Wednesday 8th November 2017

I stood in the bedroom doorway looking at Jill’s long brown hair, splayed majestically down her back and crowning the pillow on which her sleeping head lay. Breathing in one of life’s best aromas, I placed my steaming coffee on my bedside table. Easing back into bed, I instantly felt Jill’s sleeping form react to my presence and snuggle next to me.

How does she do that? Not even conscious, how does she respond to my presence and mold herself to me without waking? Is it some kind of female photo-taxis, like plants which grow towards the light? Moving towards a husband and mate to check his presence, for warmth, comfort, and protection. Who knows? The mysteries of the female of the species.

Enjoying that special first caffeine hit of the day, I silently smiled to myself at the pleasure of the feminine softness and fragrance snuggled next to me. Still deep in sleep, I couldn’t help but look at Jill’s sleeping body and think back to the events of last night. Of how Jill had taken my none too subtle hints and turned them through a hundred and eighty degrees, giving herself first to Rocco and then willingly acting the total slut as she let Chris join Rocco in bed with her, before finally welcoming me as her third sex partner of the night.

No wonder she was tired and still sleeping. All told she’d had an hour in bed with Rocco, and then the best part of another two hours with Rocco, Chris and then me before she finally surrendered and claimed she needed rest.

As I looked across at Jill, my eye went past her to her favorite family photo, proudly displayed in a delicate white porcelain frame on Jill’s bedside table. It showed me standing behind her, my arms possessively around her as she, in turn, wrapped her arms around our three now grown-up kids. Taken at an age and time where she could do that before the three of them grew to heights where they’d be the ones wrapping their arms around their mum.

The contrast between the simple wholesomeness of that picture and the debauched scene from last night gave me a gnawing emptiness in the pit of my stomach. How in less than three weeks had we come from our first nervous attendance at a swinger’s party to this – my wife happily going up to a hotel room with a virtual stranger and letting three men fuck her through the evening until she had to smile and declare herself exhausted; sexed out from an evening as the only girl giving herself to satisfy the lusts of three men.

As I continued to switch my gaze between my beautiful wife and that wholesome picture of family life, the other thought I couldn’t get out of my brain was the contrast between the willing Jill from last night and the woman who just three days ago had been adamant she wanted to take a pause for a few months. To make sure she and I weren’t embarking on something that was going to hurt our marriage.

As I reflected on how our life had changed and how short-lived Jill’s wish to ‘pause’ had been, I did have some buyer’s remorse at the role I’d played, switching her normal work clothes for a sexy outfit designed to excite Chris and the smiling emoji I’d sent when she’d told me she had to work late. But I knew it wasn’t only down to me. The new, sexually adventurous Jill hadn’t needed much of a nudge. She was a boulder poised at the top of a hill, just needing the smallest of nudges to start moving and picking up momentum.

Last night had ended with that boulder hurtling downhill with frightening speed and momentum. Something that both excited and worried me. Something I knew we both needed to discuss and reflect on, working out where next and whether there was any way back up the mountain path we were hurtling down.

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When Jill finally joined the living, it was already just before noon and with the aid of a strong black coffee and breakfast-in-bed from yours-truly. Jill grinned at me was a strange mix of nervousness and self-satisfaction. I let her eat her breakfast and drink her coffee in peace, giving her space before gently tiptoeing into the minefield that lay ahead.

I gave her a gentle kiss to let her know I was still okay with the events of last night, and I opened the discussion. “Well someone was a greedy girl last night? So much for wanting to slow things down and take a break.”

Maybe not my best choice of words; Jill blushed, her smile only reducing a little, but not going away totally. “Was I really that bad last night?”

“Bad? Hell, I think Chris is going to give you your best ever bonus after last night. What didn’t you do for Union-Company relations? Above and beyond, I think that’s what they call it. And then having seen to the President’s needs, you still had the presence of mind to make sure your boss wasn’t feeling left out ….”

That earned me a dig in the ribs and an uptick in Jill’s grin.

“If anyone’s to blame, it’s my kinky husband. Sending me out to work dressed like some three-star hotel hooker. Then encouraging me to stay late, when any normal husband would have been chaperoning me home,” her smile telling me she wasn’t angry. Her tone letting me know she was more than a little serious that I had to eat a big slice of the blame pie we shared.

We shared a few more jokey comments, teasing each other as we always loved to do. Then all of a sudden a serious look came over Jill’s face, and I knew the real soul-searching had begun. “Dave, honey, what have we done? How am I going to face Chris tomorrow in the office? Or Rocco the next time he’s in town for a meeting? Playing with Daryl and Gemma is one thing, but this is real life. This is my job, my everyday life.”

I saw a genuine look of desperation in Jill’s face and I was immediately overwhelmed by a need to comfort the other person who shared my life; to make her feel better and take the edge off her pain and worry. I kissed her softly and pulled her towards me. “It’ll be okay honey. There are millions and millions of office affairs and romances every day of the week. Chris isn’t exactly a monk, so I don’t think he’s going to read anything too much into what happened last night. The key thing to remember is we’re still in control. The key thing to remember is that it was you and me who decided what we wanted to do or not do. We still have that power, honey. Us, not anyone else. Not Chris, and certainly not Rocco …”

My words trailed off and I saw a change in Jill’s mood, as she saw light at the end of the tunnel. I squeezed her tight, looking deep into her eyes but not speaking for a few moments. My voice softer and less forceful, I gently encouraged her. “Honey, you’re in control. No one else, just you.”

We looked at each other for what seemed an age, my heart happy as I saw the spark and confidence slowly returning to my worried wife. “I guess so, it’s just it’s so different to everything I’ve known before. Before, Chris and I were buddies. Buddies and friends. Only now we can’t go back. He’s seen me naked and had sex with me. He’s always going to look at me differently now. There’s always going to be that undertone there.”

Holding her hands tight and gazing into her soul I took a deep breath and tried my best to help us both deal with the new reality in Jill’s work life. “Honey, I grant you things will be different in the future. But that really doesn’t have to be a negative. You’ve still got your friendship with Chris. Nothing’s going to break that or take it away, it’s real and undeniable from the way you helped him through his split with Kat. That’s always going to be there. But now, if you want it, you can be even closer as friends. Now that you’ve been lovers, it’s like you can move to a different level if you want. It’s really your call, honey.”

I could see Jill thinking about what I’d said, and I held my breath, not knowing what she’d think. Jill’s never been one to speak before she knows what she thinks or wants to say, and I knew I could be in for a long wait.

Slowly her expression started changing, like the smoke rising from a papal enclave. “I guess,” came her first halting thoughts. “Maybe you're right, honey. Maybe Chris and I can still work together okay. Still, be friends together.”

“Better friends? Closer friends?” I suggested, testing the ground, rewarded by a half-smile.

“Maybe.”

That was enough, I knew Jill was over the worst of her self-recrimination and worries.

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The rest of the day was a strange mix. A real Kaleidoscope, one-moment making love and enjoying seemingly naughty pleasures of two people who should have been at work and who enjoyed the closeness of two in bed when last time we’d been just two of four. One moment reflective about the changes over the last few weeks, projecting forward to try and work out what the next few weeks and months might hold. One moment looking back with a weird mix of pride, disbelief, and some small embarrassment at the games we’d been part of with Rocco and Chris.

This revolving pattern didn’t reach any natural conclusions and it was interrupted after we’d made love for a second time and I received a text from Callan, Jill’s ex-boyfriend, and our now good friend. I’d totally forgotten that I’d agreed to meet him for a drink tonight as there was something he wanted to discuss with me. A big part of me wanted to blow him off, but I’d already postponed once and I knew it was important to him.

So, about six o’clock, I dragged myself out of bed, showered and dressed and gave Jill a parting kiss, as she texted Charlotte to make plans so she’d not be alone while I was out with Callan. As I closed the door and jumped in my car, I wondered what parts of last night Jill would inevitably end up sharing with Charlotte, marveling at the strength of their friendship. So strong despite the worst of starts when they’d known each other twenty-plus years ago at college and Charlotte had stolen Callan away from Jill.

When I arrived at the bar, Callan was already sat there and looked the worse for drink. It wasn’t even seven in the evening, and the normally smooth and so in control Callan looked like he’d been drinking half the day. Putting a comforting hand on his shoulder, I didn’t beat about the bush. “Hey, buddy, what’s up?" I asked, concerned at his uncharacteristic behavior.

“Charlotte’s what’s up,” he told me in a resigned and weary tone. I knew the last year had been a real roller-coaster ride for Callan since Charlotte had left him and asked for a divorce. Married as long as Jill and I, they’d split up when Charlotte had fallen for the charms of another younger guy she’d met at the swinging group. But after many fights and tears, I thought Charlotte and Callan had finally got to a good place where they could be friends again.

As Callan started to explain, this was the heart of the problem. With Charlotte having problems with her new guy and getting along so well with Callan, she’d suggested that she and Callan get back together. “And not just as friends, as a full-blown couple,” Callan exclaimed, in case I was in any doubt.

I ordered a beer and settled in for what I knew was going to be a long and involved conversation. For three long hours, we’d talked it through. Callan confessing that he still loved Charlotte but that he didn’t think he could put himself through the mill again. A senior sales VP by profession, normally he was the epitome of self-confidence and control. But he readily confessed to being as confused as hell at Charlotte’s suggestion. Simultaneously drawn to the idea, at the same time as being frightened to death at his ability to deal with things if they didn’t go smoothly and they broke up again.

It was towards the end of this heart-to-heart, with me on my fourth beer (having abandoned any thought of driving home) when a text arrived from Charlotte, causing Callan to immediately fall silent as he suddenly seemed to sober up as he read the message. He appeared to scan it for a second time before turning the small lit screen to me and showing me the message that had temporarily halted his self-absorbed suffering.

‘Callan, honey, you’re not going to believe this. Your beloved ex Jill only slept with Dave and two other guys last night. She’s just nipped to the toilet, so I thought you’d like to know what a naughty girl she’s become. I thought her night with Daryl was enough, but apparently one’s not enough for little ‘Miss Goody Two Shoes’. Will let you know what more I discover. Did she ever do anything like that when the two of you were together at college? Maybe share a little sugar with you and your football buddies? C xxx’

As I finished reading the message, I could feel myself suddenly blushing as I looked up at Callan’s grinning face. For the next twenty minutes, he was like a dog with a bone, happy to have something to gnaw on and distract him from his own troubles. His grin only got wider the more I told him about last night, finally finishing in the broadest of smiles. “Hell, Dave, if I’d known you and Jill were up for that kind of thing, I’d have plighted my troth to you and my-ex a long, long time ago,” he grinned, before turning a little more melancholy. “I’m not sure I ever really got over the lovely Jill, despite me being the one to break it up all those years ago.”

Giving him a playful slap on the arm, I drew the topic to a close.

“And that, my friend, is exactly why I’ll never invite you and Jill to play. Too much history. Too much past,” I teased him before he, like sales folk the world over, had to have the last word.

“Yes, well, but think of the fun, the excitement. Daryl and Chris and this Rocco guy to the power of three, wouldn’t that be something?”

Using my best poker face, I forced the idea away and switched the subject back to Callan, Charlotte, and his immediate dilemma. Even after four beers and a loosened tongue, not daring to allow myself or Callan to think about this whole thing had started as I’d watched Callan and two other friends vying for my beautiful wife’s attentions at that infamous barbeque less than three months ago.

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It was only a full three hours and five beers that I finally poured a drunk Callan into an Uber and climbed into my own. Happy that I’d managed to help Callan reach some kind of decision, that he was going to give it another go with Charlotte, but take things slowly and carefully. As the Uber pulled up outside our house, I immediately saw that Charlotte’s car was still in our drive.

Hearing the high-pitched sound of female laughter coming from the backyard, in an instant I knew I’d be unable to resist the temptation to steal around the back and eavesdrop on their conversation. Before these last few weeks and months. I’d always gone along with the social convention that eavesdropping was wrong and bad. But with the huge changes rolling through our lives, I’d developed a decided taste for this bad habit and its first cousin of fly-on-the-wall voyeurism.

Moving quietly and slowly, I stuck to the shadows as my pulse started racing at the furtive pleasures I knew I was about to enjoy, allowing my eyesight to adjust to the dark as I looked at Jill and Charlotte sat outside with wine, enjoying themselves at they laughed loudly.

I was coming in at the end of a long conversation, but I didn’t have to be Einstein to work out the topic.

“I agree, Jill, honey. You only gave as good as you got. Dave was the one who started it all. And by the sound of it, he enjoyed it almost as much as you did.”

Cue another round of laughter. “Almost, but not quite as much as me,” Jill grinned as she corrected her friend, causing more merriment.

After the laughter had died down, Charlotte looked thoughtfully at my wife. “What I don’t get, sweetie, is what it is you really want. Hell, I’m not sure you even know yourself.”

“I think you’ve hit the nail on the head, Char. The last few weeks have been such a whirlwind. So exciting, but also so confusing and more than a little frightening. I’m really not sure what I want, and I’m not sure Dave really knows either,” Jill said, wistfully.

Charlotte moved her head closer to Jill, their faces now just inches apart. “My advice to you, honey, is just go with the flow. You might not be sure of what you want, but from everything I’ve seen and you’ve told me, Dave loves this new lifestyle. Knowing he’s got a sexy, naughty wife, who other men lust after and who goes with other guys when the mood takes her. By the sound of it, he’s not that bothered about whether he gets his rocks off with other women, so I don’t think you’ve got too much to worry about on that score. So just go with it, honey, and see where it leads.”

“I guess you’re right about Dave. And maybe I should go with it like you suggest,” Jill replied, the quiver in her voice revealing her uncertainty.

“That’s the spirit, live a little, Jill, honey. Now that the kids have grown up and left home, let your hair down and have a little fun. Stop worrying so much and live a little, I’m sure it’ll all be okay in the end,” her friend reassured her.

As the conversation moved on to other topics, with plenty more laughter and another glass of wine, even in my half-drunk state I couldn’t help but contrast Charlotte’s light-hearted, carefree mood with the hell and pain that Callan had spent most of the evening in. I desperately hoped I was wrong, but a dark corner of my brain reckoned this really didn’t bode well for Callan’s decision to give it another go with the woman who’d previously left him and even asked for a divorce.

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By the time Jill and I got to bed, it was too late, and too much drink had been taken for either of us to really have the energy to discuss our respective evenings.

We both overslept on Thursday morning as between us we’d not set the alarm properly, so there was no chance to talk the next morning as we both rushed to make up for lost time and limit the damage.

When I did arrive at work, only fifteen minutes late, I was straight into meetings and it was lunchtime before I had any breathing space to think about how things might be for Jill at work. Seeing her boss, Chris for the first time since her roll the hay with Chris, Rocco, and me. I just grabbed a sandwich at my desk, and rather than browse the on-line news as I’d normally do, I allowed my mind to wander. My thoughts alternating between imagined conversations between Chris and Jill, mental porno reels of Jill bent over her desk taking some thrusting dictation from her boss, and soft-focused images of the two of them shacked up in a local hotel enjoying a lover’s afternoon together.

I guessed reality was far more prosaic, and finally, I couldn’t resist the desire to contact Jill any longer. I toyed with calling but thought text was probably better.

‘Hi, honey. Thinking of you. How are things? Are things all okay and cool with Chris?’

I had to wait for nearly half-an-hour for Jill’s reply, stoking my fevered imagination like you can’t imagine. Normally an incredibly prompt replier, what the hell could Jill be doing to cause such a delay? Her response didn’t reduce my anxiety and angst one jot.

‘Busy now, will tell you later at home. J xx’

Thanks, honey. Way to go. Why don’t you just pop over and give me a heart attack personally? Oh wait, you just did.

I was worse than useless that afternoon, my mind filled with all kinds of thoughts and images. Tabitha, my PA, noticed that something was up with me but as I watched the cogs whirring in her mind I could see her decide not to say anything. When I told her I was leaving a little early, so I’d be home a little before Jill, I saw a benevolent and sympathetic look appear on her face.

I’d been pretty sure that I’d arrive home before Jill. But it seemed she’d had a similar idea to me, and her car was already parked in the drive as I pulled in. And not only Jill’s car, Chris’s six series BMW was pulled in just behind Jill’s. My feverish mind treating this as some kind of omen or metaphor. The snout of his large-engined and showy car close to the ass of my wife’s smaller and more modest car.

By any sane measure, I had nothing to fear. Jill and I were happy, and what had happened the other night represented no threat to Jill and me and what we had. I knew this in my heart, and the overheard conversation between Jill and Charlotte just served to confirm this. But fear’s a terrible master, and my heart was thumping and pounding as my mind conjured all manner of spine-chilling explanations for why Chris’s car was pulled up in our drive. For why Jill was home earlier than normal.

My heart in my throat and my stomach churning away like it had a bag of knives whirring round in it, I opened the front door to again be greeted by laughter. This time, not the female laughter of last night, but the mixed laughter of a man and a woman laughing together at a shared joke.

Jill and Chris were in the kitchen, standing close together and facing away from me as they looked at something in our back garden. Pausing just a moment, I announced my presence with a ‘hi honey’ and a ‘hi Chris’. Was I imagining it, or was a large nervousness about Jill, matched by a smaller nervousness about Chris?

I soon discovered it wasn’t something I was imagining.

It was Jill who spoke first. “Honey, Chris has popped over to ask you something,” she said, before turning from me to Chris.

Chris was mostly cool as he looked over at me. “Dave, you remember from Tuesday night that the Company’s agreed to a roadshow around our twenty-two plants to help sell the deal we agreed with the Union. Well, the roadshow starts next week, and I think it would be great experience and a great development opportunity for Jill if she was part of the roadshow.”

He obviously immediately saw the look of surprise and confusion on my face, holding his hands up before I could speak. Not that I was finding it easy to speak right at that moment.

“Dave, before you say anything, things are fine between Jill and me. As far as I’m concerned, it’s water under the bridge. I’d never do anything to spoil the friendship Jill and I have. She’s been too good a friend to me these last couple of years to let anything get in the way of that.”

I relaxed just a little hearing these words.

But Chris’s words (whether carefully or carelessly chosen, I don’t know) had one final twist in the gut to deliver. “Like I say, Dave. I’d never want anything to come between Jill and me and our friendship. She and I discussed it a little at work earlier, and If you are okay with her coming along for the experience, she and you can have whatever arrangement you like. It’s entirely your call. Jill and you.”

If my gut had been churning earlier, it was positively on hyperdrive now. I felt like one of those Wurlitzer rides at the fairground. First flung one way with erotic excitement at the thought of Jill and Chris together on a nationwide road trip. Then hurled hard and fast against the hard metal of fear at the thought that this thing might all be getting rapidly out of control. The polar opposite of what Jill herself had intended less than a week ago.

And all the time as these thoughts crashed around my struggling mind, Jill and Chris quietly looked at me for sign or guidance to what I wanted.