“You’re nuts. Mrs. Claus is in complete control. The only reason Santa flies around in the sleigh is because Mrs. Claus needs sleep after working the entire year for this one night. She makes him do it and he probably whines the whole time.” I counter.
Then in my best mock whining voice I continue “It’s coooold, it’s snowinggg, where’s the hot chocolate, my coat is too tight, I need a naaap! Seriously? The reindeer do all the real work.”
“Maybe, but when’s the last time you had 200 kids sit on your lap and tell you they want an iPad?”
“Oh my God, really? You’re going to try that argument? Every night you beg me to sit on your lap and bounce up and down for an hour and now when a thirty pound kid wants a picture with Santa you complain. I weigh a lot more than most kids.” suddenly stopping “Don’t say it. I know what you’re thinking, just don’t say it, I do not have a fat ass.”
“Well, in my world Santa rules the North Pole and all the sexy little elven women work in stockings, bras and panties. It’s really a very nice place to be.”
“Let me guess. Santa gets to fool around with all the elven women whenever he wants. Right?” I ask.
“um, well, have you ever thought about fooling around with Santa?”
“I wouldn't put Santa on my ‘free fuck list’ if that’s what you’re asking but you’re looking kind of cute all dressed up.” I say with a bite of my lip and a little eyebrow wiggle.
“Why don’t you climb on Santa’s lap and tell me what you really want for Christmas.” Jason said.
With a big smile on my face and a laugh I continue “You’re joking right? We tried that and you couldn't keep your eyes open when you came. We almost rolled the truck.”
“I could keep my eyes open just fine. I just couldn't see because you were blocking my view.”
“uhuh. Again with that tired excuse!” I tease.
“Well,” Jason stuttered “I can think of something else you could do. Santa really likes it, too.”
“Oh my God” laughing and shaking my head. “Wait, wait, wait, wait. I want to make sure I get this right. I think I just heard Santa ask me to give him a blowjob!”
“Well, you won’t be blocking my view of the road.” Jason said with a snicker.
Smiling and looking up through my lashes I say “Make sure you stay on the road. If you don’t you might come up a little short.”
I removed my seat-belt and slid over on the seat. I kissed Santa’s bearded face and lowered my head into his lap. I then ran into a little problem.
“Where is your penis? I can’t find it.”
I know the general location but between the belt, the type of pants, the coat and the pillow stuffing I couldn't locate Santa’s penis.
Jason reached into his pants and freed his already erect penis.