Helping the Boys with Oral
Women often complain about men's ability to perform cunnilingus or, as it's more commonly called, oral sex. This complaint is so pervasive that I've actually written three other articles (Part I, Part II and Part III) for AskMen.com on the subject. But it's not just the complaints that have spurned these articles, it's also the hundreds of men who write me asking for advice on how to give great oral sex. I can only imagine the millions of others who stand like a possum caught in headlights when it comes to the task. As such, I thought it was time to give readers a more in-depth look into the vagina and the amazing things that guys (and gals) can do to it with their tongues.
The following oral sex techniques are a simple guide to teaching all of you the basics of "eating out," and I'm not talking about fine dining.
If you're not much of a vaginal vacuum and are hesitant to try oral sex because of odors or whatever other preconceived notions that you have, ensuring that she has just come out of the shower will ease your tension and you'll be able to let loose orally. There are men who stand their ground and absolutely refuse to perform oral sex; I suggest you get over yourself, because your girl likes to receive oral sex as much as you consider a good blow job a part of foreplay.
Tongue to lips
Any licking, gentle sucking or all-around moisture from the mouth to the vaginal entrance, the labia (lips) or the clitoris will surely make you popular with your flavor of the evening.
When you begin to give oral sex, it's important to start slowly. Women like it when a man takes the time to appreciate her and her body. What she won't like is an over-achiever who jumps right in with an aggressive tongue. Pretend that her entire vagina is an ice-cream cone with three scoops of your favorite flavor; if you don't like ice-cream, I'm sure you can appreciate the metaphor. Use your tongue to lick her vagina from its entrance up to the clitoris. Remember to chill out and relax; enjoy yourself and don't get tense.
Move your tongue freely from her inner lips to her outer labia on one side. Once you've done that, draw her lips into your mouth and massage them with your tongue. And since the other side will probably get jealous, move on to the other side afterward.
Oral exploration
Were you aware that the tongue is the body's strongest muscle? Well imagine what you could do with your tongue if you were giving her oral sex. Since you have more control with your tongue than with your penis, the sensations will drive her crazy.
Not only is your tongue naturally lubricated with saliva, you can maneuver it in ways that a penis never could. So why not use your tongue to have sex with her? Thrust your tongue in and out of her vagina, and take a break from time to time to explore her insides.
While you're roaming around down there, vary your cadence and the firmness of your tongue. Use your firm, flexed tongue for pinpoint accuracy, such as when you circle the clitoris, and use a limber, flat tongue to cover more ground.
Remember to continuously return to her clitoris since most women achieve orgasm through clitoral stimulation -- especially when it comes to oral sex. However, don't apply too much pressure to her clitoris right away because it may irritate her and turn her off. Start out gently and increase pressure and speed according to her body language.
Above all, have fun down there when you're giving her oral sex, and keep her on her toes (or off as the case may be).
Intense vaginal volume
When you have her as hot as a lioness in heat, the following oral sex techniques are going to drive her wild. Once again, make sure to pay attention to her reactions and body language at all times.
With her clitoris still exposed, give it quick little sucks by enveloping it with your mouth momentarily and releasing it. This will definitely have a positive effect on her entire body.
Next, take her clitoris into your mouth and gently suck on it while you simultaneously flick your tongue over and around it. You can perform this oral technique very lightly or aggressively, depending on what she likes.
If you combine these oral sex techniques with your fingers, she will virtually have a mind-blowing orgasm every time.
The tongue's the one
Use your tongue freely and don't be afraid to venture into uncharted territory; the more relaxed you are, the more relaxed she will be. And perhaps you weren't aware of this, but, if your woman is a gusher, the feeling of her ejaculate flowing all over your mouth is one of the world's greatest aphrodisiacs.
No one likes a slobbering idiot, so don't lose your mind while you're in her sacred garden. Don't start drooling all over her vagina and don't do random things when you're giving her oral sex. Always have a strategy when you're going down and an escape plan, just in case you hit a foul ball.
Lastly, and I can't stress this enough, never bite any part of the vagina. Not only can it cause physical harm, but you'll probably get thrown into the dog house.
Useful positions
In order to make your oral buffet as comfortable and as enjoyable as possible, have your lady lie on her back with her legs spread apart and her knees slightly bent. Get on your stomach between her legs and slide your arms under her legs. Your head ends up comfortably facing your oral objective. Wrap your arms around her legs and you'll have perfect access to her vagina, which allow you to manipulate it with your fingers.
You can also lie down in the same position and place both of your hands under her behind, elevating it so that it comes directly to your face. Although this requires a little more strength and requires both your hands, it can be very pleasurable for your woman.
Finally, you can bring her behind to the edge of the bed while you give her oral sex. Have her rest her feet on your shoulders or on the edge of the bed as well, and you'll have plenty of access while you kneel in front of her love cave. This position will also give your fingers full access to her vagina.
oral sex rhetoric
There you have it; some of the basics to giving good oral sex. Of course this isn't a definitive oral sex guide, but it's a good place to start. There are plenty of other positions and techniques that you can try; the ones here are just some of the more comfortable positions. Remember: don't be shy, be gentle, take your time, experiment, and have fun.
Helping the girls with Oral
Show enthusiasm. The best fellatio involves a giver who is totally into it, aroused, even a little worshipful. You may find it extremely erotic to pleasure your partner in this way. You may enjoy the stimulation to your lips, tongue, mouth, and hands as you perform a blowjob. Perhaps you get off on the feeling of power you have over your lover as you control his pleasure, or you may get a sexual charge out of feeling dominated by your lover as you serve him. Maybe you enjoy the sense of giving involved in this extremely intimate act. Whatever your scene, you absolutely, positively must be into giving this man a blowjob, otherwise no one will enjoy it.
Set the scene. Although a quickie blowjob in an elevator certainly should have its place in your sexual repertoire, most men will enjoy a blowjob to the fullest in a more relaxed setting. The best oral sex begins long before you take off his clothes. Wear something you know he finds sexy on you. Help him to relax and loosen up, perhaps with a bath or a glass of wine together. Keep the lighting soft, light a few candles. Choose music that is not distracting, but rather blends quietly into the background. Turn the TV off …unless you want to add porn to the mix. If you do, you may find “compilation videos” or hard-core segments less distracting than porn laden with plot and dialogue.
Lay him on his back on a large bed with clean, crisp sheets. Slowly undress him. By taking your time, you build his anticipation and arousal to a tantalizing level. Make sure he has no distractions whatsoever. Turn off the phones, lock the door. Make sure everything you need is within easy reach: condoms, lube, sex toys, something to drink, something refreshing to eat (perhaps a bowl of fresh strawberries, chilled grapes, or orange slices). Let him focus entirely on his pleasure. If he touches you, it should be for his own enjoyment and not to pleasure you. Make it clear that he is in for a real treat.
Explore his whole body. Start slowly. Touch, lick, and kiss your partner, not just the areas that turn him on but the ones that turn you on as well: the nape of his neck, his earlobes, his chest, his nipples, his round buttocks, feet and sensitive toes, thighs. Be vocal about the areas you adore, either by moaning with pleasure or simply telling him how hot you find his hard biceps, for instance. Talk dirty to him if you enjoy doing so. The idea is to let him know how much you relish contact with him. Keep exploring as you gradually work your way to his genitals. Try licking and sucking his fingers so he gets a preview of what is in store for his cock. Take your time and savor his entire body.
Use your whole body. The best blowjobs involve much more than just your mouth, and focus on much more than just his penis. Use everything available to you to pleasure him. (Also, by using your whole body you show your own arousal and enthusiasm.) Use your mouth, lips, tongue, face, hair, hands, fingers and nails, chest, whatever occurs to you. Rub your genitals against his cock, his leg, or his hand in order to increase your own arousal during the blowjob. Let your body move naturally along with the movement of your mouth and hands. Allow it to be a sensual dance. He’s likely to enjoy the show.
Be Creative. There is no script. So allow yourself to be swept away by the moment and do what feels good to you and your partner. Explore different ways of pleasuring your partner. Every man is different, and every encounter is different: the same man might love a gentle touch one night, but want more aggressive play another night. Don’t be afraid to try new things. But always pay close attention to the response of your lover. If you try something new and he squirms and moans with pleasure, keep at it. If not, move on to something else.
Do you have a lover who tends to be quiet and still? How can you tell if he likes what you’re doing? Notice his testicles. When he is aroused, his testicles will rise within the scrotum, so rather than two balls hanging in a loose sac, the balls will be high against the base of the penis and the scrotum stretched tightly across them. Also, his cock will be very stiff and the head will swell even further and become rock hard. Pay attention to these signs that you are pleasing him.
Try different moods. Be playful, intense, slow and sensual, or fast and frantic—or all these things in turns during a great blowjob. Relax and follow your instincts, and take your cues from your partner.
Condoms. While oral sex can be a fulfilling form of contraception, it is not without risk of disease. Unless you are monogamous and have both recently tested negative for HIV and other STDs, plan to use a condom. Be sure to put it on his penis after he is hard and before you have oral, anal, or genital contact with his penis. Choose from an almost endless variety of condoms – colored, ribbed, flavored, whatever you like. Put a small amount of a petroleum-free lube (it won’t degrade the condom) on the inside tip of the condom before putting it on your partner. Learn to put one on with just your teeth, tongue, lips, and mouth (you can practice on a dildo.) Put the condom on in this manner as he watches, making plenty of eye contact with him as you do so. Drizzle lots of lube on the outside of the condom and rub it on with your hands.
Start slowly. When you first encounter his cock, move slowly. Get acquainted with it. If it’s flaccid, place it in your mouth and explore it with your tongue. Delight in the sensation of it getting large and stiff within your mouth. With your hands, mouth, and tongue, explore every inch of it. Run your tongue along the shaft, note the texture, each vein and bulge. Run your tongue along his testicles, explore the difference in texture there, place a testicle in your mouth and suck. Observe his response. Some men adore having their balls licked and sucked.
Move back up the shaft slowly, working your way to the head. Remember to make eye contact with your lover. You may both find it powerfully erotic to gaze into each other’s eyes as you perform this intimate act. Use your tongue to explore the ridge where the head meets the shaft. Pay particular attention to the frenulum, which is the loose patch of skin on the underside of the penis where the head meets the shaft. Most men find this an intensely sensitive area. Run your tongue along it, first gently, then a little harder. Kiss it, suck at it. Gauge his response.
Move on to the head. Wet it with your mouth. Feel the smooth, hard surface against your lips, kiss it, lick it, tease it ever so gently with your teeth (if you are using a condom, be careful not to puncture it). Explore the hole in the center of the head with your tongue. This hole is called the meatus, and it’s where urine and semen come out of the penis. Some men enjoy stimulation to this area. Now slowly take the hard, sensitive head entirely in your mouth while using your tongue to stimulate the frenulum. If your partner is seated or lying down, and you are between his legs facing him, your tongue can easily stimulate the frenulum on the underside of the penis as you move the head in and out of your mouth. Pull the head out of your mouth and flick your tongue rapidly against the frenulum. Some men really get off on this sensation.
Begin to build and increase the action. Play around with different moves and see to what he responds, what his mood is for that session. When you find something he enjoys, stay with it for a few minutes or longer, then vary it. If he really loved something you did, you can return to it later. But never do the exact same thing for an extended period, as the effect of even the most wonderful sensations diminish with time.
Be slick. At this point, you may want to apply lube to his nice erect cock, even if you are not using a condom. This process in itself can be quite entertaining. Drip the lube slowly along his head and shaft, and then use your hands to cover his penis with it. Be sure to choose a lube that is tasteless and odorless, or one whose taste and smell you like. We like the silicone lube pjur Eros Bodyglide. It is odorless, has no taste whatsoever, never gets sticky, and is highly concentrated so a little lasts a long time. Enjoy the feel of his slick rod in your hands and mouth.
Be resourceful. Try not to have your head simply bobbing up and down on the shaft. This action may produce results, but we’re talking about more advanced skills here. You aren’t merely simulating intercourse. Your mouth and hands have a great many more ways to pleasure his cock than has a pussy or anus. So go ahead and stroke away, but vary it.
Stick out your tongue and say “ah.” Leave your tongue out of your mouth and use it to pleasure his frenulum as you stroke. Also by sticking your tongue out, you can take the shaft deeper into your mouth. Although the shaft has far fewer nerve endings than the head and the frenulum, many men adore the sensation of being taken fully into their lover’s mouth and even their throat (We’ll deal with deep throating in a separate article.) When you are stroking him with your mouth, don’t forget to use your tongue and lips to increase the sensation. Try sticking your tongue out so you lick his shaft as you stroke with your mouth, or use your lips and tongue to stimulate the frenulum as you pump away. If you moan with pleasure while his cock is in your mouth, he feels the delightful vibration of the sound in his penis. Long before “Hummer” was the name of a gas-guzzling jeep, it was known as a stimulating type of blowjob. Test his music knowledge and his ability to focus by playing “Name That Tune” while you hum your way into his heart. (This may give new meaning to the term “having a tune stuck in your head.”)
Try some moves. Draw your lips into a tight circle, so there is almost a popping sound when the head moves in and out. Be extremely careful not to accidentally use your teeth once the action builds, as it can easily cause injury. You may carefully experiment with nibbling on the shaft, as some men find that erotic, but any use of teeth should be approached with very gradual and deliberate experimentation. Try sucking on his penis, creating a vacuum-like tightness and pressure. Don’t be afraid to suck hard, as many men enjoy that strong sensation. Suck on the head, or take the whole cock in your mouth and maintain the suction the entire time you slide it in and out of your mouth. Or take the opposite approach and take the penis loosely deep into your mouth, then move your head side-to-side in a figure eight so his penis is moving around inside your mouth. You can try long, hard strokes along the entire shaft with just your tongue or with your mouth, or quick light strokes with your mouth just on the head. There are an almost infinite number of ways to pleasure a cock. Be open-minded and playful, and you may continually find new ways to please your lover even after many years together. (And believe me, if you become great at giving him head he’ll still be coming back for more after many years.)
Good vibrations. Add vibrators to the mix for more variety of stimulation. Vibrators with interchangeable heads like the Eroscillator or Synergy Pleasure System can be used on virtually any of his erogenous zones, while your mouth and hands work elsewhere. The hands-free Layaspot can be laid across his testicles while you pleasure his cock with your mouth and use your hands on his anus or nipples. Hold a Pocket Rocket against his frenulum as you suck on the head of his cock and tug on his scrotum. You can turn your mouth into a hot, wet penis-vibrator by holding (or by having him hold) a vibrator under your jaw. Or consider the Tongue Joy, which is literally a strap-on for your tongue. If your tongue is pierced, you MUST try this amazing micro-vibe with its stainless steel barbell accessory. The possibilities are limited only by your imagination.
Give me a hand. Never let your hands lie still and go unused while you give a blowjob! I cannot stress this point enough. Use them to stroke his shaft below where your mouth is, or you can hold his cock firmly at the base while you suck, even using your hand to firmly draw his cock into your mouth further. Your hands are also indispensable when it comes to testicular and anal stimulation.
Have a ball. Don’t neglect his balls – another point I cannot stress enough! Testicular stimulation is highly erotic for most men. Try using your hands to pleasure his balls, or stroke his cock with your hand and use your mouth and tongue to lick and suck his balls. Most men enjoy having their testicles cupped or played with. Experiment with gently scratching his balls with your fingernails. It is natural for a man’s balls to rise when he is aroused, and most men enjoy it when you gather their balls in your hand and pull them firmly down, drawing them away from the base of the cock. (Be careful never to press on the balls themselves.) You can use your fingers to form a circle around the base of the scrotum to hold the balls down in the sac. Also try tugging hard on the bottom of the scrotum, pulling it down away from his cock. Proceed slowly and carefully, trying gentle pressure before increasing it if he seems to enjoy it. As in all sensitive erogenous zones, there may be a fine line between pleasure and pain, and each man has his own threshold that may shift over time, so be attentive to his responses.
Knock at his back door. A great many men enjoy anal stimulation. While your mouth is busy with his cock, gently touch the sensitive anus with the tip of your finger. If he does not discourage you, insert a lubed finger in his anus. If he responds positively, push your finger further into his rectum until you feel the prostate, which is the size and shape of a chestnut. Massage it with your finger. Use your other hand to press against his perineum, the area between the base of the penis and his anus. Between your two hands, one inside and one outside, you will be able to stimulate his prostate quite well. Many men are driven absolutely wild by this approach. If he enjoys rectal stimulation, you could take his cock in your mouth while facing him, then wrap your arms around his hips and use both hands to stimulate his rectum and anus. Hug him towards you each time you take his cock deep into your mouth and finger his anus at the same time. For many men, this is sheer bliss. Try stroking his cock with a male masturbator as you lick and suck his balls and finger his ass. If you really want to drive him crazy, have him insert an Aneros prostate stimulator or a vibrating butt plug while you suck his cock, then use your hands to stimulate his balls, nipples, and other areas. Talk about multi-tasking!
Give me a break! If you’ve been at it a while and your mouth is getting sore, give your mouth a brief rest. Pull back and admire this gorgeous raging hard-on you created. Let your hot breath fall on his slick shaft. Stroke it lightly with your hands. Rub it against your cheek, kiss it lightly, hug it to your chest. If you have long hair let it fall over his penis. Stimulate him with vibes and other toys as you rest your mouth and hands. Enjoy this brief interlude before the action resumes.
The crescendo. By now probably you both have worked up a head of serious sexual steam. You have two choices: You can continue to build the tempo and action until he cums. Or, you can bring him down a bit, then begin to build again. Although your lover may object at first to his runaway freight train of sexual energy being slowed down, in the end he will thank you for prolonging his delight.
If you feel he is approaching climax (i.e., he’s writhing on the bed, clutching the sheets, moaning like crazy, proposing marriage -- a sure sign you’re doing it right), then you might want to slow the action until he backs away from the imminent orgasm. Then slowly begin to build again. Many great dance and musical performances make use of this strategy, slowly building to near crescendo then backing off and starting slowly and quietly again. Try making use of it in your great performance in bed. Near-orgasm is a wonderful place to be! Try to keep him in that state for as long as possible, without frustrating him.
Some men cannot tolerate slowing down once they are near orgasm. However, often a more patient, experienced lover will adore this sort of dance. The process of building to near-orgasm, then having the action slow, with you whispering “not yet” into his ear in a husky voice as you slowly build the tempo again, may drive him wild. Be especially aware of your partner’s responses during this process. Sometimes a man is past the point-of-no-return, and you must help him come if he seems unable to slow down. Also, even the most patient of lovers will eventually want to enjoy the grand finale. So try to pick up on signs that he is ready to cum.
The moment of truth. Assume the position. Any position that allows you to reach his cock with your mouth is game. But when you’re ready for the finale, if you’re not already in the ultimate position of sexual worship, kneel between his legs. When you sense he is ready to cum, quicken the pace. You should be pumping fast and furiously with your mouth, or your hand if you can’t move fast enough with your mouth. Timing is everything; at this point, DO NOT slow the pace no matter how sore or tired your mouth or hands become. Keep the rhythm going and don’t stop. Make sure you pace yourself during the blowjob so that you can finish with a sprint. Virtually all men enjoy rapid-fire pumping at the end, but some men like it light and others like a firmer hand. Experiment with pressure and speed.
Don’t forget his balls! Many men find testicular stimulation critical as they near orgasm. Some even enjoy having their scrotum tugged hard as they approach climax. Others are driven over the edge by anal, rectal, and/or prostate stimulation. You’ve spent a lot of time learning what he likes, now is the time to give it ALL to him at once!
As he nears orgasm, you will notice changes. His breathing may become quick and shallow, the sounds he has been making may change abruptly, he may arch his back and tense his muscles; he may throw his head back and clutch at you or the sheets. His balls rise so much they become difficult to move with your hand, his shaft will be rock hard, and the head of his cock will become so huge and engorged it feels as if it will burst. Do not stop pumping, and do not slow down! Keep pumping as long as he will let you. For many men the orgasm will be more intense and prolonged if you continue to stimulate them throughout the climax. At some point following orgasm, his cock may become so acutely sensitive that he will only enjoy the gentlest touch, if any. Pay attention to this sudden change.
Swallowing. Most men enjoy it when you swallow their cum. Men who have strong feelings for their lovers in particular may report feelings of intimacy and acceptance when their lovers swallow. One man deeply in love admitted to feeling a “soul injection” when his partner swallows. Although many partners are happy to oblige, some people find it difficult to do. Remember that it is a very small volume of liquid, about a teaspoon or so. The taste of semen is fairly mild, but can vary tremendously from man to man, and even for the same man at different times. If you have difficulty swallowing, you may try holding your breath and swallowing quickly. Some people find deep throating at the moment of ejaculation helpful, as he shoots his load so deep in your mouth that it bypasses the taste buds. If you absolutely cannot bring yourself to swallow under any circumstances, you can try to discreetly spit the semen into a tissue or towel. Or better yet, pull his cock out of your mouth at the last moment and have him ejaculate on your face or body, then make a little erotic show out of spreading his cum onto your body with your hands. Of course, if you are using a condom and you keep it on while he comes, you don’t have to worry about any of this!
Afterward, some men enjoy it if you “milk” their cock by squeezing at the base and then sliding your hand up the shaft toward the head, getting out every last drop of cum and lapping it up. Other men are so sensitive after coming that they cannot stand to be touched. Most enjoy at least having their balls cupped by your hand.
What if he doesn’t come? Not every blowjob will result in ejaculation, and that’s not necessarily a bad thing. Sometimes a blowjob will be part of many sexual activities you enjoy together in a given session. Not all men find it easy to ejaculate, although they may enjoy oral stimulation tremendously. If a man ejaculated recently, he may be unable to come again for a while. As a man ages, ejaculation typically becomes a less frequent occurrence and produces a lower volume of semen, although an older man may have at least as much sexual activity and enjoyment as a younger man. Fatigue, depression, distraction, and certain medications may interfere with a man’s ability to come. Remember, the idea is to enjoy yourselves; there doesn’t have to be a goal or end-point.
Do your homework. If you are serious about learning to give a great blowjob, there are plenty of resources out there. Many books deal exclusively with how to give blowjobs. Prefer to see the action live? Try a how-to video, or rent porn that focuses exclusively on men receiving blowjobs. Not everything may appeal to you and your partner, but you are likely to discover something new to enhance your experience.
It seems obvious, but remember to talk to your partner and ask him what he has enjoyed about your encounters, or what he might like to try. Encourage him to talk to you and guide you while you are giving him a blowjob. Ask him to let you watch him masturbate – you will likely learn something from watching how he gets himself off and you both may enjoy the performance.
However, don’t be afraid to try things that are new to both of you. You may discover something that your partner has never experienced that drives him wild. Try giving a blowjob blindfolded and with your hands tied behind your back, so that you have to focus completely on using your mouth in the most creative way possible. Or blindfold him and tie him spread-eagle then torture him with pleasure, keeping him just at the brink of orgasm. Dress as a nurse and give him a sponge bath and rectal exam, or play a naughty schoolgirl and have your “teacher” spank you and make you get on your knees and pleasure him. Experiment with different positions, or scenarios where you role-play, complete with costumes. Vary your approach. And of course practice, practice, practice. Your eagerness to please is likely to appeal to him.
A note to the recipients of all this blowjob attention: If you want your lover to give you lots of head (and what man doesn’t!), then make the area as appealing as possible. Make sure you are freshly bathed, and seriously consider shaving your shaft and balls. You are likely to feel sensitized if these areas are clean-shaven, and your lover will appreciate not having to contend with stray hairs as he or she pleasures you. Finally, your lover is likely to be generous in bed if you, too, are generous in bed. So don’t forget to reciprocate!
