10 Feb 2013 11:13
This seems like a good place to post "A Submissive's Bill of Rights", which I found on the website of the Iowa BDSM group. There are similar documents elsewhere, but this is the best-written one I've found. I've shared it with every sub I know and I think it should be read by EVERY sub and Dom(me). (Moderators, can this be reposted someplace here where folks are liable to find it on a regular basis?)
A SUBMISSIVE'S BILL OF RIGHTS
1.You have the right to be treated with respect. Not only do you have this right, you have the right to demand it. Being submissive does not make you a doormat or less of a person than anyone else. The word "submissive" describes your nature and in no way diminishes you as a human being. You have the right to respect yourself as well.
2.You have the right to be proud of what you are. Being a submissive is nothing that should ever bring you shame or feelings of reproach. Your submissive nature is a gift and should always be a source of pride and happiness.
3.You have the right to feel safe. Being a submissive should not make you feel afraid, insecure or threatened. Submission is not about living on the edge or flirting with fear. In any situation you should feel safe or there can never be true surrender.
4.You have the right to your emotions and feelings. Your emotions and feelings come from you and they are just as valid as anyone else's. You have a right to them. Those feelings, whether positive or negative, make you who you are and suppressing them will only bring unhappiness later.
5.You have the right to express your negative feelings. Being submissive does not make you an object that no longer has negative thoughts or concerns. Your concerns are real and you have every right to express them. If something doesn't feel right, bothers you, makes you feel bad or you just plain don't like something, say so. Failing to express your negative feelings could give the mistaken impression that you are pleased or satisfied with something that is not pleasurable or agreeable.
6.You have the right to say NO. Being submissive does not take away your right to have dislikes or negative feelings about things. If something is happening or about to happen that you feel strongly opposed to, it's your duty to speak up. Remember, failing to communicate the word NO is the same as saying YES.
7.You have the right to expect happiness in life. Being submissive is not tantamount to being miserable, suffering or a life of despair. Your submission should bring you joy, peace and fulfillment. If it doesn't, then something is wrong.
8.You have the right to have input in a relationship. You are an active partner in any relationship you enter and have every right to contribute to it. You are submissive, not passive. A relationship that doesn't include your needs, thoughts, hopes and desires is not one you should be in to begin with. This applies to friendships, partnerships and D/s relationships.
9.You have the right to belong. Being submissive greatly involves the feeling of belonging. Many submissives have expressed that it was in discovering their submissive nature that they felt as through they "belonged" for the first time in their lives. You belong to the lifestyle and will eventually belong to the One. It's in that relationship you should find the final fulfillment of "belonging" at last.
10.You have the right to be loved and to love. Anyone who tells you that love doesn't fit into a D/s relationship has never experienced the fulfillment of all it truly can be. Submissives are by nature loving and needing of love and have every right to expect this to be a part of their lives. It takes love to bring your submission into full bloom, so don't settle for less.
11.You have the right to be healthy. Health involves your physical, mental and emotional well-being. Any relationship, D/s or otherwise, that causes you to suffer physically, mentally or emotionally, beyond your limits, is abuse. There is no place for abusive behavior in a D/s relationship and it's up to you to make sure those lines are not crossed. Being a submissive does not give anyone the right to harm or injure you in any way. The D/s community will stand behind you if you should encounter such a situation but you are the one who has to make them aware before they can help.
12.You have the right to practice safe sex. Not only is this a right, it's a duty to yourself and others you may come into contact with at a later date. Sexually transmitted diseases have reached epidemic proportions and must be a concern to any sexually active person. Safe Sex is something you have the right to insist upon and protecting yourself should never be discouraged by anyone who really has your best interests at heart.
Topic Upgrade Search Software?
20 Jan 2013 20:33
Is it just my computer or does the Search function really not work very well? (Or am I not using it properly? - always a possibility.)
I was testing it out on my own material (naturally) and when I did a story search by title for "Teaching Carol" it didn't show up at all, even when I went into the category list and eliminated everything but the BDSM category, which is the one it was submitted under. Shouldn't it be at the top of the list when the title search is that specific?
And when I searched by author name (Zen Mackie) I discovered that, for example, "Authors With Username's Beginning With Z" doesn't just list names beginning with 'Z', it lists every author name that has a 'Z' in it anywhere. Wouldn't it be better to be able to type in a specific author's name and have it come up?
If I'm doing something wrong or it's some problem with my computer, that's one thing. But if this is really how the Search function is operating it seems as though it could be refined somewhat so that readers could find what they're looking for more easily.
Really like the site though - it's a wonderful place for like-minded folks to share their creativity.
Topic 'Come' vs. 'Cum'
15 Jan 2013 12:41
I've been writing erotica for several years now, and I have to admit that I still have an issue with 'cum' as a spelling for either orgasm or the fluids that accompany it. Usually the context of any given sentence is more than enough to make clear whether someone is having an orgasm or merely arriving, so why is this separate spelling necessary?
I know it's been considered acceptable for decades but it's just one of those semi-literate terms, like 'bar-b-q', that always bothers me when it appears in an otherwise well-written sentence, particularly when it's used as a verb: 'cumming' just looks like really bad spelling to me.
If 'cum' must be used I would suggest that it be used only as a noun, to distinguish between, say, semen, and the act of having an orgasm. For example, "At long last he was coming - groaning with pleasure as he spurted again and again, covering his beloved's face with cum."
Or am I the only one who even notices this anymore? Writers and readers, over to you.