I followed him to the front door, hugged him one more time, and looked him in the eye. “That will never happen again.” He looked at me surprised, confused. “Never,” I repeated, and closed the door.
*****
It was a bad drive to work. I was already late because I'd stayed with her so long, trying to talk her out of her blue mood or crazy thinking or 'whatever.' Then there was a fender bender three cars in front of me coming down the main drag on post. So that made me later. I pulled into the parking lot just as morning formation was dismissing and men were heading to the motor pool. The CO called me over to chew my butt for being late. By the time I headed down to the motor pool, I was upset, embarrassed and not a little mad. But far and away the worst thing that morning was my pretty wife being so distraught.
I tried to get things going at work, but just couldn't concentrate. After a fruitless half hour of dithering, I called the house. No answer. 'Maybe she's gone back to sleep,' I thought. 'Maybe she was just tired and that's why the outburst, the irrational behavior,' I rationalized. 'Maybe I should just let her sleep. Maybe this will all take care of itself if she gets rested.' So I tried to focus on work.
Patience has never been one of my strong suits though, so after fifteen minutes, I gave up on letting her sleep and decided to try again. I just had to get her feeling better about herself somehow. This time, I let the phone ring. She finally picked it up after eleven rings with this pitiful little “Hello.”
“I love you, baby,” I blurted out. “I hated having to leave you so sad. I wanted to call and let you know how much I love you, no matter what.”
Her voice was very soft. I could tell she'd been crying. “I know,” she sighed.
“I'm sorry to call if you were sleeping. I know you need rest and things will look better, later I mean. I called before but you didn't answer so I'm sorry if I woke you up.”
“No,” she said softly “I heard the phone, but I just didn't want to answer it.”
“Why not?”
“Well... this sounds crazy. It is pretty stupid actually,” she said. “I was thinking it was my mother calling to yell at me. I was afraid she already knew what I'd done and was calling to give me hell.”
“Oh baby, that's just silly. You don't have to worry about that. We'll make sure she never finds out, that no one ever finds out,” I struggled to reassure her, fearing that the wrong words would be worse than saying nothing. “Besides baby, you didn't do anything wrong. You don't need to be ashamed. We did it together and it was all okay.”
She seemed to be listening as I told her over and over that I loved her and it would all be okay. I could hear her breathing, but she didn't say anything. She didn't agree, disagree or even acknowledge what I was saying. She was just quiet. Finally, I realized I wasn't getting anywhere and would probably just get in trouble at work if I didn't hang up and get back to it. I just said, “I better go. I love you, and I'll see you tonight.”
She just gave me this weak little, “Bye,” and hung up.
'Great job, Jack. You really fixed that situation,' I thought. She probably felt worse than before, and so did I. I felt powerless to do anything to make her feel better. Perfect timing—just then Brown came walking through my door.
“Why'd you drive today?” he asked. “I wanted to see her this afternoon after work.” I looked at him, my mind still reeling from talking to her. As I focused on him, it dawned on me that there was really no one else I could talk to about this except him. No one else knew what was going on, at least that's what I thought at the time. 'Besides,' I reasoned, 'he probably deserves to know how she's reacting.' So I told him the whole story about how she felt ashamed of herself after last night and how adamant she'd been this morning that she wasn't going to do it again. But even as I spoke, a solution dawned on me.
“Why don't you talk to her?” I asked him. I'd already said everything I could think of to reassure her and it clearly wasn't working. Maybe if he called her... “Actually, don't call her. Go over and see her,” I said, my mind staggering from thought to thought. “Can you drive a stick?” He just smirked at me. “Here, here's my keys, to my car and to our apartment. Go see her.” He took my keys and turned with an exultant smile, heading out the door.
Not two minutes after giving him my keys, I panicked. I started rethinking the situation, and immediately regretted what I'd just done. I thought about running after him to stop him, but as I stepped outside the building, I saw my light blue compact jerking its way out of the parking lot. 'Yeah, he drives a stick alright,' I thought. 'Now I'm gonna have to get my clutch replaced.' Fortunately that inane thought immobilized me for a moment, just long enough to keep me from thinking clearly. I thought, 'I should call her. Let her know he's coming. If she doesn't want to see him, she can just lock the door and stay upstairs. Oh wait. He's got a key.' Soon it was too late to even call and warn her. If he was going to see her, he'd be there already.
Rethinking turns into dithering. Dithering means you don't do anything. You just wait to see what happens.
*****
I was just sitting on the sofa in my t-shirt and panties, legs tucked up under me, just sort of thinking while staring at the blank TV screen. It wasn't even on. The house was quiet. It felt calm. I was thinking about all the things Jack had said on the phone. I knew well he loved me. I knew he wanted me to have what was best for me and what I wanted. He was really pretty unselfish. I didn't dare let myself think about Javon. I was trying to push that memory—that whole terrible, wonderful, delicious night—completely from my mind and build a wall in my heart to keep it out.
I was agonizing over what I could say if my parents ever found out, my friends back home, heck anyone! And I decided to wall that off too. There just wasn't a way to deal with those thoughts at that moment, and besides Jack assured me they won't find out. I heard the key in the door and smiled inside. 'Jack is so sweet. He's so worried about me he left work,” I thought. When I turned to see Javon standing there, closing the door behind him, then locking it, my heart leaped into my throat.
Confusion! Panic! I suddenly remembered that I hadn't even brushed my teeth yet this morning. Not only that, but I was down here practically undressed and everything to wear was upstairs. Was there any more coffee in the pot? I didn't remember, then I remembered that Jack had made it not me. Should I get up; should I crawl under the sofa cushions? Or maybe should I just evaporate and disappear?
Then Javon did the one thing that that totally disarmed me, totally pulled me out of my idiotic paralysis. He smiled at me. He said, “Hi.”
I got up, thinking I'd make some lame excuse and run upstairs to get some clothes on, but he was between me and the stairs. I felt myself moving toward him with that clear purpose in mind, but it just didn't happen. His arms surrounded me as soon as I got close, and he kissed me with a passion that we had only put on hold a few short hours before. His strong hand touched my bare thigh, and stroked up the side of my body, under my t-shirt, until his thumb was teasing my nipple. I felt my arms wrap around his neck and felt him pull my whole heart and soul into the kiss.
Why don't we go upstairs,” he asked me. I just nodded and let him lead me up, his Black hand squeezing my behind. So much for building a wall.
He was so gentle, the way he took my t-shirt and panties off of me and laid me back on the bed. His black hand rubbed my belly as he opened his pants with the other and pulled out his quickly hardening erection. When he put the sticky tip to my face, I didn't even wince. I just opened wide, stuck out my tongue and started savoring the real man taste and feel. His fingers were busy stroking my sappy slit and teasing my button as I sucked his dick. Those long thin talented fingers were soon pushing me toward an orgasm when he suddenly stopped, pulled away from me and undressed in front of me. His beautiful black body looked sexier than ever. It occurred to me that we had all the time in the world today, so I examined ever gorgeous detail of him from the muscular quads, the strong looking pectorals, the wiry biceps.
As I lay there melting in anticipatory lust, he leaned over and kissed me full on the mouth, a kiss with lots of tongue. He didn't seem to even notice the bad case of penis breath I had just developed! 'Wow, I guess it really isn't that bad,' I told myself. From that one act alone, he grew a whole lot in my estimation. 'He cares about me enough not to worry about a little thing like that.' I didn't need to be seduced. I was seducing myself.
Holding my legs apart, Javon parted my lips with his fingers and pushed his big black dick into me, not slowly, but patiently, gauging my reception of it by my facial expression. He cared that stretching me open so much might hurt, so he took enough time to let me adjust. It was delightful the way he opened me and filled me fully. Soon his belly was against mine, his chest pressing my breasts and his face buried in my neck.
Our first fuck had been delicious. This one was even better, hotter. No hurry. Just quick build to orgasms, one after another, and then slow loving fucking between them. He kept whispering to me that I was beautiful, that I felt so good to him. He kept asking me how I felt, and seemed to really care. He came in me again, and I orgasmed for him several times.
*****
I don't know if it's just me, or if everyone feels this, but after really good sex and orgasmic relief, the cares of the world just crowd their way back into my mind.