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I was so careful

My secret reading of erotica and watching porn on the internet was discovered by my wife
I was so careful to cover my tracks. On my iMac I used Safari as my default browser, and it was Safari I had on my dock. But I had also hidden away a Chrome browser, not sticking to the dock. I activated stealth mode. On my Chrome I had open stories from Lush, pictures and even small videos from xhamster, pages with information on swinging. Stuff I did not want my wife to know that I read and watched. I never quite relaxed, listened for steps moving in the direction of my den, ready with fingers on Cmd-Tab to rapidly switch to an innocent looking page on Safari.

I had read erotic stories and looked at “dirty” pictures as long as I could remember. Even after I met and married my wife, I continued to read these stories and masturbate in secret. Oh – I did and do love my wife. I think she is beautiful and attractive. I love having sex with her, though my erections are not quite what they were in my younger days. I may not always be able to penetrate, but always give her several orgasms with my mouth and fingers. She says it is okay, but I wonder. But masturbation is something else, it is more forbidden, it stimulates fantasies, it makes me in control. I feel bad about it, because it feels a bit like cheating. I always keep it a secret.

During the years, hidden magazines have been made redundant. Internet gives easy access to everything I may want, and then much more that I do not. But I was always so very careful that no one should find out.

“Elling, there is something wrong with my computer,” my wife Mary shouted.

I immediately rose up and went to her computer in the living room. It was the dreaded blue screen of death on her windows laptop. I restarted in safe mode, rolled back the system to last working state. It seem to work all right now, when I heard her shout:

“Come here, what is this stuff?”

Shit! I had forgot to close the Chrome browser. She had gone to my computer to finish her Google search, and found my browser open on Lush Stories on Annie’s Journey. It was a story about a woman fucking other men with her husband’s permission, and at the right of the screen there was advertising, moving pictures with anal sex. Shit! Shit! I never wanted for this to happen, and got deep red and embarrassed.

“Do you use your computer to watch porn? I never thought I was married to a dirty old pig. Is this why you do not get it up properly anymore? Do you not find me attractive anymore?”

I felt the shame engulf me, stuttered and did not know what to say.

“No, I am sure it is the blood pressure medication and age that affects my erections. I still find you very attractive, and love having sex with you. I am so ashamed now, and do not know what to say. Please do not despise me.”

“What is this story that you are reading?”

“It is about a happily married wife who is both allowed and encouraged by her husband to have sex with other men. She does it both together with her husband, and without.”

“Will any man who really loves her wife, allow her and want her to do that?”

“I must admit that I have read many stories on the Internet these last years, and it seems to be a very common fantasy, and many people seem to act on it. I know that I would let you do it if you wanted to. I am not able to give you the sex I think you are entitled to. I very much want you to be happy.”

“What? Who do you think I am? I would never cheat on you. I want only you.”

“It would not be cheating if I agreed and knew about it. But do you still want me? I have been so afraid of your reactions if you found out what I am reading and looking at. Can you still love me?”

“Of course I love you – I think. But I have to let this new revelation sink in. I am disappointed in you, that you have had this whole erotic life beside our without sharing it with me. It feels a bit like cheating.”

“I never have cheated on you and never will. You are the love of my life. I would be desperate if I should lose you or do anything to hurt you.”

“I feel a bit hurt too. Am I not enough for you? You know my body is getting older. Do you use the computer to lust for other women with young firm bodies?”

“Oh please – do believe me. I still find you very attractive and do not want anyone but you. I have read erotic stories, looked at pictures all my life, even when we both were young with firm bodies. Now I prefer pictures with mature people near our own ages, and I prefer stories that involve the wife, and I fantasize – what if you were able to do some of these things. Stories of cheating do not appeal to me.”

“So you fantasise about me fucking other men?”

“Yes, I do.”

“Would you not be jealous?”

“I would be desperately jealous if I thought that you would leave me for another man. If I feel safe in our love for one another, I will not be jealous of you getting together with another man if it was just for giving you the pleasure. In fact, I would love for you to have this pleasure – your pleasure is my pleasure. “

“Well, that was a rather cute thing to say. Of course you have my everlasting love, I will never risk to lose you either. I will never have sex with another man, but it is kind of nice to know that you will let me – I think. You have to show me more of these stories, but now you have to prove to me that it is me that you want.”

She took my hand, led me into the bedroom, and started to kiss me. I started to remove her clothes, she removed mine. I stood behind her and turned her to the mirror, cupped her right breast with my hand and let the other glide down her stomach towards her crotch.

“Don’t. Let us go to bed.”

“I want to look at you like this. You are still so beautiful and attractive to me.”

“You are stupid. Let us go to bed.”

And we went under the covers of the bed, kissing each other, letting the hands slide all over each other’s body. I let my fingers slide down to her pussy. She was wet. I slide the fingers up and down, circling and then touching her clit, increasing the speed gradually, and in a few minutes she had her first orgasm. I put two fingers into her pussy, bending them up against the g-spot, massaging fast in and out. And she climaxed again. I kissed her breasts and slide my head downwards to her crotch.

She used her hands as if to stop me (she used to think it was a bit dirty), but then let go and let me get down to her pussy. I kissed and licked her clitoris while I put the tip of my index finger gently towards her rosebud, and pushing it inside to the first knuckle, then another finger while I licked her clitoris harder. She came again, harder this time, gushing my face full of her come fluids. I was semi-hard – as always when having sex these last years. Not hard enough for penetration, but hard enough to get stimulated. All this time she jacked my cock with her hand and teased my rosebud with a fingertip, till I erupted in a great orgasm and came with a great amount of cum on her pretty breast.

We lay there holding each other.

“I love you, it was very good for me,” I said

“For me, too.”

“But I wish I got hard enough to get inside you.”

“That is not very important for me, I have never got a vaginal orgasm anyway – only with yours fingers and mouth, and that is plenty enough for me.”

“Perhaps you would with the right man with the right cock.”

“Perhaps, yes perhaps it would. But you know it will never happen – I think.”

Was she a tiny bit open to the idea? I had been so careful to cover my tracks. It seems I have been too careful, too long. Was she right? Will it never happen?

This story is protected by International Copyright Law, by the author, all rights reserved. If found posted anywhere other than with this note attached, it has been posted without my permission.

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