All the girls in the office went ga-ga over him, even the married ones were flirting with him; I could see he knew it, and he liked it. You could see how he'd smile at them, his eyes would slowly and deliberately drag over their bodies from the legs all the way up to the eyes, as if he was undressing each one in his mind. And each girl thought he only behaved that way with her, completely blinded by the dazzle to see the hungry wolf inside him. It was as if I was the only one who could see it, the only one that wasn’t fooled. Maybe I was the only one because I was really hurting- the day he started working for our firm was the day my divorce was finalized, let's just say I wasn’t in a cheery mood.
A couple months before that I had found my husband in bed with some slut from his office and I guess that soured my opinion of men in general, especially good looking ones with cryptic smiles.
While the other girls found any excuse they could to talk to him, I did my best to avoid him. I didn’t like those insolent eyes of his checking me out, it felt too invasive for me. All I wanted was to lick my wounds in privacy, no male attention, and no contact. I dressed conservatively; not showing any skin, nothing too fitted, no heels, barely any makeup- a grey little mouse.
The problem was that the more I tried to avoid him, the more I ran into him, it was as if life was putting him in my way on purpose. In the office, in the elevator, at the corner café where I bought coffee in the morning, in the little place I used to get my lunch, on the subway, even in the bar where I used to go for a beer sometimes after a particularly long work day. He would always come over and talk to me, ask me questions I didn’t really want to answer and look at me with those fucking eyes of his, making me uncomfortable.
There were rumors around the office that he was sleeping with Angela the receptionist, which made complete sense to me; my cheating ex had liked them too, it seems, since he fucked one in our bed. Angela was going around the office beaming like a bloody headlight for about a month until one day she came to the office looking like a wreck- eyes red and puffy, her usually perfect face blotched and with no makeup on. I knew it, I wanted to tell her, you should have stayed away.
Then it was Janet from sales' turn to go through the roller coaster of beaming then crashing, and after that Michelle from advertising. I was wondering what would happen after he ran out of office girls to fuck- maybe he'd find a new job.
When I bumped into him in the little grocery on my way home he was supposedly doing it with Helen from the legal department but his eyes still did the spiel from my feet to my eyes.
"Why do you always dress so shapelessly?" he asked me.
I wanted to tell him to go jump off a cliff but I didn’t. "What's it any of your business?" I answered instead.
"Just curious. You're young and obviously have a good figure under those rags- why are you hiding it?"
"Because I don’t want creeps checking me out all day," I answered pointedly and looked him hard in the eyes.
He wasn’t even taken aback by my answer, this guy had no shame.
"It’s a pity, you would be even better looking in some nice clothes and heels, maybe some lipstick."
"First- that’s sexual harassment, second- aren’t you dating Helen?"
"Dating is a bit of an overstatement, and it's not sexual harassment- I was just making an observation."
"Well, I'd appreciate if you keep your observations to yourself next time," I pushed past him and went to the till.
The following day I bumped into him when I was heading into the café to get my morning coffee. I had an urge to stab my finger into his eye when he still swept me over with his gaze.
"Why are you always so angry?" he asked as I glared at him in response to his good morning greeting.
"Because I don’t like guys like you," I answered, irritated.
"And what are guys like me?" he asked with a shade of a smile on his insolent lips.
"Players, cheaters, guys who think they can do whatever they want just because they look good."
"Oh, so you think I look good?" he twinkled at me with a smile.
"That is not what I meant," he was twisting my words and making me furious.
"Well it's what you said," he winked and walked out of the café, leaving me to fume as I waited for my order.
The next day Helen called in sick; the day after that rumors started spreading around the office as they always did about how Helen was hiding at home, too ashamed to face the office since he apparently dumped her. I felt sorry for her and angry at him- he was leaving a trail of wreckage as he fucked his way through the girls in the firm. Thankfully I didn’t see him all that week, or I might have spit in his face- which would have been a bad decision since he was more senior than me, and I needed my job.
On that weekend I was going to a wedding; it was a friend of mine from years back, we used to be close and stayed in touch despite life taking us in different directions. She was marrying some hot- shot finance guy and having a lavish wedding with hundreds of guests.
I was sitting at the table, watching the dancing on the floor and talking to one of my close friends, when suddenly I heard a voice behind me that I really didn’t want to hear.
"Madden is that you?" his voice was both surprised and happy at the same time.
"Yes, and somehow it's you," my voice was weary and annoyed, why was life sending him my way all the time?
"I didn’t recognize you at first, what with this lovely dress you have on, you should dress this way more often."
Again that thing with the eyes- I felt myself blushing involuntarily and hated myself for it. My friend had pushed me into wearing this turquoise dress, one of hers since she claimed I had no clothes that were fit for the occasion; and of course the dress was short and form fitting.
"Maddie, who's your gentleman friend? Won't you introduce me?" my friend interjected before I had time to spit out a snarky reply.
"His name is Conrad, and he's no gentleman," I said reluctantly, motioning in his general direction.
"It's so nice to meet you, Conrad, I'm Ashley. Please don’t take Maddie's rudeness to heart- ever since her divorce she has become a little aggressive," with that she nudged me painfully in the ribs.
"A divorce? I figured there must have been something to make such a beautiful woman hide under layers of drab clothing," he smiled a knowing smile and I felt like I wanted to shoot both of them at that moment.
"Don’t let her terrible wardrobe fool you, Maddie is a looker and she used to have nice clothes too, she has just hidden them somewhere along with her wilder side," Ashley laughed. This time I nudged her in the ribs, trying to get her to shut her large mouth.
"Wild, you say?" the bastard looked at me and his eyes seemed to be digging into me, "Well, we will just have to drag it out of her, won't we?" he looked at me, though speaking to Ashley.
"How about you drag yourself somewhere else?" I said as I got up and walked away from the pair of them. I was sick of being talked about, and his knowing about my divorce made me hurt for some reason. I spent the rest of the wedding avoiding him and Ashley's questions about him.
At work the following week, I was trying my best to avoid him some more, and he was trying to drive me crazy. He kept coming over and asking me stuff, stuff his secretary could have phoned me for. He also kept trying to ask me about my divorce, my life, stuff that was none of his fucking business. I couldn’t understand what the fuck he wanted from me- there was a whole office full of other girls who'd sell their soul to fuck him, but for some reason he was sticking to me like chewed gum to the sole of a shoe.
On Friday, a friend called me to say that my pig of an ex was now engaged to his reception slut and that since her husband worked with him they were going to the wedding, which was going to take place the following month. I felt rage, hate, bile and a million other things rise up inside of me. I wanted to scream, and cry, and smash a club through the windshield of his car. That cheating shit for brains was marrying his cow only months after we got divorced; well more luck to her, I hoped she'd find him in bed with her best friend after that wedding.
I was so upset that I couldn’t stand staying at work, and since it was 5 p.m. I just told my boss that I needed to go, promising that I would make up the hour I missed another day. I considered calling some of my girls to cry but decided against it- I wasn’t in the mood for pep-talks, or for hearing how I should move on with my life and get a new boyfriend. Instead I decided to head to the nearest pub and spend some time drinking my sorrows away.
After the first couple of beers I felt way better; that shit for brains idiot could have his cow- I hoped she'd give him some venereal disease. I was a strong, independent woman and I needed to remember that, and to become that again. Maybe my friends were right and what I really needed was a good fuck- something I had not had in a while.
I sat there nursing my third beer when I heard his voice, "there you are!" He sounded relieved.
"What are you doing here Conrad?" I was so tired of it all and I sounded like it.
"I was looking for you, one of the girls saw you leave and said you looked distressed so I wanted to find you and make sure you were ok."
"Why? What do you want with me? Don’t you have other things to do? Other girls to harass?"
"I want to talk to you, I want you to tell me how you feel and what's wrong with you," he said as he sat down next to me at the bar.
"Why? What for, Conrad?" I didn’t have the energy for fights, all I wanted was some peace.
"Because you are interesting, and I like you, and I want to get to know you better."
"I'm only interesting to you because I'm not drooling over you like all the other girls, and you don’t want to get to know me better- you just want to fuck me to prove that you can," it was the truth really and I wanted him to admit it, to stop lying and pretending to be a nice, caring guy.
"Ouch, you're blunt, aren’t you?"
"Why not? What have I got to sugar-coat things for?"
"Well you are partially right- at first I couldn’t get why you seemed to think I was the enemy of the state, but I guess it changed as I got to know you."
"What do you think you know about me? That I'm divorced?" he was being weird and I wanted him to fess up, or maybe I wanted to hurt him.
"I know more than you think Madden. I know you're good at your job, I know you're feisty, I know that you have a sharp tongue and a good sense of humor, I know what you like to eat, how you like your coffee, what's your favorite beer. I know that you are beautiful and sexy even if you don’t let others see it right now, and I know that any guy who'd let you go was a bloody fool."
"Wow, is that the line you use on all the girls? It's not bad, I can see why they all like you so much," I sipped my beer and stared straight ahead of me, not looking at him.
"You can say what you want Madden- you're just trying to push me away, but it isn’t working."
He sat there next to me in silence, drinking the beer that the bartender poured him- the same kind I was having, and stared straight ahead. He finished his beer and ordered another one. I kept waiting for him to just go away but it didn’t happen, he kept sitting next to me in silence like it was a thing, like we were more than mere co-workers.
"Why are you here? Really?" I asked him eventually.
"Because I like being around you," he answered, for once his eyes looking into mine without that predatory sex thing.
"I'm sure you could be somewhere else right now, with some girl who'd give you what you want easily."
"Probably, but it wouldn’t be what I wanted since I want you, and you are anything but easy."
"If you wanted me so much why did you fuck so many girls at the office?"
"Because I could, I guess. Because it was easy, and because I didn’t know yet how much I wanted you," he seemed sincere but I wasn't going to trust my assessment of lies, not after pig face.
We kept sitting there and talking, somehow the conversation flowed and I told him things I didn’t even want to admit to myself. He was easy to talk to I guess, he didn’t try to give me useless advice and empty words of reassurance, he just listened. When he told me about himself I was surprised to learn that he had also gone through a divorce a few years back; it was over infidelity as well- his wife was sleeping with his boss, of all people.
When I said I've had enough drinking and it was time to head home he put his hand on my wrist, "Come home with me, it's not far from here."
"If I go home with you, we will end up fucking," I removed his hand from my wrist.
