I’d been in love with him for as long as I can remember. Something about his tanned skin, deep brown eyes, and inviting smile always made my stomach flip.
After years of unsure feelings, late night talks and secret sharing, he found the guts to ask me out. Not because he needed me, but because I needed him.
“I always hoped this day would never come,” My voice is shaky in the microphone. I look out into the sea of people, squished into the pews of our small community church. “My step-father always seemed invincible to me. Through everything he was battling; a smile never left his face.” I swallow hard. I glance around, and my eyes meet his. Daniel.
I look at him and he nods. “Pretend I’m the only one here.”
His voice echoes in the back of my mind.
“Before he died, my step-father asked me not to cry. Instead he asked for there to be happiness at his funeral. He told me to bring a piñata so everyone could have fun.” A few laughs come from the audience. “But he told me to fill it with wasps so there wouldn’t be too much fun.” I smile as the church is filled with laughter. It was the kind of comment you would expect from my step-father.
The rest is a blur. I read off the note cards I’ve prepared, and smile at a few people who meant a lot to my step-father. My voice is shaky, but I promised my “dad” I wouldn’t cry.
“Hey,” Daniel breathes. It’s a quiet greeting, but my heart leaps when I hear the word from his lips. People are swarming around my family, giving my mother hugs, and shaking my brother’s hand.
I rest my head on Daniel’s chest as he wraps his arms tightly around me. My arms fold around him. I listen to his heartbeat, and my brain wanders off. The night my step-father died still plays in my head. The continuous, dull beep of the heart monitor that signified his passing rings in my ears. A tear escapes my eyes and it rolls onto Daniel’s shirt.
Daniel doesn’t say anything, he just holds me tighter. I close my eyes and count to ten, refusing to cry. As I hold back the tears, my body stiffens. “It’s okay to be broken,” Daniel whispers. “Every now and then you can get lost in your own emotions. That’s what makes you human.”
I shake my head. “What if I’m not?” I say. I’ve fully gathered myself now. “Human, I mean.” I pull away and look into Daniel’s eyes. They look black today, and I can see my own reflection in them. He kisses my forehead and smiles at my comment.
“I guess that means I shouldn’t take you out after dark then,” he jokes. His smile brightens up my day.
“Were you planning on it?” I ask. He nods, and takes my hand.
“I can’t leave without telling my parents,” I say. “I mean, my mom.” I let had let the words out too quickly.
“I already spoke with your mom, she knows you’re with me,” he squeezes my hand and I climb into his truck.
We drive in silence. I’m buckled in the middle seat, with my head rested on Daniel. The clouds have gathered since the funeral and the sky is heavy with grey clouds. There’s a clap of thunder and I burry my face in Daniel’s shoulder and grip his arm. I used to love storms, but now they just bring back memories of late night hospital visits, and the sound of my step-father screaming in pain.
I close my eyes and take deep breaths. I breathe in the faint scent of cologne on Daniel’s shirt. It’s mixed in with the smell of pine and something else, distinctly masculine, but I’ve never been able to put my finger on it.
Pine. The smell reminds me of the first day, just a month ago when Daniel took me to his “happy place” just a half mile from his house, tucked away in the foothills of the mountains. A giant tree, much bigger and older than the rest sits among many smaller ones. The littler trees create a tunnel leading to it. A wooden ladder hangs down from the lowest branch. The branches come out of the tree like a perfect spiral staircase, leading up to the top where a little platform has been built.
The truck slowly comes to a halt. I hadn’t noticed how long we’d been driving, or which way, but as soon as I look up I know where we are. “The crest,” I say. I’d been here before, but with my family, a long time ago. We live on one side of the mountain, in the foothills, our own little community, close to the main town, but yet so far away. On the other side there’s a large city, with too much traffic and lights that never dim out.
We get out of the truck, the rain is just a slight drizzle now, coming and going. The air is cool and damp. I take Daniel’s hand and he takes me to the back of his truck. He slides the cover back until the bed of the truck is fully opened. He lets the back down and we climb in. The bed of the truck has been filled up with a water mattress and that’s been covered with blankets and pillows.
I lie down on my back, and look up. Daniel lies next to me and takes my hand. We stare upwards, waiting for the clouds to clear away. When they do, they reveal a black sky, the first stars peeking through the darkness. I slide closer to Daniel, never taking my eyes off the stars.
“Maybe they aren’t stars,” Daniel whispers.
Even though no one else is around, I whisper too. “What would they be, then?”
“Openings in Heaven, where the love of the people we’ve lost pours through and shines down on us. You know, to let us know they are happy.” Daniel says, squeezing my hand.
I squeeze back. “That’s a nice thought,” I say. I know he has his own stars up there; people he wishes could shine that light down. “It’s hard to think they’re up there forever, forever is a long time.”
“We’ll join them one day,” Daniel says. “And forever doesn’t seem so long, when you have someone to spend it with.”
I look up at him. I prop myself up on one elbow, and really look at him. “I love you,” I say. I bring my lips down to his. It’s something I’ve wanted to do since the day I’ve met him. As close as we’ve become, I’ve never taken this step.
His lips are smooth, and soft. He kisses me back without hesitation. My lips linger on his. When I pull away and look into his eyes I know what I want. “Blaze,” he barely breathes my name. “Will you spend that forever with me?”
I look into his eyes. They’re searching mine. “Always and forever,” I whisper.
I kiss him again, softly before pulling back and resting my head on his heart. His arms fold around me. I close my eyes and drift into sleep.
*** Exactly One Year Later
“Happy birthday,” Daniel says. I pull him into me and kiss him.
“Thank you,” I say, taking his hand. We walk down the crowded hallway of the school. Thoughts race through my mind. This year, my birthday, is going to be good. I promise myself.
Gabriella comes up behind me. “Mind if I steal her?” she asks Daniel. She doesn’t wait for an answer though.
“I’ll see you in second period,” I say to him, stealing one last kiss.
“Okay,” she starts. “I understand that birthday’s have sucked the last, face it, five years in a row.”
“No need to remind me,” I roll my eyes.
“BUT,” she says, clearly annoyed by my comment. “This year is going to be, amazing!”
I look at her. “I’m going to hold you to that,” I say. The warning bell sounds. “Tell me about it at lunch,” I call over my shoulder, leaving her in the middle of the hallway.
The day goes by slowly. With only one month left of senior year, and our entire high school career, it’s impossible to stay focused. The bell finally rings and we all pile out the front doors.
“So I was thinking,” Daniel says, coming up behind me and giving me a hug. “We could go up to the crest tonight and celebrate.”
“I can’t,” I whine. “Gabriella is having a huge party for me at her house.”
Daniel scrunches his nose. “You have to come,” I say, refusing to give him the option. He hates parties.
I pull him to me and kiss him. “Promise you’ll be there,” I say, giving him my best puppy eyes.
“Fine,” he says, unlocking his truck. I pull myself up and slide into the middle seat.
I walk into my house to find my mom in the kitchen, pulling a fresh batch of cookies from the oven. She kisses my cheek and waves me to the dining room, where my brother is sitting on his computer, home from Notre Dame.
“Happy birthday little sister,” Zeke says, without looking up from his work.
“Why didn’t you tell me you were flying in?” I practically scream at him.
“I thought it would be a surprise,” he laughs, getting up from his seat.
“It is, definitely a surprise,” I laugh. “If I knew you were coming in I would have told Gabriella not to throw the party.”
“Go,” he says. “It’s fine. I have to email my professors my papers tomorrow, so I’m not going to be very fun company tonight anyway.” I frown at him. “I was able to finish the semester early,” he explains.
I roll my eyes at him. “You’re such an overachiever.”
My mom walks in holding two large gifts, a small gift, and two envelopes. “Happy birthday sweetie,” she smiles.
Zeke hands me the largest gift first. I tear away the paper and open up the box. Inside is a Notre Dame (ND) hooded jacket, a pair of ND booty shorts, a ND t-shirt and a few bags of my favorite candy. I smile and give him a hug.
“Thanks,” I say. When he went off to college I told him I expected Notre Dame apparel.
“From me,” my mom says, handing me the next gift. It’s a frame with tons of family photographs collaged into it, many of them are pictures of my step-father and me. I swallow, and hold back tears.
“Thank you,” I whisper, still scanning the pictures, mentally picking out my favorite ones.
She hands me the first envelope. It’s the gift I always get from my “real” dad. A fat check with “CASH ONLY” stamped onto it, so I can blow it at the mall. This year it’s for three hundred and fifty dollars instead of the normal two hundred.
The second envelope nearly makes me faint. It’s my letter of acceptance from Notre Dame. It’s the college that’s run in the family for as long as I can remember. “I’ll be joining you in a half a year,” I tell my brother, jumping up and down.
“Joy,” he says sarcastically. I roll my eyes at him and he gives me a thumbs up.
The smallest gift is a jewelry sized box. “This is from your step-father. He told me if he didn’t make it to your eighteenth birthday,” My mom swallows hard. “He told me to give you his best.”
I take the box from her and slowly take the bow off. I carefully un-wrap the gift paper and slide the box out. I open it up slowly, my hands shaking. Inside is a set of keys. I look at my mom, questioningly. She nods towards the garage. I open the door and turn the garage light on. Parked between my mom’s car and my brother’s… is a Neon Green Chevy Camero.
I walk around it several times, running my hands over the cool metal, and the shiny paintjob. I open up the “Lambo-Syle” doors. On the front seat is a letter sized envelope, with my name written carefully on the outside. I pick it up and I realize whose handwriting is on the envelope. It’s my step-fathers.
I hold it tightly and take it up to my room. I slide it under my pillow so I can read it later.
“I’m not sure which to compliment first,” Daniel laughs “I think I’ll compliment the dress, and then the car.” I bring my lips to his, rolling my eyes.
I’m wearing studded sandal type wedges, but I’m still a good four inches shorter than him. The leathery-looking dress flares out just slightly at my waist and sits about halfway between my knees and the end of my butt, with a deep v-neck, but a fully covered back.
I take his hand, and try to act confident. I don’t normally wear something as short, and I’m not wearing much underneath. I was looking for a black bra to match the dress, in case the neck-line slipped. But the only one at Victoria’s Secret came with a matching black thong. Since I figured my usual black spandex wouldn’t suffice, I ended up wearing the set.
“You look,” Gabriella’s eyes scan up and down my body “almost as sexy as your car.”
I roll my eyes at her. There is music blasting, strobe lights in almost every room, black lights where there aren’t strobe lights, ice buckets with more glow sticks then drinks, and people dancing everywhere and on everything.
“It’s a good thing your nearest neighbors are a mile away,” I laugh.
After about four hours of dancing and watching people play beer-pong, Gabriella, Daniel and I are almost the only ones left sober.
“Do you mind if I steal her away,” Daniel asks Gabriella, mocking her voice from this morning.
“Only because it’s your anniversary,” Gabriella laughs.
He takes my hand and leads me to the back yard. We go as far away from the house as we can.
“Thank you,” I say. He looks at me, kind of confused.
“I haven’t even given you your gift yet,” he says.
I laugh. “For getting me through this year,” I say. “I wouldn’t have been able to do it without you.”
“You would’ve,” Daniel says, resting his hand on my cheek. “You’re the strongest person I know.”
I kiss him softly and then turn and look up towards the stars. One shoots across the sky, leaving a long trail of light behind it. “Where the love of the people we’ve lost pours through and shines down on us to let us know they’re happy.” I whisper.
Daniel squeezes my hand.
We stand there for what seems like forever, just watching the stars. I turn away first and look up at Daniel. “I love you,” I say, quietly. He turns to me and kisses me. I reach behind him and pull his head towards me to deepen the kiss. His tongue slips inside my mouth and dances with mine.
Daniel wordlessly takes my hand and leads me back into the house. We make our way past a few people passed out on the floor. There are still people in the living room dancing, drunk on whatever alcohol was brought. Gabriella is with her ex-boyfriend, making out with him. I’d roll my eyes, but that’s not what I’m focused on.
We make our way up the stairs and to one of the guest bedrooms. Daniel closes the door behind us, leaving the lights off. He picks me up and carries me to the bed. When he sets me down, I pull him down to me. His lips meet mine. We make out, hard, for a few minutes before he moves his lips along my jaw line and then down to my neck. He softly bites my neck. I arch my back and his hand slips underneath me, unzipping my dress.
I pull my arms out of it, and he slips it down my body, and off me. My hand creeps to the hem of his black t-shirt and I pull it over his head. I’m breathing heavily when he comes back down to me and kisses me.
I run my hand down his bare chest, and he shivers under my touch. I kiss him again, before unbuckling his pants and sliding them off his hips. He kicks them off.
“I like this,” he says, running his hands over my lacey black bra. It had little stones over it that almost sparkle in the dark. I sit up a little, with his face still close to mine. He unclips my bra and I shrug it off. His hand inches down to my panties. His fingers trace the outside of the black material, but as it gets thinner and thinner, there isn’t much to trace.
I feel myself get wet under his touch. He smiles at me and pulls them slowly off, revealing my waxed mound. His fingers trace me, pulling at the lips of my opening, spreading me just slightly. I push on his boxer shorts as he kisses my neck. He kicks them off, revealing his large cock. I gasp at its size, trying to figure out how he’s supposed to fit in my small frame.
I pull him back to me and kiss him. I’m really wet now, and ready for him, as ready as I can be anyway. One hand supports him above me, and the other is rubbing my breasts.
“Are you sure?” he asks me.
I nod my head.
The hand at my breasts slowly moves down my body as he goes back to kissing me. He stops at my hips and moves his thumb in a circle where my hips dip down before my clit. His hand slowly moves away and the next thing I know, I can feel his manhood against me. I squirm at the feeling.
He kisses me as he slowly rubs himself up and down my tight opening, lubricating his cock with my juices. I break the kiss and nod. He pushes into me, ever so slightly. One of my hands moves down to my clit to separate it, to accommodate his thickness.
He pushes a little further. I flinch. He’s only an inch in and I can feel myself stretching.
“Am I hurting you?” he breathes. I shake my head, even though it’s only half true.
He pushes a little further and I can feel him pressing against my hymen. My breathing quickens. One of my hands grips the bed sheets and the other slides up his muscular back and grips at his shoulder blade. I nod and he pushes through my hymen.
My mouth opens to let out a scream, but no sound leaves my lips.
“Blaze,” Daniel begs. “Please tell me if I’m hurting you.”
“I will,” I manage to say.
He pushes a little further. I whimper, but I nod again. He slides a little further in. My hand slides to his neck and I kiss him. “Go slow,” I say. He pushes, without stopping, slowly, until I can feel that he’s all the way into me.
He breathes and holds himself inside me. I nod and he slowly starts pulling out. I wince. “Go slow,” I say, my hands gripping the sheets. My knuckles turn white. He’s almost all the way out of me when he slowly starts to push into me again.
I scream, when he hits my cervix, the “end” of me. “Blaze,” he says, his eyes pleading. “If I’m hurting you please tell me.” He’s begging me to let him stop.
“I’m fine,” I say, slowly getting used to his size.
He slowly starts to grind onto me, pulling a little more than half way out of me before pushing back in. He goes slowly at first. I kiss him to let him know he can go faster. My back arches towards him, allowing him to go deeper every time he pushes into me.
I feel myself let out a moan. I can’t believe how amazing it feels. My moans let Daniel know he can go a little faster. He gets up a good rhythm, and I feel myself matching his thrusts. I buckle my hips slightly. I can feel him hit something inside me now, every time he thrusts in. It feels amazing. I realize what he’s hitting. He’s found my g-spot.
I moan out, louder and he knows it too. He quickens his pace, hitting my g-spot with every thrust. I scream every time he hits it. I feel myself tighten up. My muscles squeeze his cock even harder as he slips in and out of me. He continues to thrust as my orgasm starts. I close my eyes, my back arches, and my head pushes back against the pillow. He goes just a little faster, coaxing my orgasm out of me.
I scream as my climax hits. I can feel my juices spilling out over his cock, filling what little room is left inside me, and then being forced out of me and onto the bed sheets. My entire body is shaking, and I am gasping for breath when I slowly stop coming.
He slows down enough to kiss me. I smile and kiss him back, releasing the sheets from my grip and sliding one of my hands up his chest and behind his neck.
I slip my tongue in his mouth and kiss him, encouraging him to go a little faster. He does so, his hard cock ready to explode inside of me.
I arch my back for him, letting him go deeper and deeper inside me. With each thrust I can tell he is closer to coming. “I want you inside me,” I say between moans.
My moans fill the room as he thrusts faster and faster. Then he pushes himself balls deep inside in me. I scream. I feel his manhood twitch. I kiss him and that’s when it happens. Heat fills me. I can feel it, just a little, deep in my stomach. His warm cum shoots in hard jets and fills me. He holds himself there for a full minute before slowly pulling out. I can feel his cum dripping out as soon as he pulls himself from me.
I pull him down to me and kiss him, hard. The room feels hot even though the window is wide open behind the curtains. He pulls away and lies down next to me. There is cum still dribbling out of me, so I get up and wipe it up with a towel from the closet.
I smile at him when I make my way back to the bed. I crawl into bed next to him and kiss him. “I love you,” he tells me.
“I love you too,” I say. I roll over and he pulls me towards him, my back crushed against his chest. He moves his hand up my leg to my waist and then wraps it around me. He props himself up with his other arm and kisses my shoulder, and then my neck. He kisses the back of my neck, bites at it, and sucks on it softly, leaving his mark. It shows I’m his now, but only he and I will know it’s there.
“Always and forever,” he tells me.
I smile and close my eyes. I drift off into a deep sleep, still wrapped in his arms.
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with this note attached, it has been posted without my permission.
<a href="https://www.lushstories.com/stories/novels/unspoken-emotions-always-and-forever.aspx">Unspoken Emotions: Always and Forever (Chapter One)</a>