As I’m driving home, I’m dreading seeing Ethan right now. I know he’ll be awake, and after eating Taniyah, watching her cum and tasting every bit of it, I’m aching for my own release. Aaaand since I’m crossfaded, even looking at him could be bad. I drive slowly, cruising the wet streets. The clouds finally let out and it’s sprinkling rain.

When I pull up to the house, I see a light on and sigh. At least Nicole isn’t here. I drag myself from my Nissan and walk to the door. Coming through to the kitchen, I hear Ethan downstairs on the XBox. I set my shit down on the counter and shake my head. I need to drink some more. I think there’s still some Crown left. I pull out the liquor and find some Coke in the fridge.

I drink a couple ounces and it doesn’t take long before I feel warm inside. I want to smoke again. And that joint outside Aaliyah’s house earlier was wonderful. I don’t smoke outside all that often, so I set out to roll a J and smoke in the rain. I feel as though the alcohol’s given me courage to tell Ethan to fuck off if shit gets crazy, so I head downstairs.

When I reach the bottom step, Ethan looks over his shoulder and back to the TV.

“What’s up?” He asks.

“Not a damn thing. Drinkin a little. Gonna smoke a little,” I reply and plop on the couch. I grab the wooden box on the coffee table and take out my bag of weed and the papers.

“Rolling a joint?” He asks pressing buttons on the controller.

“It would appear so,” I reply, preparing my paper between my fingers. He doesn’t say anything else as I sprinkle in weed, roll the paper and fold over the end, licking it to seal my work. I look it over and nod in approval. Not bad for being already fucked up. Go me. I stand up and head upstairs without a word. When I reach the door to the back yard through the dining room, I leave it open a crack and head to a chair. Thank God we have a covered patio. Rain be dousting out my joint.

I sit down and check my pockets. Fuck me. Just like me to forget a lighter right now. I hear a creak and look to the door.

“Need a light?” Ethan asks, stepping through. I sigh and look at my joint.

“If I were superman, your hospitality would be unnecessary,” I reply, and he laughs, handing me the lighter.

"Laser vision?"

"Exactly," I say and light the joint.

“Mind if I join you?” He asks. What the hell, he’s behaved himself so far. I motion to the seat next to me.

“By all means,” I say when my artwork is cherried, and he sits. I hand him back his lighter, taking a large rip, then pass him the J.

He hits it and exhales, “I didn’t know it was raining.” I nod my head, looking out to the dark, dripping clouds wringing out more water than before.

“It’s nice,” I reply as he hands me back the joint. We sit in silence for a minute.

“So why you drinking? Don’t you work tomorrow?” Ethan asks me as I puff again. I shrug.

"Cause I do what I want. No, I'm just kidding." He laughs. “I was at Aaliyah’s and we were drinking wine. I brought a joint over there that Taniyah and I smoked, but when I got home I just...” Didn’t want to face you. “..Wanted to get more crossfaded I guess. Take my mind off shit.” I smile at him and hand him the joint. I’m getting more stoned and it’s mixing with the liquor quite well.

“Take your mind off what?” He asks, seemingly uninterested. I mull over telling him the entire truth or just part of it. I decide on part of it. No need to ruin a good joint making bad conversation about female blue balls.

So I say, “Taniyah.”

He's silent for a moment then asks, "what about Taniyah?” ...Wow, I must be drunk. What in the hell made me think I could say that and not talk about my downstairs situation? I should have lied and said work, or the freakishly healthy groceries I bought earlier or rising sea levels or some shit. I hit the joint, well fuck.

“She came onto me when Aaliyah fell asleep. We were smoking and she kissed me. So I ate her out, made her cum, then she had to go,” I reply and look over to him through half-open stoner eyes. Ethan’s looking at me, frozen, only moving again when I hand him the joint. He hits it still looking at me..me looking at him, then looks away to the rain again. I tear my eyes from his face after a moment. His very well-chiseled face.

“Why’d she have to leave?” He asks.

“She had to work early," I reply, not bothering to mention Erica, and how Taniyah seems like she's hurting. I take back the joint and hit it again.

“Gotcha,” he nods in reply. “So she just..left you hangin?” He asks. I don’t look at him, watching the smoke leave my mouth and twirl up into the dark sky.

“Yeah,” I reply solemnly. I’m afraid of what he’ll say next. The apex of my thighs is throbbing thinking about, yet again, what I just did. And knowing --no matter how much I deny it-- that I want to fuck the man sitting next to me. To climb onto his lap and pull his hair. Feel his hands on my waist and ride him….I twitch and push my thighs together. I look over at him and he’s watching me.

“Do you need help?” He asks quietly, cautiously. Hoolyyy shiiit.

I know he’s not an idiot. I’ve made it clear all week how much I disapprove of our previous actions. But he knows I’m horny, and I couldn’t deny him last time I gave him the chance. For all I know, he’s dying to fuck me, too. The way his hands have touched me, like he loves getting me off. And the last kiss he gave me. I tried to ignore the butterflies I had gotten right before Nicole came home from work Monday morning, but it was there. Feeling. Both of us feeling something, though I have no idea what it is. We can't be falling for each other. That’s...crazy and wrong and pathetic. But it's evident to us both that we thoroughly enjoy fucking each other. We go so well together. The fact that he wants to please me so much and take me how he wants it...my insides are burning just pondering it. I think this over in a matter of seconds.

“Shut the fuck up, Ethan,” I reply, flick the roach, and stand up. As I walk to the door he takes my wrist, already standing behind me, and pulls me back.

“Don’t tell me to shut up,” he says looking down at me. His skin touching mine makes me tingle and I just get angrier.

“Ethan, we can’t do this! What’s the matter with you? We can’t just.. fuck whenever your wife isn’t home. What happened; it’s done. Let’s not make this any harder than it has to be.” I twist my arm free and turn again for the door.

"Chanel, wait.” He grabs my elbow this time and pulls me back again.

“Ethan!”

"Nicole cheated on me!" He spits and I freeze. My eyebrows knit together as I watch his face. It changes from intent to pained.

"God...She’s been fucking some guy every time she goes to her sister’s to plan for that fucking wedding, and I know Amber doesn’t like me, but she found some other ‘great guy’ for Nicole, trying to be a bitch, and she fucking fell for it.” Ethan releases my arm and runs his hands through his hair, sighing loudly.

“She’s fucked him the last two times she went there. She told me about him at first, that he’s gonna be the best man, and she’s Amber’s maid of honor so they, of course, spend fucking time together," he says, with venom in his voice I’ve never heard before.

“I found messages in her fucking phone a couple weeks ago. I finally confronted her two days ago. I didn't know how to..fuck, I didn't know what to say. And at first she tried to deny it. God, I’ve never been so angry.” He turns his back to me and takes a few steps rubbing his face with his hands. I stare at him, suddenly longing to comfort him, but stay frozen to the ground, offering comfort as an ear to listen.

“I should have fucking known her sister was gonna pull some shit like this. But I had no idea I couldn’t trust Nicole! Four years wasted.” This conversation is sobering, my inebriated level dropping drastically. Ethan shakes his head, and after a moment, paces back to me.

“I haven’t told anyone. I didn’t know what to do. And then...I made a move on you. Which I didn’t think would happen in a million years. But sitting with you every night, realizing how much I’m attracted to you. I didn’t let myself think of you like that before. Then I just...wanted you. Wanted you to help me forget. And when you finally let me fuck you..” He trails off shaking his head. I’m going over the last two weeks in my head through his eyes. Fuck.

He looks at me as I’m still processing this new information. Of course I was pissed that he wanted a squeeze on the side..and that I liked it so much. But I had no idea this was happening. I didn’t know he was hurting this way.

“I’m so sorry.” Is all I can muster as a response. I know that doesn’t begin to cover it, but this situation is so fucked up, I can’t even think. He steps closer to me, standing right in front of me, and pulls my chin up.

“I’m sorry Chanel. For everything. It was wrong of me to put you in this situation. And I know I’ve made it quantifiably more difficult by being with you, but...now I don’t want to stop. Part of me was hoping you’d tell me you didn’t want me that first time, so I could give up and deal with my shit like a man. But I could see you wanted me, too. And being with you....does make me feel like a man again. Like I can control something around me. Not that I want to control you. God, this is coming out wrong.” He releases my chin to run a hand through his dark brown hair again.

With all these new revelations, the first thing I want to address is his pain. Because above everything else, we're still friends, and I can't not comfort him.

"Ethan, I can't believe she'd do that to you. God that's fucked up...that bitch." He scoffs, a small smile on his lips. "Did she tell you why?" I ask gently. He's looking out at the rain shaking his head.

"Just some bullshit about how we're growing apart," he mumbles. Before I can ask another question, he turns to me. "God I loved her, you know? Now I can't even fucking look at her," he says in aggravation. My heart constricts at his voice and matching expression, tainted by that cunt who crushed his heart. What mentally healthy woman would cheat on Ethan? He's the whole package.

"But Chanel, thank you. For getting my mind off this shit. I'd rather think about you than all this fucking drama." Aannnd I have to stop him there.

"Ethan, don't thank me. God, I mean, I guess in a really fucked up way there's a thin silver lining on this very dark cloud we've created. But that's the point; there is a dark cloud. What she did doesn't justify what we did. I've spent the last week and a half thinking I was a fucking home wrecker. I didn't know this shit was going on. I mean still, that's just fucked up, and two wrongs definitely don't make a right. But what we did...that's not me. That's not who I want to be."

"I don't want to be that either, Chanel. I was faithful to her every minute we were together. But the moment I found those messages...it was over for me. There's nothing she can say to me to fix what she's done. So ultimately, you were never stepping between us. That was my decision."

"Why didn’t you tell me all this before?” I ask sharply. He sighs.

“I wasn’t ready to--”

“You were ready to fuck me," I cut in.

“Yeah..I guess I was. To be honest, part of me liked you not knowing. I didn’t have to talk about it..and it was...really fucking hot, I can’t lie. Sneaking around with you.” I scoff and look at him, a hint of a smile playing at his lips. How naughty. I can’t believe this. All this new information, and now knowing I’m not as much of a bad guy as I’ve been fearing. I can’t believe she’d do that to him. But I still fucked him without knowing their marriage was falling apart. I’m still a villain. And I still hate myself, because none of this has made me want him, physically, any less. I sigh heavily.

"Yeah..I'm with you to a point," I grudgingly confess. "I like..being physical with you too. Probably more than I should. You fuck me better than--” I contort my face to stop the words, this is probably too much. I shake my head and look away.

“Better than what?” He asks.

“Nothing,” I reply and hang my head.

“Tell me, Chanel,” he responds, trying to move his face in front of mine.

“Better than I’ve ever had, ok?” I snap, looking back at him. He doesn’t say anything, but his eyes are searching my face. A little shocked..but almost..happy? Fuck. I sigh again and turn away.

“Chanel..I...fuck. I like hearing you say that," he says through what sounds like reluctance. I peek at him from the corner of my eye. This just gets better and better. He takes a deep breath.

“Nicole’s leaving again in the morning. Some of her shit’s already packed. I offered to leave, but she’d rather go back to Amber’s," he says the last part through his teeth.

“I know what we did was wrong. What Nicole did was wrong. And nothing can ever make it right. And I am sorry, I don't want to be the reason you hate yourself. Quite the opposite actually. So if you trust me...if part of you still wants me, I’m dying to give it to you. I love fucking you. And just now, when you were talking about..yeah," he says, still standing at my side. I look at him and his cheeks are pink. Ethan blushing? I can't help the smile that tugs at my lips. A sight I've never seen, and it makes me want to squeal like a schoolgirl because he's so cute.

My body high has slightly returned, and my night can get considerably better if I give in. Fuck him without guilt? My hands twitch at the thought. That's like a whole new level of Chanel and Ethan waiting to be explored.

“So are we really doing this?” I ask quietly, aching to get off at my own words. Knowing there’s a chance it will be him and not my hand, my insides are doing somersaults. He smiles widely, showing all of his neat white teeth.

“Only if you want to," he answers. I turn my body toward him, leaning my head back to look in his big green eyes. The patter of rain is getting louder on the patio roof as I decide what to do. I could wait until everything’s final, that would certainly be more.. customary . But what would that mean? We’d be..seeing each other? Ugh this is stupid. It’s just sex. I look down and hook a finger in the loop of his jeans, my other hand pinching his shirt and I gently pull. He grabs my face in his large hands, licks his lips and starts kissing me. Slowly. His lips move with mine until I feel the tip of his tongue graze my lip.

My hands find his waist and I pull him at his lower back. I feel his muscle beneath my fingers and I fist his shirt. Finally, his tongue touches mine and I hum, though after a moment I pull away slightly.

“And it’s over?” I need to hear it again.

“Yes, it’s over," he replies against my mouth with the utmost conviction.

“Then fuck me.” My words ring with authority and without waiting another moment, he kisses me hard. One hand on the back of my head, the other on my ass, he squeezes me, pulling me hard to him. I’m standing on my tiptoes to reach his face. I fucking love how tall he is. With his mouth on mine, suddenly he’s moving. I barely walk backward and feel the side of the house at my back. He’s kissing me and undoing my jeans simultaneously. In a heartbeat he’s yanked them down and I wiggle the rest of my way out, kicking off my shoes, and reach for the top of his jeans. We’re gracefully chaotic, pressed against each other, grabbing at articles of clothing. I pull down his zipper and easily find his huge, hard dick inside. When I let it free and grab it, he lets out a moan from the back of his throat and pulls me up by my ass. I don’t need to wrap my legs around him, held up by his infallible strength.

Not a moment of hesitation from either of us, he finds my opening and lowers me on. I gasp as his head enters.

“I like when you’re impatient," he says, kneading my ass.

“I need to cum,” I confess in a longing voice and he smiles. I’ve been wet for the last hour and it’s evident. My forehead pressed to his, hands around his neck, I take in the moment. This is so fucking hot. He’s completely dressed, dick making it’s way inside me while my bottom half is completely naked, up against the house while it’s pouring. Oh yeah. I feel good from the weed, and physically I can feel everything. His strong warm hands gripping my ass. The heels of my feet pressed against denim. The panels at my back and his head resting against mine as his cock slides deeper.

I moan, eyebrows pinched, and look him in the eyes while he stares back. Not something I normally do, but I couldn’t give a shit less right now. I’m so fucking excited, I don’t need to be warmed up. I need to cum. The feeling of his flesh against mine is incredible, the sheer size of him, and when he finally reaches my back wall, my eyes flutter shut. Oh my God, I could cum right now. I muster as much self control as I’m capable of though, and hold on for just a little longer. It can't be over yet. This feeling of teetering on the edge...I don’t want it to end. I tighten my body --the growing tingling nearly uncontrollable-- and he moves me up and back down. I moan loudly and lean my head back. He does it again and I shiver as I feel his pelvis jerk towards me.

“You really love fucking me?” I ask in a whisper, recalling his earlier words. I want to hear him talk.

“I love fucking you Chanel," he groans without reservations into my neck. He’s sliding me up and down, hips meeting my own and I moan again.

“Say my name again,” I ask as I inch a little closer to my climax. This feeling of controlling it is amazing, knowing I could tip off the edge any second. Him filling up every inch of me. God this is all I’ve wanted since the last time we fucked.

“Chanel,” he whispers against my ear. I claw the material over his shoulders and start moving my hips.

“Oh fuck,” I cry out and he pushes me down harder. We start moving faster and I moan on every thrust.

“Chanel," he says again, grunting out my name, hands tightening around my waist. I can’t hold on much longer, and he knows it too. He lifts and lowers me faster and harder.

“Cum for me baby,” he says, and on command, I let go. I’m saying every bad word I can muster as my hips buck against him. I’m cumming so hard, this was built up way too long. He gradually keeps his pace letting me enjoy my release, and slows as I do. I’m panting hard, my head resting against his shoulder when my body finally goes completely limp.