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Drive My Car

Man's wife becomes obsessed with cock size and he worries, a lot.

We sat at the kitchen table, having a quick breakfast before we left for our respective jobs. Patti was checking her make-up and I was trying to finish my coffee, as well as the sports section, before I hit the road.

"How long is your cock, Matt?" she asked. I avoided the spray of coffee all over the table like you see in the slapstick comedies, but some caffeine did dribble out my nose as I tried to stifle my reaction.

I cleaned my upper lip with a napkin and stared at my wife.

"What the hell kind of question is that?" I demanded.

I learned a long time ago that the best defense is a good offense. Twenty years ago I was quite proud of the little guy, but he seemed less impressive all the time.

"You know how we ladies sit around the clubhouse and have a couple drinks after our golf league on Wednesdays? Last night the discussion got around to our husband's cocks and how long they were. Most of us had no idea how long our husband's cocks were. I mean we know how long they are, but not the actual measurement," admitted Patti. "It just made me wonder how long, in inches, your cock is."

I didn't just fall off a load of turnips. I have heard how a group of women can be more coarse and crude than a bunch of guys. I also knew they would be more honest. Men expect other men to lie. We all do it and accept it. It makes us all feel better about ourselves, and our place in the cosmic plan. We lie about the fish we catch, the golf scores we shoot, the sex we have, the money we make and the size of our cocks. When a guy talks about his eight inches, it is understood that he has about six. It is a collective, ego boosting, confidence-building thing we agree on. It isn't written down anyplace, but we all know the rule.

As some point we hit an age where we turn it around and tell the other guys how small it is. If we call it a little four-inch stub, the other guys figure around six inches. It is a language that men understand and it has worked since Adam. The only kicker is the occasional goddamn freak that actually packs eight inches or more. These men are feared and hated by the rest. Somehow, everyone knows when he talks about his eight inches; it really is eight inches. This is a real curve breaker for the rest of us. These men are shunned and avoided, at least by other men. And they enjoy it.

I was on the horns of a dilemma. Should I tell the real truth, or the truth as us guys know it to be? Somehow it seemed better to err on the side of large. That was an instinctual decision that I believe most men would make.

"I never really measured it," I lied. Shit, I had a ruler on that puppy every day from the time I hit fourteen to about eighteen. "If I were to guess, I would say about eight inches. You will respect my privacy in this, won't you?"

It suddenly occurred to me this was not something I wanted repeated in the clubhouse. I could see no up side to a discussion on the length by of my cock by women in a bar.

"What do you think, Matt?" laughed Patti. "Do you think I'm going to be telling the other women how long your cock is? What if their husbands' cocks are only seven inches? They may be chasing you for that big cock and I would be responsible for it."

Fat chance of any women chasing me for my big cock! That was a fantasy that had died when I was eighteen and saw Sam "The Big Salami" Reynolds in the shower after our first baseball practice senior year. I had always chuckled at his nickname. That was a good joke on the guy, or so I thought. When he stepped from the shower and walked to his locker, the other guys sort of moved their towels around to be sure they own weapons were not on display. No one wanted to be the subject of a comparison with Sam.

It became a weird ritual. After practice and games, Sam always strolled the locker room with his cock hanging majestically from between his legs. The rest of us were like smaller bulls and always backed up and deferred to him. He was the cock of the walk when he was naked. Give unto Caesar that which is Caesar's. Instinctively, we yielded to what we perceived as a better man, when he was naked. Dressed, he was no longer anything special. He wasn't even a very good ball player. I think that was why he flaunted his one gift when he could.

It's a good thing Patti only asked about length, I thought to myself as I drove to work a little later. More amazing than the length of Sam's salami was the thickness. The handle of my Louisville Slugger was not as thick, and that was carved from a goddamn ash tree! From that first day on, none of the rest of us on the team ever boasted about our cocks or how they pleased the girls. Sam had taken that fantasy from us, and we secretly hated him for it. Everyone was glad when he moved to New Mexico.

As I sat at my desk, I started putting a few things together. Patti had been pretty aggressive when she came home a little after dark. She insisted we go to bed early. She had even made our two teens go to bed so they wouldn't hear any unusual noises from our bedroom.

She held and fondled my cock much longer than usual. She sucked it and jacked it. I remember thinking it was odd that she left a lamp on low. We always turned the lights out when we had sex. She had been sizing my cock up! The conversation must have been pretty graphic at the clubhouse! Patti rode me to her orgasm and then dismounted and got me off with her hand, watching cum spurt from my cock.

Now I wondered if there was a discussion on volume and distance of their husbands' ejaculations. What about the size of our balls? The curve of our cocks? We were being treated like so much meat, going through inspection. Why couldn't women just accept us as individuals with feelings and needs, and not treat us like cattle?

The week went well enough and the sex was pretty good, but I kept the lights out most of the time. If Patti insisted having a light on, I would spend a lot of time eating her pussy and manually stimulating her. It didn't seem to discourage her at all, though. I could see it would not be easy to beat her at her own game.

There I sat, reading the paper the next Thursday morning, after a grueling night of raw sex. Patti had come home burning with desire. I saw it in her eyes after she put her clubs in the closet and turned to me. The kids saw it, too, and went to bed without being told. Patti rode me, and then had me drill her doggy style and then the good old missionary position. I don't know how many times she came, but I managed three orgasms. I just couldn't fire anything after that, though I did get hard, with some encouragement from Patti's incredible lips, long enough to get her off one final time.

She had been more verbal than usual, too. She kept urging me deeper and deeper. She wanted it faster and she actually suggested I put her legs on my shoulders so I could feed a little more into her steaming snatch.

The ladies golf league was only about half way through the season and I was having serious reservations about surviving to the end. If the sex kept increasing exponentially, I would be gone before August.

"Tonight I want to measure your cock," Patti smiled.

"Jesus H Christ!" I shot back. "Do you think you wore a few inches off it last night? Was that your goal?"

"Matt, it is like a pig's snout. The more you use it, the tougher it gets," chuckled Patti.

Where the hell did she get that saying? Besides, that was supposed to be about pussies, damn it!

"I'll measure it today and let you know, okay?" I countered.

"Last night, after golf, every wife there said her husband claimed he had eight inches. Everyone but Sandy, that is. She claimed her husband was nine inches and she had measured it herself," Patti revealed.

"Sandy defied us to actually measure our husbands' cocks. It was her contention that it was very unlikely anyone would be within two inches of her husband," giggled Patti. "We all agreed to make it an assignment to measure our husbands' cocks. We even agreed on the way we would do it so we had a uniform method."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing! These bitches need a life. My mind raced for a solution. How could I make my dick longer in a day? Try as I would to think of a way, I drew a blank.

"Patti, you can hurt men's egos by pursuing this. Some guys may have exaggerated a little and the truth could scar them emotionally. Why don't you forget it, or just call in sick next week?" I suggested.

"Matt, I am sure your cock will be up there with the best of them!" chided Patti. "It isn't just the men you know. We are in this together. I have pride, too. I want us to be well represented in this. I am sure our cock will be among the leaders, if not the very top cock!"

"I can't believe we are having this conversation!" I whined. "You know that 'our cock' hasn't let us down yet. Why make it some kind of competition?"

"That Sandy Reynolds is so smug. The other women and I want to bring her down a peg. Her husband's dick can't be that much bigger than everyone else's," reasoned Patti.

"Did you say 'Reynolds', Patti," I asked. "I didn't know you had any Reynolds in your league."

"They just moved into a development along the river a couple months ago," responded Patti. "Sandy said that Sam went to high school here before he moved to New Mexico."

Why wasn't I surprised? The son-of-a-bitch was like a nightmare... like that fucking Freddie Kruger; only he was coming after me with a giant cock instead of razors in his fingers! You think you kill him, but the fucker is there for the sequel, spreading fear amongst the normal-cocked population.

I leaned over and held my head in my hands. My cock was going to be exposed for the inadequate little shit that it was. Sam 'The Big Salami' would rule again, as he had those many years ago.

Within an hour of reaching the office, I had the door locked and a stapler tied to a string hanging from my cock. I heard someplace that guys have been known to increase their cock size that way. I carefully sat at my computer, my legs spread and the stapler swinging like a pendulum from my dick, as I searched through my old emails. I had deleted a few hundred ads for products that would enlarge my penis. I had dismissed them at the time, but now I wondered if old Sam 'the Salami' was the driving force behind those ads. How had word gotten out about my dick being six measly inches? Was he the poster boy for those ads? It was hard to remember exactly what his cock looked like, but when I found the emails, the resemblance was very real. The cocky bastard was the 'after' picture in the advertisement. I was certain of it.

I left work a little early. I told the secretary that I was not feeling well, but really my cock was sore. I also was worried that the string would cut off circulation and the fucking head would drop off in Patti's hand at the measuring.

That night, I watched the news and then claimed that I wanted to watch Leno, but Patti would have none of it. She demanded I join her in the bedroom. Reluctantly, I followed her in and peeled my clothes off. Almost in the blink of an eye, I was in a pair of pajamas.

"What are you doing, Matt?" Patti demanded. "I didn't even know you owned any pajamas. I don't think you have worn any since we have been married."

"I thought I should start," I responded. "You never know when the kids could walk in on us or something."

"Matt, they have walked in on us quite a few times. Once they got older and had a few glimpses of your ass, they stopped. It hasn't happened in years."

"I found a ruler in your toolbox," continued Patti. "Pull that bad boy out and lets see how he measures up. He has to be hard. I will measure it at the top, where it attaches to your body. That is what we all agreed on yesterday."

"I don't think it will get hard, Patti. It is a shy little guy and the idea of being measured may inhibit it." I suggested.

Patti had different ideas as she pulled it to her mouth, then stopped and looked at me.

"It looks redder than usual, Matt. The head looks puffy, too. What did you do?" questioned Patti.

"Nothing!" I lied. "You goddamn near wore it out last night. That's all. Maybe we should wait on this. Give it time to recover."

I should have known that vacuum cleaner was too powerful and would turn it colors, damn it! That idea was even worse than the stapler on the string. I had just one chance left.

"Don't be such a baby, Matt," cooed Patti as she wrapped her lips around my cock.

She began to play it like a fine instrument. I willed it to resist, to remain dormant. I thought about the Red Sox winning the series.

Patti and my cock have an agreement. When she calls, he answers. She proved her power over it once again. Silently, I cursed the little fuck for being so stupid. For the head that did all my thinking, he was failing miserably. Now he was going to be exposed for the average cock he was.

Patti puffed it up till it stood up and they exchanged smiles. My wife and my cock have a thing going that often doesn't involve me. Many times he made me jealous of her attentions. She held it in her hand and placed the ruler against my abdomen where my cock attaches.

"You can at least push it in tight," I complained as I pressed the end a quarter inch into my flesh.

"Eight and one-quarter inches," declared Patti.

What a relief! I had survived!

"Okay, you have your measurement. I'll take that ruler so I can be sure it is replaced in my toolbox," I offered as I reached for the device.

"Just a minute!" cried Patti. "The end has been cut off! This thing is no good. How long have you been using it like that?"

"Really? Gee, I never even noticed that," I again lied. "I'll get a new one tomorrow."

"Don't bother, Buster," answered Patti. "I have a yardstick. We'll use that, even if it is overkill."

She left the room and I tried to think of some solution. But I couldn't, and she soon returned with her yardstick. My dick had forgotten what was wanted. He had relaxed, but quickly succumbed to Patti's efforts and stood back up.

"Six and a quarter inches," she announced. It seemed to me there was less enthusiasm than the previous, inaccurate declaration. I looked at Patti and wondered what she was thinking.

Wait! Did she say 'and a quarter inches' just now? Son of a bitch! The best I ever got was six inches even. Maybe he was growing!

"As long as the big boy is up and ready to play... ," grinned Patti as she gobbled my cock. Why had I been so worried? When Patti was in a romantic mood, I always felt like the king of the world. She had that much influence over my emotions. If she seemed happy with me, I was totally content.

The week went well for me, in spite of my concerns about 'The Big Salami' and his wife's boasting. Patti had taken to talking about my 'big, fat cock' and how she loved it. Do many women suddenly get hornier as they approach forty, I wondered.

Golf night rolled around and I sat waiting in dread for Patti to get home. She was a little later than usual, and a little more under the influence. Once again, the kids headed for their rooms when they saw her look. I never realized before that a woman could actually look horny with just her face, and especially her eyes.

She was giggling as she led me to the bedroom. I think she was naked before I closed the door. She helped me get my clothes off. Then she and my cock forgot I was there. I noticed earlier in the week that just sucking and fondling my cock could give Patti an orgasm. Where did that come from? It happened again as my darling wife lavished her attentions on my delighted cock. She licked, nibbled, sucked, hummed, pulled, and jerked the guy till he gave her his best shot. As I came in Patti's mouth, she quivered and shook with a fairly strong orgasm. Both her hands were on me at the time, so I knew she didn't finger herself to one.

As she grinned and wiped her chin, Patti started telling me how the comparisons went. It seemed that Bob Mason was the biggest loser at five and a half inches. Three guys just hit six inches even, and then my little fellow was next. Then there was one half an inch over six and one at six and nine-sixteenths. (Now how the hell can you get that precise? Did his wife use calipers?)

"Sandy Reynolds told us that she measured her husband's cock again and it was just over nine inches. We had quite a discussion about that. Most of us couldn't believe it and told her so," Patti stated. "Do you think it is possible for a man to have a cock that much bigger than yours?"

What would be the best answer for that question? My mind raced.

"I am not an expert on the subject, Patti. Is it all that important?" I asked. "We seem to be doing fine with the equipment we have."

"I was just wondering. Sandy was so proud that she won the comparison. It bugged me. She thinks her cock is the best thing ever and that the rest of us should be jealous," fumed Patti. "She even told us we were welcome to try 'The Big Salami' as she called it. She offered to swap with any of us if we wanted to know how it felt to be properly fucked!"

Great! Now some dumb cunt is offering the services of 'The Big Salami' to the ladies in the league. If just one wife tries the forbidden fruit, all will be lost! Those bitches tell each other every thing. I wondered how many people were discussing that prick's prick at that very moment.

"If your cock was nine inches, would you fuck me any differently?" Patti mused. "I mean does it have to be better? If I am filled by you, why would I want it bigger, right?"

"Bingo!" I almost shouted. "My big cock is perfect for your tight little pussy."

"Just pretend you had a big salami, Matt. What would you do with it? Would you treat me any differently?" persisted Patti.

I climbed back up and slapped her in the face with my imaginary monster.

This big cock needs to be worshipped, you little tramp," I growled. "Make it hard so I can fill that little snatch of yours."

"Oh, yes! I do worship that nine inch monster," Patti joined in my game as she once again woke my sleeping beauty.

I moved from Patti's head and put a finger inside her. She was wet and pretty ready. Still a big cock needed a lot of space.

"I had better eat that pussy and get it all wet and hot or I won't ever get this slab of meat inside you," I told her as I began dining at the Y.

"Yes! Get her all wet so your huge cock will fit!" cried Patti.

She was really getting into it! I redoubled my efforts and I felt her tremble as she clutched my head to her ready cunt.

I climbed on her and rubbed my cock all over her pussy lips, never allowing it to slip inside. I knew she was eager for it, but us well-endowed men always make the women beg, don't we?

"You want my big cock? If you want to feel this monster split that little pussy, you have to beg," I warned. "You have to tell me how bad you want my cock."

"Please! Please fill my cunt with that big old salami," begged Patti. "I need that cock. I really need it right now."

I slowly worked the head around her opening, applying pressure as I did. I was getting really aroused by the game and it felt like my cock was especially big and hard.

"Damn, you are tight," I groaned. "Get ready to be filled, Bitch," I chanced. I hoped I didn't make a mistake saying that!

"It feels so big!" moaned Patti. "Make me your bitch now and put it in all the way."

Well that really got me turned on. I slowly pushed until the head popped in. Because I was going so slowly, Patti seemed extremely tight. She groaned as I held still and waited for her to squirm, as I knew she would. Soon she wiggled her hips, trying to slide me in farther. I picked up her legs and put them on my shoulder. She smiled thinking I was giving her what she wanted. I held my cock steady and slapped her left cheek with my right hand. Her surprise was obvious as she glared at me.

I am in control, you little slut. If you want more of my cock, you will wait for me to feed it into that hot little pussy, understand?" I snarled as well as I could.

"I just want it so bad," whined Patti. "I'll be a good little slut. Just fuck me with that big cock!"

I began to slowly slide more and more into an amazingly tight space. Before I made it balls deep, Patti began another orgasm. She shuddered as I fed her the rest of my behemoth. I felt her cervix with the end of my cock. I pulled back slowly and slammed it home again. I worked myself into a frenzy as I hammered Patti. I had good staying power since I had recently cum. I was determined to be the stud she imagined. I have to admit it. I was. Patti had sweat running down between her lovely tits as I refused to slow down. She had a couple more small orgasms and began to beg me to finish.

"Please cum in my pussy. I want to feel that huge fucking rod shoot deep in my pussy!" she practically yelled.

I knew I had to finish her off fast, or send the kids to the neighbors. We reached the finish line together. For a long time we just lay there, bathed in perspiration. Eventually, my breathing and heartbeat returned to something close to normal. I looked at Patti and she was smiling in her sleep with an arm and a leg swung up on me. I felt a deep and passionate love for her as I stroked her cheek. She was my girl.

The next day at work I received two calls from husbands of women that golf with Patti. Both men said essentially the same thing. We had to have 'The Big Salami' whacked! I tried to explain how he would return in a sequel and be even more vindictive with his fucking joystick. He, and his cock, could not be destroyed in the usual manner. I guess they never saw those 'Elm Street' movies because they didn't understand what I was saying. I finally told them I didn't know any dependable hit men and they were on their own.

Patti couldn't get enough sex all week. She was constantly making up scenarios and expected me to play along. I was the plumber and she had to let me fuck her bent over the kitchen sink before I would repair her drain. I was a traveling salesman giving her a great deal on encyclopedias if she could swallow my entire nine inches. I was a cop she had to convince to not give her a ticket for speeding. Each of these imaginary guys had a huge cock that she was 'forced' to please.

We went out to dinner one night. When we left the restaurant I opened her door and helped her in. She let her skirt slide up and I caught a glimpse of her bare pussy! I walked around and got behind the wheel.

"James! Did I see you looking at my little pussy?" she demanded.

Who the hell was James? I played it smart.

"I couldn't help catching a glimpse when you sat down," I admitted.

"If my husband found out you were looking at his pride and joy, you would be fired immediately!" she huffed. "We can find a chauffer that conducts himself properly."

"But can you find one with a big, fat cock like this?" I asked as I pulled my zipper down and freed Willy.

"My God!" gasped Patti. "Put that incredible cock away! You are fired!"

"Then I don't have to follow your orders, do I?" I asked. "I want you to suck this pussy pleaser. Then you will reconsider firing me.

I pulled her down to my cock as I spoke. She turned her head, but I grabbed a handful of hair and brought her back to face the one-eyed monster. My other hand had reached back and pulled her skirt up so her ass was reflecting light from the restaurant. I slapped her ass quite hard.

"Suck my cock, you rich bitch!" I ordered.

I spanked her other cheek even harder. She took me into her mouth, but I kept spanking her for several minutes. She was moaning and her hand slid back to her pussy. Now her ass was glowing and she was bobbing on my cock like a piston. She started cumming, but kept working my cock and moaning around it. I filled her mouth. Then I just rubbed her ass for a minute as she recovered.

"Am I still fired?" I asked.

"Take me home, please, and I will consider keeping you on. If I do, you will give me that big cock whenever I want," Patti bargained.

As the days went on, I realized that somehow 'The Big Salami' had worked to my benefit. Patti was hornier than when we were first married, and she was damn close to insatiable back then. Our sex life was active to the point of being exhausting.

Then things went decidedly downhill. I got home from work one night and found a message on our machine. Patti had to work late and she asked me to feed the kids. The following night, there was a message about going shopping at the mall. I was bored, so after feeding the kids I decided to drive to the mall and surprise Patti.

I cruised the parking lot, looking for Patti's car. I didn't want to park clear across the mall from her. It would be easier to find her if I knew which door she had entered. I found her car parked near the food court door. I found a parking place about four rows away. As I went to climb out of the car, I saw Patti and some guy walking toward her car. They had their arms full of packages, so I couldn't see enough of the man to be able to identify him. They put the packages into her trunk and when he stood back up, I almost shit my pants!

It had been over 20 years, but I would never forget Sam 'The Big Fucking Salami'. They climbed into Patti's car together and drove off. I could hardly put the keys in the ignition; I was so upset. I pulled into traffic about four cars behind and followed. She obviously didn't know I was following because she pulled into a small, but nice local hotel. It was the very same hotel where we had our wedding reception! That was a long time ago.

Patti and Sam were laughing as they removed the packages from her trunk and carried them into the hotel. I struggled to make sense of what I had witnessed. What reason could she have to go to a hotel with that freak of nature? What reason beside the obvious one? I wanted to go in and snoop, but I had to be careful. I wanted to know what was going on before I made any rash decisions. I sat in the lot and watched for them to come back to the car. An hour and a half later, the two of them finally returned.

I debated whether I should follow them or try to find out what I could in the hotel. I decided that if they were doing anything wrong, it was too late to stop it, so I went into the small lobby. There was a pretty young girl behind the desk.

"Miss, I am sorry to trouble you," I apologized. "My wife told me to meet her here and I am a bit late, I am afraid. Her name is Patti Gerow. Could you tell me if she did get a room?"

The girl typed on her keyboard and watched her monitor.

"We have a Mrs. Gerow reserving room 302 for tomorrow night," volunteered the girl. "That is all I can find."

I thanked her and left. My mind was refusing to accept the information it had received. I knew there had to be an explanation. It was almost ten when I walked back into my house.

"Where have you been, Sweetheart?" asked Patti. "I was beginning to worry."

"I needed some golf shoes so I took a ride to see if I could find any. I didn't see anything I like," I added. "How was your day?"

"Well, I'm sure you'll find something," Patti told me. "I just did some shopping after work. Nothing exciting. By the way, Steve called and he wants you to call him back."

Steve was my golf partner and probably my best friend. I rang his number.

"Matt? What say we go out for a couple beers tomorrow night?" he asked. "Larry Shenk is going to be in town and he suggested we get together for a few.

Larry was a friend who had recently been transferred to another state by his company. I cupped the phone and turned to my wife.

"Patti?" I whispered. "Steve wants me to have a few beers with him and Larry Shenk tomorrow night. Do you have any plans?"

"No, go right ahead. Have a good time," she smiled.

I set it up with Steve for him to pick me up at seven the following evening. I may be standing him up I thought to myself. He'll understand when I tell him why. That night Patti wanted to have sex with me, but I had no stomach for it. I told her my stomach was upset, which wasn't a lie. It had been in a knot since I saw Patti with Sam. I didn't sleep well that night. I kept thinking of that big cock of Sam's pushing into Patti's tight little pussy. Maybe I should have tried sloppy seconds, just to see how stretched she was.

The next day was Saturday and I puttered around the house, keeping an eye on Patti. The kids had gone to visit friends for the day. At one point I surprised her on the phone. She was talking very softly in the kitchen. When I walked into the room, she quickly said her good-byes and hung up.

Then around five, Patti came into the garage where I was trying to fix the lawn mower. She had her car keys in her hand.

"As long as you have plans for the evening, I think I'll go visit Jen. I haven't seen her in a few weeks," stated Patti.

Jen was Patti's younger sister and she lived about an hour away. It sounded reasonable, if it were only true!

"Patti? Is anything wrong? Is there anything you want to tell me?" I asked. I thought she might come clean and we could try to work things out.

"Everything is fine, Matt!" she quickly responded. She never asked why I thought anything was wrong. She gave me a kiss on the cheek and got into her car and left.

I decided that I wasn't going to spend weeks trying to catch Patti in lies and following her around. If she was in that hotel room tonight, it was over. The thought saddened me, but I felt I had no option. I was not going to be a willing cuckold! I waited half an hour. That would give them time to get warmed up. Then they were going to have company!

I got to the hotel and sure as shit, Patti's car was there. I parked right next to her and slammed my door closed as I headed to the lobby.

"I am Matt Gerow and I want a key for room 302," I insisted.

The girl must have seen I was serious. She just reached down and picked up a key and handed it to me. By now my blood was boiling. I was thinking what I was going to tell my slut wife and her goddamn salami.

As I headed for the elevator I almost bumped into a couple. I just marched around them and walked into the elevator as the door was closing. I thought I heard a voice ask if that was Matt. I gave it no more thought as I strode to 302 and slid the key into the slot. I pushed the door open and there was Patti. She was wearing a little black thong and had a frilly black bra in her hands. That was all she wore. I was in a rage. My heart was racing and my knees were shaking. I had never been so upset in my life.

"Matt!" gasped Patti. "What are you doing here?"

I slammed the door and stepped further into the room. I had to think to even frame a response. I was that livid. It must have shown because Patti became worried.

"Matt, is something wrong? You look upset," she understated.

"Where the fuck is he?" I demanded. "In the bathroom?"

"What are you talking about, Matt? Who are you talking about?" Patti asked through trembling lips.

"You couldn't be satisfied with me. You had to try a big cock. I sure hope it is worth it," I snarled. "I would have given my life for you. No one ever loved a wife more than I loved you, but that wasn't enough! Well, have a great life. I won't be in it!"

I didn't want to physically hurt Patti, and Sam obviously wasn't there. I decided to leave before my anger got the better of me, or before I started crying like a baby. I never felt such pain in my life. Life without Patti had never been an option and I seriously wondered if I could survive, or if I would want to survive.

I yanked the door open and practically ran out. I'll never forget the scene as I entered the elevator. Patti stood in the hallway, topless and wearing a thong, begging me to come back. I stormed across the lobby, in as black a mood as I had ever been. I heard my named called again, but I didn't even turn to see who it was. I got into my car and drove away. I had no idea where to go. I never felt so alone in my life.

Half an hour later, I was nursing a beer in a hole-in-the-wall bar. I felt like getting drunk, but knew that was a bad idea. My mind was in turmoil and I would surely do something really stupid if I drank too much. A while later an attractive blonde

a few years younger than I sat next to me. I glanced her way and she smiled. One thing was certain; I sure didn't want to be involved with any more women!

She kept trying to engage me in conversation. I was very close to being rude as I responded with one-word answers and a few nods. Her cell phone rang and she had a short conversation.

I decided to go home and pack my bags. I would then go find a motel someplace. I felt a little better once I had a plan of some kind. As I stood, the woman next to me seemed concerned.

"Please don't leave!" she requested. "It would be in your best interest to stay here for a little while. Would you have a drink with me, if I bought?" she asked.

"Not to be rude, Lady, but I am not looking for any companionship. Quite the opposite," I explained. "You are an attractive woman. There are plenty of guys around. I am sorry but I have to go."

"Please stay, Matt. I promised I would keep you here for a few minutes," she implored.

I turned to look more closely at the woman next to me. Did I know her? Had we met someplace? What was she talking about?

"You have the advantage on me," I replied. "You seem to know me, but I don't know you, and you are not the sort of woman a man forgets easily."

She looked at me and I thought she was going to break into tears as she told me, "You still have some charm, even with a broken heart."

"Is it that obvious?' I asked. "Or did someone put a sign on my back? Maybe to cover up the stab wound I have between my shoulder blades. Thanks for your concern, but I have to leave now."

I sure didn't need to get all sad, and stuff, with some strange woman in a bar. I was already humiliated enough. I turned to leave. Then, walking through the door was Patti and 'The Big Salami'!

They walked right up to me. I was mad as hell again. I thought I had gained some control, but seeing them together brought it all back. Did they look me up so they could humiliate me? They were in for a surprise if that was their goal. I knew Id rather lose a bar fight and get tossed in jail than put up with any shit from them.

Patti was dressed in a black party dress and looked great. My heart actually hurt as I looked at her. I decided to take the high road and started around her to leave.

"Matt, listen to me. I don't know what happened, but you have made a big mistake!" she cried as she grabbed my arm.

I reached down and removed her hand.

"I sure did. I made a mistake when I fell for you all those years ago. I made a mistake when I believed you were shopping at the mall last night, and not spending time in that hotel with this shithead!" I growled. "I made a mistake when I went to the hotel room you reserved, but forgot to mention to me. But the real mistake I made was not waiting for this fucker to show up so I could kick his goddamn ass. Maybe I'll correct that mistake right now!"

"Oh, shit!" gasped Patti. "You knew I was at the hotel with Sam last night and thought I was waiting for him tonight? You thought Sam and I were,... were having an affair?"

Patti was shaking her head in horror and disbelief. I was getting uncomfortable confronting my wife and her lover in public. I had enough and wanted to get away from Patti and Sam. I turned to leave again when the blonde woman that had been talking to me earlier stepped in front of me.

"Matt, I am Sam's wife, Sandy. Listen to Patti. It is a simple misunderstanding. Sam isn't Patti's lover! I can promise you that!" she guaranteed.

Doubt was beginning to creep into my mind. I didn't know if I should feel good because Patti may not have been cheating, or really bad because I may have been a real ass. My weakening resolve must have shown. Patti moved up to me and put her arm in mine.

"Sandy, Sam, please excuse us for a few minutes. I have to explain to this big jerk what is going on," said Patti as she led me to a dark booth.

She pushed me in and slid in after me. I was whipped emotionally and felt numb.

"Matt, I have never been unfaithful to you. I never will be. I love you with no reservations. Sam and Sandy were helping me set up a surprise birthday party for you. We bought some stuff at the mall to decorate the ballroom and they helped me put it up. That was why I lied to you. That was wrong," admitted Patti. "I realize that now, but I didn't lie because I wanted to have an affair or hurt you in any way. I never thought it would be found out until we surprised you tonight and then you would understand."

I just sat there listening and wishing I could crawl under the table and die!

"I rented the hotel room so we could have a nice romantic evening after the party. I was getting changed when you came in. I didn't want to leave the house dressed up and make you suspicious. Steve was going to bring you to the hotel around eight and we were going to surprise you with a party in the same room we had our reception in when we were married."

I felt small and ashamed. I struggled for words to try to explain the pain and fear I had gone through. How could I face everybody? What must they think of me?

"Patti, I thought all that talk about Sam's big cock had gotten to you. I thought you had decided to find something better than what I had," I admitted.

"Oh, Matt! You can be so smart at times and so dumb other times. Let me ask you something, Matt. Do you like my pussy?" she questioned.

"You know the answer to that. I have never given you any reason to doubt it. I love you, and your pussy," I confessed.

"Let me tell you something, Buster. My pussy is pretty much the same as every pussy up and down the street. You love it, and I know you do. But that is because it is part of me. Your love for me allows you to love something that isn't really all that lovable in most situations," laughed Patti.

She continued, "Women don't marry a man for his cock, or leave a man because of his cock. Your cock is perfect. You are my husband. I don't give a damn about the size of your cock, Matt. I am glad it is as big as it is and I love the way it feels, but that is because of you. A woman wants a man that is intelligent, kind, loving, supportive and hard working. If she finds that, she will be very happy with his cock, believe me."

"Patti, I made a real big mistake. I didn't have enough faith in you. I let you down and made an ass of myself. I don't know what to do or say. I feel like crawling into a hole," I confessed.

"Are you kidding? Matt, you made me proud! You caught me in a lie and you did something about it. You let me, and the whole world, know that I am yours and you are not willing to share, ever!" protested Patti. "I thought you were going to punch Sam for a second. I know better than to lie to you again, Matt!"

"When you left in such a rage, I knew you would probably try to have a drink and cool off so I asked Sam, Sandy and a few others to drive around looking for your car. We were all checking parking lots all over town," Patti explained. "Sandy found your car and called me. Then she called everyone else to tell them that you had been located. Sam was in the area and pulled in the same time I did. If I had realized that you thought he was my lover, I would never have let him come into the place. I have never seen you so upset. You must love me quite a lot, don't you?"

I didn't want anyone to see my tears so I hugged Patti to me and buried my head in her hair. I had played the fool big time! I had also learned how much her love and faithfulness meant to me.

Later, at the party I had to take a lot of kidding. More than a few wise cracks were directed my way. I just kept smiling and hugging my wife. I was a little embarrassed around Patti's parents. I wondered if they felt their daughter had married an asshole. Patti's father got me to the side half way through the night.

"Son, she is my daughter, but she is your wife. You did the right thing today. She already knew you would do anything for her. Shit! She has known that for years. Now she knows you won't tolerate any fucking around, and that is a good thing for a wife to know, too. You made a very clear statement," he chuckled "It won't soon be forgotten."

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