My name is Sarah. I am a thirty-eight year old married mother of two kids. You will notice I did not say happily married because that would be inaccurate, although I'm not unhappily married. Like so many women my age, we are just treading water and just a little bit bored with life. At this point there must be a little more to life than raising kids and having my husband ignore me.

Oh, don't get me wrong. He does his fatherly duties by taking our kids to their games or attending school functions. He pays the bills on time and occasionally takes me to dinner, but I wouldn't say he wines and dines me. I get the customary flowers on our anniversary if he remembers. 

As for sex, he's a prude. Sex with him isn't exciting. It's the same old routine we've done over and over again for years. He sucks my nipples for a few minutes, touches my clit and shoves a finger or two in my pussy. If he feels I'm wet enough, in he goes for a dozen strokes and then it's over, mostly in the missionary position.

He never suggests trying something new but when I try to be creative, he says, "Sarah, I don't need a whore in bed, just a loving wife." The truth is he just uses me to satisfy himself every so often.

There is little value in going on about my husband, who is married to his work or the many business trips that keeps him away from home, but it is easy to see that I'm not a high priority in his life. I'm not looking for sympathy here, just an understanding of my situation as I ventured into the unknown. I wanted more out of life and I primarily wanted to find out who I am, especially my sexuality. Had I missed out on those intense intimate experiences that shape a woman's self-worth providing the satisfaction she craves?

What follows is a long journey, with a few detours, to discover or rediscover the inner sexual woman that had been concealed so long by being a good wife and mother. Questions about my desirability as a middle age woman lingered in my head ever since the birth of our second child. I also had to find out if sex would fill the emptiness I felt or if I really enjoyed sex. It wasn't clear to me if looking outside our home for new sexual experiences would reveal a new me, a desirable me.

I had to move out of my comfort zone to find out. Perhaps an affair with the attractive neighbor would satisfy my yearning, but an affair with someone we know is risky. Dirk, the next door neighbor, made it clear he was available during last year's New Years Eve party. He is one of our closest friends. Dirk said he had something private to ask me so we went in the bedroom to talk in private. His hands were all over me. Basically, he wanted to fuck me.

Actually, I was interested but after all, I'm good friends with his wife. I couldn't. I just couldn't. I gave him a strong, 'no', straightened my hair and left the room. Maybe that was a mistake but I'll never know. Later I learned that Dirk had been fucking our neighbor, Maggie, for the past year and a half. There are no secrets in our tiny community.

There had to be something more to learning about my sexual self than having casual sex with a neighbor. I had to discover what else was out there.

Let's back up for a moment and look at my past experiences. I grew up in an upper middle class town outside of Cleveland, Ohio and didn't start having my period until just before my fifteenth birthday. That was a lot later than most of the girls, so in a sense, I was a late bloomer.

During high school, I dated a few different boys but none were serious. I wasn't the most popular girl in high school but I had a pretty face with an attractive body. The boys asked me out on dates and I went to all of the proms. I probably was known as a bit of a prude since I was still a virgin in my senior year.

By the age of seventeen, my breasts were fully developed and my 36D boobs were attracting lots of attention from the boys. That's the good news because with each date I was feeling sexy and confident. However, I was also experiencing raging hormones along with horrible cramps. I was known at home as the unbearable "Mood Princess." Our family pediatrician suggested I take birth control pills to help correct the hormonal imbalance and tame the cramps. It worked but it seemed ironic for a virgin to be on the pill.

The summer after high school graduation I had a serious boyfriend. That's the summer I became sexually active.

Like I said, I was a late bloomer especially in comparison to most of my girlfriends. They lost their virginity in our sophomore and junior years. Some of them had long time boyfriends, others did not. Kimberly was one of the girls who dated everyone, especially guys on the football team. It seemed to be Kim's mission to motivate the players.

There was a rumor going around school that at a Friday night "team" party, she did the entire starting backfield, plus three guys that had graduated a year earlier. It was only a rumor, but then Kimberly had a well known reputation as the school slut. Hey, she did the school a much needed service. The football team won our conference that year for the first time in school history.

On a side note, Kimberly showed up at our twentieth class reunion at the Marriott this fall dressed in a silver mini-skirt showing off her attractive thighs. It was embarrassing go see her flaunt her ass with a skirt that barely covered it. The blouse she wore was chosen to reveal more than just cleavage but enough of her boobs to speculate they might fall out of the garment. We all wondered how she could walk on those six inch stiletto heels but she managed. Basically, Kimberly could have just pinned a 'fuck me' sign on her back.

Kim had been divorced twice and was now on her third husband, but he wasn't at the reunion. She was free to engage our classmates in small talk but males only, of course. She laughed at all the men's jokes but they were insincere with an obvious intention to attract attention. A few people said they saw her take two men up to her room after the party, but it was just another salacious rumor about Kimberly. Let's just say it wasn't my husband.

I was eighteen in the summer after high school graduation. My first time with a boy was in June, actually June 25th. A girl remembers a thing like that, so I remember it really well. My boyfriend was over to the house when my parents were out to dinner and a movie. We were on the couch watching a dumb action video and of course, we were making out big time.

He started playing with my fully ripe tits but that wasn't new. He had fondled me almost from the time we met. This time he had my bra off and was sucking on my nipples. That was new. We were breaking new ground, as the saying goes, and I loved it. This turned me on more than anything we had tried before.

Then it was my turn to do something new, so I reached down to touch the bulge between his legs. I felt the hardness through his jeans but I didn't stop there. Unzipping his pants and putting my hand inside the zipper, he immediately understood I wanted more. He said something like, pull it out and suck it. He wanted a blow job and I wanted desperately to try it.

My hand searched inside his fly for an opening in his briefs to release his captive cock. It sprung loose like a jack-in-the-box. Seeing a boy's erection up close like that was kind of overwhelming. Looking at its size made me catch my breath. There were veins on different parts of his organ that I had never seen in the porn movies the girls watched at sleepovers. The thing was hard and had a tiny slit at the tip with a little drop of moisture. My heart was pounding. I didn't really understand it all.

The boy (his name was Billy Joe) took off my blouse, so I was naked from the waist up. I felt a special excitement by being half naked in front of a boy for the first time. My hand caressed his firm penis and there was more of that moisture oozing out of the tip. Feeling a guy's penis gave me a sensual feeling, something that was thrilling but scary.

My head was reeling and filled with lust. Billy Joe's cock stood straight out like a soldier at attention and he pushed my head down to meet his erection. "Go down on it, Sarah. Just put it in your mouth," he pleaded.

Giving guys blow jobs is what my girlfriends kept talking about so it seemed to be the normal thing for a girl to do. I finally got the nerve to touch it with my lips and tongue, then put him in my mouth.

When I did that, Billy Joe heaved his hips off the sofa forcing his prick deeper into my mouth. He held my head showing me how to bob up and down, careful not to let my teeth get in the way. I could taste his precum oozing into my mouth and was surprised at the salty flavor. Billy Joe kept pushing my head down wanting me to take in his full length. Each time I tried to take his shaft deeper into my throat, I could do nothing more than gag. Other than that I got into the rhythm of giving him a nice blow job, my first.

I stopped to give him a kiss and that seemed to be the signal for him to remove my skirt and panties. I sat naked on the couch without shame as the movie came to an end. We really didn't notice when the screen went blank and by this time, Billy Joe had stripped off his jeans and briefs. The sight of a naked boy in front of me with an huge erection aimed toward my pussy sent urges inside of me that were overwhelming; all I could think about was getting him inside me.

This was it. I was going to have sex with a boy for the first time. The anticipation was almost too much. He spread my legs apart and did something unexpected.

I just thought he was going to put his cock in my pussy but no, he put his head down there and started licking my private parts. I felt tingles that I'd never experienced before and kept saying, "Oh that is so nice Billy Joe. Don't stop, don't stop."

This was so new and as my orgasm was building toward a climax. I remember a feeling so powerful that I wanted it forever. He sensed my passion and moved to place his cock head at the entrance of my vagina. With his hard shaft, he rubbed my pussy lips before pushing it in. Slowly he started to enter me and at first I felt a jolt of pain. I looked down and could see he was only partly inside so I wondered if there would be more pain when he went all the way in.

There was no doubt that I was wet enough to accommodate the full length of his manhood but would it hurt? Little by little he pressed in until his cock disappeared between my legs. There was no pain and in fact, feeling my love canal being filled with his hardness was wonderful. I never could have imagined such fulfillment.

Billy Joe continued to work his magic wand inside me, moving slowly at first, then faster, faster, faster, slithering in and out of my sopping pussy. I could feel the warmth of my orgasm coming on and wondered how long it took for a man to cum. I didn't know if it was okay if I came before him or we were supposed to cum together.

It didn't take much longer for Billy Joe to empty himself deep inside my love box with multiple hot spurts that never seemed to end. His spasms pushed me over the edge and onto a wonderful climax. I didn't know guys came with so many ejaculations and with so much semen. Billy Joe finally softened and pulled out even though I wanted him in there forever. It was my turn to ooze because Billy Joe's juices trickled down my thighs making wet spots on my parents' sofa.

Billy Joe was exhausted and I felt as I had never felt before. Was this what happened to guys after sex, leaving girls energized with an afterglow of satisfaction? I learned the answer during the summer months ahead. Anyway, this was so much better than secretly masturbating in my bed.

Later that evening when my parents arrived home, my mom asked if we were eating in the living room. I said, "No. Why?" Of course, it wasn't the kind of eating my mom was referring to.

"Well there is a food stain on the couch," she said. But I knew it wasn't a food stain. It was a cum stain and maybe a spot of my virgin blood.

Some girls' first sexual experience are somewhere between terrible and okay. Mine was a ten. Having been on the pill, I had no fear of getting pregnant and was good to go again. Billy Joe and I did it again and again that summer before leaving for college. It helped when the girls got together to talk about sex and sometimes we watched porn videos. I learned a lot from the girls and the vids.

I was feeling more confident than ever and enjoyed having sex more each time. There were so many great nights with Billy Joe. We fucked wherever and whenever we had a chance and that was most of the summer. We couldn't get enough of each other, fucking ourselves silly. I was so happy that summer and never wanted it to end. I no longer was a girl. I was a woman!

Billy Joe and I went our separate ways heading for different colleges. Over the first semester, we hardly kept in touch and finally we lost track of each other.

College sex was recreational sex. It was all about hooking up for a one night stand or maybe a month long fling but nothing really developed into a romantic relationship. Most of the guys just wanted to get their rocks off in a girl. We girls were trying to prove our seductiveness and develop a certain sexual self-esteem. Good sex requires confidence on the part of both partners and we college girls were getting more confident each day.

None of the girls I knew in college left as a virgin and most with a very strong set of skills to please the boys. No one got pregnant because the college health services department was very accommodating, explaining how to use the contraceptive methods they provided.

One of my friends began acting in porn videos and asked if I wanted to join. She claimed she was doing it for tuition money. I said, "No, I don't need the money." I think one of the frat guys got her into it and we saw him fucking her in one of the vids. Anyway, it was fun to watch people we knew fucking on screen. It felt like voyeurism.

I met my husband, Ted, in a singles bar shortly after college. We hooked up for a one night stand. He didn't call back the next day or even for over a month. Ted said he had been out of town but, come on, he could have called. He eventually got in touch and wanted to go out for dinner (read "sex") so we met again.

We had an affair for about six months and it seemed time for him to propose. He didn't. I moved in with him a month later and expected the ring. It didn't appear. Finally, I said, "Ted, I'm tired of being your friend with benefits. Either we get married or I'm out of here."

We married and by the time I was in my thirties, we had two lovely kids. One is a ten year old girl and our boy is eight. I love them dearly.

As I said, now I'm thirty-eight and need more in my life. My first step was to see what was happening outside of raising kids and baking cookies for the PTA. At the grocery store I picked up a copy of Cosmopolitan. That's a magazine that includes articles like, "20 Sexual Positions That Are Sure To Please Him." The ideas were stimulating, but Ted wasn't going along with it.

The Internet has several marvelous websites dedicated to sexual themes. I spent a lot of time exploring stories written by regular people like me. It was surprising to read so many stories written by women. I was like a kid in a candy shop reading stories about all kinds of sexual situations. Living vicariously through the stories made me feel as though time was passing me by.

Housewives in my situation posted questions and responses on forums and I discovered I wasn't alone feeling sexually unfulfilled. Lots of women my age are trying to find out about their sexuality or rediscover it in a variety of ways. Many were bi-sexual and told of interesting experiences with both men and women.

After a week of browsing, I decided to take a half dozen nude pictures of myself, you know, selfies, and post them in my photo album at one of the sites. None of them were overly explicit but more on the artsy side. I wanted to see if people thought I was sexy.

Wow! What a great place to show my naughty side. The response was fantastic. There are so many supportive people online and I gained lots of self-confidence.

One guy wrote that I was his fantasy fuck. Another said I looked like Salma Hayek. Someone wrote that I was his sex kitten and he loved my tits. Everyone was so kind. I got messages asking me where I lived so we could hook up. Many of those requests were from women. Others wanted to do online chats. The chats were mostly guys getting themselves off after a few sexual exchanges. It reminded me of the adolescent guys in college.

A gentleman by the name of Hardman wanted to Skype and have cyber sex. What was that all about? Well, it's like virtual sex where people can visually see each other pleasuring themselves.

I said no at first. Hardman persisted and after a few days I decided, why not? It took me a couple of days to figure out how Skype worked. Hardman talked me through it and finally we set a time when Ted was taking the kids to the movies. I always enjoyed those private times, but this would be something special.

Cyber was a little awkward at first but once I got the hang of it, I was ready to play. He told me what he wanted and I acted shy. He took off his shirt and asked me what I thought about his abs. I lied and said, "Sexy," although he was a bit overweight.

He asked me to take off my blouse then my bra. I took my time about it and imagined being a seductive whore. Like most men, he was proud of his cock so he showed me his erection and began masturbating. It might have been the camera angle or the lighting but he seemed kind of small.

He complimented me on my breasts and asked me to play with them. After that he wanted a close-up of my pussy asking me to touch my clit. Then Hardman had me finger fuck myself. I obliged making the sounds of a climaxing female.

So there we were undressed and pretending to be having sex. It was just acting to me. The point is, I was looking for something different and this was different so I went along with the masturbation play.

We watched each other in the split screen as he wanked off and I continued massaging my clit and fingering my pussy. Hardman asked me if I had a dildo. Of course, I did. I got it out of the bedside table and gave him a show, first licking and sucking my toy then slowly letting it enter my vagina trying to copy things I had seen in porn videos.

This did the trick and soon he splashed his cum onto the computer screen. You don't have to have a big cock to have and enormous ejaculation like that. I didn't have an orgasm but was dripping wet when we went off line. After all, I was basically acting without feeling any sexual connection to the computer image or the man. 

Ted wasn't going to satisfy my cravings, so I grabbed my dildo and finished the job in the privacy of my own bed before Ted returned with the kids.

(Sarah's sexual adventures continues in Chapter Two)