You’re my best friend in the world and I need to update you with something important. I tried calling several times, but with the time difference we always seem to miss each other so I decided to just write it all down. I’m sorry for sending such a lengthy email but I really need to get this off my chest.

Before I get into that, let me tell you how happy I am for you! I saw the picture of your baby bump that you posted and you look adorable! I definitely want to be Auntie Joanne. I don’t care if we aren’t really related, you and I are closer than sisters! I sent a little care package and as soon as you find out if he will be a boy or girl I’ll be putting together a box of baby clothes that you can have. I still have all of my kids clothes all packed away.

How is Randy adjusting to the idea? The last time we spoke on the phone you said he was scared. Don’t worry, they are all scared until they hold their babies for the first time. Actually, I have to correct that. Most are scared.

Dale’s giggled like a little schoolgirl when I told him I was pregnant. He was so excited! Even when we were first starting dating in high school he would often talk about his desire to be a father. I think it stemmed from all that trouble he had with his mother. That woman is a complete bitch. I’m not just saying that because she is an “in-law”, she really is evil. Not only did she abandon Dale was he was little, she made his life miserable once they rekindled their relationship.

Dale was actually really excited when he had the opportunity to get to know his mother again. It had been thirty years since he had spent any real time with her. He wanted the kids to know their grandmother and, like any boy, they want to know their mothers. He never had that as he was growing up. It was always a phone call here or a letter there. There was never any real quality time spent together.

When he wanted to start a relationship with her again I was totally for it. I thought he should spend time with his mother and the kids should get to know their grandmother. That decision was a horrible mistake.

That woman is beyond disgusting. She is the most selfish person I think I have ever come across. She abandoned her son when he was four, left her husband and ran of to Las Vegas. From the look of her I wouldn’t be surprised if she had been a junkie at some point. Her skin looked horrible and she was always nervous and twitchy.

Anyway, I regretted encouraging Dale to pursue a relationship with her. Every time she saw him, she only wanted his money. It was always a legitimate excuse at the beginning, she had forgotten her wallet or she had to repair her car. Eventually she just started coming out and asking for cash.

One day we went to lunch with his mother and she pulled her usual routine of asking for money. Dale was really quiet in the car on the way home. When we pulled into the driveway, the tears started streaming down his cheeks. When I asked him what was wrong it took him quite a while to respond.

Through the tears he said, “I just realized I’ll never be loved by my mother. She’s never told me she loved me, not even once. I think…no…I know that I’m only worth two hundred dollars to her, because that is what she asks for every time I see her.”

We sat in the car and cried together and I held him as tight as I could.

The next time she called, he said he would be happy to go to lunch with her but he was no longer able to give her any money. That started a huge argument and she called Dale every horrible name she could think of. He remained firm, ignored all of her guilt trips, and just explained to her that it would no longer be possible to give her money. I was in the other room and I could still hear her screaming at him through the phone.

When all was said and done he simply ended the call, stared at the phone and said, “Goodbye, Mom.”

He was right. She never called again.

I was so proud of him for being firm, but I also felt guilty for encouraging the relationship. For the next few weeks I tried really hard to make it up to him. I made him his favorite meals and gave him plenty of back massages. I cuddled him often and told him how much I loved him. While I knew it wouldn’t replace what he had lost, I wanted to do something to ease his pain. At least the bad experience brought us closer together.

Dale used to say, “Our family may be small, but we are good at it.” He rededicated himself to me and the kids after the fight with his mother. Not that he wasn’t dedicated before, but I saw him try even harder. His family may have grown smaller but that wasn’t going to prevent him from being the best husband and father that he could be.

He often would leave sweet notes around the house for me to find. He would give me full body massages once a week, and there were always plenty of fresh flowers in the house. He always tried to help out around the house. He would even take me to my girly movies without complaining. We made love often and it was intense and beautiful. I fell more and more in love with him every day.

Dale talked to his boss and changed his schedule around so he could pick up the kids every day from school. He had to sacrifice and get up at 4:00 a.m. every morning, but he did it willingly so he could see his children as soon as they walked out of school.

After picking up the kids, they would either walk to the park and work on homework or they would walk to that ice cream shop over on Charles Ave. Dale was never happier. He loved being there for his kids, and we were getting closer together. It was the best time of my life.

Until the day the police showed up on my doorstep.

I hate that day.

I’ll always hate that day…

I want to thank you again for everything you did during that time. The way you dropped everything and flew across the country and sat with me in the hospital all night. The way you held my hand for hours on end as the doctors did everything they could for Dale. The way you held me when I didn’t want to be held, even though it was the best thing for me. The way you sat next to me as the doctors came out of surgery, stood around us, and told us…

He was gone…

Your help at the funeral and at the house afterward was phenomenal and appreciated more than words can describe. I was such a mess.

I don’t think I ever told you about much I appreciated that you stayed with us an extra week. I just couldn’t be alone and you put your entire life on hold to help with the kids and look after me. I will be forever in your debt, my sweet Ashley.

I still remember the night I was crying in my sleep and you came up and crawled into bed with me and cuddled me all night just so I wouldn’t feel so alone. You were my security blanket when the world around me was crumbling before my very eyes. You kept me warm when I felt so empty inside. You kept me whole when I felt like I was cracking and shattering into a million pieces.

After losing Dale, I was just so…lost. He was my whole world had turned black and it has been so hard to be without him. Every time I look in Tommy’s eyes, I see his daddy’s beautiful smile and his beautiful soul. There are so many times when I look across the room and that little boy is looking back at me with the same expression his Daddy used to use. It is almost as if Tommy is Dale’s little clone.

Stacy has fragments of his complex personality. The other day she was telling me a story and for a moment, I closed my eyes and just listened. She tells a story exactly like her father used do. The voice is obviously different, but the style, inflection, and pace are all Dale. I couldn’t help but smile to myself when she was rambling on about the new arch rival that she has. Why is the sixth grade so complicated?

Those kids actually deserve better. I turned into a horrible mom.

For those first few months, I could barely get out of bed to get the kids to school. I was very proud of Stacy during that time. She would get herself up and get dressed and then she would wake up her brother and get him ready as well. She would then wake me up and drag me out of bed. I would stumble out of bed, put on a few clothes…or not and just wear my pajamas, and then drive them to school. Most of the time I wouldn’t brush my teeth or comb my hair.

Over the past six months I have experienced a loneliness like no other. I really miss Dale and his companionship. I even miss our arguments. I miss the way he would make me laugh, and I miss the times he would hold me as I cried. There is now just this big, empty space in my life.

The evenings are still the hardest. Every night we would get in bed and cuddle before sleeping. I always appreciated Dale’s love for cuddling. I know most men don’t want to cuddle with their wives but a night didn’t go by when we wouldn’t cuddle. We would watch our favorite shows and talk about the kids. Obviously, being so close together physically would lend itself to love making. Dale was amazing in bed and I miss how he made me feel so sexy all the time.

Crawling into bed every night is both a blessing and a curse. When I slide into bed, he is there with me. I close my eyes and I know he is going to step into the room at any moment and slide into bed with me, just like he had done every day for almost seventeen years…but he never arrives. The immense loneliness then consumes me and I cry myself to sleep.

I’ve been trying to cope the best I can, which is why I’m writing this letter. Something happened this week and I need to tell you about it. While I think it was good for several reasons, it could complicate things.

Two weeks ago I dragged myself out of bed and took Tommy to hockey practice. You know how much Tommy loves hockey, and even though I hate taking him to practice, I can’t deprive my son of the joy he receives from playing.

As usual, I didn’t even bother with make-up and that day I didn’t even brush my hair. I put a toque on my head, wore the yoga pants I had slept in, and I covered myself with a huge jacket, I put on my gloves and headed out the door. I obviously wasn’t looking for attention with the outfit. I had overslept again and I needed to get to the arena in fifteen minutes.

After watching the kids play hockey for a little while, I decided to get a coffee. I went to the concession stand and waited in line, my mind in a fog. I ordered the coffee and as the girl was pouring it, the man behind me said something. I didn’t quite catch it.

I turned quickly and snapped, “What was that?”

Sheepishly he said, “I um…I said I think you’re beautiful.”

“Are you insane?!” I said before I turned and paid for my coffee. I mumbled that he was an idiot and I stormed off and headed back for my seat in the bleachers. I sat in my seat stewing in all my negativity.

How dare he! Doesn’t he know I recently lost my husband? Doesn’t he know that I feel like shit every single second and I don’t want to be beautiful? Doesn’t he know that I don’t even want to be out of bed? Doesn’t he know that I’m just a frumpy young widow that would love to crawl into a hole and die? Doesn’t he know that I only wake up every day because I have two kids that I love?

As soon as practice was over, I grabbed Tommy and I didn’t even let him take off his skates. I carried him to the car so I could get out of there as quickly as possible. (I didn’t score any points with him that day. “Thanks Mom. Now everyone is going to laugh because my Mommy carried me to he car!” Ugh.)

As I drove home I realized I knew the man. We had never been introduced but I knew he was the father of Tommy’s teammate, Joshua. I had seen him at practice many times before. He seemed to be a dedicated father who supported his son’s dream to play hockey. At games, he never yelled at his son unless it was to encourage him. When Joshua made a mistake on the ice his father would never get angry or frustrated. He would just pull him aside and give him pointers so he could improve.

He seems nice enough but he isn’t my type physically. He is balding and has a few extra pounds. His looks are average at best and so he never really caught my eye. He was always just…there.

The more I thought about it, I realized I never saw Joshua’s mother at any practice, or even at the games. That wasn’t completely out of the ordinary as some parents had conflicting schedules, but it seemed that you would cross paths with all of the parents at some point. They would try their best to at least attend the big games.

I think it was Tuesday when I finally asked Tommy about Joshua’s mom. I tried to casually bring it up. When I finally asked I was take aback by Tommy’s abrupt response.

“He doesn’t have a mom.”

That was when the guilt set in and the questions started. How could I be so rude to someone who had given me such a nice compliment? How could I be so mean to someone that was being so nice to me? I felt horrible for being so rude and I decided that I would try to make amends. What happened to Joshua’s mom? Were they separated or divorced?

I woke up last Saturday morning determined to muster up all of my energy so I could be as nice and positive as possible. I even put on a little makeup and wore my clean yoga pants instead of wearing the same pair that I had worn the entire week before. It wouldn’t really matter anyway. I wasn’t trying to date the man, I just wanted to look presentable when I apologized.

Looking into the mirror before we left, I still didn’t feel beautiful but at least I didn’t look like death. I suppose that is a bad choice of words considering what I’ve been through…

Anxiety set in when I drove into the arena. I just wanted to apologize to the poor guy who had tried to be so nice. I was surprised that I was a bit nervous to see him again. I assumed he wouldn’t even want to speak to me considering how rude I had been.

Tommy and I walked into the arena and headed for the locker room. I helped Tommy get his gear on, laced up his skates for him, and sent him out to the ice. I kept looking over my shoulder but I couldn’t see Joshua’s dad anywhere.

The boys all went out to the ice rink and the parents slowly meandered out to the bleachers so they could watch practice. Some would go to the concession stands first and grab something to eat.

Some, like Billy’s mom, would definitely go to the concession stands. That woman is disgusting. She reeks of cigarette smoke and cheap perfume and can eat more than three men. She screams obscenities at her son the entire practice and if you ever make the mistake of sitting next to her, she’ll complain the entire practice that she can’t find a good man. I’m sure the big mustard and processed cheese stains that she still has on the shirt she wore to last weeks practice has nothing to do with it. Bleh.

Anyway, I walked out to the bleachers, looked for Billy’s mom, made sure I walked two sections away from her, walked to the top of the bleachers and sat down. I scanned the entire arena and I still couldn’t see Joshua’s father. All that anxiety for nothing. I was so worried to see him and he wasn’t even there. I would just have to apologize next week.

I watched Tommy carefully while as the boys went through their warm-up drills. He has such a love for hockey, just like his daddy. The first time Tommy skated after his fathers death, Tommy practiced harder than I had ever seen him practice before. He came off the ice soaked in sweat and I noticed he had used hockey tape to mark X’s on his shoulders. On the way home I asked him about it.

“I put the X’s on my shoulders so dad could find me on the ice when he looked down from heaven. I didn’t want to let him down so I tried my hardest.”

Needless to say, I cried all night that night.

As I watched Tommy play I noticed he was working on this little move Dale always used to do when he played. Dale had showed it to him a few times. Basically, Dale would pass the puck through his legs. It was really a very simple play but Dale claimed it as his own and would taunt the other team that they had been “Dale Duped”. I sat there, smiling to myself like a little schoolgirl, reminiscing about all the games I used to watch Dale play in and how he always made me laugh. I started to tear up seeing Tommy try to be like his dad when I suddenly realized someone was standing next to me.

“Coffee?”

I looked over. It was Joshua’s dad! He was holding out a cup of coffee toward me.

“You can have it if you promise not to throw it at me,” he said with a little grin.

“Thank you. I’ve been looking for you all morning,” I said as I took off my gloves and enjoyed the warmth of the hot coffee cup on my cold hands.

“Looking to beat me with a hockey stick this time?”

“Not at all. Please, have a seat,” I replied.

As he sat down, I noticed he smelled…manly. It wasn’t a bad smell at all, but rather, it was just manly soap and all the products a man usually uses. Shaving cream, after shave, stuff like that. I realized how much I missed those smells.

I cleared my throat and said, “I wanted to apologize for last week. I was rude and it was totally uncalled for. I’ve just been through a lot the past few months and I-“

He held up his hand to stop me.

“I heard about what happened. You have my condolences.”

“But it’s still no excuse to be rude to someone. I’m sorry.”

“There’s no need to apologize,” he said, smiling reassuringly.

At that moment I realized he had a beautiful smile.

I took a sip of my coffee and then I continued, “Yes, I needed to apologize and I should be the one buying you a coffee. I’m surprised you even waned to speak to me this week.”

“Well…maybe I know exactly what you’re going through. And maybe I wanted to offer a listening ear, because I know exactly how important that can be. My…my wife passed away two years ago…so I know exactly how frustrating, scary, and heart breaking it can be.”

His words had so much warmth. It was as if he was wrapping a blanket around me. For the first time in over a year, I finally felt comforted. Please don’t take offense. I know you did your best when you stayed with me. I was just so broken that no one could have comforted me at that time. Everyone had tried, but nothing could have worked. The wound of losing Dales was just too fresh. But for some reason, this man, on that day touched my heart in a way that no one else could.

“I’m so sorry. May I ask what happened?” I asked.

“Cancer. A very aggressive form of cancer. She felt fine, was in great health, and then she went to the doctor for this little discomfort she was feeling in her abdomen. We received the news that it was cancer and it had already spread to her organs. Stage four. She only made it two more months…and then she was gone.”

His words faded and his eyes glazed over. His mind was somewhere distant, once again with his wife. It was obvious how much much he had…or I should say, still loves her.

I reached over and put my right hand on his left. We were connected in a way that most people should not be. The Grim Reaper had stolen our mates and he was now our common enemy. We knew the immense pain of losing a loved one far to early. We were kindred spirits.

He looked down on my hand on his, slowly reached over and put his right hand on mine, and then slowly closed his eyes. I’m pretty sure he was feeling the same way I was. It felt good just to be touched by someone again. For myself, I think it is one of the things I’ve missed the most. Dale wasn’t a man of many words. There were many nights when he would come home from work, eat dinner, and then plop down on the couch and not say another word the rest of the night. I was completely fine with that because he would always be touching me. His hand would be draped over my thigh or he would put his leg over mine. Many nights he would rest his head on my lap and fall asleep watching TV.

It felt so, so good to feel that human contact again.

“…is Andrew,” he said.

I realized my mind had drifted off to be with Dale as well. “Pardon?”

“My name is Andrew, and it has been great talking to you,” he said.

“I’ve enjoyed it as well,” I realized I was smiling. It had been a long time since my face had done that.

Andrew took his hand off of mine and slowly stood up. I looked around the arena and realized practice was over. I was enjoying our conversation so much that I completely forgot to watch practice. Andrew turned to step into the aisle to leave and then suddenly turned back as I stood up.

“Oh, I almost forgot. The coach said you left the locker room before he could tell you, there’s a bake sale next week to help raise money for the travel this year. It’s the first game of the season so they’re expecting a lot of people to be here. I hope you can make it. I’d really like to see your…buns.”

The big smile and cute dimples made up for the corny joke.

“I’ll be here with my buns.” I replied as I smiled and rolled my eyes.

He opened his arms.

I accepted the invitation for the hug.

We hugged tightly for a long time.

All week long I couldn’t stop thinking about Andrew. The warmth of his touch, his remarkable kindness, his comforting words, and his cute smile. It was nice to finally sit and speak to an adult who really understood what I was going through. It was nice to connect with someone after feeling completely disconnected for so long. I finally felt grounded and I was finally able to focus. It gave me such a safe, comforting feeling.

I think I changed six or seven times yesterday morning. I wanted to look cute without being too obvious that I was trying to catch Andrew’s attention, so I passed on wearing a dress and again opted for my favorite yoga pants. I like them because they make my “mom butt” look less of a mom butt and more of a cute butt. I wore this cute black top that is cut low in the front. Thankfully, the kids didn’t destroy my girls. Dale always loved my boobs. Even though it is getting really cold outside and the arena is cold, it is usually warm enough to unzip my coat, which would give Andrew a nice view when he wasn’t watching hockey.

I decided to get up early and make four dozen cupcakes before the game. Everyone has always loved my cupcakes and since my financial situation is a little precarious at the moment, I decided to put in a little extra effort to raise as much money as possible. I really want to keep Tommy in hockey this year.

Of course, nothing was going right yesterday morning and so we were running late. The last batch of cupcakes were taking forever and Tommy was really worried he was going to miss the start of his first game. The timer finally went off fifteen minutes before the game was going to start, and we live ten minutes from the arena so you can imagine the chaos of me getting the cupcakes out, loading them all into the car, getting Tommy into the car and driving to the arena. My sweet Stacy volunteered to stay home and clean up the mess.

I pulled into the parking lot and parked right in front of the arena. There was no way I was going to carry four dozen cupcakes while trying to get Tommy on the ice so I decided I would get him on the ice first, and then I would figure out where to take the cupcakes.

Tommy asked me why I was putting on lipstick when we were so late. I told him I wanted to look nice for the bake sale, but then I realized he hasn’t seen me put on any makeup in over a year. It made me feel a little guilty.

As soon as we walked in I spotted Andrew. Even though he was turned away from us, I knew it was him. It was the first time I realized that along with his cute smile he also has a really cute butt!

Andrew turned and spotted us and then he had the biggest grin. He was genuinely happy to see me and it put me completely at ease. It felt good to be around him and I was happy he was was waiting for us at the front door.

“The start of the game was delayed. You’ll make the start if you hurry!” he said.

“Can I get your help with the cupcakes when I get back?”

“Of course!” he replied.

I rushed Tommy to the locker room.

When I returned, Andrew was still standing near the front door.

“They want us to bring the cupcakes through the rear door,” he said as I approached, “there is a small kitchen back there where they are storing them.”

“Great, we can just drive around,” I replied.

We climbed into my SUV, and as I turned the key, I once again noticed how wonderful he smelled.

I drove the car around the left side of the building to the rear. Andrew was saying something about which door we should enter but I really couldn’t concentrate. I don’t know why but I turned into a giddy schoolgirl.

The back of the arena parking lot is only an alley that is only wide enough for one car. The field behind the arena wasn’t being taken care of very well and the weeds and trees were starting to come through and over the chain linked fence. It was so overgrown that one of the bushes was growing through the fence so far that I had to be careful not to scratch my SUV. Although it did feel private.

Privacy…

The doors on the rear of the arena are all unmarked, and I accidentally passed the door we were supposed to deliver to, but I didn’t mind. It just gave me a few extra minutes in the car with Andrew as I turned around.

As I pulled back through the alley, I made to park stop my truck next to the overgrown weeds, even though the door was ahead of the SUV. As I turned off the key, I took a deep breath and then I unzipped the top of my jacket.

Dale…please forgive me my love.

“I’m getting so hot running around!” I explained, even though I was putting my gloves back on.

I lied, it was fucking cold when I exited the truck.

We walked to the back of the SUV and Andrew opened the rear door. The read door on my truck opens up and there is a decent sized space for storage.

Enough space for me…

“Wow, someone was busy this morning,” he said, looking at the six trays of cupcakes that were arranged neatly in the back of the truck.

I reached in, being sure to lean over and arch my back a little as I pretending to be concerned with the plastic wrap that covered one of the trays. I really just wanted to give Andrew plenty of time to look at my “cute butt”.

“I’m very good with my hands,” I said as I picked up the first tray of cupcakes.

I pulled out my tray and took a step back. As Andrew leaned forward to grab the second tray, I unzipped my jacket even more and pulled my shoulders back. The cold wind rushed inside and made my nipples harden instantly. Andrew pulled the tray of cupcakes out and turned toward me while I was still facing him. His eyes immediately looked at my chest, paused, and then he looked up into my eyes.

Mission accomplished

“Ready to take these inside?” he asked. He knew I caught him looking.

I smiled. “Oh of course. Silly me,” I said as I turned and headed for the door.

We walked over to the door and tried to open it but it was locked. After a few knocks a short, stocky woman who was dressed in white and wearing a hair net opened the door.

“Ah. More goodies. Put the tray on counter. How much?” the woman asked through her thick European accent.

“Pardon? How much?” I asked.

“How much trays you has?”

“Six,” I replied

“Crazy peoples. Too much! Put tray ozer dere,” she instructed.

I quickly looked around as my eyes adjusted to the light. The room appeared to be a prep kitchen. There were stainless steel sinks and counters. I noticed huge refrigerators and lots of appliances, but no stoves or grills.

I walked “ozer dere”, into a U-shaped grouping of tables and put my tray of cupcakes down next to some others…which didn’t look nearly as good as mine did. (Ha!)

Turning, I was a bit trapped as Andrew held his tray of cupcakes with both hands.

“Oh this is perfect. Now I can have my way with you,” I said as I raised an eyebrow and reached under the tray and playfully touched his chest and tickled his belly.

“You two boink on own time. I has cooking to do!” said the woman in white as she held open the door.

I immediately burst out laughing and moved out of the way so Andrew could put down his tray. I walked out of the room and to the back of the car as quickly as possible, giggling the entire way. I made sure Andrew was walking toward the car before I bent over to pull out the next two trays. As I was bending over grabbing the trays, Andrew grabbed my hips and put his crotch against my ass.

“Oh this is perfect. Now I can have my way with you.”

My giggling stopped.

My breathing stopped.

I instantly blushed.

I softly bit my lip.

I pushed back against him.

He started to push.

He started to grow.

I need more.

“Oh shit, she’s watching us.” Andrew let go of my hips and moved to the side.

He reached into the car to grab one of the trays. I was now lost in a fog of lust and I could only think of one thing. I forced myself to breathe as I pulled a tray from the rear of the car, and I immediately shoved it toward Andrew.

“Carry two. They’re light,” I ordered.

They tray wobbled as Andrew grabbed it and he stood there doing his best to balance the cupcakes before he slowly started walking toward the door. I grabbed the last two trays and slowly followed him.

The weight of the cupcakes were hurting my wrists but I was not about to put one down. I had to get rid of these things urgently. I needed something else…and I needed it now.

Walking in the door, I put the two trays on the first counter I could find. Andrew was nice enough to put his where we had placed the others.

“Is anyone else dropping off anything? I asked, trying to sound nonchalant.

“All done. All goodies here. Now you go. I has working to do,” the kitchen lady said as she surveyed the plethora of sweets around her.

We both headed for the door and I exited first, and after Andrew excited I made sure to slam the door shut behind him. Andrew stood there waiting for me, and as soon as that door was closed, I grabbed Andrew’s right hand and pulled him to the back of my car.

With the back of the SUV still open, I walked to the same spot we were standing just a few moments ago. I turned and faced Andrew and before he knew what I was trying to do, I put my arms around his neck and then I kissed him!

It felt so, so good to have warm, moist lips against mine again. Our lips slid over one another slowly as the cold winter wind whipped around us. My hair blew around our faces. We pulled each other closer together and enjoyed the additional warmth.

Andrew is a great kisser, and as his tongue slid over mine I realized he was a much better kisser than Dale was. Andrew’s tongue was…amazing.

I need more.

I stopped kissing him long enough to pull my gloves off and throw them into the back of the truck. I completely unzipped my coat and held it open as I once again embraced and kissed Andrew. I could feel more of his warmth, but I needed more.

Stepping back again I grabbed at his hands and pulled his gloves off and threw them over my shoulder as well. I unzipped his coat and he held it open as I opened mine. He understood I wanted to be closer. We kissed again and now I could really feel his heat on my chest. I pulled his hips so they pressed against mine and I felt something else…and it was getting harder by the second. As we kissed I reached down and slowly rubbed it over his pants enjoying that I was still able to turn someone on.

The kissing was very passionate. The drought was a over for the both of us and we were completely letting go.

Andrews right hand slid under my shirt and he rested his hand against my bare back for a while before he slowly slid his hand around to my from my stomach. I knew what he wanted and I knew he was being cautious. I stopped rubbing his cock and I grabbed his right hand with my left, pulled the bottom of my shirt open, and slid his hand up to my left breast, and then pulled him close and kissed him hard as his hand squeezed my breast over my bra.

I need more.

I reached up with my right hand and pulled the middle of my bra out and up as I put my shoulders together, letting my girls fall freely.

His arm was letting cold air up my shirt, but his hand was so hot as he slowly wrapped it around my breast. Feeling my warm breast and hard nipple against the palm of his hand was like flipping a switch in Andrew. He kissed me more passionately as he squeezed my breast, and then grabbed it hard, and then he backed off and softly pinched my rock hard nipple.

I need more.

I reached down with both hands and unbuckled Andrews belt and unbuttoned the top of his pants. I found the zipper and slowly unzipped his pants. Myy eyes rolled into the back of my head as his hand slid across my chest and grabbed my right breast.

Opening his pants and underwear with my left hand, I slowly reached in with my right. The tips of my fingers found his hot, hard shaft and I slowly wrapped my fingers around him. The heat of his cock felt like fire on the palm of my hand. We could have been standing there nude and I still would have felt as if I were on fire.

He exhaled as I wrapped my fingers around his hard cock, and he let out a soft moan as I slowly started to stroke him.

I missed the feeling of a rock hard cock against my hand. It felt so good to make Dale…I mean Andrew…feel so good. With limited room I just tried to use long, slow, consistent strokes, but after more kissing, I couldn’t control myself. I started to stroke him hard and fast and my movements were erratic.

It was just so hard to concentrate with those amazing kisses, even though our kisses become sloppy and infrequent as we both struggled to breathe under the heavy weight of our passion.

I need more.

I let go of his hot cock and tried my best to get my coat off. It was hung up somewhere and my arms were trapped. Andrew pulled his hand out from beneath my shirt and he helped me get my coat off. I turned around and shoved my coat into the back of the SUV as well.

With Andrew behind me, I reached back and grabbed his hands. I put his hands on my breasts and I put my hands on his hips. Gyrating my hips, I could feel his hard cock rubbing against my ass as his hands squeezed my breasts over my shirt

Andrew lowered his head and started to kiss my neck.

He found my weakness…

I closed my eyes and whimpered loudly, and then remembered we were in public. I opened my eyes and tried to look around but Andrew continued to kiss my neck and I quickly realized I didn’t care who was around, or who may be watching.

I need more!

Reaching down, I pushed my yoga pants and panties down over my ass. I bent over at the waist and rested my hands on the floor of the cargo area, where the trays had been. I looked at Andrew over my shoulder.

“Fuck me,” I said breathlessly.

I spread my legs as best as I could as Andrew pulled his hot cock out of his pants. The cold wind rushed over and around my hot, naked ass and pussy, and I suddenly realized how soaking wet my pussy was. I knew I was wet, but I didn’t realize I was that wet. The cool air and wind chilled the pussy juices that coated my hot pussy lips.

The tip of Andrews cock pressed against my asshole and he started to shove himself forward.

“Lower, it’s lower,” I said frantically.

I’m not opposed to anal, but that would have to wait for a different day, in a different setting. I knew he was out of control and just a little rusty.

“Sorry,” he whispered as he repositioned himself.

He bent his knees and suddenly the soft tip of his hot cock pressed against my soaked pussy lips. I pushed back slightly and I felt the large head of his cock slowly slide into me.

A gasp and a whimper.

He pulled the head out and slid the head back in. And then he did it again, and again.

I need it all.

I don’t know why he was toying with me, but I had to have it all. The next time he pushed forward, I pushed back hard, taking half of his cock into me. We moaned. He was thick and the extreme stretch was more than I was anticipating.

He slid his hot shaft almost all the way out, and then gripped my hips tight and slammed his entire hot cock deep inside of me and kept pulling me back onto him.

I let out a loud, sensual moan as I had been stretched and filled perfectly. I reached back with my right hand and grabbed his right wrist tightly. I needed a moment to adjust. His cock was long and thick and having him shove it in all at once took my breadth away. He was much bigger than Dale…or anyone else I had been with in the past…and he filled me perfectly.

It felt amazing to be complete again. It felt wonderful to be stretched and stuffed. And it felt so good to be desired and wanted.

Andrew slowly slid almost all the way out and then all the way back in and my toes curled in my shoes.

He started to thrust harder and faster, steadily slamming that cock into me with every thrust. I knew from the size of that cock, and the unrestrained passion, and the end of his drought that this was going to be a wonderfully rough ride. My moans were guttural from his massive cock pushing the air out of me with every thrust.

His rhythm was mind blowing as he never wavered. He was steady and strong.

His left hand reached up under my shirt and he grabbed my left breast. I let go of his wrist and I put both hands on the back of the rear seat so I could push back a little. His thrusts were so hard and intense that my thighs kept slamming into the bumper and my feet were sliding out from under me…and yet, I didn’t want him to stop!

It was so hard to be quiet while I was being impaled by that massive cock. I really wanted to scream and yell and tell him to fuck me hard, but there was no way I could do that in the back alley of a hockey arena. I tried my best to absorb the impact of that massive rod as it collided with my insides and I keep my moans, squeals, and screams muffled as best as possible.

His rhythm was insane. He never sped up or slowed down. He never stopped. He just pounded me. Thrust. Thrust. Thrust. Thrust. Thrust. Steady. Deep. Hard. Perfect. I closed my eyes and I stopped thinking as that cock was the only thing I could think about and concentrate on. My orgasm started to build quickly and yet I was too lost in euphoria to reall-

THUMP

I collapsed into a heap when my feet finally slid out from underneath me. It was a hard crash back to reality as Andrew was yanked out of me as I fell and the cold air rushed in where his hot cock had been. I looked around and looked over my shoulder.

“…you’re sure you’re okay?” Andrew asked again. The fog of euphoria was too thick for me to understand the words the first time he asked.

I nodded and as I panted explained, “My thighs kept hitting the bumper and I slipped. I’m fine…”

But I need more.

In an instant, Andrew scooped up my legs with his left arm, turned me and put my legs into the back of the SUV so that I was now laying on my side. I was impressed…and turned on ever more that he was able to man-handle me so easily. He didn’t look that strong but he lifted and adjusted me with ease.

With my ass now pointed outside and my body laying on my right inside the SUV, Andrew was able to stand behind the truck and slide back into me. Thankfully, the height of the truck was the exact height I needed to be.

Andrew spread my ass cheeks with his right hand so he could see my pussy, and with his left hand he guided himself back into my dripping wet snatch. He pushed the wet tip of his cock back between my pussy lips and the head popped back inside of me. It actually felt cold from being exposed outside for a few moments, but within a few thrusts it felt hotter than it did before. It felt like fire inside of me. I once again closed my eyes as Andrew grabbed my upper left thigh with his left hand and his right hand grabbed my left hip so he could pull me back onto him as he thrust into me.

He was getting so deep…but then he shifted. He moved to his right, toward my back, which made the tip of his cock move forward. He thrust in and I saw stars. The tip of his cock tapped my G-Spot. And then the unwavering, steady rhythm started again.

My orgasm quickly started to build faster than before. I fought it back as I didn’t want to cum. I wanted to save my orgasm as something special between Dale and I. I wanted to keep that just between us…

Faster and faster the orgasm started to build. The mind blowing rhythm, the hot, thick shaft sliding in and out of me, and the tapping against my G-Spot was just too much. I fought and held back my orgasm as long as possible. My mind and body were in a war, fighting for opposed desires.

I started to reach for anything I could grasp. My right hand gripped the back of the seat and my fingernails dug into the upholstery. My left hand reached out into nothing and Andrew grabbed my left arm at my elbow and pinned it against me as he continued to thrust.

I grunted, fought, and struggled to fight back the beast within. I never wanted to cum and it was never part of my plan. I just wanted to get fucked. I just wanted to feel good for a few minutes, but not THAT good. I just wanted to feel complete for a few moments, I didn’t want to get lost in euphoric bliss…but I had no choice.

Andrew knew how to please me even if I didn’t want to be pleased.

I closed my eyes tight and clenched every muscle in my body as the tip of that hot cock continued to hammer away at my G-Spot.

Fighting…

Holding…

Straining…

Until…

My body convulsed and I let out a roar. It must have been loud because Andrew covered my mouth as he continued to try to fuck me. It was the only time that Andrew’s perfect rhythm had been broken. My spasms were so strong he had to thrust in really hard to try to stay inside me, but I was moving wildly and staying inside of me was almost impossible.

The strongest, most intense orgasm of my life had taken over my body. There was no controlling it. My head started spinning, my ears started ringing, and my stomach was spasming with every intense wave of orgasmic bliss. I couldn’t hold back my screams.

Andrew slowly moved his hand from my mouth as I started to regain control and I could contain my screams.

“My turn,” he said softly.

I can’t take any more! Just hurry and cum!

Andrew slid out of me, grabbed my legs and rolled me onto my back and put my legs up onto his left shoulder. I was like a wet noodle. I was exhausted and still reeling from that amazing orgasm.

I wanted to spread my legs wide for him, but my pants and panties were still only down around my thighs and pinned together. I looked down and spread my legs as far as they could go, and I could see the steam rising from my hot pussy and Andrew’s cock. I looked up at him and there was steam rising from the top of his head.

It was fucking sexy to see.

He guided his hot cock back into me. I closed my eyes and gasped as he slid all the way inside of me with one long, slow, thrust. He then started to fuck me deeper, harder, and faster than he had before. He rammed me hard with that rock hard rod. I rolled my head back and forth against the carpet, trying to make sense of the pleasure and pain that was happening within me. My fingernails dug into the carpet as I tried to steady myself against the hard pounding. You could only hear his breathing, my grunts, and our flesh colliding together.

He then put his hands on my upper thighs and pull pulled me down toward the toward the bumper a few inches and then he pushed my legs up against my chest. I looked into his beautiful eyes and then I watched him look down as he watched his cock go in and out of my soaking wet pussy.

“Your cum is all over my cock,” he said as he started to fuck me again, “that’s so fucking hot.”

He paused for just a second. “Pull up your shirt. I want to see those gorgeous breasts.“

I did so, letting the cold air wash over me but I was not cold. My nipples were already rock hard from the heat and passion.

He pressed my legs against my chest again, slightly off to the side so he could see my left breast. He stared at it as he once again started to drill me.

It felt so good to be desired and wanted again. It felt so good to know he wanted to touch me and look at me. It felt good to be admired once again.

And then Dale flashed into my mind. One night, while he was fucking me hard, in this same position he said, “I want to watch another man fuck you.” It was one of many fantasies that he had.

I looked up to the ceiling. I hope you can see me now, my love…

I could tell Andrew was ready to cum. His thrusts were even faster than before, but not as deep. I tried my best to stay quiet but that big cock kept forcing soft whimpers out of me.

He stared at my pussy for a while watching himself slide out and then disappear into me over and over and then looked into my eyes.

“I’m gonna cum,” he said, the strain of holding the cum back was obvious.

He thrust faster and harder and I closed my eyes again and tried to take it all in as I knew it would be over soon. His fingers gripped the back of my thighs tighter and his cock started to swell inside me. His thrusts slowed…

I kept my eyes closed…waiting for that moment.

Wanting.

Waiting.

Anticipating.

Two slow thrusts and the head of his cock swelled until it was huge. He slid almost all the way out, and then SLAMMED himself back into me before shooting deep inside. He let out a moan that was perfectly timed with the release of his cum. I let out a squeal as my pussy was quickly filled with hot cum. He pulled out and shoved himself in deep again as another burst of hot cum shot inside of me. As he pulled out again I could feel I was overflowing, and his cum was oozing out of me and down to my ass.

I was trying so hard to be quiet but I know I was whimpering and moaning as the cum was released into me with every last thrust. There was so much cum that I wondered how long it had been since…

I suddenly realized this was probably his first time too…

Andrew slid in and out slowly a few times, the way a man does when he is no longer in control but his body has to get rid of the last little bit of cum. I love it when they thrust into you even though they are exhausted. He then collapsed on top of me. It was an awkward position because my legs were still against my chest, but it felt good to have his weight on me.

You could only hear is breathing heavily…and the cold wind swirling around outside.

Andrew shivered.

“Come lay next to me,” I suggested.

He shook his head. “I don’t want to stop being inside you,” he replied as he did his best to thrust in again.

The words were so sincere. I ran my fingertips through the hair on the back of his head and let him enjoy me as long as he wanted. I could feel him quickly getting smaller inside of me and knew it would only be a few minutes, but it would mean so much to him. I reall-

OH SHIT!

“Get up! Get up! A car!” I hollered as I tried to push him off of me.

We scrambled to get and pull up our pants as the sound of the engine came closer and closer. It sounded like they had revved up the engine and they were coming fast! I pulled up my pants and got out of the car. I turned around and grabbed my jacket and quickly put it on.

I looked over my shoulder as I struggled with my coat zipper. I wanted to see who the asshole was that was interrupting our perfect moment.

Just as soon as Andrew finished putting on his belt, a police cruiser rounded the corner.

FUCK!

The officer exited his car and slowly walked over to us. I zipped up my coat and turned around, very well aware that my bra was not on and my nipples were clearly visible through my shirt.

The police officer explained someone had called in, saying someone was having sex behind the arena. (Oh God! Someone was watching or listening!)

Andrew calmly explained we had dropped off some cupcakes and then I had a cramp in my thigh so he was rubbing my leg. Since I couldn’t walk he had my lay in the back of the truck. Then he explained that it hurt so bad I was moaning and yelling as he was trying to stretch my leg. He laughed, and I followed his lead and laughter too, as he reasoned it probably sounded like sex from far off.

I was impressed with how quickly he had come up with the story!

The older, experienced officer didn’t totally buy into the story, but since we were fully dressed and just standing there, there was nothing he could do. He “advised” us to vacate the alley behind the arena and let us go. We quickly got into the truck and I drove around to the front as quickly as possible, the police officer following us until I parked, and then he drove off.

We did our best to fix ourselves and look presentable, even though my hair was a mess and both of our lips were still swollen form kissing. Then Andrew and I laughed and blushed and blushed and laughed as we went back into the arena. We went to the concession stand to get coffee and then we made sure to sit far away from Billy’s mom.

As we sat in our seats, I took a sip of my coffee and I could still feel him oozing out of me. I thought about going to the washroom to clean up, but I decided against it. It felt wonderful to have wet panties on.

Our boys won the first game of the season, and the bake sale was a huge success. (My cupcakes sold out first.)

It was a good day.

The rest of the day was rather routine, although I was happy the boys won their game as it was a great excuse to use whenever the kids would ask why I was smiling. I would simply tell them I was happy about the win.

I made dinner, put the kids to bed, and then decided to take a hot bubble bath. As I removed my panties, I could easily see Andrew’s cum, and it made me smile.

As I sat down in the hot water, letting the bubbles caress my skin, I started to cry.

I wasn’t crying from guilt, as Dale loved me and he would have wanted me to be happy. But I suddenly really missed my husband. I used to remember what it felt like to have Dale inside of me, and now, I can only feel Andrew. Unfortunately, each day and each new experience takes a little piece of Dale away from me.

My tears ran down my face and fell off of my chin into the hot water causing small ripples. I watched the rings travel all the way to the other side of the bathtub, which reminded of a saying Dale would say often. “Love is like the ripples in water. When you love someone, that love will continue on forever.” It was so true, and it helped me remember that a part of Dale will always be with me.

I didn’t say goodbye to Dale that night, as I will never be able to say goodbye to him, but I did realize I needed to move forward with my life. After my bath I sent a text to Andrew telling him how much I enjoyed our time at the arena. He replied that he enjoyed it too and invited me out on a date this weekend. I’m definitely going to go.

Ashley, I know you and Dale became great friends over the years so I wanted to tell you about Andrew first, even before I tell the kids. I know my letter was a little graphic but I wanted you to see how wonderful it was for me and I really hope that you can continue to be the amazing friend you have always been and I really hope you can support my decision to date Andrew.

Hopefully, you will keep your plans to come this winter. I would really love to see you, hold your little baby, and I would love for you to meet Andrew.

I’m eagerly looking forward to your reply.

With all of my love, your best friend,

Pamela