We didn't speak in the police car. When we arrived back at the trailer, the awkward, tense silence between us continued. I grabbed a bottle of water from the refrigerator and wished it was a beer, but gulped it down. I was lost in my thoughts and relieved that the charges had been dropped, but also uncertain what I was feeling about Carla.
Hiding from the police had a certain excitement, but it also brought complications that I didn't need or want. I knew I needed a change and wanted perspective. I wanted to get as far away from my life in Maine and Philadelphia as I could. That's why I hopped in my truck and took off a month or so earlier. I remembered loving Kerouac's On the Road
and that inspired me to see where Route Sixty-six would take me. Drifting from one town to the next, taking one day at a time, meeting different people, being responsible for myself and no one else was the change I needed. I wanted the freedom of being a loner and not have to think about responsibilities or expectations.
But here I was sitting in my trailer with Carla after helping her run away. I wondered if I should unravel myself from this relationship, get on with my original plan and chalk taking Carla as a big mistake, then remembered reading somewhere, There are no mistakes, only lessons.
“What now?” Carla finally asked, breaking the tense silence.
“Good question.” I took a deep breath.
She smiled when I said that which surprised me. Why is she smiling?
I wondered. I noticed her dimples, her sweet blue eyes, her hair in a ponytail. She was wearing a green tank top and jeans. Damn, she's beautiful.
Then her smile disappeared and she leaned forward. “Josh, I'm so sorry I got you involved in my crazy life. I didn't think it would turn out like this. I said you wouldn't be sorry for taking me with you and I didn't mean just sex. It was more than that.”
I listened and could see her struggling to explain. I remembered how tense and shy she was when we first met at the farm, how she responded to my seductive words, and then unleashed her passionate sexuality. I loved her wildness, once it was released. I remembered how she took me up to her room on the pretext of seeing photos of her horse and we made love on her bedroom floor, how she came to me in the middle of the night in the barn and we fucked like crazy, then she begged me to take her with me. Suddenly, I wondered if I was the one being seduced.
She leaned back and smiled again. Her blue eyes gazed into mine. Why is she looking at me like that?
“I believe you're sorry, but why are you smiling and what do you mean it was more than sex?”
“I'm smiling because I know you better than you think I do. I know you're afraid.”
“You do? What am I afraid of?”
“You're afraid of love, of letting someone into your life, of caring for someone other than yourself.”
“Is that what you think?” I chuckled.
“Yes and that's why you're putting up this wall. It's like an armor. You took me with you because you felt my need and you wanted to save me and be a hero. You were kind, but you won't let go of the armor. You're hiding just like I was.”
“No it isn't.”
“Yes it is, I'm no hero. I don't know why I took you with me, but it was a mistake. I told you I'm a loner and that's what I want to be.”
“I know it was hard for you to help me run away, but you did. You did it despite not really wanting to, but you took a chance.”
“It's true, I wanted to help you run away, and now I don't know what I want. What I do know is I want to get to Bolinas and not have any hassles.”
“I'm good for you, Josh.”
“Is that so?”
“Yes. Just like you released me, I can release you. We're good for each other. I know it. That's what I
mean it's more than sex. You're the one who has to let go and open up who you are.”
I sat back in my seat and didn't know what to say. We were quiet, but she was smiling at me like she knew something I didn't.
“You didn't just come into my life, Josh. I came into yours. You came to the ranch to make some money, and I showed up to help my grandfather and we met. You saw what I needed, but I also saw what you needed. We're a lot alike and I know we're good for each other. It might have been luck that you showed up on the ranch, but maybe it wasn't. Sometimes things happen that we can't explain.”
I knew she was talking about fate, something I didn't believe in, but I didn't say anything and let her continue.
"All I know is I was keeping so much anger and pain in I couldn't breathe. I was suffocating. I knew I was living a lie and you knew it too. You saw me, but I saw you too. I was hiding my sexuality, my desires, my fantasies, my spirit and you knew it, but I saw you running away from something you were afraid to face. Josh, we're on the same page. Don't be afraid to love me.”
I closed my eyes and thought about what she was saying. Was I afraid of love, of opening myself up? Was I hiding? Were we really on the same page? She came from a strict, religious home with expectations to finish college and become an accountant for her Uncle Charley? She was the classic good girl, but was repressing her sexuality and desire to let go and be free. I grew up with the opposite.
I had liberal, progressive parents and was given the freedom to express myself, but there was also the expectations to live a certain upper middle class lifestyle that valued financial success and security. I rebelled and argued with my parents. I didn't want to be part of the consumer-oriented society which I knew was built on the exploitation of cheap labor in third world countries. I was afraid of being trapped in the materialistic world of my parents and knew Carla was right—as opposite as we were, we were on the same page. We were both searching for a way to be ourselves and not what others expected.
When she reached across the table and took my hand, she jarred me out of my thoughts. I looked at her leaning forward and gazing into my eyes.
“Don't be afraid. Take me with you to Bolinas. You won't be sorry.”
She was melting my hard heart. What anger I was feeling was being replaced with tenderness. She was seeing my hidden self just as I had seen hers.
Suddenly, she stood up, still holding my hand. She smiled and led me to the back of the trailer. I followed and knew she was going to convince me with her passion that I would be a fool not to be with her. She was seducing me, like I had seduced her. I didn't know whether I would be sorry or not, but suddenly, I knew she was right and I wanted this smart, beautiful woman in my life.
In the dim light of the small bedroom, she embraced me. When we kissed, I could feel her breasts crushed against my chest and her body moving with mine. I was hard and knew she could feel my cock pressed against her.
“I want to be you're woman,” she gasped, pulling her mouth from mine.
“And I want to be your man.” I was surprised to hear my self say that, but it felt right.
“Good.” She smiled and gazed deep into my eyes. “Fuck me and make me yours.”
“No. I'm not going to fuck you, I'm going to make love to you.”
“You always make love to me when you fuck me. I always feel your caring and it makes me want to give myself to you.”
“Good.” I felt myself getting harder.
“Ravish me. I want to feel your power.”
“No. I'm not going to ravish you. I want you to feel something else.”
“Is that so?” She smiled.
“Yes,” I said and slowly lifted her tank top over her head and tossed it onto the floor. I leaned forward and gently licked her nipple. Her soft moan was like the purr of a petted cat. I unbuttoned her jeans and slowly lowered the zipper while I licked her other nipple. She moaned louder when I placed my hands on her breasts and squeezed them tightly together so that I could lick both nipples at the same time.
“Oh my God,” she gasped, then grabbed my head and pulled my mouth harder against her warm soft breasts.
While sucking and licking her breasts, I took one hand and snaked it inside of her tight jeans and cupped her soaked panty-covered pussy in the palm of my hands. She pushed her pussy harder against my hand and I could feel her hunger in her breathless sounds. Hearing her pleasure made me want to give her more.
She gasped when I took my hand away from her pussy and started to lower her tight jeans. She squirmed as I peeled them slowly over her hips and down her thighs to her ankles, then lifted each foot to take them off. She was barefooted. Kneeling, I kissed and licked her toes, her ankles, her calf, her inner thigh and smelled her intoxicating aroma. With my hands gripping her ass, I pulled her closer and licked her pussy through her wet panties. I wanted to pierce the tantalizing barrier and loved how she pushed her desperate pussy against my mouth, wanting my tongue in her.
“Please, take me. I can't stand this. Fuck me!”
I moved her to the bed and gently pushed her to lay down on her back, then reached up and slid her soaked panties down her legs. Kneeling, I moved forward, lifted her legs over my shoulders and moved the flat of my tongue slowly up and down her dripping pussy, causing her to squirm and lift her ass off the bed. She reached for my head and pulled my hair. I loved her hungry sounds and wanted to give her more pleasure then she had ever known.
I licked her dripping pussy like a cat lapping milk and felt her writhing. She arched her back, lifting her ass higher off the bed and pushed her pussy harder against my tongue. I licked her clit and felt her jolt with each touch of my tongue. Suddenly, she grabbed my hair and pulled me. “I want you. Take me! Please. Fuck me! Let me cum!”
I stood up and took off my jeans and tossed them while she squirmed up to the head of the bed and spread her legs. As much as I wanted to hold back and keep her on the edge, I wanted my throbbing cock in her tight pussy. It was all I could do to not fuck her brains out.
“Please fuck me,” she screamed, pulling my hair.
I tried ignoring her pleading and somehow found the strength to resist. I hovered over her and took my hard cock in my hand and moved it slowly up and down her dripping pussy.
“Don't do this to me,” she yelled, lifting her ass off of the bed and arched her back.
With my hands on her ass, I held her suspended and pulled her onto my hard cock, filling her, then slowly lowered her back to the bed. I lay on her without moving and savored the warm wet tightness of her pussy clutching my hard, throbbing cock. Neither of us moved. I loved how she felt under me, her breasts crushed against my chest, her legs and arms holding me to her as we lay joined in the most exquisite, intimate, loving way possible. We gazed and smiled into each others' eyes. Our eyes said what words could not express.
Slowly, we moved together in a small swiveling motion and kissed. Our tongues filled our mouths just as my cock filled her tight pussy. We were one and I wanted this moment to never end, but the intensity was building and the need to bring each other to ecstasy took over. Her slow squirming under me made me move and gyrate. It was as if we were slow dancing to our own music. I slowly pulled my cock from her clutching pussy and gazed into her sweet blue eyes and watched the pleasure rippling on her face.
When I slowly entered, her mouth opened in breathless desire. Pulling out, I entered her slowly again and again, each time thrusting harder and faster. Her arms and legs gripped my body.
“Harder! Harder! Oh my God! I love this!”
I responded with harder and harder thrusts. When I felt her tensing, trembling, squeezing and releasing my cock, I thrust into her as hard as I could and felt her pussy grip and squeeze my swollen cock tighter and tighter. I knew she was getting closer.
Her mouth was wide open as her spasms came. She was shaking and quivering, then suddenly her whole body convulsed and erupted in a huge, wild orgasm. Her screaming made me thrust harder and faster.
I was crazed and thrusting like a demon. My swelling cock was squeezed by her overflowing pussy, and then my orgasm hit like a lightning bolt and I poured hot gushes into her overflowing pussy and screamed, “I'm cumming.” I had never climaxed with such intensity and writhed above her as the last of my cum spurted into her tight, warm pussy and I collapsed on her, unable to budge.
Her strong arms and legs embraced me as I wallowed in the warm wetness and afterglow. Moments later, I rolled onto my back and gathered Carla into my arms and held her close. She lay half on my chest with her head on my shoulder. I kissed her hair and rubbed her back while we listened to the silence.
It was late afternoon. The realization that we were no longer forced to hide was liberating, but I knew the detective was right. We were now celebrities and the last thing I wanted was to be hounded by reporters and cameras.
I called my friend Steve in Bolinas and asked for some way I could find the town since there were no signs. It was an hour or so north of San Francisco. I told him we would be there late tomorrow and that I had a lot to tell him. Before we left Santa Monica, we took a chance and walked along the empty beach.
It was sunset and we stood barefooted in the surf and watched the setting sun's red glow on the water.
Carla walked away and started collecting sea shells while I stood and listened to the slurp of the water at my feet and looked out at the horizon. Perhaps it was the dreamer in me, but I had always been fascinated by the horizon and how the sea and the sky meet in the distance. I remembered how my imagination took me to places beyond where my eyes could see, places I wanted to go to and know. My mom said I always had a far away look in my eyes. I wondered if that was why I always felt a yearning for something I couldn't name, why I was restless, why I wondered if I would ever find a place that felt like home.
After staring out at the horizon, I watched Carla picking up shells and examining them, turning them over in her hand. It was brave of her to run away with me—a stranger, a drifter. I thought about the two of us finding each other and now we were on a beach together on the edge of the continent. Both of us were running away, but where we were running to? Tomorrow we would be in Bolinas...then what?
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<a href="https://www.lushstories.com/stories/straight-sex/the-drifter-chapter-eight.aspx">The Drifter Chapter Eight</a>