I don’t love you anymore actually I don’t think I ever did. You make me angry all the time, well most of the time and we bicker too much.

The sex is good though and when I’m hurting about something well you won’t tell me anything I don’t already know but you’ll hug me because you love me.

We sit down and watch the television together when I’m home, which is rare because normally I am out with friends or by myself silently wishing that my life could be different, that you are different. You think and you’ve said it once in rage, that I’m out looking for sex, but you’re wrong it’s worse than that. I’m looking for love.   Tonight I am home and though I’m here in body, my mind is elsewhere. We watch a film and it distracts us from the misery we both know exists. The film we’re watching is sentimental towards the end and it just extenuates how unsentimental I feel towards you. You’re my friend, I trust you with my life but I don’t like how I hurt you with my inability to love you the way you love me. I’m angry with myself, but I hide it well by being angry with you. The film is finished and already the mood is changing to one that makes me look at my coat, you notice and it makes you angry with me, you know me too well and you think I’ve created an argument so that I can storm out and be away from you, maybe I did but it wasn’t a deliberate act. You’re shouting at me now and I never have been very good at taking it well. It scares me and the fear makes me shout back through real tears. I storm upstairs and lock myself in the bathroom so that I don’t have to listen to you but you follow me up and you stand outside the bathroom door saying   “Darling, Darling, Darling”   I am refusing to answer, I’m quite stubborn, but so are you and when you keep on I finally explode, I open the bathroom door and shout “Leave me the fuck alone” right into your face. You’re so angry with me now as I continue past you into our bedroom, you follow me and force the door open just as I’ve almost closed it. Once inside you slap me hard across my face I’m in shock, as you’ve never hit me before, I feel wounded and expect you to feel bad and apologise but you’re just looking at me with a strange expression. You grab me and push me up against the bedroom door, you have my head pressed against the cold painted wood, and you yank down my pyjamas revealing my bare ass. I struggle to get away from you but you’re quick and you have pulled down your own trousers and are spreading my legs from behind with your knees, it happens so quickly but still there is time for me to recognise that you’re hurting me, You thrust your huge cock into me as far as it goes and you push harder roaring into my ear. It feels painful but my body betrays me and I’m enjoying it already even though I’m crying. The look on your face is one I don’t like, I don’t think I like you anymore, but I’m enjoying your cock in my pussy, that much is clear from the juices that glisten on you and the moans of pleasure which I cannot hush.

You’re much taller than my mere five feet and you hold my wrists to the door above my head, your large hands almost cover mine, my legs are weakening and actually if you weren’t thrusting into me with all your weight and stretching my arms up high I would have fallen to my knees sobbing and broken. It’s just takes minutes before your pace quickens and you shoot hot cum into my traitor pussy, and you make ugly noises as your frustrations leave you in liquid form.   No words are spoken and we climb into bed. I sleep as far away from you as I can and cry silent tears. You put your arms around me and press your body up against my back, you know I am crying and in the darkness your fingers find my face and the tear trails that lead to the damp pillow. You whisper “I love you” and then we sleep.   In the morning you make me coffee and leave it on my bedside table, you climb back into bed beside me as I lay still on my tummy and the smell of the coffee wakes me. Still my eyes are closed and my head too heavy to move. I feel your fingers suddenly thrust into my pussy which is still filled with your cum. Instantly I cry out with surprise and pleasure and spread my legs a little to encourage you. You’re being rough with me and though my pillow muffles my moans they are wanton and desperate. You pull the duvet down so that you can watch your fingers at work and I move onto my knees and raise my ass into the air. Still my eyes are closed as I lose myself and you find me. Your fingers move faster in and out, you’re frenzied by my reaction and you pound my pussy, giving it what it needs, you add more fingers and start to stretch me, you’re not holding back you know I can take it, and you force you hand into me, stretching me to my limits. I’m hoarse with a dry mouth and the noises I make, well they please you. Your hand almost removes itself from my abused pussy before you force it back in with so much force that it hurts me, you’re angry with me and you’re expressing it in the only way you know how to please me sexually. My orgasm begins and I feel like I have waves inside me, every movement your hand makes as you twist and fuck me with it, touches my inner walls as they undulate around you, gripping you then trying to force you out as my muscles spasm.   “Holy fuck” I say as the feelings subside.   You remove your hand slowly and then you plunge your cock into me, it feels good and already I am begging you to fuck me harder, begging you to fuck me harder than you’ve ever fucked me before. You oblige willingly and I know you won’t last long at this speed, not with the wailing noises I make as you pound my warmth with a might that you never knew you had. Your fingers spread my ass and delve into my tight stubborn hole, it’s too much for you, you’ve barely thrust a finger inside and you’re bucking and pushing everything you have into me for what you don’t realise yet to be the very last time.   My coffee is cold and you offer to make me a new one,   “Yes” I reply   a new one sounds good.