~ Emily ~
Clint’s finger tips graze over the bare skin of my hip waking me and sending a small shiver through my body. I moan quietly at his touch but keep my eyes closed as his fingers travel down against the outside of my thigh. We are still lying on our sides with him pressed against me from behind and I can feel his excitement against my butt and lower back. I have no idea what time it is, but it is still dark outside. I don’t even remember falling asleep.
“Mmm, hi,” I whisper, my voice groggy.
The slight stubble on his face brushes against my cheek sending more tingles radiating throughout me. He kisses me softly right behind the ear.
“Hi,” he whispers back.
I move slightly, pushing my butt backwards and rubbing it against his hard member. This earns me a quiet groan from him, his breath rolling out against my ear. While his mouth begins to kiss and suck against my neck his hand travels between my legs. He groans again when his fingers find that I am already growing wet. I lift my leg a little to give him easier access and immediately his finger slides between my folds stroking slowly up and down against me.
Clint repositions himself moving his hardness between my legs. He rubs himself back and forth through my wetness. I reach behind me letting my fingers run through his hair trying to convey without words that I need him inside of me. His slick cock continues to tease me, gliding between my lips and over my clit. I push my ass back against him again, moaning with the need that he is still building.
“Please,” I whisper.
“Please what?” he asks against my ear.
I smile in the dark. Then in the sexiest voice I can muster I tell him what he wants to hear.
“Please, fuck me, Clint.”
He makes a deep, guttural groan and bites down on the top of my shoulder. Then he fills me hard making me moan loudly, my fingers grabbing at his hair. Clint’s hand finds my breast and he kneads it as he begins to move against me. Deep, hard, long strokes have me breathing heavy in just a short time. I match his rhythm, moving my hips backwards to meet him at every stroke. I bend my leg at the knee and his hand comes down to hold onto my thigh. His fingers sinking into my flesh as he fucks me even harder.
After a few minutes I feel his body tense up. He pushes deep inside of me one last time before finding his release. As he comes I take over our movements and continue to fuck him. His hand returns between my legs, quickly finding my clit and rubbing against it. Clint shudders behind me, but doesn’t pull away as I keep using him to get to my own climax. He rubs his finger faster against me and I moan loudly as my own release is reached.
We lay together as we both catch our breath. He kisses over my shoulder and rubs his hand over my body. I move my hand from the back of his head to his arm that’s draped over me and sleep takes me once again. ~ Clint ~
I wake up in the morning with the first rays of light spilling into my bedroom. The first thing I am aware of is Emily's presence beside me. Her body is perfectly molded against mine with her back pressed into my chest. The combined heat of our bodies pressed together under the sheets is too warm so I slowly pull the bed sheet down to our waists. Better. She shifts slightly against me but remains asleep.
I smile as I watch her and a feeling of contentment fills me. I can't remember the last time I've slept so well; a peaceful sleep devoid of the usual nightmares that jerk me awake, my body covered in sweat, and leave me shaken and unable to fall back asleep. However, immediately on the heels of this feeling of safety is another more powerful feeling; shame.
My eyes skim over her exposed body; so young, innocent, and definitely more deserving of me. Her sleeping face in the soft morning light appears even younger than she really is which is too young to begin with. As memories of last night begin to unfold in my head the feeling of shame intensifies. Quietly, I ease myself away from her body, grab a change of clothes and slip out of the bedroom. ~ Emily ~
I wake up with a smile on my face but it quickly fades as I realize I'm alone in the bed. Sitting up my hand reaches over to Clint's side to find the sheets cold. A moment of dread washes over me as I fear he is pushing me away again until I hear the clink of dishes from the kitchen. My smile returns and I climb out of bed to go join him for breakfast.
Our clothes are still in a crumpled heap on the floor. I dig out my shorts but then see his shirt and quickly change my mind. With a mischievous grin I toss his shirt on, inhale his smell that still lingers on the fabric, and then leave the bedroom. I walk slowly down the short hall, enjoying the slight soreness he caused between my legs, thinking of last night's events.
I see him at the table, his eyes focused on his phone while he eats. He is already dressed for the day and looking as sexy as ever in jeans and a tee. I quickly run my fingers through my hair to tame it a little. I should have freshened up first but too late now. I walk even slower as I get nearer waiting for him to look up and see me, but as I reach the empty chair across from him he has yet to even acknowledge me. I wonder what he's reading or watching on his phone that is demanding so much of his attention. I open my mouth to ask him just that but he speaks first.
"Good morning indeed."
My smile is growing larger by the second just from being here with him and talking. I sit and start loading the empty plate in front of me with pancakes and eggs that he has laid out for us.
"Sleep well?” he asks.
He still has his eyes glued to his phone, but I'm so hungry that I don't give it a second thought.
"Yep. Last night was..."
"A mistake," he finishes my sentence.
I freeze with the pitcher of orange juice in my hand about to pour some into my glass. A mistake?! I look up at him but he's still focused on his phone.
I feel like I've taken a punch to the gut. My mind reels and I can't think of anything to say. I stare at him, my breakfast and hunger completely forgotten. Is this some cruel joke he's trying to pull? How can he just sit there calmly and say it was a mistake?! I'm already falling in love with him, how can he not see that? ~ Clint ~
I've thought about how to word what I'm going to say next but suddenly I struggle just putting words together into coherent sentences. I don't know what's going on with me. Emily makes me feel... better. I haven't felt this way in years, not since... Well, I never thought I'd have these feelings again. It scares the shit out of me.
Regardless, things just won't ever work between us, right? How could they? Her dad would never allow it, society would never allow it. I would be fired, that's a given, labeled as a sexual predator, a pervert. People would talk and whisper behind our backs everywhere we went. And what about her? What would she face in school every day from her peers? Would she be forced to choose between giving us a chance and her dad, her family?
I can't put her through that. The longer I let this continue the harder it will be later; for both of us. I see the path I need to take in order to put this to an end and protect her from future hurt so I keep my eyes glued to my phone to keep myself from becoming distracted by her.
"We crossed the line, Emily and I'm sorry for my part in it but we can't do that again. Last night was a mistake and..."
I pause, waiting for her to contradict me... willing her to. I know what I felt with her and if she were to confirm that she felt the same then I would find a way to make it work. As scared as my feelings for her make me I would find a way to give us a real chance together. Maybe we would crash and burn later on but maybe we could do it.
She remains quiet though. I can't help but steal a glance at her. Immediately I wish I hadn't. She's wearing my shirt, no make-up, her hair messy; she's never looked sexier. Her face is cold though, emotionless, as I watch her pour juice into her glass. Guess that's all I need to know right there. Whatever she was feeling wasn't the same. ~ Emily ~
I refuse to cry! I've done more than enough of that already; not again, not this time. It takes all of my will power to ignore the pain I feel inside, but I manage it and slowly pour my drink. I force all of my concentration on the orange liquid as it flows into my glass. I feel, rather than see, Clint's eyes on me and it makes me focus that much more. He's waiting for a response so I tell him what he obviously wants to hear.
"You're right. It was a mistake.”
I'm surprised at how steady my voice sounds and the spoken words give me power; the initial sadness replaced by anger. I still feel his eyes on me so I push forward.
"You're way too old for me. I don't know what we were thinking but I'm glad we are on the same page.”
I start eating my food. Lifting the fork to my mouth, chewing; it's all mechanical. My mind is elsewhere, taking me away from this place, this time, this hurt and I gladly let it.
After I've managed a few more bites in silence Clint stands and begins clearing his plate. He passes by me on his way to the sink, rinses his dishes, then returns.
"I have some work to do at the office. Text or call if you need anything otherwise I'll see you tonight.”
I continue to eat, keeping my eyes on my food, unable to look at him. He moves away and a few seconds later he's gone. The sound of the door closing behind him breaks through the protective wall I built. Hot tears begin to roll down my cheeks. I wipe them away with the heels of my hands. ~ Clint ~
I practically bolt from the apartment. Once I'm down the hall and at the elevator I stop to take a deep breath to calm my nerves. I'm use to using women and being used by them for sex but I never would have thought Emily was capable of that. That just proves I really don't know her. She doesn't have feelings for me. It's all been part of her game and I walked right into it.
I punch the button to call the elevator, angry with myself for reading things into this whole situation that were never there to begin with. However, stepping inside the elevator I start laughing. The whole time she's been playing me – ‘oops, I left my panties out in the open’... ‘Oh no, I walked out of the bathroom in just a towel’... ‘Oh dear, you caught me masturbating in your bed’... ‘I'm a virgin’. I shake my head. Damn, she's good.
I get in my car, still laughing at how well she has played me and how I never realized it until now. We really are cut from the same cloth. I remember being her age and playing the same cards with girls in school. I suppose times haven't really changed that much from my days. Only now the girls are playing the game just as well as the boys.
I stop for a traffic light. If it was all a game and I know it's a game then why do I still feel like shit? Maybe she was right. I am getting old. At thirty-two most of my friends from high school and college are married, kids. And if I'm starting to imagine feelings for a woman, regardless her age, maybe it's my subconscious trying to tell me that times running out for me to have those things... are those things what I want? I thought I was happy how things are but maybe I'm not, not really.
The car behind me honks and I look up to see the light has changed. I start driving again as I imagine myself next to a wife, kids running around us. It's hard to picture. But speaking of babies... I make a sudden turn that earns me another honk of the horn from the car behind. A minute later I park and head inside the pharmacy.
As soon as I'm done here I'm going to go out and find a way to make myself forget all about Emily. The whole family thing is too alien a thought to seriously entertain but maybe it is time for me to start dating again. Clubs full of beautiful women are readily available, even on a Sunday night. I’ll go out, have a drink or two, see what’s out there and who knows, maybe I’ll find a woman worth trying for. ~ Emily ~
It's just beginning to get dark. I've been out of Clint's apartment all day walking from store to store, stopping here and there pretending to be interested in what I'm seeing, but I can't remember any of the store names I visited or what I actually looked at.
I had to get out of the apartment, away from anything and everything that reminded me of him. Now I start back towards his place feeling like a condemned prisoner on her way to the electric chair. I have no plan for dealing with him when I do get there. Just try to keep it together long enough until my dad comes back from his cruise and I can hide in my own room again away from Clint and the rest of the world.
I can't say that I'm surprised when I get to the apartment and he is nowhere to be found. However, there is a brown paper bag on the kitchen table with a sheet of notebook paper under it. My heart skips a beat as my mind races ahead and tries to fool me into thinking that Clint has left me a gift as a sign of his regret from this morning’s conversation. But I’ve had enough hurt for today and I won't allow myself to think like that. I won't set myself up for another fall with this man.
Apprehensively I approach the bag, trying to read some of the words on the paper as I get nearer for some clue as to the meaning of this all, but the words are too small and many to make out until I'm right in front of it. After reading the note I crumple it into a ball and throw it as far as I can. Then I rip the bag open, grab the pill inside and swallow it without water.
Shoving the empty bag into the trash I flee to the bathroom where I stand under scalding hot water and finally let the tears fall.
Note from Clint: ~ Clint ~
Emily, I'm glad we were able to settle things this morning as adults. Things definitely got out of hand between us but it's good to know we can still co-exist in peace until this arrangement is over.
Speaking of things getting out of hand, I never asked what birth control you had in place... I'm usually very careful about that. Anyway, just take this to be sure.
I'm going out tonight so don't wait up. There's money by the phone if you want to order a pizza or something.
Also, go ahead and take the bedroom for yourself. See you in the morning.
The next few days seem to drag by. Emily and I are ignoring one another and have subsequently fallen into a daily routine together that gives us minimum contact.
Every morning I wake up on the couch and drag myself to the shower. By the time I’m done in there she is at the table having breakfast with her backpack by the door ready to go. I go into the bedroom to get dressed, grab something to eat later when I get to work, and then we are on the road in complete silence until I drop her off at school for the day. When I get home from work Emily is already there, hiding herself away in my bedroom. We do not see each other again until dinner where she emerges just long enough to wolf down her food before disappearing again.
At first I was happy with this arrangement. I thought that having some distance between us would knock out the lingering feelings that I had for her, but by the fifth day of this it is clear that it has had the opposite effect. Either she is a master at the game or there is seriously something wrong with me these days.
Thoughts of her flood my every waking minute making it damn near impossible for me to function as normal let alone get anything done at work. My mind runs a continuous loop of our first days together. It makes me realize how much I miss her smile, her laugh, the way she would look at me. Even if I meant nothing to her I am finding it impossible to convince myself that she meant nothing to me. I pick up my phone so many times just wanting to text her and ask her how her day is going but then reality sets in and reminds me that she is not the least bit interested in me anymore. Why is that so hard for me to swallow?
If I wouldn’t have been the one to voice that our relationship was a mistake how long would she have kept stringing me along? Probably all the way up to the day that her dad returned and she had to go back home. A part of me wishes I would have kept my mouth closed until then. Sure, it would have hurt even more then but at least I would have had her for a few more days. Maybe I’m just a glutton for pain.
I have a date tonight with a woman I met at the club Sunday night. I have not actually dated anyone in years. I should be feeling something… nervousness, excitement… but I do not feel anything. I consider cancelling but then remind myself that I would just end up sitting alone on the couch for the rest of the night while the person that I am actually interested in continues to pretend that I do not exist. I might as well go out and try to have a good time. That’s really not my idea of a fun Friday night. If nothing else it may allow me to get Emily out of my mind for a little while. ~ Emily ~
Clint hasn’t spoken a word to me since Sunday. The pain of his rejection is still too fresh for me to try talking to him and I’m not going to be the one who breaks this silence we have going on. He has made it more than clear that he doesn’t want anything to do with me.
t’s finally Friday and the thought that I’ll be at Ashley’s house for the weekend, whether Clint approves or not, is all that has kept me going this whole week. I need to get out of his place, away from him before I go insane. How could I have been so stupid and quick to believe that a man like him had any interest in someone like me.
When I get home from school I quickly pack my bag for the weekend. I want to be gone before Clint comes home from work. Just as I am stuffing the last of my stuff inside I hear the front door open. Shit. He’s home early. I wait until I hear him pass the bedroom and go into the bathroom. Then I sneak out of the room and head straight for the front door.
Damn. I was so close to getting out of here unnoticed. Leaving him
? He left me
. Well, at least he is talking to me again. I keep my hand on the door knob with my back to him.
“I’m going to Ashley’s for the weekend.”
This whole time he has kept walking forward towards me and now he is so close behind me that I think I can actually feel his body heat radiating off of him and on to me. I sense that he is about to touch me and I silently beg him not to. I would start crying again if he did. Thankfully, he doesn’t and after a minute I hear him sigh quietly.
That’s it?! No protesting, telling me I can’t go, or making me promise to check in with him? Okay then. Fine.
I manage a nod of my head though I am not sure if he actually sees it or not. Then I open the door and walk out. I would have stayed there with him had I known what was going to happen next.
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