On the allotment, the courgettes just kept coming. I'd cooked them in every conceivable way, but still, they grew. Luckily there's always one use a girl can make of something seven or eight inches long and six inches round.

I gained weight. I assumed it was from eating all the produce. It was only when my waters broke the following July that I finally understood.

"Congratulations on your beautiful pumpkin-headed baby boy," said the obstetrician. "Although I'm surprised he doesn't look more like his father." She knew my sexual history.

I explained, "It's because cucurbits don't come true from seed."