Forum posts made by whysoserious

Topic strap on sex
Posted 04 Nov 2013 00:45

My secret fantasy is having my ass fucked by a strap on cock............I have been ass fucked by a dominatrix, but I would love my wife to do this but am unsure how she will react........Have you girls ever had a partner ask you to do this & how did you react?...........were you disgusted? Did it end a relationship? Do you just do it to please your partner but deep down detest it or do you do it & you really love it? I would love to know your opinions!!

Topic Must we woman accept?
Posted 11 Jan 2013 03:01

I would have thought that if he dressed like that now, it will only go downhill from there, if possible. Fortunately most of us aren´t like that, and would make a big effort on a date. Then let ourselves go after marriage (only joking).

Topic sexual harassment in the office
Posted 24 Nov 2011 02:02

Every day, a male employee walks up very close to a female co-worker at the coffee machine.

He stops, inhales quite deeply & says that her hair smells nice.

After a week of this, the woman can't stand it anymore.

She takes her issue to a supervisor in Human Resources (HR) & asks to file a sexual harassment grievance against the guy.

The supervisor is puzzled & asks,

"What's so threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?"

She repiles,

"It's Frank, the midget!"

Topic Love story
Posted 24 Nov 2011 02:00

An elderly man lay dying in his bed. While suffering the agonies of impending death, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favourite scones wafting up the stairs.

He gathered his remaining strength and lifted himself from the bed.

Leaning on the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort, gripping the railing with both hands, he crawled downstairs.

With laboured breath, he leaned against the door-frame, gazing into the kitchen.

Were it not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven, for there, spread out upon the kitchen table, were literally hundreds of his favourite scones.

Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of love from his devoted Yorkshire wife of sixty years, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?

Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself towards the table, landing on his knees in rumpled posture.

His aged and withered hand trembled towards a scone at the edge of the table, when it was suddenly smacked by his wife with a wooden spoon ......
Bugger off she said 'they're for the funeral.'

Topic Drunken man in a theatre!
Posted 22 Nov 2011 09:05

A drunken man lay sprawled across three entire seats in a posh theatre. When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the man, “sorry sir, but you’re only allowed one seat.”

The drunken man groaned but didn’t budge. The usher became more impatient. “Sir, if you don’t get up from there I’m going to have to call the manager.”

Once again, the man just groaned. The usher marched briskly back up the aisle, and in a moment he returned with the manager. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move him, but with no success.

Finally they summoned the police. The policeman surveyed the situation briefly then asked, “all right buddy what’s your name?”

“Fred,” the man moaned.

“Where ya from, Fred?” asked the policeman.

With terrible pain in his voice, and without moving a muscle, Fred replied..........“the balcony…”

Topic Sunburn treatment
Posted 16 Nov 2011 08:12

A guy visiting in Hawaii fell asleep on the beach for several hours and got a horrible sunburn, specifically to his upper legs. He went to the hospital, and was promptly admitted after being diagnosed with second-degree burns.

With his skin already starting to blister and the severe pain he was in the doctor prescribed continuous intravenous feeding with saline, electrolytes, a sedative and a Viagra pill every four hours.

The nurse, who was rather astounded, asked, 'What good will Viagra do for him, Doctor’?

The doctor replied, 'It won't do anything for his condition, but it’ll keep the sheets off his legs.'

Topic Amazing blow job!
Posted 16 Nov 2011 08:09

The wife asked me what I was doing on the computer last night. I told her I was looking for cheap flights.

"I love you!" she said, then she got all excited, un-zipped my fly’s and gave me the most amazing blow job ever....



which is odd because she's never shown an interest in darts before...

Topic Perfect new car for women?
Posted 10 Nov 2011 08:22

Renault and Ford have joined forces to create the perfect small car for women.

Mixing the Renault “Clio” and the Ford “Taurus” they have designed the “Clitaurus.” It comes in pink and the average male car thief won't be able to find it – let alone turn it on – even if someone tells him where it is and how to do it.

Rumor has it, though, that it leaks transmission fluid once a month, and can be a real bitch to start in the morning! Some have reported that on cold winter mornings, when you really need it, you can’t get it to turn over.

New models are initially fun to own, but very costly to maintain and horribly expensive to get rid of. Used models may initially appear to have curb appeal and a low price, but eventually have an increased appetite for fuel and the curb weight typically increases with age. Manufacturers are baffled as to how the size of the trunk increases, but say that the paint may just make it LOOK bigger.

This model is not expected to reach collector status. Most owners find it is best to lease one and replace it each year.

Topic I have to cut down on drinking!!
Posted 09 Nov 2011 08:18

I am very deeply saddened that due to medical complications

I can now only have one can of beer a week

I have a very weak will, and can not risk going out to buy beer at the off license

I know that I would buy more than one tin

Therefore I am having it delivered to my house

See the attached photos on route...





http://upload.lushstories.com/248-beer lorry.jpg

Topic Paraprosdokian
Posted 25 Oct 2011 08:41

PARAPROSDOKIAN - Here is the definition:
"Figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected; frequently used in a humorous situation." Example - "Where there's a will, I want to be in it."

1. Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.

3. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

6. War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

8. Evening news is where they begin with 'Good Evening,' and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

9. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

10. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.

11. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted paychecks.

12. Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says, 'In case of emergency, notify:' I put ’DOCTOR.'

13. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

14. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

15. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

16. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.

17. When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.

18. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

19. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

20. There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.

21. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.

22. You're never too old to learn something stupid.

23. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

24. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

25. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

26. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

27. A diplomat is someone who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you look forward to the trip.

28. Hospitality is making your guests feel at home even when you wish they were.


29. I always take life with a grain of salt. Plus a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila.

Topic Discrimination!!
Posted 25 Oct 2011 08:29

Once again discrimination rears its ugly head.....


http://upload.lushstories.com/354-Discrimination.jpg


Will it never end?

Topic Happy & sad at the same time!
Posted 24 Oct 2011 06:54

A husband and wife were sitting watching a TV program about psychology
and explaining the phenomenon of "mixed emotions".

The husband turned to his wife and said, "Honey, that is a bunch of crap. I bet you can't tell me
anything that would make me happy and sad at the same time.


http://upload.lushstories.com/827-couple.jpg

She said: "Out of all your friends, you have the biggest penis."

Topic The oldest woman you would go out with
Posted 20 Oct 2011 08:53

Age doesn't factor into my decision. As long as she is over 18. Age is just a number.

I couldn´t agree more................age isn´t a factor!!

Topic Missing wife
Posted 20 Oct 2011 08:05

The worst being (to the husband) that they would find her and return her to him. :P She's only been gone a week and he already got rid of her stuff, remember? ;)

WELL DONE JINGLE, AT LEAST SOMEONE WORKED IT OUT!!

Topic Missing wife
Posted 15 Oct 2011 01:23

The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst.

So I have been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.

Topic What´s the difference between....
Posted 15 Oct 2011 01:10

What's the difference between Iron Man and Iron Woman?


One's a superhero and the other is an instruction.

Topic The happy farmer
Posted 06 Oct 2011 07:55

THE HAPPY FARMER

http://upload.lushstories.com/295-the happy farmer.gif

Topic If Only!!
Posted 05 Oct 2011 02:37

http://upload.lushstories.com/650-if only.jpg

Topic Fluffy Toys
Posted 03 Oct 2011 02:02

VERY FUNNY!!

Topic Annual Checkup
Posted 01 Oct 2011 02:48

BRILLIANT..............LMAO!!

Topic What´s the world coming to?
Posted 30 Sep 2011 01:05

WHAT´S THE WORLD COMING TO?

http://upload.lushstories.com/49-wal mart.jpg

Topic A womens poem
Posted 26 Sep 2011 01:02

A WOMENS POEM

He didn't like the casserole
And he didn't like my cake,
He said my biscuits were too hard
Not like his mother used to make.
I didn't perk the coffee right
He didn't like the stew,
I didn't mend his socks
The way his mother used to do.
I pondered for an answer
I was looking for a clue.
Then I turned around and
smacked the shit out of him....

Like his mother used to do.

Topic Polite way of calling someone a bastard!!
Posted 26 Sep 2011 01:00

The Polite Way to Call Someone a Bastard

A guy was getting ready to tee off on the first hole when a second golfer approached and asked if he could join him. The first said that he usually played alone, but agreed to the twosome.

They were even after the first few holes. The second guy said, "We're about evenly matched, how about playing for five bucks a hole?"

The first guy said that he wasn't much for betting, but agreed to the terms.

The second guy won the remaining sixteen holes with ease.
As they were walking off number eighteen, the second guy was busy counting his $80.00.

He confessed that he was the pro at a neighboring course and liked to pick on suckers.

The first fellow revealed that he was the Parish Priest.

The pro was flustered and apologetic, offering to return the money. The Priest said, "You won fair and square and I was foolish to bet with you. You keep your winnings."

The pro said, "Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?"

The Priest said, "Well, you could come to Mass on Sunday and make a donation......And, if you want to bring your mother and father along, I'll marry them.

Topic Funnies!
Posted 22 Sep 2011 08:48

http://upload.lushstories.com/224-faceless1.jpg

http://upload.lushstories.com/785-faceless3.jpg

http://upload.lushstories.com/542-faceless4.jpg

Topic oral sex/clits and squirters - your opinions?
Posted 22 Sep 2011 01:02

I love it when they squirt all over my face..............big turn on!!

Topic The Funeral Procession
Posted 20 Sep 2011 03:39

The Funeral Procession


A man was leaving a convenience store with his morning coffee when he noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery.

A long black hearse was followed by a second long black hearse about 50 feet behind the first one.

Behind the second hearse was a solitary man walking a dog on a leash.

Behind him, a short distance back, were about 200 men walking single file.

The man couldn't stand the curiosity. He respectfully approached the man walking the dog and said, “I am so sorry for your loss, and this may be a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen a funeral like this. Whose funeral is it?”

“My wife's.”

“What happened to her?”

The man replied, “My dog attacked and killed her.”

He inquired further, “But who is in the second hearse?”

The man answered, “My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my wife when the dog turned on her.”

A poignant and thoughtful moment of silence passed between the two men.

“Can I borrow the dog?”

The man replied, “Get in line.”

Topic Male sensitivity
Posted 15 Sep 2011 07:52

The room was full of pregnant women with their partners. The class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe and was telling the men how to give the necessary help and assurance to their partners at this stage of the pregnancy.

She said, "Ladies, remember that exercise is good for you. Walking is especially beneficial. It strengthens the pelvic muscles and will make delivery that much easier." Just pace yourself, make plenty of stops and try to stay on a soft surface like grass or a path."

She looked at the men in the room, "Gentlemen, remember -- you're in this together. It wouldn't hurt you to go walking with her. In fact, that shared experience would be good for you both."

The room suddenly got very quiet as the men absorbed this information.

After a few moments, a man named Larry at the back of the room slowly raised his hand.

"Yes," said the Instructor.

"I was just wondering if it would be all right if she carries a golf bag while we walk?"



This kind of sensitivity just can't be taught.

Topic No Screwing
Posted 15 Sep 2011 03:49

VERY FUNNY..........WASN´T EXPECTING THAT!!

Topic Never drink another man´s drink!!
Posted 12 Sep 2011 03:45

There I was sitting at the bar staring at my drink when a great huge, trouble-making biker steps up next to me, grabs my drink and gulps it down in one swig.



"Well, whatcha' gonna do about it?" he says, menacingly, as I burst into tears.

"Come on, man," the biker says, "I didn't think you'd CRY. I can’t stand to see a man crying."

"This is the worst day of my life," I say. "I'm a complete failure. I was late to a meeting and my boss fired me. When I went to the parking lot, I found my car had been stolen and I don't have any insurance. I left my wallet in the cab I took home. I found my wife with another man and then my dog bit me."

"So I came to this bar to work up the courage to put an end to it all, I buy a drink, I drop a capsule in and sit here watching the poison dissolve; then you show up and drink the whole thing!

But enough about me, how's your day going?"

Topic Your top 10 celebrities you love to have sex with.
Posted 08 Sep 2011 08:31

1. Halle Berry
2. Salma Hayek
3. Penelope Cruz
4. Jessica Alba
5. Beyonce Knowles
6. Jennifer Lopez
7. Alesha Dixon
8. Rihanna
9. Amelle Berrabah
10. Anna Kournikova

Katie Price (jordan), only because I think she´d be a great fuck & would do anything.