Sub drop can be a relative easy thing to overcome, or it can be a real problem depending on the intensity of play and the players.
Just how far you drop when you drop often depends on whether or not your "Daddy" will "catch" you when you fall.
Otherwise you can drop down to somewhere at the bottom of Dante's 7th level of Hell. And it's not a place any sub wants to go - believe me - I've been to that very, very, very, VERY dark place. I've had to make my own ladder with a flashlight to climb out of it.
That's why it's very important that your "Daddy" is responsible when it comes to taking care of you after play. Extreme sub drop can mutate into depression, if you have a "Play & Run Daddy". Especially if your Daddy considers it normal for him to pack up his toy bag and dash off to work or his next appointment or next whatever about 5 minutes after play ends and decides to ignore you for a couple weeks until the next time he feels horny.
This type of play may work for Tops & Bottoms - but it rarely works for Daddies/Mommies and baby girls/boys, because the dynamics, intensity and intimacy of play is usually monogamous, highly emotional and there is a deep level of intimacy between the partners.
I have a list of tell-tale signs to determine if you have a "Daddy" or a "Player who wants you to call him 'Daddy'". One of the most important signs is to make sure that your Daddy is committed to making sure you don't fall into that abyss by acting indifferent to your needs.
Some irresponsible dominants try to distant themselves by demanding emotional maturity or deem it "vanilla behaviour" by physically holding you after an emotionally intense session. It seems some "dominants" are (ab)using kink to avoid their relationship committment issues. Please don't be pressured into accepting this crap. Physical and emotional comfort and reassurance is just as important in a BDSM relationship as it is in "vanilla" relationship. No amout of Dom-Psycho-Babble or "training" will make it possible that you can put your emotions into a box just to please your dominant. You cannot escape being a human being with human needs, and if you try to prevent sub-drop by saying your Daddy's "mantra" that you "feel no pain" (e.g. sub-drop doesn't exist), you will only make yourself metnally ill.
Talk to your Daddy about your emotions when you feel the drop. And ask him to make some decisions how he might increase aftercare or change play to prevent you from ever falling into that dark place. It's a legitimate need and a legitimate fear. And if he treats you like you have an "attitude" or "mental" problem it's time for you to throw the collar at his feet. I had to do that. But, believe me, it was better than living in that god-awful sub-drop abyss. That's not how it's supposed to be.
I am not going to give you moral advice; just practical advice in the form of a word of caution:
Have you thought far enough to ahead to how this might end? I don't suppose that you envision her getting a divorce and marrying you - but have you thought far enough ahead about what happens when it's over? Do you go back to being neighbours, friends? What if you get sick of it, but she doesn't? Or vice-versa? And do you like living where you do now? Do you want to move when it's over? Do you want to have a neighbour who hates your guts living next door to you. Do you like to lay away nights worrying about what the bugger will do to your car? Do you care what your neighbours think about you when they find out?
I had an open marriage, and I told him, "Please! Please! Please! Don't fuck the neighbours. If you must, get a girl in another village, because we are not selling the bloody house just because you got randy with the neighbours!"
I find some of the answers given here amusing.
You ask about cheating. In what regard and by whose standards?
Do you refer to traditional Christian morality? If you abide by traditional Christian morality, what in God's name are you doing here, man?
Or do you pick and choose your Christian morals? For instance masturbation and anal sex are acceptable with your wife, but coveting another's wife or girlfriend is amoral?
Or do you want to take on the morality of any given woman who writes or reads about incest fantasies, but grows indignant over the idea you would seriously desire anyone save your own wife?
If you cyber (though you touch no one but yourself) you are cheating, but if you read your potential cyber partner's erotica and wank off to that, then you are not cheating.
In other words if you read my words in live chat messages and they make you hard, that is cheating on your wife, but if you read my erotica and that makes your hard, then that is not cheating on your wife. Sounds like hypocrasy to me.
No wonder the Christians refer to the passage where Jesus said, "If you sin in your hearts, then it's no different that if your really committed sin in real life."
Try to see it practically: If you are here at Lush, then this site has something to offer you that your wife does not. That is a fact. Real life is always more entertaining than vicarious life. It's not a bad thing you are here. It's not reproachable. But it is an undeniable fact that Lush has something you are attracted to that your wife cannot offer you. That is not your problem. That is a fact.
It might be a problem in telling your wife you engage here. It could be because you are ashamed. It could be because you feel guilt. It could be that you worry she might feel inadequate and insecure because you are here. So it's both of your problems if you want her to understand, but make no effort to get her to understand why you are at Lush.
It might be that you already know that she cannot overcome her feelings of inadequacy or jealousy of other women. It that case you keep it secret so as not to hurt her feelings. In that case what you are doing is risky. She might find out. Then what?
I would say, if you find yourself feeling guilty for coming here and covering it up, then you need to resolve something: your guilt/shame issues, your communication/relationship problems with your wife, or your (in)ability to rationalize your behaviour as most prudent compromise between your personal needs and the needs of your relationship.
Recently I looked this up after a girlfiend contracted Bell's Palsey, which is believed to be linked to HSV.
A couple things you should know in addition to Dancing Doll's tips:
Herpes 1 - most people already have it (80-90% of the population)
Herpes 2 - is genital herpes and is on the spread.
The damnest thing about HSV 2 is that is MORE contagious than AIDS. Basically you can get HSV 2 if you have ANY KIND of body contact with someone who has it - including through kissing, oral sex, straight sex (even with a condom), anal sex and even touching. It's highly contagious.
And just like AIDS, there is NO CURE for HSV 2. No vaccine (They almost had one, but it failed to protect anymore than 20% of the people who tested it).
The most curious thing about HSV 2 is that doesn't affect everyone. About 4 out 5 people get the disease, and never "break out". They never get the pain and the itching and the whole mess that goes along with it. That means there are a lot of people out their who have HSV 2 and have no clue they have it because they never get those icky sore on their genitals. Yet they can STILL give this disease to other people, and many do, because they don't even know they have it.
You might wonder why they have no clue, if they get blood tests at the doctors regularly. That's because they test for every kind of STD EXCEPT Herpes. You have to get an extra test for that.
It's a light house on the North Sea off the coast of France, and it's famous for taking heavy beatings
by the storms of the North Sea.
You can look it up under: Phare du Chenal du Four
Back to the subject at hand....
You know that old saying that goes, "You'll meet the girl of your dreams the minute you stop looking for her"?
It's basically true. One of the "meet the girl killers" is the stress you put yourself under because you have a "mission" to accomplish. I say, scratch that mission, along with all those theatre dialogues you are supposed to memorize from those help books about how to chat girls up.
A better idea would be to find a group activity where you could meet new people - mixed people. Try something new: ballroom dancing, a course in Manderin, an interest group for theatre or museums or something. Humanity subjects are always good. You won't find that many women who are registered members in the Manchester United Fan Club.
The important thing is that it should be something you always thought "Oh, I would like to try that". Please don't pick something you hate, but do it because you've heard that women love it. Women will spot you as a fake and twit in a New York Minute.
Once you find some interest group you like, and a girl in the group that appeals to you, the small talk "thing" will take care of itself. You would find a girl who shares at least one common interest that you do. Who knows what else you would have in common or enjoy doing together?
I hate to burst your bubble. But this fails most of the time, because of rules of the dynamics. The "naughty girl" with the "vanilla boyfriend" is often too weak of a constellation. I'm sure that you could Google a number of sites with wives/girls who blog about getting their reluctant husbands or boyfriends involved, and there are very few success stories.
However, if you want to try, there are some helpful articles on this subject if you Google "The Submissive Guide".
The reason for this, is that it's unsually the dominate partner that has to initiate this. If the submissive partner initiates it, you will usually wind up "topping from bottom" in order to get him involved at all, and that will only create "marginal" results.
For the most part, you will have 4 options:
a) You can spice up your relationship with a "vanilla" kind of kinky (e.g. sex in handcuffs without the D/s), and if this works, you can encourage your husband to develop his Dominant skills
b) You will have to learn to top or dominate him (unless he's naturally dominant and has a horror about being submissive - then it won't work). This is NOT recommended if you are naturally submissive.
c) You will have to find a Dominant outside of your marriage to satisfy your needs if your husband rejects it and labels it "perverse" or "psychotic".
d) You will have to accept that your BDSM desires are just a fantasy you will never experience.
I wonder if you should have made a poll to obtain a clear-cut answer, because you will only end up getting a mass of personal opions, including mine.
Mine is that I need a get an emotional charge from a story to rate it. If I'm not getting it, then the story's "not doing it for me". It has less to do with gender. Personally I do prefer reading emotionally charged erotica by male authors, but as you point out, I may be in the minority.
What I don't like is reading stories which emphasize the "fuck" more than the emotional exchange between the characters - and yes, there are many male authors who write more about the "fuck" than the story. In that case - it's not erotica; it's porn - just like a porn film is porn, and not a particular movie you'll never forget.
There is another site (I won't name here) which allows posting of all kinds of stories and novels - not just erotica, but all genres - is mostly occupied by teenage girls scribbling their (incoherent, disorganised) YA erotic fantasies. Of course, they get wonderful ratings from each other, because the majority of the sight is full of other teenage girls scribbling their YA erotic fantasies, too - but that has nothing to do with quality content.
Unlike Lush, the stories are never edited or reviewd before they are uploaded. Like the saying goes in the country where I live, "Paper is patient when it comes to the amount of shit you can pile on it". That un-named site exercises little control over content or quality. But those young teenage "authors" get lots of high ratings from their girlfriends. Most of them are re-writing their fan-fiction which will always be popular. Originality is punished because it's not hip in highschool. And the secret there appears to be winning the popularity contest - not how well you can write, but rather, how loud you can toot your horn.
On Saint Andrew