiting to see if she responded. "You said something about delegating sex."

"Mmmm?"

"It... well, I don't know how that would work."

She put her knife and fork down and sat back in her chair a little. "Did I really say that?"

"I, um... You said Laura could help but...'

"Your keen legal brain caught something else?"

"Did it?" he said.  "Was there something else?"

"While you were away I tried something stupid."

"How stupid," he said, becoming more alert.

"Not very. Well in practical terms not very, but stupid all the same."

"Go on."

"I went to the golf club and picked up two guys, brought them home and let them fuck me every which way — safely— but every way they wanted." She stopped for a second, eyes cast down. She ran her fingers through her hair and looked up. "It sounds completely stupid but I wanted to feel guilty. I've fucked all these people at work and their needs were a sort of excuse. I tried to imagine how you must have felt— don't say— don't say yet anyway. I'd been unfaithful but I had an excuse. I had to know how it felt to do it without an excuse." She stopped again, looking at him this time. "Does that make any sense?"

"I can follow the logic," he said. "Anthony would understand—"

"But Tony might not?"

"Did you feel guilty?"

"Not until Laura came home and found me out."

"She met these guys?"

"She saw them leave... well it was more embarrassing than that— you can ask her."

"I probably won't."

"No, well yes, yes I can understand that," she said. "The point is love that if I need fucking and you weren't interested then anyone will do. Your wife is a slut. An intelligent slut who would never embarrass you or do anything to hurt you. Well not deliberately hurt you..." Her voice drifted to a standstill. "Disgusting isn't it," she said. "It sounds awful saying it out loud."

"And that was the first time you've done anything like that?"

"Yes."

"Even though there've been times when I neglected you for weeks."

"Yes."

“So what is the difference between doing that and what you’ve done before?”

“I haven’t done anything before.”

“Exactly, you put up with whatever frustration I caused you, put up with your needs or wants not being met. So how did it compare?”

“That is such a deep question. It's comparing two totally different things... Also it's not a fair comparison. You weren't around last week.”

"Try."

"There's so many aspects."

"Go on."

"Proper cross examination?"

"Technically no. Cross examination is when you've already been grilled by the other lawyer."

Julie chuckled, took a deep breath and tried to put on a serious face. "Really I should be writing an essay setting out the arguments, quoting references and all that." She help up a hand to stop Anthony saying anything. "So this is a first shot. It's not one scenario. If I have sex with someone else, one possibility is that you know about it and within that there are more possibilities; it might be my idea or it might be your suggestion. You might encourage it, even arrange it, or simply put up with it. I might find the other men or women, or we might do it together."

"Wow."

"Hold on I'm not done yet. That's a skim over the whole hotwife—cuckold scene. Sometimes the guys are in agony waiting for the wife to come home, sometimes the wife denies the husband, or they have great reclaim sex when she gets home. There is every nuance you can imagine."

"Right, I forgot I'm interviewing an expert."

"After that there's cheating. Which means me finding other partners without you knowing. Overlaid on that there's a whole spectrum of knowing and not knowing; ranging from being totally ignorant through to suspecting but not daring to say. Alongside that the wife may feel everything from empowered though to every kind of guilt."

"So if it's that complicated why did you say I could delegate it?"

"I don't know. I guess wanted to tell you about the guys from the golf club and it seemed... well sort of obvious if you were in charge, you could decide. I don't want to cheat."

"Apart from work?"

"Well, yeah, I guess. I don't really think that's cheating; it's all recorded and I don't do it because I want it."

Anthony sat thinking for a minute, closed his eyes for a few seconds and then caught her gaze.

"Did you ever wonder?" There was something hesitant in his voice.

"Wonder?"

"There've been times when I was away a lot, times when I worked with some very attractive women, times when I ignored you more than usual. Did you ever wonder?"

Julie looked at him stunned for a second.

"Are you saying—"

"I'm not admitting anything."

Julie burst out laughing. "Why the fuck did I marry a lawyer?" Anthony sat across the table grinning.

"I don't know what to believe," she said.

"Does it matter?"

"No... but there again yes. Cheating is a complicated business."

"Really— you don't say."

"Yeah, yeah, I know all the usual stuff. Sex doesn't bother me, diseases, yes, but I'm assuming you have the wit to avoid that. You know one of the things that niggles people the most?"

"Lying? Deceit? Loss of trust?"

"Sure eventually, all of that, but there's more subtle let downs. Clients have wept with me because their partner did things with others that they'd never done with them. I've never done that. Anything I've done with clients I've always made sure to do with you or at least offer, give you the chance to try it. Sometimes you liked it, sometimes you've been shocked, sometimes you've said no.; but I've never kept anything I learned from you."

She stopped for a second, looking at him. "Sorry," she said. "You should see your face." She grinned. "Actually you got the better deal most times because you got it when I knew what I was doing."

"So?"

"So I don't know if you did cheat on me, but if you did you never brought anything new home— that does feel like a cheat."

"Unless I thought that might give me away."

She chuckled. "Clever. Clever but if it's true it's doubly devious. If you do want to play away, or just get tempted by some siren, bring it back, share it all, okay? Does that make sense to your lawyer brain?"

"It does. I get that."

"Promise?"

"Promise," he said. "So are we okay?"

"We are."

"So I have to cover all that in a contract?"

"You're the lawyer."

"What about Laura," he said.

"I want to work with her, but I really like her too."

"So no shooting the messenger?"

"Definitely not but anything else depends on you. I'd even let you say no if that's what you wanted. If she works with me she'd at least need an employment contract, so anything else for either of us could be wrapped up too."

"And that gives her a way to say no."

"If she wants to"

"And us?"

"I want to stay married," said Julie, suddenly sounding serious, facing him with solid eye contact. "I really do— if you'll have me."

"With a contract on top so that if you ran off it would cost you a lot?"

"It would be the same for you," she said.

"True." For a second he looked hunted.

"What?"

"I was looking for a pencil and suddenly felt foolish." He grinned sheepishly and took a deep breath. "Are we talking about a permanent thing?"

"Permanent as in 'Till death etc.' yes, for you and me, definitely— unless you can't cope with that."

"I would like that," he said. "The together part, but perhaps the who does what by way of work and such could have reviews built in."

Hw glanced quickly at her again, checking, seeking reassurance. "Maybe you won't want to work this hard for ever, or you might want to change, or I might. We might need some flexibility. We could have some things that were subject to review."

"So have an annual meeting like a company."

Anthony laughed. "and like Laura said, everyone naked."

She laughed, "I'd like that."

"So what has to be permanent?"

"You and me,” she said. "Us— that's got to be permanent— everything else on a rolling contract."

"As in rolling in the hay?"

"Or any alternative bedding of our choice."

Epilogue.

The story has to end somewhere and that seemed like a good place. It could go on— Laura's contract— Annette and George finally making things work— more clients— more temptations— more challenges — children— the possibilities are endless, but for now things are in a good place.