I couldn't believe what the fuck was happening. There was Eric, proud as punch with his cock shoved in some slut's mouth, occasionally glancing over at me with a 'Wow, look at me, I'm getting head' smile on his stupid face. I love him to death, but boy, does he piss me off sometimes; no sorry, actually it’s a lot of the times.

It was Déjà vu and I was living my High school prom all over again. Well, not the cock in the mouth bit, but the part about me; standing in the corner, being totally ignored while everyone else was having all the fun. Mind you, some bitches I was told, got fingered in the shadows that night at the prom, but I’m not getting into that now, so hmm yeah, back to the story, where was I? I remember now, as soon as he blew his load, I was leaving, with or without him.

Our first public appearance as boyfriend and girlfriend in 18 months and it was Halloween night at a Swingers Party. ‘You can have any guy or a bunch of guys if you want, babes. Even girls,’ Eric had promised. Yeah right! Except he forgot to mention, that no guy or girl would want me. Everyone was getting down and nasty and here I was, watching my boyfriend getting his cock sucked by some blonde bimbo. Yay me! And in case you missed the sarcasm, I will say it again with more emphasis, YAY ME!

I think I would have had better luck having sex tonight if I had gone door to door trick or treating, and actually finding that one in three million, drug crazed sex maniac’s door. Even then, I would have probably had to beg for it.

I couldn’t take any more of this hurt, so I left the party and went and sat outside in our car. I sat there fuming for over fifty minutes before his highness decided to grace me with his presence.

“There you are Babe! I was so worried about you,” he exclaimed.

“Fuck you, Eric! Worried? That is total bullshit! I have been sitting here for nearly an hour while you have been getting your rocks off,” I fumed.

“I’m sorry, Baby. I didn’t know this was going to happen, I swear,” Eric apologised, “Listen, I heard in there that there is another party going tonight, a Halloween costume Wife Swap party. We could go to that and see if that one is better? And if not, I promise I will go down on you for one whole hour.”

I sat there for a moment mulling it over. Normally I would have just told Eric to piss off and shove his head up his ass, but after seeing him get his, I wanted to get me mine. And aren’t they supposed to be a sure thing?

“What about costumes?” I asked.

“Well I still have a stack of paper bags in the boot, which you could wear,” he grinned, “That, and your pretty knickers.”

Hmm, here we go again with the paper bag. Even though I will admit our sex life has been fucking mind blowing since he introduced the bag, I felt confused—as I often did with Eric—as one minute I felt he was telling me I was fucking ugly enough to wear a bag, and then the next minute he was telling me that I had the hottest body he has ever seen. Yet as a costume, it could work and could be fun.

“What about you?”

Eric looked around the car and spotted a bottle of discarded wine, wrapped in a small paper wine bag.

“How about this?” he asked, holding it over his lap, directly above his cock. “We could stop somewhere and get some tape or maybe there is some in the glove box?”

“Bingo,” I smiled as I held up some masking tape.

“Great! Give me five and I will go and find out the address,” Eric replied. He suddenly got serious, “Babe, this one will be better for you, I promise.”

“We’ll see,” I muttered.

Thirty seven minutes later and he finally returned.

“Where the FUCK have you been,” I screamed at him.

“Well, I had to find the person, and then wait till she finished with, umm, what she was doing,” He said sheepishly.

He sat there for a moment picking at his teeth. “Ahh, got it!” pulling something out of his mouth, “Ready?”

I nodded angrily and he started the car. Twenty three minutes later and we pulled onto a secluded road and drove down a dark driveway before parking around the side of the house. Music from the party filled the car as he opened his door and ran around the back to get a bag. He stripped naked before hopping back in.

As Eric worked on his costume (placing the bag over his cock and taping it to his pubic area), I tore out the necessary holes in my bag and found a red marker in my bag, which I then drew red lips around the mouth piece. I stepped outside and placed the bag over my head and stripped myself to just my pink frilly knickers. We were fucking ready!

The hostess laughed when she greeted us warmly at the door. We paid our admission and headed towards the Lounge Room. There were five other couples besides us. There was a black Doctor and his Nurse, deep in conversation with a Caveman and his Cavewoman. There was also a Sex Kitten and her leather-clad Slave which were busy making out on the lounge. Around a table that was laid out with food, were a full figured Playboy Bunny and a younger version of Hef. And last but not least, a gorgeous Morticia and her not so handsome, Gomez Addams.

Then there was us; the Paper Bag Couple.

“OK sexy people, I think it’s safe to say we can start. My name is Grace and I am your hostess for tonight. Welcome to our dear regulars and a big welcome to our newcomers,” Grace said coming around from behind us.

“We have a couple of Halloween games planned,” Grace continued, “and the winner, with the highest score, will have first choice of the person they wish to have a one on one with, if they choose to stick around later, or one of the fabulous sex toys that is over on that table.”

Everyone glanced at the table Grace was pointing to and ooohed and ahhhhed.

“OK, first game is for the ladies,” Grace said, “It’s called 'Pussy Put.' ”

I clung on to Eric’s hand in both nervousness and excitement as Grace explained the game and rules. Everyone in the room pissed themselves laughing. This night looked promising. My mood was lifting and I was even starting to forgive the douche bag standing next to me.

Cavewoman went first. She had hiked up her animal skirt, taken off her underwear and sat down on the rug in front of the window. Facing all of us, with her legs then spread-eagled, she picked a ping pong ball from a bowl and inserted it into her vagina. With a look of what was a mixture of concentration and constipation, she finally squeezed the ball out. It fell on the floor just in front of her. It bounced several times before coming to a rest at the end of the carpet. I would say, umm, perhaps a metre or so? I suck at distance. I’m sure a metre is roughly just short of a spread arms span. No? Well who cares, it’s my metre and my fucking story!

We cheered cavewomen off and then cheered Bunny on. She squeezed and squeezed. So much so, that I am certain she let one slip. I’m not sure. But her strategically placed cough to me was an obvious attempt of a cover up. Unfortunately for her, her ball just slid slowly out and lay there, resting against her anus.

Morticia laughed with the rest of us but then graciously declined to give it a try and Sexy Kitten didn’t fare any better than Bunny. But then the Nurse did manage to take the lead by shooting the ball at least two metres. And you guessed right, the guys had an instant hard-on for Nursey.

Now it was my turn to shine, or should I say pop? I sat naked in front of eleven strangers and of course, Eric, and pushed a small plastic ball into my pussy, thankful that the paper bag was covering up my embarrassment. My first thought was ‘what if I squeeze too hard and squash the ball?’ And then ‘what if I can’t squeeze it out and it will be stuck in there...forever?’

As I pondered these inane questions, I raised my hips into mid air, giving everyone a full on view of my partly shaved pussy and heard a gasp coming from my audience. I smiled underneath the bag.

Just as I was starting to squeeze, my nose started to itch like fuckin’ mad, and blocking my nose with one hand and balancing on the other, I sneezed. The ball shot straight out of my cunt and hit the Doctor who was at least three and half to four metres away, right on the forehead!

He looked down at the ball, which was glistening from my juices, at his feet and looked as though he was in shock, hell, I think we all were shell shocked for a couple of seconds there and then we all cracked up; including the Doctor.

“Did you fuckin’ see that?” I raced over to Eric, jumping up and down all excited and yet still managing to pull my knickers back on.

“I told ya you had a nice tight pussy, didn’t I Fugs?” he smiled.

“I think we can honestly say that that round belongs to Bag Lady, agreed?” Said Grace over the laughter.

“Ha, this is one to tell the kids when they grow up...Your mother won first place at 'Pussy Put,' ” I joked to Eric.

“Kids?”

“Oh for fuck sake, don’t fret your empty little head. I didn’t mean I was pregnant. I’m not. I was just fucking saying! Oh look, you just lost that erection you had for Nursey. Now I know how to stop you bugging me for sex when all I want to do is sleep; just mention kids,” I laughed even louder.

“Next game is 'Cock Bobbing' which is my version of apple bobbing,” Grace interrupted.

“Simply put, the men will stand behind that big wall over there,” she said pointing at a standalone wall. “And place their cocks through the holes. You will notice that there are numbers painted above the holes. The Ladies will be given a number and suck that numbers cock until he comes. The goal is, he who comes first, wins. A point will be given to both the man and the woman”

“Where does the apple bobbing come into it or even resemble it?” Bunny asked Grace.

“You will see in a minute. Now men, please go and stand behind the wall and get your selves ready for some blowing,” replied a smiling Grace.

The eager men took their positions and I heard a yelp of pain as Eric ripped the tape and bag off his pubes. I was cursing under my breath that I missed seeing his face but started laughing as one by one; a cock appeared through the holes. It was like watching a wave at a football match or a ballet. If I had to describe it in one word, it would be cute.

Grace noticed Bunny was staring at her still confused.

“Now, don’t you think the heads look like apples? And just watch them bob,” Grace laughed as she went over to the wall and gently tapped the closest hard cock to her, making it bob up and down.

Only one cock lay limp. To my horror, I knew by the piercing that it was Eric’s. It was finally my turn after our eighteen months together to feel embarrassed. Whoever ended up with him was going to have to work twice as hard. Eric was a very visual, feely sort of a guy and I couldn’t imagine anything visually exciting or touching anything from where he stood. Unless he had a secret fetish for walls, but seeing how limp he was...

“Now ladies, go and pick a number out of the bowl and kneel in front of the corresponding hole. Oh, and did I mention that you will have to keep your hands clasped behind your backs?” Grace chuckled.

I nearly jumped for glee—oh shit, did I remember to set the timer to record Glee, I’m sure Idid, or did I? Shit!—when I pulled number three. I got the Doctor. How did I know? Easy. No one else had a thick 9-inch cock. Oh, and of course considering he was the only black man here at the party, and the cock happened to be black...

I knelt in front of the wall, removed my bag and studied the Doc’s cock. It was the first colored cock I had seen in real life and not in pornos, and it was magnificent! A clear bubble of pre-cum had began to form at the tip which was glistening under the lights. Now, I know what they mean by once you go black...It was so beautiful; I could have cut it off and mounted it on a wall. My pussy tingled at the sight of it.

“You may now start,” said Grace.

I put my hands and clasped them behind my back and began to run my tongue around the head.

Each time I did, I had to use my face to stop it moving around so much. This was going to be more difficult than I first thought.

A slow steady stream of pre-cum dripped from the tip which I lavishly lapped up. When I pulled my head away, the stream ran from the tip of his head to my lips. The more I pulled away, the longer it became. I ran my tongue over them to break it apart.

I licked along under his shaft, working my way around while gently sucking it. When I reached the top, I placed my lips over his head. Then stupid me, moved my head back too much and his cock slipped out of my mouth. As I tried to put it back in, it moved and instead ran up the side of my cheek leaving a trail of my saliva and his sticky pre-cum.

It just wouldn’t stay still! Grace’s game was aptly named. I would have added fuck somewhere in the title, but hey, that’s just me. I managed to get his cock in my mouth on the third attempt.

With my head turned to the left, I ran my moist lips down a third of his shaft and turned my head to the right on my way back up. Each time I tried to take him in that little further but only got to half way before I began to gag. It felt like a beautiful cock dance as I began to build up a momentum which was turn head, down the shaft and turn head, up the shaft, repeat two times, suck his head, and turn head, down the shaft...

The only problem I encountered was that Doc’s head was so much bigger than Eric’s. With Doc, I had to use my tongue as an extra suction tool as I had very little room for any tongue motion. With douche bag, sorry I mean Eric, I could almost write the alphabet with my tongue when he was in my mouth.

It was becoming hard to concentrate at the task at hand, or should that be task at mouth, as there were a lot of slurping sounds and banging coming from either side of me as the girls kept bumping the heads against the wall every time they tried to take the cocks fully into their mouths. Me, I had no problem. I couldn’t take Doc’s cock in fully, even if I unhinged my jaw. I wished right then, that I could take his glorious cock in both of my hands, but I couldn’t.

Feeling a bit defeated, I stopped briefly and watched the women on either side of me. It was fascinating seeing just a cock with no body going in and out of their mouths, and the more I watched, and I seemed to be watching Morticia the most, the wetter I became. As I watched, I envisaged that it was I, that was standing in front of her wearing a strap-on with my hand on the back of her head, ordering her to suck on my cock and I wanted so much right then to say fuck it and call it quits, so I could stick my fingers into my aching pussy and...

Mmm...Shit, back to the game. God, what is wrong with me! I am so easily distracted tonight! and time’s a wasting. I just placed my lips over Doc’s head again when I saw out of the corner of my eye; a pair of hands grip the top of the wall and then heard a whimper, as whoever was behind it, came, making the wall shake. And just for a minute there, I was afraid that it was going to fall on top of us.

“We have a winner,” Grace called out, “number five.”

The other male contestants moaned with frustration.

Fuck! Eric! I should have guessed he had this game down pat. Once he got his hard-on he was quick, well ninety percent of the time he was. His joke nickname at home was instant noodles; soggy after 3 minutes. So Eric and Sex Kitten both got a point each.

I looked over at Sex Kitten and saw that she was wiping my boyfriend’s semen off her face with a towel. I knelt there longer that I should have, worried that when I stood up, people would notice the wet patch on my knickers. Instead, I quickly placed Doc’s throbbing head back into my mouth, giving it my personal version of a Fug’s farewell kiss. I was pissed! I had so much wanted to taste him. Hopefully some other time. Oh God, please let there be another time! 

Then one by one, the cocks disappeared and I had no other option but to stand up, replacing the bag on my head as I did so. I made my way quickly over to Grace and asked her where the loo was, where I tried my best to wipe my pubic hairs and my knickers dry with toilet paper.

When Grace saw that I had returned, she grabbed a glass and tapped the edge with a spoon to get our attention.

“Next and final game is 'Speed Fucking.' This is an unusual game for a Wife Swap party and will understand if you wish to sit out, but since its Halloween, I thought we would go all out,” Grace announced. “The Ladies will sit on that table over there and the men will be given two minutes with each lady. As with speed dating, once the bell rings, you move onto the next. The goal of the game this time is for the man to outlast his competitors. Once he comes, he goes, as does the lady he is with at the time. Again, a point will be given to each the gentleman and the lady.”

She laid out the rules which were basically the men were to be blindfolded, for proof; the men had to pull out before they came, use the lubricant as provided, and also added due to the first game, that there was a bonus two points for the men if they could pick their partner out from the ones they were boinking. Us women were told it would be against the rules if we made noise or gave any indication to our partners that it was us. It would mean an instant disqualification.

Caveman and Cavewoman opted out, along with Bunny and Hef. They huddled around each other then announced to Grace that they are going to the bedrooms for some swapping.

The boys were ushered out of the room as us girls stripped and took our places on the sturdy table. Grace then led the naked blindfolded men back in the room and to the table.

To my delight, I had the Doctor first. I glanced over to my left and saw that Eric had Morticia.Lucky bastard.

When everyone was in position, Grace rang a bell. Ding...

Each of us girls wrapped our legs around our fellows and leaned back on the table and it began.

The Doctor had trouble at first trying to find my pussy. I coughed politely when his head was pushing against my anus. Under normal circumstances I wouldn’t have minded, but hey, cmon, he was thick as a brick, his cock I mean, well as far as I knew anyway as I haven’t had a chance to talk to him to yet; just had his cock in my mouth.

His cock then rubbed against my clit several times, spreading our wetness and I arched my back so he could enter me freely. I felt like a virgin again. A burning, stinging sensation followed by total bliss. His cock drove deep into me and filled my pussy whole.

As his sac played rat-a-tat-tat on my bottom with every thrust, I had to bite my bottom lip to stop screaming as he entered a deepness no man has reached before him sounds like a sci-fi movie, doesn’t it haha and my pussy welcomed this cock god like a wet pink velvet welcoming carpet. I had never been fully filled this way, normally I would squeeze the guys cock during intercourse, but with Doc, all I could do was relax and let my muscles mould around his thickness.

Fuck! I think I was going to cu...

Ding...The bell rang. 

He pulled out.

“Do any of you think you were with your partner?” Grace asked.

Gomez raised his hand and lowered it in embarrassment when Grace told him no.

The bell rang again...Ding...and this time I had Gomez.

Even though Gomez was well endowed, he could not compare to my beloved Eric. Gomez's thrusting manner was irregular and jerky. I hate to say it, but I was actually bored. I looked over at Eric as my head pounded on the table and saw that this time he was with Sex Kitten. This was the first time I have seen him have sex not a blowie as that wasn’t sex, was it? with another woman.

I studied his gorgeous body and his rhythm. This is why I loved him. I could not fault the bastard in the way he made love. 

God, isn’t this two minutes ever going to end?

Ding...The bell rang. 

Thank god! 

No-one owned up this time about their partner. I think Gomez’s embarrassment made the other men cautious.

Ding...

Eric’s turn. He ran his hands down my thighs and when he got to the knees, he lifted my left leg above his shoulder and let the right one hang off the edge of the table, using that leg for support. As he rubbed my clit he slowly slid into me.

To my left I heard someone come. 

I reached behind me and grabbed the table as Eric began to thrust harder and deeper as he squeezed my legs bringing me both pain and pleasure.

Now someone on my right came.

Eric twisted his body slightly and with the next full thrust, found my G-Spot. My eyes began to roll to the back of my head and again I was about to come when...

Ding...The bell rang. 

“Anyone want to guess?” Grace asked.

This time Eric raised his hand and smiled his adorable smile when he was told he was right.

Sex Kitten, Gomez, Morticia and the Doctor were now out of the game. So that left just Nurse, Slave, Eric and myself.

As the guys swapped places and lubed up, I glanced quickly to see what Slave had to offer. He was of average size but had a forty five angle bend to his uncircumcised cock. Interesting.

Ding...

If this was any other place and we could vary our positions, I think I could have fallen in love with Slave. His bent cock in the right position would be the best cock ever for the G-Spot! But now, here, it was pretty useless. I felt like twisting my body slightly or even completely on the side so it would feel somewhat normal but had to restrain myself as that was against the rules. Sitting or on your back only, Grace had told us. 

The table rocked under us as both men rammed their cocks into me and Nurse. And then I heard,‘Oh fuck’. 

Eric pulled out and started stroking his cock as his semen shot in out in a big arch, drizzling down to little pump motions, then nothing.

Just then, Slave pulled out and came over my lower stomach. He and I had won this game.

We all got dressed and waited for Grace to tally up the scores.

“The winner for tonight is,” Grace studied the clip board, “with a whopping three points, The Paper Bag Man.”

“How did you know it was me?” I whispered to him, wrapping my arms around him.

“Easy. You have a little risen mole near your left knee and I just felt for that,” he whispered back.

“Can we pick a couple, Eric, please, pretty please Snookie,” I pleaded.

“Sorry Babe, but I’m knackered,” he said.

“Fuck you then asshole,” I mumbled under my breath. Whether he heard me or not, I don’t care.

We strolled over the table and examined the contents. Eric chose the We-Vibe for me. It is a vibrator that you could wear inside and out at the same time, even have sex with it still inside you as well as his cock so he could feel it too.

I of course wanted the Doctor. Never know, considering what happened the first part of the night, I might be using the We-Vibe more than using Eric. Selfish prick.

As the other couples swapped partners, we decided to leave after promising to return the following week, and then the week after, and the week after that...well, you get the picture. As long as it doesn’t interfere with my Bingo nights, we’ll be there, we told her.

After we got home, we were in the Kitchen discussing the night’s events over a cup of tea before hitting the sack when I asked him, “Eric, what is the scariest moment you have experienced on Halloween”

“Last year when I rolled over and opened my eyes and saw you” he teased. Well, I hope it was teasing.

“Be serious!” I said as I punched him in the arm.

“Never been scared and that’s the truth. Halloween is just for kids.”

“Well, how about this,” I paused for effect, “Remember before when I said I wasn’t pregnant. I lied. I am. Twins. Congrats Daddy,” I said.

“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH,” was the last thing Eric screamed before he hit the floor in a dead feint. And that’s where I left him and went to bed.

Happy Halloween everyone! Please be kind and leave a comment as I would love to hear what you think. Just remember this is meant to be a humorous/satire piece. XOXOXO