Forum posts made by transitionalman

Topic Love is beautiful,however Men can separate sex and love.Why cant women?
Posted 17 Mar 2013 11:12

The issue is best explained by the mix of biology and culture. Sex is inherently riskier for women then men. Men enter women's bodies. Men can't get pregnant, and until recent decades paternity was difficult to establish at best. Safe, reliable contraception is less then a century old. And men can, in theory, impregnate a vast number of women while a woman can have only a limited number of offspring. While culture of mating and reproduction extends back many centuries.

Because women have much more at risk then men, they logically ask for a higher standard before becoming comfortable enough with someone to have sex. The premium placed on virginity in many cultures is intended to assure paternity, and thus the man's continuing support in the rearing of children. Human civilization grew up with those biases built in. Slut shaming, the 'groping' and even the burqua all grew up as ways to assure paternity rights. And the bias in those rights was reinforced by both men and women.

This also changes the sexual balance between men and women and how our politics broke down. Except for prostitutes, no man wanted to be with a loose woman. A woman who was willing to say yes, was relatively rare and that balance is reflected her on Lush. How many potential cyber partners does a woman enjoy in a chat room. How long does it take before a man hits on a woman? Minutes. But for men the situation is reversed.

In essence, sexual condition for women is Pavlovian, for men Skinnerian. In Pavlovian conditioning, every time the lever is pressed (or the bell rung) the reward is given. It's easier for most women to find sex, if that's all you're going for is sex, Animals trained under pavlovian conditions press the lever only when they're hungry. Because sex is easy, women naturally aspire to more.

For men the situation is often reversed. Except for a few rock stars/celebrities, sex isn't so easy. My presence in a chatroom is a matter of no interest until I stand out in some way. I could spend hours in a chat room and its iffy if a single woman would initiate conversation, sexual or otherwise. Men face a more Skinnerian situation, where you have to press the lever to get your reward, but you never ever know if a reward is coming, It is random and intermittant. Animals conditioned that way press the lever constantly because they can never have confidence a reward is coming.

Now that's sort of basic biology, but remember the biology of men and women has derived over centuries. For a man, finding a woman willing to have sex with him is difficult, so success is self-affirming in and ove itself. For a woman sex is easy, so they want more, they are more invested before they admit a man to their body. For women it is often the cementing of a pre-exiting bond. For men it's often that way too. We aren't unaffected by sex. But rather, we don't require the emotional commitment before saying yes.

Topic If you could have one lustful evening with anyone (and they were totally into it) with whom would it
Posted 28 Feb 2013 18:52

My choice would be (presuming she's single) newwoman Lara Logan. She has guts and brains, and tells the truth. Plus she's exquisitely beautiful. If she's married then I'd go for Cathrine Keener. I just like the smart girls.

Topic If you could only do one type of exercise or sport, what would it be?
Posted 27 Feb 2013 18:38

I raced sports cars just long enough to figure out I cannot afford to race. If the money fairy ever lands, I'm going back to the track with competitive equipment.

Topic Kate Upton Too big to be SI swimsuit?
Posted 27 Feb 2013 18:24

I can't even believe we're having this topic.

Topic Guys, would you rather fuck a tight or wide pussy?
Posted 20 Nov 2012 17:52

Is there such a thing as a bad pussy? What I want is a pussy attached to a broad, questioning mind who makes me laugh. As Woody Allen once put it, "The worst orgasm I ever had was right on."

Topic Can I Pick Your Brains?
Posted 10 Nov 2012 18:28

Compared to most of the world, the US is a great place to be a woman. But women have had the right to vote for less then a century, and my life is about the span of the birth control pill. I remember when Good Girls Don't was an iron law. I remember when gay people were deeply in the closet and lesbian literature always ended badly. We are only a generation or two away from that. Which means lots of people who grew up with the old ways are having trouble adapting. As they pass, things should get easier. But we're not so rich as we were, it's hard now to get a good job. People are afraid and when they fear they often look backward for surety an moral purity. But I think the election proved not everyone is ready to turn back

Topic Republicans and the "R" word
Posted 26 Oct 2012 20:24

http://whatever.scalzi.com/2012/10/25/a-fan-letter-to-certain-conservative-politicians/

I know why they say it, but they really aren't interested in thinking it through. Fortunately, SF writer John Scalzi does that for them. Great satire that gets right to the reality of the matter.

Topic Favorite show.
Posted 26 Oct 2012 19:56

Battlestar Galactica (the remake), Dexter, The Game of Thrones and The Daily Show top my all-time list

Topic Favorite Ice Cream
Posted 21 Oct 2012 18:14

I live in Ohio, the Axis of Ice Cream. From Cincinnati we offer Graeters, best known for their Raspberry with dark chocolate chunks. To the norheast in Cleveland we have Mitchells' whose apricot makes me sigh. And in the center is Jeni's, named by a couple of mags as the best in America, and maybe the world. My favorite is goat Cheese with Cherries, though in winter it's Goat Cheese with Fig. Yummmmmm/

Topic Club Zafia....
Posted 21 Oct 2012 18:11

http://youtu.be/xsRMy6gRTdI

Topic What comes to your mind when you hear the name of the country above you?
Posted 15 Oct 2012 18:53

Ayrton Senna, Emerson Fittipaldi, Tony Kanaan, and other great Brazilian racers

Luxembourg

Topic Men and Periods.
Posted 14 Oct 2012 18:46

That depends on the women. I have had a serious relationship with women whose periods were extraordinarily difficult and painful, where sex was out of the question. One underwent a hysterectomy in order to end it Others it has been no big deal, and were very receptive when menstruating. Really, it's all about her. If she wants to, it's good. But her body and physical space is going through things we men thankfully avoid. We need to let our partners be our guide.

Topic Person above you is naked and tied to your bed?
Posted 11 Oct 2012 18:59

"What are you doing here?"

Topic Avatar above you
Posted 07 Oct 2012 19:56

Movie poster, but too small to see which film.

Topic Romney appraisal
Posted 07 Oct 2012 19:55

I really don't care about Mitt's jeans, but in truth he is the biggest liar I've ever seen in 40 years of following elections, and he represents a party which has left the reality train far behind. I have to wonder if there is a single lie that man won't tell, and what will happen if he really is elected.

Topic Ask the person below you any question
Posted 02 Oct 2012 19:16

Showers on a daily basis, bubble bath if I have company. You have more time, and I have a big water heater.

Have you ever done it an an automobile?

Topic What does your username mean?
Posted 01 Oct 2012 18:45

It means that I have been a first-post-divorce boyfriend so many times my head spins. And sadly, two of the deepest loves of my life came that way, when I dated a woman who was in no way emotionally ready to commit. Luck matters, and sometimes it doesn't go your way.

Topic Private, semi-public or public?
Posted 30 Sep 2012 17:45

private generally.... but there is something exciting about the possibility of being seen....

Agreed, and even if you were to 'show off' it would be best in a place where no one would know you.

Topic Why is the person above you locked in your bedroom?
Posted 08 Sep 2012 18:58

To keep me out.

Topic Just wondering - can relationships begun through Lush last?
Posted 13 Jun 2012 14:57

I think it possible they can last, but lets face it, like on the net is often directly proportional to distance. You aren't going to meet someone here you can ask out Saturday night. And so many people are married, which adds another barrier.

Topic Do you have any non erotic literary influences?
Posted 13 Jun 2012 10:20

My influences outside of erotic-- most of them actually-- I wrote my first erotic story after reading Gene Wolfe's SF classic 'The Book of the New Sun'. Tolkien, Connie Willis, Bruce Catton, Ursula LeGuin are much bigger influences

Topic Websites Will Be Forced To Identify Trolls
Posted 12 Jun 2012 08:30

If fined, you can contest it in a court. Usually it's cheaper to pay the fine, but as a matter of course a court challenge makes both sides present evidence to defend their case.

Human beings never see the same language exactly the same way. It is not defensible to argue that then net would not be better off anonymous abusers, who often say truly vile and inflammatory things they'd never dare to say in person. On the other hand, defining what constitutes such abuse. If it's confined only to the most egregious cases probably no one will have a problem, but one man's egregious is another's "I wish they hadn't".

And this is the problem. People routinely call city councilmen, and even their congressman's office over barking dogs, their neighbor's ham set, all sorts of juvenile things. Politicians know that people remember the time you said 'no' to them far more sharply then the time they did something well liked. People who have thin skins in one area, tend to have it for another and so to say "that really isn't bad enough" is difficult for them unless it can be done by some faceless bureaucrat, who then gets the blame. Your city councilmen has to seem concerned-- not matter what he or she actually thinks-- lest the complainer decide to take it personally during the next election. A lot of what they do is try to mollify people. So until the courts offer actual guidance as to what is and is not acceptable matters will be interesting. At $20 a pop for a fine, versus mega lawyer bills, my guess is most people will pay until and unless some big organization with money gets in on their behalf.

Topic Deciding between two girls
Posted 05 Jun 2012 06:53

I don't think anyone I've ever dated would have been okay with an open relationship. Most women aren't, or at least the sort I attract, all are interested in commitment. Often that isn't an option. If things are at a low level, enjoy and perhaps someone will stand out. If you're serious about someone, you really owe it to them to put their needs first.

Topic Describe yourself in one word
Posted 05 Jun 2012 06:48

Curious.

Topic Sex before marriage? Or marriage before sex?
Posted 05 Jun 2012 06:43

In my view it's silly to wait until marriage in order to have sex, but it's also silly not to use contraceptives and that's a bargain some people make.

But to give it a brief defense, if you know you won't have sex before marriage then your dating goals may be more 'get to know her' then 'get in the sack', which is certainly better in the long run.

Topic have you ever given oral and how do you feel about it?
Posted 05 Jun 2012 05:36

As a man you can always tell when you're with a woman who really, really loves what she's doing.

Topic Should all nuclear power stations be decommissioned?
Posted 04 Jun 2012 09:27

Certainly the recent accident made a powerful argument against nuclear power but I'd say no. The truth is poor people don't care about the environment, and we need power in order to keep people working. We also have a big upcoming issue with carbon pollution. Solar and the increasing use of wind power can help, but they'll only handle the growth of our population. There is no such thing as clean coal, so yeah, we do need to keep the nuclear plants going and even produce new ones to ensure a continuous supply of clean energy. And we allso need to learn from that accident and put that knowledge into the design of new plants.

Topic Would you go to a nude beach with a friend of the opposite sex if invited?
Posted 03 Jun 2012 19:52

Sure, If I were invited. Why not?
'

Topic Would you masturbate on Skype with a stranger?
Posted 03 Jun 2012 18:12

No, no and no.

Topic Have you ever been strip searched?
Posted 29 May 2012 11:16

Not yet, but when Officer Teri Hatcher pulls me over I'm ready. In all seriousness, it would never be fun to be surrounded by a bunch of cops wearing plastic gloves. It would be humiliating, and would make me angry as well. Something to think about when we call for more and more intrusion into other people's bodies.