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New Year’s Resolution - Chapter 3

A journey back to living.

New Year’s Resolution-March

March 1

Journal entry #2-February was a good month.  I completed a major project and under budget, which netted me a significant bonus AND got me a referral with a new client.  My kids came back for a long weekend where we spent some quality time together although it’s still hard to see them go back to school.

Physically, I am feeling better than I have in quite some time.  On days the weather cooperates, I walk/jog to the gym, workout, and then walk/stumble home.  Marco is still pushing me hard but now I am looking forward to how much I can push myself.

The gym is giving me more than I would have thought possible only a few months before, something I want.    Most mornings I cannot wait to see what kind of progress I can achieve.   It doesn’t hurt that since my last weigh check, Heidi is often in the locker room in various stages of undress.   It is more than normal to walk into the room and say ”good morning” to a mostly or totally naked Heidi and not find it strange.   And since she is so open, I feel the same around her.  Besides Diane, Lisa, and medical personnel, no other woman has seen me without my clothes, but Heidi is so uninhibited, and so natural, I feel comfortable with being naked.

Speaking of naked, Ann is going to give me my naked pictures she took last month soon.   Though Maria says that they will be motivating for me moving forward, I guess we will see.

What has occupied my mind this month was that spark I felt when Molly and I shook hands.  I have seen all of the other locker mates at some point in time in the room, but not her.  If I am being totally honest with myself, I can’t wait to see her again.


March 3

I get to the gym like last month again early for my weight check, progress photos, work out, and then massage feeling better than last month physically and emotionally.  I know I lost more weight because my clothes are looser and I am at the last notch on my belts.  I can buy smaller belts, get new pants, or get pants that have elastic waists.  The problem though, like most men, I hate shopping.  I think the best course is to wait until spring shows in full force and worry about long pants later in the year.

With that on my mind I enter the locker room to get ready for the morning and once again, there is my topless goddess Heidi in an embrace with the woman that has occupied my mind, Molly.

“Good morning, ladies we need to stop meeting like this,” I say.

“Good morning Mike, how is it going?  You remember Molly right?” Heidi asks.

“Going good and yes, I would never forget such a pretty woman,” I reply.

“Are we on for ten o’clock again?”

“Yes ma'am, weight check, work out, shower, then to you.”

“Great, here use this again before your shower.”  Heidi hands me the container that I know now is an enema, then leaves.

During the exchange of pleasantries with Heidi, Molly appears to be stunned.  She has not moved, talked, or blinked.

“Mike,” Molly finally says, “I know this is a little forward, but are you seeing anyone right now?”

“No, I’m not,“ I reply slowly.

“Great….well not great for you, but for us, me.  Never mind.”  She takes a deep breath and exhales.  “I would like to talk to you about your dietary and nutrition concerns.  I would like to cook us dinner and since we are both unattached, how about doing a no pressure Saint Patrick’s Day dinner at my house? Seven o’clock sound good?  Allergic to anything?”

“Yeah, sure I guess, and I’m not allergic to anything.  Is there anything I could bring?”

“No thanks.  Keep working hard and good luck with that.” Molly points to the container still in my hand, turns and leaves.

I am not altogether comfortable that Molly knows what was given me.


Marco is definitely enjoying this as I see the finish line of my second round with the gauntlet.  My weight down to 280, he is downright euphoric.  Instead of increasing the weight and time this month, Marco finds in amusing after I finished the first gauntlet run, and dropping into a puddle of sweat and exhaustion, he wants me to do another turn “for kicks and giggles.”  Kicking him in the nuts would give me some giggles but think unable to lift my legs that high.

“Keep going Mike, a few more to go, you can do it,” Marco screams.

Miraculously I finish, dropping into a larger pool of sweat than I started, gasping for air thinking if I lie here for two or three years, I may be able to move again.

“Really great job Mike, I’m proud of you.  Let me tell you why I do what I do since it appears your immobile for the time being, ok?”

I lift a listless hand and flick the wrist to let him know I am alive and to continue speaking.

“I am not going to tell you that I was overweight or had any problems growing up.  In fact, I had just the opposite.  I grew up in a loving, caring, and supportive family.  I was the stud athlete in my home town where there no shortage of girls wanting my attention.  From there I went to college with dual scholarships in football and baseball wherein the females provided even more entertainment.  But honestly, I wasn’t happy and didn’t know why.  During my sophomore year, I met someone who changed my life.  He was different than most of the people I knew or have known since.

“Long story short, he was gay and got me to realize that I was and am bisexual.  Nowadays that may not seem like big a deal, but twenty years ago it was, especially for the star male athlete.  I was scared and a lot nervous about how to go about life with this “new” me.  How would my parents react?  My family?  My teammates? My friends? I decided to go about life as if nothing was different which made me only more miserable.

“At home during Christmas break my junior year I told my parents.  Needless to say, they were stunned but after the shock wore off were supportive.  They told me that I was their son and no matter what I was or wasn’t they would love and support me.  My sister and brother felt the same.  I never really knew what unconditional love was until then.

“It gave me the courage to open myself to teammates at school.   They were not as understanding or supportive.  I would get sideways looks in the shower and locker room.   I found out who my true friends were. 

“I finished college and knew I wanted to help people who were struggling to find themselves.  I knew the best way to do that for me was in the heat of competition.  I could find myself in pushing myself to be a better me through these battles.  And being a male gay athlete, maybe I can pay forward my experience to those who follow. 

“I know you are not gay but I can help you find yourself again after you lost yourself when your wife passed.  I was there when you first came here to get started at the beginning.  You too seemed scared and a little out of sorts and I knew right away I wanted to help you. Just so you know, I am not alone in that view.”  With that speech the longest he has ever said to me, Marco turns and walks away.


I return to the locker room, cleaned inside, showered.  Opening my locker I find two envelopes.  One had my monthly photos which were anticlimactic, but seeing the improvements was encouraging.

The other contained four pictures.  Two were of Maria in what I assume was the next in her series.  I saw the changes in her body and it was fabulous.   The boobs were still small but the arms, legs and ass were more defined and closer to what she looks like now. 

The other two were of a naked Maria and Heidi.  One was a side shot of them passionately kissing with their breasts pushed together.  The right hand of Heidi’s is gripped Maria’s hair tightly forcing her to tilt her head up for a passionate kiss.  Maria’s left hand was snaked behind Heidi’s ass to areas unknown, but not hard to guess the destination.

The second was of Heidi leaning against a wall legs spread and her hands were pinching her own glorious pink nipples.  Her body had a slight tinge of pink from sexual excitement.  Maria kneeling in front of her with her face buried in Heidi’s nearly bald pussy.


With those pictures still in my mind, I head next door for my massage.  The room is the same as last time.  The lights are low, the music is soft, and the fragrance is pleasant.  And Heidi is topless.  My first thought is, “there is a God and right now, He loves me.”

“There he is.  I was wondering if I was going to have to hunt you down.  By the look of it,” as her eyes focus on my crotch, “you had time to view the present I left you.”

I feel my body getting flushed. “Um, yeah I guess,” I stammer.

“Great, what did you think about them?”

I am not player by any means and though I have been widowed for some time, this sounds like one of those questions men never get correct:  Does my ass look fat in these jeans?  What do you think of this dress? And the ever popular Do you think she has a better body and/or prettier than me?  I decided to go for the easy way.  “They were nice.”

“Nice? Nice?! Mike, holding hands is ‘nice.’  Making out in car is ‘nice.’  Taking a walk on the beach is ‘nice.’  Those pictures, in my humble opinion are hot.  I still get horny just thinking about that night.”

“Ok, fine you’re right,” I screamed.  “The photos are extremely hot I thought about being late so I could have gone into a stall and jerked off.  Are you happy now?”

“As a matter of fact, I am,” she answers calmly.  “You reacted physically to very erotic photos which tell me that you are getting back to where you were as a man before your wife’s death.  I not saying you were not a man in the meantime, but detached, if you understand.

“Then when confronted you reacted emotionally when you avoided the question.  You tried not to insult either me or Maria by saying they were ‘nice’ when in essence that was not an honest response. It shows that you have been repressing anger towards your wife for leaving you and your children too soon.  Who could blame you?  But in order for you to move forward in your life you need to resolve those issues.  And I won’t apologize for the method because I believe you could handle it.”

Ok, deep breath, and another to calm down.   I continue to breath and think this through.  Have I been angry for Diane for leaving me and the kids?  I guess deep down I have and immediately regret having those feelings.  I begin to softly cry.  But I also feel a weight lifting off my chest for the first time since her death and I feel the arms of Heidi wrap around me.  I reciprocate.  This only makes me cry harder.

“I’m sorry Heidi; I don’t mean to fall apart in front of you.”

“Don’t give it another thought; I expected this reaction,” she replied.  “Remember our last session how you reacted physically, this was the equivalent emotional purge.  And now since you have been, let’s get to work.  Would you like a happy beginning or ending this time?”

“What?” I looked curiously into her eyes.

“Well, you did find the photos hot, right? And you were going to masturbate if you did not have to come here, right?  I just volunteered to take care of it for you, or if you prefer, we could masturbate together.  I could always use a good orgasm.  It’s your choice.”

 “Let me get my head around this.  You just volunteered to give me a hand job OR you would watch me jerk off while you jilled off.  Do I have this correct?”

“Yep, your hearing is just fine,” Heidi answered.  “Is there a problem with the way I look or are you having problems medically which would prevent you to do so?”

“Well, I have not dated since I was a teenager and have been with only two women in my life sexually.  The first was your typical teenage exploration with my then girlfriend Lisa.  Then it was Diane since senior year in high school.  I would say our sex life was good, but I had kids when I was still mostly one.  We did not do much in the exploring; we were just happy to get a few free minutes during the week for a quickie or taking the kids to the folks for a sleepover.   To say the least, I am a little intimidated and a lot nervous.”

”I understand so I will take the decision away from you, drop the towel and lie down face up on the table,” she commanded.

Doing what I am told, I drop on the towel, climb on the table and watch as Heidi peels off her shorts.  I have seen her in various stages of undress, yet this is more intimate, more erotic.  She walks towards me, a sleek panther on the hunt with a feral look in the eyes.  Stopping right next to the table, she pours massage oil into her hands and begins to slowly rub it into her tits.  Circling, squeezing, lifting, and pinching her erect nipples.  I feel myself becoming erect.  She pours more oil and now concentrates on her stomach, hips, and pussy.

“Is this nice or is this hot?” She asks with a glistening body.

“Hot, I’m feeling very hot.” I reply.

“It’s going to get hotter,” she purrs.  “Feel free to let your hands roam, I won’t mind.”

Heidi pours more oil and without pretense softly grabs my rock hard erection and begins slow and soft strokes barely creating friction.  Feeling anxious, I reach up and attentively touch the closest breast.  Emotions surge as it’s been so long feeling a woman’s curve.  I circle and pinch the nipple.  I vaguely hear a moan but unsure if it was me or her.  She continues her stroking moving a little faster with the same pressure causing my hips to buck in reflex hoping for more contact.  Bolder still, I release the heavenly man made tit and search for the heat between her legs, finding it enticingly hot, wet, and open.  Sliding one finger in the velvet cocoon I hear her breath catch.  Her reaction was to grip my cock harder and stroke faster.  I plunge another digit in and out of her hot cunt and find her clit with my thumb, circling the precious nub softly, slowly. 

I feel the beat of my heart pounding in my chest, and hers in the most intimate of areas.  I know I’m about the come, hoping I can give her the same pleasure simultaneously.  I add another finger and grind my thumb to her button of pleasure faster.  She stops breathing, only her hand remains in motion, and then a screeching emits from her mouth in ecstasy.  Her pussy contracts hard around my fingers as I explode onto her hand and my stomach releasing my own grunts. 

It’s good I am already lying down or would have fallen.  After some bit of time passes I open my eyes to see her looking down at me with a sly smile and warmth in her eyes.

“Mmmmm, that was absolutely fantastic. Thank you very much,” she whispers.

“And I have to say, you have some of the best boobs I have ever seen, and feeling them was even better than my fantasies.”

“Again thanks.  You were able to push all the right buttons in the order they needed pushing, much better than doing it myself.   And I must say, you have a nice piece of equipment down there and hopefully you will allow it to give me greater pleasure someday.”

“Thank you but you don’t need to say that,” I say with a nervous laugh.  “I have been in enough locker rooms to know I’m just an average guy.”

“Untrue, some men are showers and others are growers.  You my friend are a well feed, fertilized grower.  But enough of the mental healing portion of your therapy, let’s get cleaned up and re-centered so I can focus on the physical pains Marco inflicted.”


March 17

I approach Molly’s front door, a quaint log cabin a few miles outside of town, carrying flowers and a bottle of wine, and realize I have not seen her around the gym since weigh in day.  It did not take long to find what she likes since Maria knew we had a “date.”  She was so happy that I was “riding my bike again” I did not have the heart to say it was only dinner to discuss the nutritional aspect of my journey. 

The cabin is relatively secluded.  The last house I saw was a couple hundred yards ago.  It is quiet, peaceful.  My hands are sweating, and I have butterflies.  Taking a deep breath, I ring the doorbell.  Molly opens the door in a terry cloth robe of forest green highlighting her bright red hair, hypnotizing green eyes, and milky skin.

“Hey, am I early?  You did say seven o’clock? Right?” 

“Yes, you are right on time, please come in.”

“These are for you,” I hand over the wine and flowers.

“Thanks, my favorites.  Come in the kitchen and keep me company while I finish up dinner.  What would you like to drink?  I have beer, wine, and water,”  Molly offers.

“A beer would be great, thanks.  Is there anything I can help you with?  I am not a great chef but make for a passable assistant.”

“No thank you, I have it under control.  I would like to talk about you for a second.  When Maria asks me to take on someone, I like to get a complete history of their past.  Along with her input and Google, I can get an idea where you were, how you got here, and where you want to go.  Without a goal in mind, I cannot be sure to put the right program together or if you would even follow one.  Tell me what’s what.”

“Well, two months ago,” I started, “I would have said to be able to live.  Now, I am at the point where living is not good enough, I would like to move forward and be happy instead of content.  Heidi has been an integral part in that recent discovery.  She has an openness about her that brings me out a little more each time I see or talk to her.  I am not sure if I can verbalize it accurately enough for you to understand.”

“No need to explain, Heidi and I go back some and she helped me and my daughter, Patti, get over some rough teenage years.  So let me put something together for you for after your next weight check.”  She takes a long sip of wine and takes a deep breath. 

“With that out of the way, I would like to talk about us.  When I shook your hand for the first time, I felt something unfamiliar.  Something I have not had, a connection of sorts with a man.  Yes I have a daughter, but she was a result more of teenage hormones taking over decision making.  That connection is why I have not been at the gym at the same time you were, I needed to get my bearings and talk to Heidi about this.”

“I will admit that I had the same spark when we met, and like you were unsure of how to proceed.  I would like to explore these feelings I have and see if there is something there.  I have not been open to feelings for a woman for a while but I’m willing to risk it.  The ball is your court.  And you said ‘connection’ with a man, should I assume Heidi is the female you connect with?”

“Well, let me lob one back to you.  Yes, as I said we go back, and as you said, she is extremely open in all facets of her life and naturally brings it out in others.  I don’t know what I would do without her in my life.  She is my best friend as well as my occasional lover.  All told I have had four male partners and three females.  I am selective and cautious about whom I share my bed.

”Also,” another drink and deep breath, “this is a clothing optional house, and the reason I am wearing a robe.  I do want you to stay and be comfortable, and before we make any decisions about our making a go of this, I wanted you to know some potential obstacles.  I am not going to stop being with Heidi because I love her.  I tried to do so once before and I eventually resented my partner.  You will be the only man I am with unless things change.  And I’m babbling; please tell me what you think.”

Ok, what exactly does one say about this turn of events?  Yes, I feel something here and would like to give it a run to see where it ends.  Do I want to share with Heidi?  Wouldn’t that be wrong since the last “massage” was so erotic?  Do I want to see her sans clothes?

”First a confession, Heidi and I have been intimate of sorts.  We have not had sex and I will not tell you what we have done.”

“That’s all right,” cutting me off.  “She and I have already talked about what you guys have done because I wanted to know how best to approach you.  She does not tell me anything you talk about, just the massage portion of your therapy.”

“Well, hmm.  Here is what I think.  I would like to explore this with you.  Since I understand Heidi, I can see how you could be in love.  I too will refrain from other women except Heidi.  She has been important to where I am now and don’t want our dynamic to change. 

“How about a compromise?  While we are seeing each other, dating, whatever you want to label it, you are honest with me.  If you want to be with her let me know, I’m okay with it.  Second, if we are not working out, be up front with me.  Next, as to seeing you naked, I am still a man and currently have a pulse, but the first time I see you without clothes on, I would like to be the one to remove them for something other than eating dinner.  Sound fair?”

“Yes, that sounds fair.  Let me go own up and slip into something so we can eat.”

She stands, walks over to me, cradles my face with both hands, and plants a sweet, chaste kiss on my lips.  My head explodes.


Thank you Delphi for your guidance

I have not written any type of fiction and would welcome criticism and suggestions.



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