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Bi curious or bi sexual??

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Quote by She


Or we can look at it from other perspective and say humans are bisexual to start with and not heterosexual as most people think, and there then is possible choice in preferences.



I was curious for many years. I was friends with and fell in love with a woman. We were together for four years. I WAS bisexual. When it ended, I made the choice not to be with women anymore. I had several opportunities to do so over the years, and choseto turn them all down. I don't even see women in a sexual way anymore. It's been fifteen years now, and I have never once regretted my choice. I don't feel I am lying to myself, or missing out on anything. People do have a choice, in every decision they make every single day. Some people call it free will, or self control. Either way, we live with the choices we make. Some people just like to claim they have no personal responsibility for their life choices. For example, no one forces anyone to drink or do drugs. People choose to do so. They choose to keep doing it, until they become addicted. Now, society calls addiction a disease, like drug addicts and alcoholics never had a choice. It's a lie that makes them feel better about their own bad choices, and it's now politically correct to feel sorry for them and make excuses for their behavior. The truth is...they made the choice.

The concept that we are born one way sexually isn't even scientifically sound. Take identical twins for example. They are genetically and biologically identical in every way except their finger prints. If one is gay or lesbian or bi, (and really are born that way the way so many believe they are), then it would stand to reason that the other twin would automatically be homosexual as well, since they are genetically identical. Often that is NOT the case. It's actually rare for both sets of twins to both be homosexual. Several studies have been done on this.

Psychologically, a child's sexual map (How they view sexual relationships and desires) doesn't even begin to develop until well after birth, usually between the ages of 3-6 years old. This is the age when children begin to realize the sexual behaviors of their parents, the relationship they see in their parents and pretend play gender roles, play house etc. It isn't until right around puberty 8-13 years old that most children even begin awaken sexually and begin to see their peers in a sexual manner. No one is born anything. That is a lie that society has chosen to believe, simply to make unconventional lifestyle choices easier for the masses to accept.

Ideas about sexual desire are so bound up with misconceptions about gender and with the presumption that heterosexuality is nature’s default, that science has yet to approach this subject in an objective way. There is a claim that there is genetic proof of a homosexual gene, yet no one even bothers to look for the gene for heterosexuality. No one looks for a genetic link for masturbation or oral sex, or BDSM, or the desire to use sex toys. Because there isn't one. People choose to perform those sex acts, or not. Why should any logical person with common sense believe that homosexuals are the only people group who have absolutely no choice in how they behave sexually?

Lots of adults worry that if we allow little boys to wear princess dresses and paint their nails with polish, or play with dolls, they might later be more inclined to be gay. Even some liberal parents (including gay and lesbian parents) worry that if they introduce their child to “too much” in the way of homosexual material, this could be a way of “pushing” homosexuality on them. Similarly, many people worry that if young women are introduced to feminism in college, and if they become too angry or independent, they may just decide to be lesbians. But if we all really believed that sexual orientation was congenital—or present at birth—then no one would ever worry that social influences could have an effect on our sexual orientation. Several social, cultural, and psychological factors can shape our embodied desires and erotic possibilities. But I think that in reality, we all know that sexual desire is deeply subject to social, cultural, and historical forces. If the world today were a different place, a place where homosexuality was culturally normative (like, say, Ancient Greece), we would see far more people embracing their homosexual desires. And if this were the case, it would have nothing to do with genetics.

The concept of “sexual orientation” is itself less than 150 years old, and almost equally recent is the notion that people should partner based on romantic attraction. Most of what feels so natural and unchangeable about our desires—including the bodies and personalities we are attracted to—is conditioned by our respective cultures. The majority of straight American men, for instance, will tell you that they have a strong, visceral aversion to women with bushy armpit hair. But this aversion, no matter how deep it may now run in men’s psyches and no matter how nonnegotiable it may feel, is hardly genetic. Up until the last century, the entire world’s female population had armpit hair, and somehow, heterosexual sex survived.

Just because is politically strategic to claim that people are born one way sexually, doesn't make it true. In 2012, the extent to which gay biology had become a political imperative came into full view when actress Cynthia Nixon, after commenting to a New York Times Magazine reporter that she “chose” to pursue a lesbian relationship after many years as a content heterosexual, was met with outrage by lesbian and gay activists. Under considerable pressure from lesbian and gay advocacy groups, Nixon recanted her statement a few weeks later, stating instead that she must have been born with bisexual potential. She only said this under extreme duress because gay and lesbian activists harassed her. Because she made A CHOICE that went against their agenda. They couldn't accept that she was BORN heterosexual and CHOSE to be lesbian for a while. It goes against what they want the rest of us to believe. But people are constantly changing, all the time. For whatever reason they want. Some people even choose to change. On purpose. Just because they want to.
___

DPW has a history of trying to start an arguments with me, simply because I didn't word something exactly how HE personally agreed with. He can't resist informing me about how wrong I am about my own personal life, even though he is a complete stranger to me. Anyone who has a different opinion than him, especially a woman, is just automatically wrong. He has a history of doing this to women all over the forums.

In conversation, Narcissist's think they are an expert at everything, no matter how important or unimportant the subject, and their opinion is law. No one else’s opinions, thoughts or feelings matter, because a narcissist has to be “right” all the time. If you dare to contradict them with intellectual arguments, logic, or legitimate sources they become furious. They can’t handle that someone doesn't agree with their opinions because they won’t get that burst of satisfaction to their inflated sense of self-importance and ego. They have to hear “you’re right”, and they will badger you until you give in out of sheer exhaustion and exasperation. When you do, they see this as validation they were seeking, and in their mind they have “won” the argument, which strokes their massive ego.
"insensitive prick!" – Danielle Algo
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Allow me to be that white middle aged man who feels the need to respond
Let me start by saying that I'm in no way an expert, but... (no serious, I'm not an expert, period. Just can't resist the "I'm not a ..., but..." joke).

Similar to She I think that most people are not strictly heterosexual, or homosexual for that matter. I wouldn't go as far as saying that everyone is bisexual, although I think that most of us have a, perhaps latent, streak of bisexuality. I think that most of us are somewhere on the scale between those two extremes (and I believe there are many scales: sub-top, vanilla-taboo, cis-trans, etc.). I also believe that people can move on that scale, that they're not fixed. But I don't think one can move all the way from one side to the other. Maybe in action, but not in 'being'.

Quote by AudriNichols
The concept that we are born one way sexually isn't even scientifically sound. Take identical twins for example. They are genetically and biologically identical in every way except their finger prints. If one is gay or lesbian or bi, (and really are born that way the way so many believe they are), then it would stand to reason that the other twin would automatically be homosexual as well, since they are genetically identical. Often that is NOT the case. It's actually rare for both sets of twins to both be homosexual. Several studies have been done on this.

Can you link me to one of those studies? I asked that sincerely, as what you say is not my experience. As far as I know, but that was from one or two decades ago, the concensus then was that sexuality was part nature and part nurture. There have also been studies that showed that one part of the brain in gay men was on avarage different in size that in heterosexual men and more in line with that of heterosexual women. But that was also years back, so might have been refuted. If not it could point to the nature part.

You say that identical twins only differ in their finger prints, but it seems that their sexuality can be different as well. You say that that is because it's a choice, but then at least their decision making is also different, and so probably their character is different as well. And that is reasonable, because their role within their relation with their twin was probably different as well for insance. This could be related to the nurture part, the moving left or right on the scale.

I know many examples of twins who are both gay. From my experience I'd say the percentage is higher that just homosexual siblings. But that's just anecdotal of course. Studies may say something else. That's why I'm curious.

Quote by AudriNichols
Psychologically, a child's sexual map (How they view sexual relationships and desires) doesn't even begin to develop until well after birth, usually between the ages of 3-6 years old. This is the age when children begin to realize the sexual behaviors of their parents, the relationship they see in their parents and pretend play gender roles, play house etc. It isn't until right around puberty 8-13 years old that most children even begin awaken sexually and begin to see their peers in a sexual manner. No one is born anything. That is a lie that society has chosen to believe, simply to make unconventional lifestyle choices easier for the masses to accept.

The same goes for pubic hair, womens' breasts and men's facial hair. It's not there until puberty, but the potential for it to develop is already there before birth.

Quote by AudriNichols
Ideas about sexual desire are so bound up with misconceptions about gender and with the presumption that heterosexuality is nature’s default, that science has yet to approach this subject in an objective way. There is a claim that there is genetic proof of a homosexual gene, yet no one even bothers to look for the gene for heterosexuality.

Default no, but I'd say that a majority of people and animals is probably closer to the 'opposite gender' side of the attraction scale. That's what we see and what makes sense from a procreation/evolutionary point of view. At least when you believe that sexuality is part nature/inherited.

Quote by AudriNichols
Just because is politically strategic to claim that people are born one way sexually, doesn't make it true. In 2012, the extent to which gay biology had become a political imperative came into full view when actress Cynthia Nixon, after commenting to a New York Times Magazine reporter that she “chose” to pursue a lesbian relationship after many years as a content heterosexual, was met with outrage by lesbian and gay activists. Under considerable pressure from lesbian and gay advocacy groups, Nixon recanted her statement a few weeks later, stating instead that she must have been born with bisexual potential. She only said this under extreme duress because gay and lesbian activists harassed her. Because she made A CHOICE that went against their agenda. They couldn't accept that she was BORN heterosexual and CHOSE to be lesbian for a while. It goes against what they want the rest of us to believe. But people are constantly changing, all the time. For whatever reason they want. Some people even choose to change. On purpose. Just because they want to.

I agree that there's a lot of bad politics here. Even the term 'bisexual' is considered to be exclusive by some, as it would stand for a binary view on gender, excluding trans people. Others say 'bi' stands for both opposite and same gender and is therefore as fluid as one's own gender.

In my view this actress probably did indeed have a bisexual potential, but she should never have been pressured into a position where she felt the need to explain her sexuality and the term that she uses for it. Sure, it's good to have discussions about what labels stand for sometimes (I personally feel 'bicurious' could go out of the window), but let's not condemn private persons for how they call themselves.

Anyway, I think we can make choices related to how we express/handle our sexuality, on what parts we put focus, but I don't believe our sexuality itself is a choice.
I hope you don't mind me disagreeing with you on that. It's an interesting subject.

Cheers


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Quote by AudriNichols



I hear what you are saying and agree with a lot of it.
On this topic were similar discussions in the past, they got nasty, people got offended, I was deleted from friends lists, blocked and called names, even homophobic but I don't resent them nor do I judge them. We all fight with tools and knowledge we have and this topic is delicate and people have difficulties to wrap their mind around it, which is understandable because we were taught to think differently for centuries. I don't judge them, it is understandable.

If we could, as humans, give it a thought that we are bisexuals (or whatever label suits this definition) by nature and not heterosexuals that we are attracted to both genders, we would in this modern age have much less difficulties. After all it is just about who we fuck and who are we attracted to. Heterosexuality is a norm, a standard, something which is right way and I don't agree with it one bit. We are not born to be attracted to one specific gender, we have preferences of course as we have them in all different fields. We do not have sex with every person we are attracted to, we choose with who we will interact. During our life time we get influenced by everything what surrounds us and based on that we change. We have choices and we do take them, it just a question if we want to admit to ourselves that, because people love labels, they feel safe in them, secured and feel that they belong to something. It is understandable and I don't judge them, but labels are just there to monitor us.
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To be clear, I am not judging anyone for their lifestyle. It's really no ones business anyway. I don't really care what other people do, or who they choose to sleep with. I don't think it's right that society judges people based on that, as if they somehow less worthy to be loved, than anyone else. People have free will to live however they want. That is not in question.

It's just this idea that no one has a choice in their sexuality that seems ridiculous to me. After all, heterosexual people have the ability to change their sexuality to gay or lesbian, which happens every day, especially with women who are sick and tired of being treated like crap from men. They choose to "go lesbian". If no one has a choice in their sexuality, (like the LGBT community so desperately wants us to all believe) that simply wouldn't be possible. Those women would be stuck sleeping with men their entire lifetime, because they would have no choice.

No one questions their ability to choose to give up heterosexuality for homosexuality. Yet if a person is bi, or gay or lesbian, chooses to "go straight" they are suddenly lying to themselves? Can we say double standard? That concept of "I'm gay/lesbian/bi etc because I have no choice." is flawed at best, and I think deep down, people know it.

And now I've said all I have to say on the matter. smile



Quote by She


I hear what you are saying and agree with a lot of it.
On this topic were similar discussions in the past, they got nasty, people got offended, I was deleted from friends lists, blocked and called names, even homophobic but I don't resent them nor do I judge them. We all fight with tools and knowledge we have and this topic is delicate and people have difficulties to wrap their mind around it, which is understandable because we were taught to think differently for centuries. I don't judge them, it is understandable.

If we could, as humans, give it a thought that we are bisexuals (or whatever label suits this definition) by nature and not heterosexuals that we are attracted to both genders, we would in this modern age have much less difficulties. After all it is just about who we fuck and who are we attracted to. Heterosexuality is a norm, a standard, something which is right way and I don't agree with it one bit. We are not born to be attracted to one specific gender, we have preferences of course as we have them in all different fields. We do not have sex with every person we are attracted to, we choose with who we will interact. During our life time we get influenced by everything what surrounds us and based on that we change. We have choices and we do take them, it just a question if we want to admit to ourselves that, because people love labels, they feel safe in them, secured and feel that they belong to something. It is understandable and I don't judge them, but labels are just there to monitor us.


"insensitive prick!" – Danielle Algo
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Quote by AudriNichols
To be clear, I am not judging anyone for their lifestyle. It's really no ones business anyway.


It is clear. Well, to me at least (I can not speak for others). And you're right: it is no one else's business. I think we all agree on that.

Quote by AudriNichols
It's just this idea that no one has a choice in their sexuality that seems ridiculous to me. After all, heterosexual people have the ability to change their sexuality to gay or lesbian, which happens every day, especially with women who are sick and tired of being treated like crap from men. They choose to "go lesbian".


Maybe we just happen to use different words to say the same thing. Because isn't it the essence of bisexuality to be able to 'switch' between opposite sex relations and same sex relations (or attractions). Where you say people choose to change from straight to gay, I would say that they change from an opposite sex relation to a same sex relation. But their sexuality doesn't need to change for that, maybe just their focus. And maybe not even that.

Quote by AudriNichols
If no one has a choice in their sexuality, (like the LGBT community so desperately wants us to all believe) ...<snip>

No one questions their ability to choose to give up heterosexuality for homosexuality. Yet if a person is bi, or gay or lesbian, chooses to "go straight" they are suddenly lying to themselves?


I don't think *the* LGBT community wants us to believe that. It's too diverse for one voice, but there are certainly people within that community who think like that. Bisexuals who get involved with someone from the opposite sex are somethimes looked down upon, as they behave 'straight'. Maybe that's heterophobic, if that's really a thing. Anyway, it sure is stupid. Cause like you said: it's no one's business.


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Bi sexual Ofcourse
Nafisa
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Bi sexual Ofcourse
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I love sucking dick when it comes straight out of my old lady's p****