Topic Love is beautiful,however Men can separate sex and love.Why cant women?
17 Mar 2013 11:12
The issue is best explained by the mix of biology and culture. Sex is inherently riskier for women then men. Men enter women's bodies. Men can't get pregnant, and until recent decades paternity was difficult to establish at best. Safe, reliable contraception is less then a century old. And men can, in theory, impregnate a vast number of women while a woman can have only a limited number of offspring. While culture of mating and reproduction extends back many centuries.
Because women have much more at risk then men, they logically ask for a higher standard before becoming comfortable enough with someone to have sex. The premium placed on virginity in many cultures is intended to assure paternity, and thus the man's continuing support in the rearing of children. Human civilization grew up with those biases built in. Slut shaming, the 'groping' and even the burqua all grew up as ways to assure paternity rights. And the bias in those rights was reinforced by both men and women.
This also changes the sexual balance between men and women and how our politics broke down. Except for prostitutes, no man wanted to be with a loose woman. A woman who was willing to say yes, was relatively rare and that balance is reflected her on Lush. How many potential cyber partners does a woman enjoy in a chat room. How long does it take before a man hits on a woman? Minutes. But for men the situation is reversed.
In essence, sexual condition for women is Pavlovian, for men Skinnerian. In Pavlovian conditioning, every time the lever is pressed (or the bell rung) the reward is given. It's easier for most women to find sex, if that's all you're going for is sex, Animals trained under pavlovian conditions press the lever only when they're hungry. Because sex is easy, women naturally aspire to more.
For men the situation is often reversed. Except for a few rock stars/celebrities, sex isn't so easy. My presence in a chatroom is a matter of no interest until I stand out in some way. I could spend hours in a chat room and its iffy if a single woman would initiate conversation, sexual or otherwise. Men face a more Skinnerian situation, where you have to press the lever to get your reward, but you never ever know if a reward is coming, It is random and intermittant. Animals conditioned that way press the lever constantly because they can never have confidence a reward is coming.
Now that's sort of basic biology, but remember the biology of men and women has derived over centuries. For a man, finding a woman willing to have sex with him is difficult, so success is self-affirming in and ove itself. For a woman sex is easy, so they want more, they are more invested before they admit a man to their body. For women it is often the cementing of a pre-exiting bond. For men it's often that way too. We aren't unaffected by sex. But rather, we don't require the emotional commitment before saying yes.
Topic Guys, would you rather fuck a tight or wide pussy?
20 Nov 2012 17:52
Is there such a thing as a bad pussy? What I want is a pussy attached to a broad, questioning mind who makes me laugh. As Woody Allen once put it, "The worst orgasm I ever had was right on."
Topic Can I Pick Your Brains?
10 Nov 2012 18:28
Compared to most of the world, the US is a great place to be a woman. But women have had the right to vote for less then a century, and my life is about the span of the birth control pill. I remember when Good Girls Don't was an iron law. I remember when gay people were deeply in the closet and lesbian literature always ended badly. We are only a generation or two away from that. Which means lots of people who grew up with the old ways are having trouble adapting. As they pass, things should get easier. But we're not so rich as we were, it's hard now to get a good job. People are afraid and when they fear they often look backward for surety an moral purity. But I think the election proved not everyone is ready to turn back
Topic Republicans and the "R" word
26 Oct 2012 20:24
I know why they say it, but they really aren't interested in thinking it through. Fortunately, SF writer John Scalzi does that for them. Great satire that gets right to the reality of the matter.
Topic Favorite show.
26 Oct 2012 19:56
Battlestar Galactica (the remake), Dexter, The Game of Thrones and The Daily Show top my all-time list
Topic Favorite Ice Cream
21 Oct 2012 18:14
I live in Ohio, the Axis of Ice Cream. From Cincinnati we offer Graeters, best known for their Raspberry with dark chocolate chunks. To the norheast in Cleveland we have Mitchells' whose apricot makes me sigh. And in the center is Jeni's, named by a couple of mags as the best in America, and maybe the world. My favorite is goat Cheese with Cherries, though in winter it's Goat Cheese with Fig. Yummmmmm/
Topic Club Zafia....
21 Oct 2012 18:11
Topic Men and Periods.
14 Oct 2012 18:46
That depends on the women. I have had a serious relationship with women whose periods were extraordinarily difficult and painful, where sex was out of the question. One underwent a hysterectomy in order to end it Others it has been no big deal, and were very receptive when menstruating. Really, it's all about her. If she wants to, it's good. But her body and physical space is going through things we men thankfully avoid. We need to let our partners be our guide.
Topic Avatar above you
07 Oct 2012 19:56
Movie poster, but too small to see which film.
Topic Romney appraisal
07 Oct 2012 19:55
I really don't care about Mitt's jeans, but in truth he is the biggest liar I've ever seen in 40 years of following elections, and he represents a party which has left the reality train far behind. I have to wonder if there is a single lie that man won't tell, and what will happen if he really is elected.
Topic Ask the person below you any question
02 Oct 2012 19:16
Showers on a daily basis, bubble bath if I have company. You have more time, and I have a big water heater.
Have you ever done it an an automobile?
Topic What does your username mean?
01 Oct 2012 18:45
It means that I have been a first-post-divorce boyfriend so many times my head spins. And sadly, two of the deepest loves of my life came that way, when I dated a woman who was in no way emotionally ready to commit. Luck matters, and sometimes it doesn't go your way.
Topic Private, semi-public or public?
30 Sep 2012 17:45
private generally.... but there is something exciting about the possibility of being seen....
Agreed, and even if you were to 'show off' it would be best in a place where no one would know you.
Topic Just wondering - can relationships begun through Lush last?
13 Jun 2012 14:57
I think it possible they can last, but lets face it, like on the net is often directly proportional to distance. You aren't going to meet someone here you can ask out Saturday night. And so many people are married, which adds another barrier.
Topic Do you have any non erotic literary influences?
13 Jun 2012 10:20
My influences outside of erotic-- most of them actually-- I wrote my first erotic story after reading Gene Wolfe's SF classic 'The Book of the New Sun'. Tolkien, Connie Willis, Bruce Catton, Ursula LeGuin are much bigger influences
Topic Websites Will Be Forced To Identify Trolls
12 Jun 2012 08:30
If fined, you can contest it in a court. Usually it's cheaper to pay the fine, but as a matter of course a court challenge makes both sides present evidence to defend their case.
Human beings never see the same language exactly the same way. It is not defensible to argue that then net would not be better off anonymous abusers, who often say truly vile and inflammatory things they'd never dare to say in person. On the other hand, defining what constitutes such abuse. If it's confined only to the most egregious cases probably no one will have a problem, but one man's egregious is another's "I wish they hadn't".
And this is the problem. People routinely call city councilmen, and even their congressman's office over barking dogs, their neighbor's ham set, all sorts of juvenile things. Politicians know that people remember the time you said 'no' to them far more sharply then the time they did something well liked. People who have thin skins in one area, tend to have it for another and so to say "that really isn't bad enough" is difficult for them unless it can be done by some faceless bureaucrat, who then gets the blame. Your city councilmen has to seem concerned-- not matter what he or she actually thinks-- lest the complainer decide to take it personally during the next election. A lot of what they do is try to mollify people. So until the courts offer actual guidance as to what is and is not acceptable matters will be interesting. At $20 a pop for a fine, versus mega lawyer bills, my guess is most people will pay until and unless some big organization with money gets in on their behalf.
Topic Deciding between two girls
05 Jun 2012 06:53
I don't think anyone I've ever dated would have been okay with an open relationship. Most women aren't, or at least the sort I attract, all are interested in commitment. Often that isn't an option. If things are at a low level, enjoy and perhaps someone will stand out. If you're serious about someone, you really owe it to them to put their needs first.
Topic Sex before marriage? Or marriage before sex?
05 Jun 2012 06:43
In my view it's silly to wait until marriage in order to have sex, but it's also silly not to use contraceptives and that's a bargain some people make.
But to give it a brief defense, if you know you won't have sex before marriage then your dating goals may be more 'get to know her' then 'get in the sack', which is certainly better in the long run.
Topic Should all nuclear power stations be decommissioned?
04 Jun 2012 09:27
Certainly the recent accident made a powerful argument against nuclear power but I'd say no. The truth is poor people don't care about the environment, and we need power in order to keep people working. We also have a big upcoming issue with carbon pollution. Solar and the increasing use of wind power can help, but they'll only handle the growth of our population. There is no such thing as clean coal, so yeah, we do need to keep the nuclear plants going and even produce new ones to ensure a continuous supply of clean energy. And we allso need to learn from that accident and put that knowledge into the design of new plants.
Topic Have you ever been strip searched?
29 May 2012 11:16
Not yet, but when Officer Teri Hatcher pulls me over I'm ready. In all seriousness, it would never be fun to be surrounded by a bunch of cops wearing plastic gloves. It would be humiliating, and would make me angry as well. Something to think about when we call for more and more intrusion into other people's bodies.