“Don’t cry Kelsey. Don’t cry it’s going to be okay.”

“It hurts. It just hurts so bad.”

“I know it hurts but it’s going to be okay. Really just be patient it will happen.”

My poor sister was in anguish. She just found out it wasn’t possible for her to get pregnant. She had seen four different doctors and each of them had told her she wasn’t able to conceive. It was tragic and she could barely take the news. She had seen several of these doctors over the course of the last three years and the fourth one had finally given her the horrible news. It was more than my sister could bear.

“Kelsey I don’t care what those doctors have said. It’s still possible. You and Daniel are going to have a baby. Anything is possible.”

“You don’t understand Ashton, this is it. I don’t have any other options. We’ve tried envitro. We’ve tried injections. We’ve tried managing my core temperature. We’ve tried every position possible and trust me, Daniel has tried every position and I mean every position and it’s still not happening. I can’t handle this. I’m meant to be a mother. I’ve always wanted this. Don’t you understand?”

I started to well up with tears as I watched my sister try and manage her emotions. They got the best of her and they were getting the best of me now. I could barely handle watching her in such anguish.

“I can empathize with you Kelsey. Really I can. Have you ever thought about adopting a child? You said it yourself. You were meant to be a mother. That’s still an option right?”

Kelsey looked at me in anger and then darted her head back down to her waist were she was twiddling her fingers over and over.

“It’s not an option for Daniel. He wants us to have our own children. I do too.”

I understood what she meant by that. It is definitely special to actually raise a child who is the perfect mixture of both their mother and father.

“Kelsey have you and Daniel thought about maybe another surrogate mother?”

“Yes but Daniel hasn’t really been open to it anymore and I’m afraid to ask him about it again. He’s really sensitive about our whole attempts at pregnancy. He just feels defeated. I feel defeated!”

“What happened with Miss Angela, your first surrogate?”

“It just wasn’t successful. The whole implantation and scheduling and laboratory visits were so stressful and so hard to manage. Plus it’s extremely expensive. It just made it impossible.”

Kelsey was so heartbroken that I couldn’t bring myself to ask her about her pregnancy anymore. I just held her and tried to comfort her. As she wept on my shoulder I wished and wished there was some way to help her. I started to feel so guilty for being gone so much. I know I’m just her little sister but I know out of everyone, I was the person she was hoping to find solace in.

“I’m sorry Kelsey.”

“Sorry for what Ashton?”

“For not being there for you.”

“What. No don’t feel guilty. You’ve got big responsibilities. You can’t help being so busy. I’m proud of you little sister.”

“That’s nice to hear Kelsey but really my modeling could wait. I should have been home more for you and Daniel.”

“Don’t be silly Ash, you’ve been a great little sister. I’m proud of you. Really don’t even bring that up okay.”

My sister was so great. She always put others first. I know she wished I was around more but I know she would never say so. There had to be something I could do.

Over the next few weeks, I put a halt to my modeling appearances and focused on my sister. It was hard because it was summer and I had tons of accounts with photographers in far off beautiful places. The hardest ones to miss were St. Croix and Barbados. I’ve been dying to visit there and the artists and designers were some really accomplished people. Although it was hard to turn them down I knew I was doing the right thing. Plus the magazines were calling me like crazy so I knew I’d still be in demand at the end of the season.

I moved in with my sister and Daniel for the summer in hopes I could be more available to them. It seemed to help a lot and I thought I was really helping bring some comfort to Kelsey. I even arranged for her girlfriends to take her out a couple of nights a week. It was a good way to bring her spirits up, plus it was always dancing.

One afternoon, while Kelsey was out running errands, I spent the day by the pool and caught up on my tan. Remember, I was still a professional and needed to always keep my tan up to par. I tend to believe that tanning beds make girls orange so I try and only tan by the sun. While I was lost in one of my magazines, I heard the front door open and saw that Daniel was home early. I was happy to see that since I wanted to really talk with him and find out his perspective on their pregnancy issues. As Daniel sat down in the living room and turned on the television I slid on my shorts and threw on my tank top. I walked through the slider and plopped myself onto the armrest next to him.

“Hey Daniel. How’s your day been?”

“Oh hey there sport. You scared me.”

Daniel laughed after noticing that I saw him jump out of his seat in fright. For a big guy, he sure was jumpy. I couldn’t help but laugh though. It was fun to have some brother-sister fun with him. I had a good relationship with Daniel. He always was so sweet to me. I had warmed up pretty fast to him when my sister started dating him. After they got married years later, I felt like we both got even closer.

I could tell as Daniel sat there, he had a lot on his mind. I knew I shouldn’t try and pry too much because of it. It would be my only opportunity to have a one on one conversation with him though so I did my best to ease in with my questions.

“So you seem a little preoccupied bro. What’s on your mind Dan?”

“Oh just work and stuff. Plus I was just trying to check on the Rangers to see if they had scraped past the A’s in the series.”

“You boys and your baseball. Really though Dan, how are you doing…with the whole pregnancy thing?”

“Gosh Ash, it’s all kind of a blur. Really it’s tough though. I know it sounds kind of feminine for me to say but I was really hoping to become a dad you know?”

I just smiled and stared at him as he looked blankly at the television. It was a really sincere comment and I knew it came from his heart.

“You’ll be a good dad someday Daniel.”

As I said this, he just blinked and kind of cracked a labored smile. It melted my heart because I knew it’s what he truly wanted to be. A dad.

“Have you and Kelsey thought about getting envitro again?”

“Nope. All those tries were unsuccessful. Plus it cost us nearly twenty thousand dollars. I don’t really feel like throwing that kind of money around again.”

“What about another surrogate?”

“It’s just too hard to manage that kind of thing Ashton. I don’t think that stress is worth it. Plus it didn’t work. I mean working with Angela’s schedule and Kelsey’s schedule was impossible. I wish there was a girl closer to home so it wouldn’t have been such an arduous task you know. It would make the chances more successful.”

“Wow I never even thought about all that stuff.”

“Well you shouldn’t have to Ashton. You’ve got your whole modeling stuff to worry about.”

As Daniel said this I saw him look over at me then down to my swimsuit and then back towards the television. He tried to be subtle but I knew he was staring for a moment. My sister was pretty but it was obvious I was more attractive. I guess that’s why I became a model and she didn’t. Daniel’s friends always hit on me but Daniel was always good about protecting me from them. As I sat there and watched him watching his show I realized my swimsuit probably wasn’t the best thing for me to wear when having a serious conversation with him or any guy.

“You’re a strong man Daniel and Kelsey is really lucky to have you as her partner.”

“You think so Ash?”

“I know so Dan.”

Daniel looked up and me and smiled as he tried to hold back his emotions. I could see he was hurt over the pregnancy trouble and he was doing his best to stay strong. As I smiled back, he put his hand on my thigh and rubbed it up and down in affirmation. I tilted my head to the side and rubbed his shoulder as we exchanged supportive glances. As we did this, I saw him look down at my legs and the shorts that were barely hiding them. He rubbed them a bit more and a bit higher up my thigh before catching himself. His hand quickly darted back to his armrest as I chuckled at him. That was the first time I ever saw him actually admire my body. I just laughed about it. He was such a guy.

 “Really Dan. I wish there was something I could do. Some way I could help you guys.”

“You do so much Ash. Don’t worry yourself.”

Suddenly I got a crazy idea. What if I was my sister’s surrogate? I mean it would really put a hold on my career but I would do anything for them. When you thought of it, I was actually the perfect option. I lived close, I was really intimate with them and I understood their struggle and the joy it could bring them. Without even pondering the circumstances, I blurted out my idea to Daniel.

“What if I was your surrogate?”

Daniel was drinking a soda and suddenly spit a mouthful of it out onto the ottoman. He sat forward and then cocked his head back to look at me.

“What did you say Ash?!”

“Just think about it. It would be perfect!”

“No. No. No wait. Really are you serious?!”

“Of course I am Daniel. I love you guys and I’d do anything for you two.”

Daniel looked down as he put his hands on his knees. He rubbed them as he started thinking about the possibilities and the opportunity he and Kelsey would have. If you really thought about it, it made sense. It would be the only option they had right now.

“Ashton really it’s nice of you to say but remember what I said about the appointments with the doctors and all the stories about the lab?”

My excitement was dashed when he reminded me of the complexities of it. He was right. All that stuff was so involved and such an issue. If only there was some other way to do it. I was willing to host their child but there were still hurdles we’d have to face.

“Too bad there wasn’t some other way Daniel.”

“I know Ash. It’s just a big mess huh? Don’t worry yourself over it. You’ve done enough to help us already.”

We sat there in silence, laughing at certain points and hushed at others. After several minutes, I got up and walked to the kitchen for some water. As I watched Daniel sitting there, watching the television, I focused on the large shelving unit above the television. It was massive. Daniel had it installed a few years back. It was meant to house all the portraits of our family and their future family. He had done it about the same time he and Kelsey started trying for kids. Since that time it’s lay dormant and only collected dust. It made me kind of emotional, watching him they’re with a whole set of shelves that lay blank and useless.

“What if we were able to well inseminate me some other way?”

Daniel turned from his seat and looked back at me in horror.

“Ashton. What the heck are you saying?”

I grasped the counter and looked back at him in terror. What the heck was I saying?

“I mean what if, say we got together and in an unartificial way inseminated me? For you guys I mean!”

A gritted my teeth as I waited for his response.

His eyes jolted open at me as he dipped his head in disbelief. His mouth gaped open and his eyebrows furrowed in amazement. He stood up and leaned over the couch as he tried to desperately find an answer to my crazy question.

“I mean come on Daniel, that could work right?”

He shook his head back and forth, almost in a way like he was trying to find something to focus on as his lips tried to muster a response.

“Do you mean like actually sleep with you?”

“Well…yes I guess.”

I cringed as I said it. Not because of the thought of sleeping with Daniel but more because of the response I might get from him.

“Ashton you’re a really gorgeous girl but I couldn’t. I mean I’m married to Kelsey for goodness sake!”

I was blind in my thinking. Probably because my intentions were totally pure and selfless. I was totally dead set on helping them and this idea, crazy as it was, would be totally perfect.

“Just think Dan. No crazy appointments. No stressing over schedules. Nothing. It would be totally natural…well in an unnatural kind of way. But really it could work!”

Daniel looked down at the floor as he stood to his feet and walked slowly to the kitchen.

“I couldn’t Ashton. I couldn’t. Plus if your sister knew, she would cut my balls off.”

I laughed for a bit as I walked over to him and set my hands on his shoulders.

“Just think about it Dan. We could all agree that I would be the surrogate for Kelsey. I would still go through the appointments but we could secretly do this and it would almost be a fail-safe method. I’d get pregnant for sure. You know it would work! Just think. It would be for the good of you and Kelsey. You have to understand where I’m coming from Daniel.”

He just stood there as he shook his head back and forth and said no over and over again. I tried reasoning with him but he wouldn’t have it.

“Ashton I know a bunch of guys who would jump at that opportunity. To you know sleep with a fitness model like you but I’m not that kind of guy. Maybe if this was like the Ozarks I would be but it’s Texas and in Texas that’s pretty much criminal or at least it should be.”

I rolled my shoulders forward as I breathed sigh of defeat. As Daniel put his hands on his waist and blurted out that I was crazy for thinking such a thing, I walked back over to him and gave him my best puppy dog eyes.

“Dan really it could work. It’s crazy but it could work. I mean look at me. You don’t even have to convince me. I’m the one who came up with the crazy idea right!”

“Ashton please, it’s ludicrous. I mean really think about it.”

I caught his eyes and refused to break eye contact with him as I smiled and tried to assure him it would work.

“It would only be one time and Kelsey would never know. Just once! Think it over.”

“How do you know one time would be enough? It takes a while Ashton. I mean we might have to do that for weeks. Would you be okay with that really?”

“Yeah I guess so. What ever it takes right?”

As I said this, he looked down at my chest and then down at my waist. I knew he found me attractive and I knew it could be done.

“I don’t know Ash. I’m going to have to think this through. I’ve never lied to Kelsey about anything before.”

“Who said anything about lying? She wouldn’t even know. She’d think the insemination worked. She wouldn’t even know to think such a thing had gone on right?”

Daniel laughed and said I was crazy. After a few minutes I was left in the kitchen by myself. As I sat there and contemplated our conversation, I couldn’t believe such an outlandish idea had come to me. I was crazy to actually invite Daniel to be part of such a notion but I was desperate to help.

A couple days and weeks rolled by and I hadn’t given the idea another thought. I focused on supporting them and being the best sister and sister in law I could be. Kelsey’s spirits were up and we were having girls’ night out on a regular basis. Recently, I had been thinking about flying to Barbados at the end of August to pose for a layout in Rush Fitness Magazine’s end of summer issue. They had been calling about wanting me to do a spread for them and I had agreed. I just wasn’t sure how to tell my sister. As I was preoccupied with it over dinner, the girls were howling over our night’s possibilities.

As one of the girls was chanting “Shots. Shots. Shots!” I started to feel kind of ill. I went to the powder room and came back with a sour look on my face.

“What’s wrong Ash?”

“It’s nothing Kelsey. I just have a sour tummy.”

Kelsey looked concerned and rubbed my forehead.

“You feel a little flush. You should get home. I’ll go with you.”

“No way. Really I’m fine. Mackenzie is in town and she’s excited to be out with you and the girls. You need to stay. I’ll take a cab and see you girls later.”

I was able to...