Forum posts made by tantricdrummer

Topic Which are you?
Posted 28 Sep 2015 07:54

I am a Dom. I envy those who can switch because they understand both sides.
I have not found somebody I can safely switch with although I have recently started talking to two Dommes.

Topic Why would anyone like to be humiliated and degraded?
Posted 28 Sep 2015 03:58

I am trying to learn and understand here, not put anyone down.

For me it is important to treat other people with respect, and most of all those you are is a near relationship with. I have through my work seen relations where one partner is abusing and destroying the other - and psychological abuse can be just as destroying as physical violence.

I guess I am not wired for BDSM, but I would think that there must be a mutual respect between Dom and Sub, and a trust that the Dom is not going to damage his/her sub physically or psychologically.

Is that what you mean by difference between humiliation and degrading? Humiliation is pushing your limit into embarassing and awkward territory that may be or become likable anyhow? But degradation is abuse.

But do you agree that the relationship between Dom and Sub should have a mutual respect, that the Dom is not more worth as a human beeng then his/her Sub, and that a Dom should not damage a Sub?

This is a great question and I appreciate the time you are taking to understand it.

One of the paradoxes for me about Domination / submission is also the thing that makes it the most potent.
What is that you might ask?

It's the fact that the most extreme acts of dominance require the highest level of trust.

Everybody sees and talks about the acts that a submissive will allow. After all, any true Dominant will tell you that a submissive has all the power. In my case she decides what power she hands over or not.

There is a point at which a submissive will hand over the power to decide. That's incredibly powerful.

Humiliation play for me, comes at that point or after. It's a way in which to express the intense trust and pleasure that you get from pushing somebody past a limit they never thought possible. For them, in turn, it is taking something from you that they would never take from anybody else.

If its not rooted in trust however, it becomes abuse.

What is the degradation part of humiliation?
There are those that are aroused when they are called names. Subs I have played with find it a jolt to be called a slut, a bitch, a whore during play.
There are those that then will take treatment that is more demeaning. Depersonalization is a popular way to move into this territory. This is where a submissive will allow herself to be treated like a dog, or a piece of furniture.

The question of why somebody enjoys this is a big topic. There are multiple reasons. Sometimes it has to do with dealing with trauma, and in that case it is best that this kind of play is avoided. In other cases, it is a way for them to reclaim things that they once had difficulty with.

What I do know is that humiliation play with submissives I have spent a long time with and gotten to know have resulted in some of the most potent mindfucks and powerful orgasms ever - on both sides.

Topic How to deal with sub-drop when you're NOT in a bdsm relationship?
Posted 27 Sep 2015 22:49

Long story short - someone suggested that the extreme highs and lows I experience during and after sex are a type of sub-drop. Of course, I'm quite familiar with all the elements of this per fiction and online articles as well as discussions online with others who are in a bdsm life dynamic of some fashion and such - but applying what I've read to real life seems nearly impossible because my husband is not a dom - and he doesn't see me as a sub in any regard.

Is it a predictable pattern? Meaning do you experience a post coital low each and every time?

Do you receive or have you discussed aftercare as babys_safe_harbor suggests?

What do you feel / yearn for in that low? Observations you have about that state and what makes it a low for you might provide additional clues as to how you might mitigate it.

Topic recommendation
Posted 27 Sep 2015 22:40

Hey everyone,

I want to ask everyone for a recommendation. I love reading stories where the husband is awoken by the sound of he's wife being fucked by another man or a story where the wife is getting fucked all night by another man and the husband is there as well. Any recommendation would be greatly appreciated.

The category you are looking for is cuckold.

Angieseroticpen is one of the best cuckold writers around so check some of these out:

Topic Advice for my story idea
Posted 27 Sep 2015 22:38

one more thing. you'll want to put dinosaurs in your story. trust me on that. Dinosaurs are hot. :)

I always look for dinasaurs in my erotica soup.

Good luck with the story. Sounds like it has all the elements needed for good erotica.

I think you've figured out the three chapter plan, and it sounds like a good one.

One other thing aspect to this:

Depending on how you treat the fertilization aspect of that third piece, you might want to consider putting this in either the fetish or interracial categories.

There is a subculture of readers who enjoy interracial breeding as a fetish topic.

It's mostly having to do with white women being bred by black bulls, but this is a variation on that theme.

Hope it turns out well.

Topic Seriously, The B**** Ain't Loyal!
Posted 27 Sep 2015 20:38

I have a quote that I love, but I can’t remember where I picked it up. “You can’t trust inspiration. If you turn your back on that b****, she will steal s*** from your house and run off. She won't even leave a note on your bedside table." Replace inspiration with “THE MUSE”. Now, multiply that times ten. Seriously, believe me when I say that she does not care about you. You are the sorry side of a one sided relationship

I do not have a muse as such. However, I love this quote albeit unattributed, because I can completely relate to it. Writing for me is like exercise, or drumming. When you are working the muscles, they respond easier. Your inclination to go to it is more automatic. As Charles Duhigg might say, 'You've succeeded in turning it into a habit.'

Sounds like your friend is in a rut. However talented he might be, a guy in a rut is a soldier who has fallen into a ditch. Speaking from experience, its a whole lot different being in the ditch than it is being outside telling somebody what they probably know - that they are in a ditch need to start climbing their way out somehow.

The more I write, the more stories come to me. The more stories I jot down the more details float through my head. Once in a while, I find somebody who writes a discerning comment or challenges something I wrote.

This composite of experiences for me is my muse.

How's it working for me? All I can say is I am back on the horse, and it does feel good.

Topic How long does it usually take for a story to get verified?
Posted 24 Sep 2015 09:08

@nicola Thanks for the response. Yes, if you edit volunteer or otherwise it does mean you have to know the site rules and protocol, so that makes sense.

I have another observation / question. If Stephanie is right and about 60% of the offerings never make light of day b/c they either break the rules or don't make the cut as it were, I'm wondering if there's a way to pre-empt it with some kind of warning text?

Lets say I had a great story about how my boss got raped by a bipolar chihuahua (I don't but now I might go write one), and when I clicked on submit I saw some clear text above the submission form that said 'Rape, snuff, bestiality etc. etc. are verbotten on this site,' then I'd take my masterpiece and go elsewhere.

There's not much you can do to avoid bad writing. I will say though that its a shame because there are many people I know who have tried unsuccessfully to get stories published because their grammar is abhorrent. They have stories to tell though, and their imagination is just as vivid as those who know when to use "your" vs. "you're."

I wonder if there's a way to use crowdsourcing to connect the grammarati to the wretched yet deserving.

More things to muse on in my free time.

Topic How long does it usually take for a story to get verified?
Posted 23 Sep 2015 21:02

Helpful to know now that I've started writing again. One of the things that other sites (such as literotica) have is a stable of volunteer editors who are willing to read over your stories prior to publish. I haven't published on lit for a while, but I do know that stories I published where I attributed a listed editor always was shorter.
I know its not easy feat to assemble a list of would be editors. But perhaps we can low tech it in much the way that the D/s folks have used a forum thread for subs to ask for Masters?

Just thinking out loud here.

Topic What is the dividing line between literature (storytelling), erotica, and good old smut?
Posted 23 Sep 2015 08:53

Thank you :)

Perhaps the only limitation I've run into is when people want erotica to serve as a masturbatory aide - and while I write this often and love it quite a bit, some of my erotica just isn't that. Some of it is too emotional (in a harsh-sentiment sort of way) - though written with just as much detail and explicitness as all my erotica, sometimes the story content will plant it firmly with Literary Erotica (Soft, Sweet Clarice and Between Midnight and Noon are two examples of that).

For pure fun - people who read my smut often get an education at the same time. LOL - one of my most popular pieces is a grammar lesson on 'loose' VS 'lose' (with a lesson on 'towards' VS 'toward' thrown in for good, deepthroating measure.)

You are quite welcome :-)

So you just spoke to two related thought steams that motivated my question here.

The first was about what a reader's expectation is on an erotica site. Lets be honest. The majority of the readers do come here to jack off or as you said more clinically 'to serve as a masturbatory aide.' Given the nature of the work that I do, its impossible for me to do anything without considering the audience. I spend a lot of time helping big companies figure out their demographics and identifying behavior triggers.

The second was a frustration about not having my timing yet and being able to flow back and forth. You astutely answered the question I didn't ask. I am impressed.

I am a bigger fan of storytelling than literature. Perhaps its because of my fascination with subaltern voices. In many cases I read stories where the experiential knowledge in a story far outweighs its grammatical or literary worth.

The good news is that all of this is inspiring me to keep working on hitting my stride. At the end of the day, that's what its all about. I'm writing again, and its such a delight.

Topic What is the dividing line between literature (storytelling), erotica, and good old smut?
Posted 22 Sep 2015 08:03


I'm VERY DEFINITELY a storyteller.

In telling a STORY some elements are (for me) quite essential. I like characters. I like a definite plot. I like a resolution.

I BELIEVE in a difference between erotica and smut. Were I FORCED to define that difference, I'd suggest that EROTICA, (while it gets you off...) invites more consideration, more questions and leaves a RESONANCE in the mind of a reader. Smut (or Porn) not so much, though there's nothing wrong with that. To be clear, (if Venal!) some of my favourite stories here are PORN stories.

The concept of a 'Dividing Line' is I think a very interesting one. I don't think THE WRITER makes that call. The reader does. Indeed, EACH INDIVIDUAL reader does.

xx SF

I like the distinction between storytelling and literature and I would agree.
The observation that each individual probably has their own line about erotica and porn also makes good sense.

I've put your three stories on queue. Thanks for your thoughts on this.

Topic What is the dividing line between literature (storytelling), erotica, and good old smut?
Posted 22 Sep 2015 07:59

If I want to write literary erotica that crosses all sorts of boundaries, is a story and lyrically sound almost like a poem and a hot fucking turn on I shall do so on a whim.

In fact, I've done exactly that quite often.

I just read one of your stories and I would agree. Your blend is extremely well crafted.

Topic During sex, do you prefer a moaner or a screamer?
Posted 18 Sep 2015 09:39

Moaning is better in my opinion ;)

In the case of sex yes. But when I have somebody bent over my knee and am giving them a good spanking, I enjoy hearing them scream and yell obscenities.

Topic During sex, do you prefer a moaner or a screamer?
Posted 18 Sep 2015 09:34

I much prefer moaners and grunters. These are the women who are trying to hold it in but can't.
I agree with some of the folks here though. More than the moaning, I love the ones who start getting more and more explicit as they care less and less as the session goes on.

I dated a screamer once in college. There was a particularly inspired night when I woke her up in the middle of the night to take her. She said a lot of things that night, and we heard all about it from my 3 dorm mates the next day at breakfast.
It was some of the best sex I had in college, but it did change my opinion on screamers.

Topic What is the dividing line between literature (storytelling), erotica, and good old smut?
Posted 18 Sep 2015 07:39

And, yes, I'm writing largely based on what I like and desire and hoping it finds an audience (and with two stories over 30K views, the Famous Story level, I think I'm hitting the audience occasionally) more so that looking for an audience and writing what they want.

I too find I am drawn more to the sex when I have context about characters. In this day and age, there's no way to write a stroke story (in my opinion) that can compare to a quick video or image fap session.
Your statement reminds me of Jon Cusack, who said that he did his blockbuster movies so that he could get the funds he needed to do the projects he really enjoyed.
If you have a couple of 30K view stories then you've certainly figured out one way to attract a 'mainstream' viewing.

Appreciate your thoughts on this.

Topic What is the dividing line between literature (storytelling), erotica, and good old smut?
Posted 18 Sep 2015 06:19

I'm starting to write again. This is a good thing. As I do however, I am finding I have miniseries level storylines floating through my head.
As I am attempting to pen (or type in this day and age) one of the stories I am seeing that there are certain characteristics that make up good erotica.

So I am wondering what you other authors do to take a storyline and keep it interesting for a reader that comes online looking for erotica?

To me, good literature includes sexuality. An intense flash scene needs to be steamy and raunchy. How do you keep yourself in the middle ground and keep your readers entertained?

I suppose a good corollary question is whether you write for yourself or for your audience, but I'll leave that for another thread.

Topic How often do you write a story that ends up somewhere you didn't expect?
Posted 18 Sep 2015 06:12

I am currently in this situation where I started a story somewhere and it went somewhere else. I also have the situation where I didn't get to the sex quickly enough and as a result I believe I have lost reader interest. I do need to finish this storyline out to some reasonable conclusion, but this exercise has got me thinking about what good erotica really is?

Topic Most guys won't EVER taste their cum, why?
Posted 09 Apr 2015 10:22

So this is interesting as I've often smelled my own cum but never tasted it. I recently started speaking to a very interesting Domme who inquired about this - about swallowing my cum.
The reason why I have never done it to date is because I never had a reason to. Probably because I am dominant in bed and most of the interactions are guided by me.
I absolutely love going down on my partner, and enjoy how her juices taste.
When I think about it, I've probably tasted my own pre-cum since I often go down on my partner or sub after I've been inside her. I think the interim foreplay adds to the sense of desperation.

I think I will enjoy it, and will probably taste it at some point. If the thread is still running I'll let you know my verdict.

Topic Road Head
Posted 09 Apr 2015 10:15

I received a fair amount of road head when my wife and I were courting and in our first years of marriage. The best incident was in fact when we were on our way to our friend's wedding. she was in progress when we got to a toll booth and she kept going all the way through.
Her reasoning was that she'd never see the person again.

As the years have gone by, and the kids came around we don't do much of those things anymore.
I will agree with some of the other comments here that it does require some concentration - as it can very quickly become distracting. It does give the relationship a little spark tho, to do things like this from time to time.

Topic Are females attracted to Musicians more than normal people?
Posted 02 Dec 2011 13:24

Well I'm a drummer and I'm here to testify that its not all musicians who get the women.

The damn guitarists always get the girls because they are out in front. It takes too much damn time to pack the drums up and then go chat up the chicks.

In all seriousness, there's certainly an energy that women exude when they're in the audience and listening, especially to hand drums like tablas and dumbeks.
The base tones create a viscreral reaction at the diaphragm level.

Topic Famous Story Requirement?
Posted 18 Nov 2011 08:57

Thanks for being so responsive Nicola,

Appreciate the info, as well as the insight based on the numbers.

Yes, matching up to 1% seems to be about the right balance.
Now for the harder question about attainability of all non-incest stories.

I'm planning on writing an incest story myself, based on the wisdom of John Cusack, who said that he did his blockbuster movies just so he had the means to go off and work on the projects that interested him.



Topic Sister-in-law
Posted 17 Nov 2011 08:17

So the important thing is to know how to read this excellent advice and see that we are all trying to help your career and life goals.

There are many good reasons to fuck your sister-in-law. But in preparation, make sure you do the following

1. Have a voyeur cam installed. Jerry Springer will pay more for your spot on the show if you have some footage.
2. Anonymously call 'Wife Cheaters' and give them your wife's number as a hot tip. Plus this way you won't have that 'holy shit!' expression on your face at the intervention.
3. Practice good enounciation in front of the mirror. It would suck to set all this stuff up and then slur on national television. Also, don't slouch.

Do the deed.

I'd recommend that you do the television spots after the split happens. If not, your wife will get half.

good luck. Make sure you come and tell us how it worked for you. We're inquiring minds and we want to know.


Topic Staying for the Kids
Posted 17 Nov 2011 08:07

Great perspectives here. I'll give mine, and its a personal view.

I'm staying for the kids.

The reason is that I saw research that said kids are much better adjusted if they have both parents around, as long as its not abusive.
I've also seen kids that have trouble adjusting to split schedules and split lives.
I have an arrangement with my wife that we will work on being good parents.
In our situation, we agree on that front. So some of the other stuff is not there, but that's something I'm willing to put aside for the time being if it helps my kids.

If things get to a point where there's constant fighting or tension, and it is affecting the kids, then there's no reason to stay.

So, current position is a parent partnership relationship with a set of boundaries and a baseline set of expected behaviors and courtesies.


Topic Mixed race relationships...but not black/white
Posted 17 Nov 2011 08:01

I agree. I'm Indian myself, and a lot of my cousins are marrying white women.
Friends of ours have daughters marrying white guys.

So the one thing about dating is that unless the families are really progressive, the Indian girl or the Indian guy will likely not take bf or gf home to 'meet the family'.

It's likely to be illicit. I dated American and Chinese girls during college. I never told my parents.

So, question if you're asking about being accepted by your girlfriend/boyfriend's family, then don't date Asian or Indian girls.

If you find them attractive, then I can tell you that Indian women date white guys very often. Actually that's not gender biased. Indian guys date white women a lot as well, and even marry them.


Topic Multi Chapters - Maintaining the Edge
Posted 16 Nov 2011 18:08

Might be that the answer is in a thread somewhere else, but are there groups of writers that put multi-chapter stories together?
Either chain writing, to see where the story leads and to keep your writing chops sharp, or using the power of multiple perspectives to have a broader set of characters who are developed more thoroughly because each contributor takes responsibility for a character or two?

Have never done it, but think it would be a great exercise.

Of course I don't know what I don't know about the pragmatic reality of trying such a thing and what the pitfalls are.

Topic Famous Story Requirement?
Posted 16 Nov 2011 18:03

A question for Gav.
So the 50K page views, is that views by users who are logged in? Or is it anonymous views?

Cos if the 1-9-90 rule is in effect, you're getting about 800K to 900K unique visitors who either dont have a profile or don't log in?

Just curious.

I was thinking about this a little more (dangerous I know).

Maybe one thing to consider is an estimation exercise.
Figure out how many famous stories you want in a month, a year.
Look at what the top non-incest story limits are and determine a threshold using that.

Of course all this is moot given you moved the bar down to 50K.

What I should do is go write some stories rather than debate the recognition system functions.


Topic Famous Story Requirement?
Posted 15 Nov 2011 20:50

i mean, it really doesn't matter if you write something amazing, if you write the best straight sex or bdsm story ever written, it's just not going to hit even 50k. i thought 30k was a great target for proving a story is popular - 50k is pretty much out of reach, however, for even the best of the best here unless they write incest/taboo. i am not sure how to make it fair, i mean, i have suggestions, but i also don't want to create a system where the mods and site managers have to do loads and loads of extra work to figure out what makes a story famous in one category compared with another. perhaps the solution is for anyone who really craves that badge to post a father-daughter incest story and move on. not really sure. i mean, its tricky, i admit.

So now I see where you have to go to find the truly motivated authors on Lush.

I was curious about the badges overall, but this one in particular. I think its really neat that such a badge exists.
It's also neat to know that the great writers are doing their research and understand their audience and viewership.

I like Nicola's idea of a two tier or even multi-tier threshold for this, based on categories and previous levels of achievement. If you look at game theory mechanics and work by people like Amy Jo Kim, they will tell you that the value of badges and levels is that they have to be perceived as attainable in order to sustain the interest of the participants. Key point being perceived. The value of this badge seems to be that it is one of the few that is merit based rather than activity based on Lush. Given that, if it is seen as out of reach by aspirants, then its value to the system diminishes rapidly.

Anyway, interesting discussion and I will pop back in to see how this progresses.

Topic Which improvements or features would you like to see added?
Posted 15 Nov 2011 20:36

I'm new here and if this has been brought up then please accept my apologies.

I'm wondering if there's a way to make use of that profile info you collect on people (particularly the interests) to recommend users with similar interests to each other?

One of the reasons I'm back here is that your chat, connect and friend features are great.
But the search features for other users is limited.

It would be great to be able to:
- search for multiple interests rather than one by one
- select multiple preferences rather than just one. This way if you wanted to look for everybody that is bi-curious and straight, you could do that in one shot.

You might already have a way to find who is online and then initiate conversations with them. I just haven't found it yet.

I do realize however that the regulars are not happy with random people sending friend requests, so perhaps that's why you aren't making the 'find' aspects any more robust.

In any case, my thoughts for now. Am enjoying the site so keep up the good work.