Some women do it the right way, respecting their lovers' limits and caring for their lovers, like most of my friends' on here.
Some end up creating horrible circumstances for their lovers'.
Some people get hooked to BDSM in such a way that it awakens darker fantasies in them. As in, they either like to hurt their lovers seriously (physically) and its surprising to find that some people are reportedly turned on when they get hurt like that (e.g. being flogged repeatedly so that the skin gets too sore etc.) Those hurt may regret it quite later on, though.
Feel free to share what you think about it from your own' and your friends' experiences.
I am by no means an expert on BDSM. Those that know me well know the things I enjoy on this subject. I think that BDSM in itself does not create violence, however I think violent people will use it as an excuse to execute cruiluity.
Here on lush, I have come across many 'Dominant' men that just get off using women and treating them like worthless pieces of meat. That is not what BDSM is about, yet they use it as a gateway to abuse women and overall be a jackass.
So, in my opinion, BDSM in itself is not encourage violence. It's actually quite beautiful in many ways. But weak, pathetic men or women twist it to meet their needs.
wow, even the question in... if anyone thinks it is about violence, then they truly dont even have a clue....
If you honestly believe BDSM encourages violence you really do not know anything about the lifestyle at all. There is a power exchange but in no way does it encourages violence. The basis of any BDSM relationship is safe, sane and consensual. Are there people that abuse the trust that is given within that relationship? Yes just like any other type of relationship. In order for this to work both parties must have trust in each. What most people do not realize is that the sub or bottom has all the power to stop anything that is going on.
Absolutely not...The very tenets of BDSM are safe, sane, and consensual. If any level of so-called "violence" is introduced it is controlled, controllable (by all participants) and elicits pleasure. Whether during or after a scene there is an incredible amount of trust, care, concern and respect given and received.
However, there are many vanilla relationships that sadly involve violence that is not safe, sane, or consensual and creates no level of pleasure, trust, care, concern or respect.
This is a loaded question about a lifestyle that is very tempting to indict if one is sensative to its essence and ignorant of its practice. A BDSM or D/s relationship is incredibly loving, with the submissive naturally being the center of the Doms world.
It takes so much more care, so much more love and affection given to the sub than exists in a vanilla relationship. The transfer of power is meant to be equitable, with the sub's devotion being repaid by the Doms attention and care.
Also, the role and place for stern discipline or 'painful' play is not automatically built into the lifestyle. That can exist, but only if it is desired by both the Dom and the sub. That misconception is one that plagues this lifestyle, and why many within it are appalled at movies like 50 Shades. If one's opinion of BDSM is colored by Christian Grey, than they suffer the same blindness as one whose opinion of LGBT is colored by the right wing media. Grey was a sadist in the classic sense, and his desire had nothing at all to do with BDSM.
I do not have enough information to have an opinion worth much - but my guess is no.
I've been part of a BDSM relationship and I found that with careful build and a lot of trust, pain could be a very intense part of the sex. I never considered it "violence" because it was all perfectly consensual. I never had a problem with physical abuse from this partner, so it didn't seem to blur any critical lines.
So, no. I don't think that the practice encourages violence. Anyone who would use BDSM as an excuse to harm someone would have found some other excuse without that one.
I don't believe so. BDSM is supposed to be a form of trust. If you cannot trust the person committing the act towards you, it won't work out very well. General violence is a form of aggression that comes from a different aspect of our brain than when we're committing BDSM acts. Therefore they should not co-relate.
Violence or abuse are generally caused by an untreated mental illness and in serious cases, psychosis.
Nope, I think it is a stress relief more than it promotes violence.
BDSM or more to the point D/s when done properly is anything but violent. For those who know The Life, it is the most loving, caring, understanding, and beautiful thing there is. There is respect, honor, trust, love, and everything that should be in any good relationship. Now like anything else, there are those who live the life, and those who play the part. And for the players, those who haven't bothered to delve any deeper into it than there dicks can reach, they only see the tie me up and spank me games. But that is not D/s. That is kinky bedroom play. But D/s transcends the bedroom and moves into every aspect of your life if you allow it to. And for those people, BDSM and D/s is a wonderful beautiful life.
When I took my girl and collared her she cried after the ceremony. She didn't cry at our wedding. That's how much it affected her.
Any relationship where a person has violent tendencies can turn violent and abusive. BDSM isn't some sort of gateway into depravity, it's a relationship between two people that takes its que from said people.
"A dirty book is rarely dusty"
Not even a little. I'm not exactly "in The Life," as Johnathan puts it, and tend to play at the fringes, but I don't consider BSDM to be violent at all. It's about dominance and submission, boundaries and trust, and mutual exploration. It's a balance of power (albeit different types of power), not one person overpowering the other. There is a true beauty to it I've never experienced before, and I am grateful to have discovered it, particularly in the context of a deeply loving relationship.
I believe being violent or dismissive toward a lover is not called "BDSM," but rather "being an asshole."
I'm not sure, but I tend to think no. The act in itself has no predetermined value, it's the humans who act and take that into consideration, they are the one responsible for their actions.
"You can't stop perfection" - Meng Hao (character, main character)
no. A true BDSM or Master/slave or Master/sub relationship is not about violence. There is a difference between being in an abusive relationship and being in a consensual BDSM relationship. In an abusive relationship, the woman or the man has no say in what is done to him or her. A victim of abuse does not get a vote or get to tell the abuser when enough is enough and to stop. Believe it or not, the dynamics of a BDSM relationship are often driven by the submissive, not by the dominant. The submissive sets the limits; the submissive decides what places can and can not be explored; the submissive has the ability to call a halt to the scene. The dominant, in many ways, is simply a facilitator. It's the dominant's job to create a setting where the people involved can explore the submissive's fantasies. (As an aside, it's important to note that these limits can change over time. It may be that something that used to sound like it wouldn't be fun or interesting might in the future tickle your fancy; and that things you enjoy now, you may not necessarily enjoy in the future. People change over time. It's important, when you explore BDSM, to remember that, and to make a habit of talking to your partner about things you like and don't like as those things change.)
You can argue that a no limit slave has no rights or can set limits as opposed to a submissive, and yes there is a difference, and i identify myself as a slave to my Master not a submissive, but i have been involved in the BDSM lifestyle for 7 years now, progressed from a submissive to a slave for my Master, we are active members in a large local BDSM group that meets monthly for Munches and had private play parties, and we are members of an upscale private BDSM Club and attend parties and events there, and i have good friends in the lifestyle who are submissives or slaves and i have yet to meet a true "no limit slave" They don't really exist. Everyone, including myself, has limits if the relationship is consensual. People online can roleplay they don't or i get messages from so-called Doms who tell me they have a harem of women slaves who have no rights or say in anything that is done to them and they and have their slaves do things or do things to them that people would never really do. If 90% of the things online so-called Doms tell me they make their slaves do then they are not true Doms but sadists and abusers of women.
A true Dom may do things that cause their sub or slave pain and if that's consensual then great go for it. I like some levels of pain but i am not a pain slut but i know girls who are and i have seen them "play" and it does amaze me that they can take that level of punishment and enjoy it and if that's what they enjoy them great for them. But a true Dom will know when enough is enough and take care of his submissive afterward. If he does not then he is just a sadist. I have one friend who is such a pain slut she will beg for more and more and not stop the "session" or use her safe word and her Dom knows when its time to stop and take care of her but she begs for him not to. But even she has her limits of what she will do and won't do.
The biggest thing i get judged on in the lifestyle is how my master shares me with other men and or women including 3 gang bangs since i have been his submissive. But again, it goes to consent. I consent to it and hell, i freaking love it! Even though i am a Master's slave i do have a choice when it comes to being shared with others and it's ultimately my decision. I have never said no. I have never said no because i get a great deal of pleasure when Master shares me and it's something i want to do as well.
so that's my two cents worth to the simple question lol But my advice is, if you are in a BDSM relationship and it is more violence or leading to violent behavior on the Doms part then it's time to get out because he is not a true Dom and using BDSM as an excuse to abuse women. Something some men do.
I've recently had a taste of what real D/s BDSM actually is and the imagery of some volatile neanderthal lording over their cowering submissive and abusing them is the furthest thing from the reality that one could imagine. It was, for lack of better words (due to my inexperience) all about exploring the boundaries of myself and my sexuality and the feeling of losing control in a safe and controlled scenario. Although I was the one bound and "controlled" it was all within the limits I set and I had total freedom to change the intensity or to stop things if I wanted. As the others have intoned, there is a huge difference between exploration and consensual exchanging of power and outright abuse.
Am I a good witch, or a bad witch? History will decide
