Rookie Scribe
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I'd consider myself bi-curious, but I was wondering if anyone had any advice for how to go about exploring bi-sexuality??
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How to explore Bi-sexuality?
Active Ink Slinger
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Quote by dcguy13
I'd consider myself bi-curious, but I was wondering if anyone had any advice for how to go about exploring bi-sexuality??
There's no one way to do it. So many variables to consider.
One thing is, be careful!
If you are young and single then I'll say go for it. You have to be prepared in case you like it a lot. It can change your life.
Active Ink Slinger
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The longer I live the more I think there's way more bi men out there than most people can imagine. I just know so damn many guys who are straight in who they date, but get a little dick on the side. Hell, I'm among them. I have been "faithful" to all my wives and girlfriends over the last 20 years in not sleeping with any other woman while I was in a committed relationship, yet at the same time, I've had the same male FWB for going on 20 years now. It's just an itch I choose not to stop scratching.
Advanced Wordsmith
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Quote by CliffordAClavin
The longer I live the more I think there's way more bi men out there than most people can imagine. I just know so damn many guys who are straight in who they date, but get a little dick on the side. Hell, I'm among them. I have been "faithful" to all my wives and girlfriends over the last 20 years in not sleeping with any other woman while I was in a committed relationship, yet at the same time, I've had the same male FWB for going on 20 years now. It's just an itch I choose not to stop scratching.
I think you're right. I'm openly bi, and I cannot tell you how many times ostensibly straight guys have gotten me alone and had that conversation that starts "So, um, you're, um, into guys, right?"
It's easy to see why, though. All the bigotry from the straights and a side helping of bullshit from the gay side of the fence. It's amazing how often gay friends drop you like a hot rock as soon as they find out you like women, too.
Ah well. I'm glad I was born without whatever it is that restricts people's attraction to just one gender. Bi, Pan, Omni, whatever label people use this year, our sexuality is the best sexuality.
Active Ink Slinger
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Quote by SixtyMinuteMan
I think you're right. I'm openly bi, and I cannot tell you how many times ostensibly straight guys have gotten me alone and had that conversation that starts "So, um, you're, um, into guys, right?"
It's easy to see why, though. All the bigotry from the straights and a side helping of bullshit from the gay side of the fence. It's amazing how often gay friends drop you like a hot rock as soon as they find out you like women, too.
Ah well. I'm glad I was born without whatever it is that restricts people's attraction to just one gender. Bi, Pan, Omni, whatever label people use this year, our sexuality is the best sexuality.
I never gave bisexuality much thought before joining lush. I never asked a guy if they were into women.
I think some gay guys think it's a betrayal of gayness or that a guy is gay but scared to come out.
I find it odd if a bi guy won't kiss because it's too gay but will chow down on your cock, that apparently isn't too gay!
Advanced Wordsmith
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Quote by dpw
I never gave bisexuality much thought before joining lush. I never asked a guy if they were into women.
I think some gay guys think it's a betrayal of gayness or that a guy is gay but scared to come out.
Yeah, that's exactly what a lot of gay guys think. But the notion that someone else's sexuality is a betrayal of theirs is just transparent bullshit. Disliking someone because of their sexual orientation sucks, whether it's straight people doing it or gay people. And it is no reflection on the disliked person or their quality, but only on the hypocrisy of the person making categorical decisions on friends.
Take it from me, it's disappointing and hurtful, even on iteration 98775. Feels just exactly the same as a straight friend dropping you when you come out.
Quote by dpw
I find it odd if a bi guy won't kiss because it's too gay but will chow down on your cock, that apparently isn't too gay!
Yeah, I find that odd, too. I've seen all kinds of repressed guys with weird definitions of what's gay, bi, and other.
Active Ink Slinger
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Quote by SixtyMinuteMan
Yeah, I find that odd, too. I've seen all kinds of repressed guys with weird definitions of what's gay, bi, and other.
What could be sexier?
Internet Philosopher
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Quote by SixtyMinuteMan
I think you're right. I'm openly bi, and I cannot tell you how many times ostensibly straight guys have gotten me alone and had that conversation that starts "So, um, you're, um, into guys, right?"
This. I think this is true for women as well, although the stigma is fading much more quickly.
I think it's in human nature to want to branch out sexually. We are sexual creatures that use sex for personal fulfillment, social bonding and as a means of strengthening our. Relationships. Being limited in our desires is not hard wired into our psychology. Remove social pressures and a very large portion of the population would willingly indulge in both straight and homosexual sex.
This was actually the norm among men in the western ancient world. Before the rise of Christianity, most men engaged in homosexual behavior. It was generally accepted as a normal part of life.
Monogamy between men and woman became culturally important because of the line of inheritance. If women were engaging in sex with multiple partners, then who their children were fathered by became impossible to determine. It was a matter of politics and economics that forced the classic family structure on society.
Back then though, a man could have sex with another man without enraging his family or threatening the line. It was accepted without much more that a raised eyebrow and when they did it, they didn't have to fear being hunted down by an enraged father, husband or brother. Under those social conditions, bi sexuality made perfect sense.
It wasn't until about two thousand years ago when the church began to vilify sexual practices in general in order to inhibit pagan practices that bi and homosexuality were pushed into the real of taboo.
Advanced Wordsmith
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Quote by dpw
What could be sexier?
Acceptance.
Advanced Wordsmith
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Quote by Milik_Redman
This. I think this is true for women as well, although the stigma is fading much more quickly.
I think it's in human nature to want to branch out sexually. We are sexual creatures that use sex for personal fulfillment, social bonding and as a means of strengthening our. Relationships. Being limited in our desires is not hard wired into our psychology. Remove social pressures and a very large portion of the population would willingly indulge in both straight and homosexual sex.
This was actually the norm among men in the western ancient world. Before the rise of Christianity, most men engaged in homosexual behavior. It was generally accepted as a normal part of life.
Monogamy between men and woman became culturally important because of the line of inheritance. If women were engaging in sex with multiple partners, then who their children were fathered by became impossible to determine. It was a matter of politics and economics that forced the classic family structure on society.
Back then though, a man could have sex with another man without enraging his family or threatening the line. It was accepted without much more that a raised eyebrow and when they did it, they didn't have to fear being hunted down by an enraged father, husband or brother. Under those social conditions, bi sexuality made perfect sense.
It wasn't until about two thousand years ago when the church began to vilify sexual practices in general in order to inhibit pagan practices that bi and homosexuality were pushed into the real of taboo.
This is extremely well written and well thought out. Thanks for posting it.
And yeah, the development of homophobia, biphobia, and rigid lifelong monogamy (at least for women) in the West is an interesting study. Some form of bisexuality was the norm of human existence right up until the end of the Roman Empire, and very widespread even after. And even women often had a degree of sexual freedom once they'd produced the expected heirs. Yet now here we are, homophobia systemized and bi erasure the absolute norm, and women's sexuality heavily stigmatized. Yay Christians.
I'm very glad to be alive to see it start to break down. And break down in a more modern, healthy, self-aware kind of way- one could never accuse the aforementioned Romans of being healthy about sex, after all, except by comparison to Christians.
Scholarly works are starting to either use prefixes like bi- and pan- instead of homo- in front of sexual when describing pre-Christian sexualities or even better, referring to sexual behavior as opposed to a modern, artificial construct of orientaton.
We're even starting to see a chipping away of gender role stigma. Does my heart good to see trans* acceptance become a thing. My first serious girlfriend was a trans woman, and I remember vividly how rough it was for her. Maybe our kids will be as amazed and appalled at previous generations' slut-shaming and homo, bi, and transphobia as we are at our grandparents' open racism.
Active Ink Slinger
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Quote by Milik_Redman
This. I think this is true for women as well, although the stigma is fading much more quickly.
I think it's in human nature to want to branch out sexually. We are sexual creatures that use sex for personal fulfillment, social bonding and as a means of strengthening our. Relationships. Being limited in our desires is not hard wired into our psychology. Remove social pressures and a very large portion of the population would willingly indulge in both straight and homosexual sex.
This was actually the norm among men in the western ancient world. Before the rise of Christianity, most men engaged in homosexual behavior. It was generally accepted as a normal part of life.
Monogamy between men and woman became culturally important because of the line of inheritance. If women were engaging in sex with multiple partners, then who their children were fathered by became impossible to determine. It was a matter of politics and economics that forced the classic family structure on society.
Back then though, a man could have sex with another man without enraging his family or threatening the line. It was accepted without much more that a raised eyebrow and when they did it, they didn't have to fear being hunted down by an enraged father, husband or brother. Under those social conditions, bi sexuality made perfect sense.
It wasn't until about two thousand years ago when the church began to vilify sexual practices in general in order to inhibit pagan practices that bi and homosexuality were pushed into the real of taboo.
I'm not so sure about the dates.
It wasn't until Victorian times that homosexuality became a crime in the UK. Up until then there seemed to be at least a tacit acceptance of it. This possibly had more to do with her puritanical husband.
Active Ink Slinger
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Quote by SixtyMinuteMan
I'm very glad to be alive to see it start to break down. And break down in a more modern, healthy, self-aware kind of way- one could never accuse the aforementioned Romans of being healthy about sex, after all, except by comparison to Christians.
Scholarly works are starting to either use prefixes like bi- and pan- instead of homo- in front of sexual when describing pre-Christian sexualities or even better, referring to sexual behavior as opposed to a modern, artificial construct of orientaton.
We're even starting to see a chipping away of gender role stigma. Does my heart good to see trans* acceptance become a thing. My first serious girlfriend was a trans woman, and I remember vividly how rough it was for her. Maybe our kids will be as amazed and appalled at previous generations' slut-shaming and homo, bi, and transphobia as we are at our grandparents' open racism.
With the number of homophobic attacks and killings on the rise, we have a long long way to go.
In the USA the increase in homophobic attacks is worrying.
In Brazil they average more than one murder per day.
In Zimbabwe gays are mutilated on a daily basis.
In the Middle East, the death sentence is the norm.
The rise in fundamentalist Islam is going to make things even worse.
Perhaps I'm not as optimistic.
Active Ink Slinger
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Quote by dpw
In the USA the increase in homophobic attacks is worrying.
http://www.fbi.gov/news/stories/2013/november/annual-hate-crime-statistics-show-slight-decease
I wouldn't say there's a rising trend in this country if you look at 1996 compared to today. Relative to population growth it's pretty flat.
Active Ink Slinger
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Quote by CliffordAClavin
http://www.fbi.gov/news/stories/2013/november/annual-hate-crime-statistics-show-slight-decease
I wouldn't say there's a rising trend in this country if you look at 1996 compared to today. Relative to population growth it's pretty flat.
The statistics by the FBI are based on the information given by police authorities on a voluntary basis. The number of which is dropping each year.
Of the 14,000+ that did submit information, less than 2,000 ascribed even a single hate crime to their figures. Also, a high percentage of anti gay attacks still go unreported.
If you look at New York City, the number of anti gay attacks was set to double in 2013.
Advanced Wordsmith
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Fortunately, I met a man who was also bi-curious and we experimented. We were sexual right from the moment we met, so there was no awkwardness. I think your best bet is to go out and hone your gaydar.
Active Ink Slinger
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I'm from the Midwest, born in the early 60s. Coming from there, we didn't know, neither did people talk about it. I actually stumbled across the idea of sex with another man living in California.
I was going through a really bad divorce. A couple friends I used to go out with to the bar and bowling after several years finally told me they were bi. It was the first time they told me about it.
I had mentioned it had been a year since I was last with anyone. Between the divorce, work and not having a lot of free time, my social time was non-existent. I certainly wasn't ready for a romantic relationship at that point.
Well, they said they were bi, and me being me, I had a million questions. After answering the questions they offered, shall we say, their services.
I gotta tell you, a year without anyone touching me, a blow job from either of these guys was sounding pretty damn good.
Well, both of them serviced me and I decided that it was only right that I return the favor. Actually it was a lot of fun. For another two years we continued having sex with each other. But as does happen, I took a job back east and that ended our time together.
I was going through a really bad divorce. A couple friends I used to go out with to the bar and bowling after several years finally told me they were bi. It was the first time they told me about it.
I had mentioned it had been a year since I was last with anyone. Between the divorce, work and not having a lot of free time, my social time was non-existent. I certainly wasn't ready for a romantic relationship at that point.
Well, they said they were bi, and me being me, I had a million questions. After answering the questions they offered, shall we say, their services.
I gotta tell you, a year without anyone touching me, a blow job from either of these guys was sounding pretty damn good.
Well, both of them serviced me and I decided that it was only right that I return the favor. Actually it was a lot of fun. For another two years we continued having sex with each other. But as does happen, I took a job back east and that ended our time together.
Lurker
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When will otherwise informed people realise that nothing much in nature is wholly one thing or it's converse?
Sexual preference is a continuum from exclusively same sex to exclusively heterosexual one with many different balances in the mixture in between.
However I have no idea what the frequency distribution looks like other than that it is skewed heavily towards exclusive heterosexuality.
Unfortunately no one can reliably measure those who harbour varying degrees of mixed preference because the rate of expression is masked by so many confounding influences.
Intuition suggests however that there must be more bisexual individuals than exclusively homosexual ones of either sex.
Finally the literature I have read suggests that whilst male sexual preferences are determined quite early in life; female ones aren't and that many women enter a more fluid and ambiguous state in middle life, after peak childbearing years.
Sexual preference is a continuum from exclusively same sex to exclusively heterosexual one with many different balances in the mixture in between.
However I have no idea what the frequency distribution looks like other than that it is skewed heavily towards exclusive heterosexuality.
Unfortunately no one can reliably measure those who harbour varying degrees of mixed preference because the rate of expression is masked by so many confounding influences.
Intuition suggests however that there must be more bisexual individuals than exclusively homosexual ones of either sex.
Finally the literature I have read suggests that whilst male sexual preferences are determined quite early in life; female ones aren't and that many women enter a more fluid and ambiguous state in middle life, after peak childbearing years.
Advanced Wordsmith
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Find another man who has the same desire become friends then get together close the door and let it happen.
Her Royal Spriteness
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i find that a flashlight, a compass, and some sturdy boots are good for exploring pretty much anything. 
You can’t truly call yourself peaceful unless you are capable of violence. If you’re not capable of violence, you’re not peaceful. You’re harmless.
Lurker
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I agree with most be careful but try the water it's the only way
Active Ink Slinger
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Quote by Willtryanythingonce
I agree with most be careful but try the water it's the only way
Have you?
Active Ink Slinger
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Be careful. But if you’re interested, explore. Watch some bi or gay porn. Is it hot? Does it interest you?
Maybe try a gay sauna or bathhouse? (Once again, be careful).
Try getting out there and meeting people. Just do so respectfully and carefully. And if you like it and enjoy it, then keep exploring and enjoying.
Active Ink Slinger
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I say go for it, BUT, be very careful, take precautions, perhaps talk to your doctor about precautions that can be taken (besides condoms) against STD's and also take your time to perhaps find someone in the same boat as yourself. You have waited and thought about it long enough to ask the question, so what's a little more time to put a plan in place to start exploring this desire and make it as exciting and as enjoyable as possible?
Active Ink Slinger
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I have been approached on occasion by gay men who it seems randomly select someone to hit on. To date I have never been approached by someone that is bisexual. If I had a preference for my first male experience I would prefer a bisexual man. I can’t explain why but there seems to be a sense of security in that sort of experience. I have no facts other than my own feeling but I feel most men as they reach and pass middle age have a curiousity about a same sex experience. Likely most women but it seems they are open to it at an earlier age.
Living bi-cariously through Lush
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Like you, icarus, for most of my life my male fantasies were around finding another bi guy, preferably minimally experienced like myself, because it somehow the idea of it was more comfortable. But lately I've allowed myself to think about getting with gay men too. Still, the truly hottest fantasy is another guy who's also new to it.
As I've said in some other threads, I'm not currently looking to fulfill my MM fantasies, but if I did I'd probably go online - and of course be careful. There are a lot of available sites there - including Lush itself. At least one or two of the other bi guys I've been in contact with here had their first experience with another guy they met right here. Hard to imagine a better place to meet fellow middle-aged men who are curious about their first experience with another man.
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