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Tav Falco & Panther Burns "Shade Tree Mechanic." (It's an old song from bluesman Z.Z. Hill, but Tav does it mighty nice for a white guy.)
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frenchtoastman
Over 90 days ago
Straight Male, 154
United States
Forum
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Oh, hell. Am I late...? Got held up in traffic -- major tie-up on 680, y'know.
Um... yeah, I just need to know where the fridge is. Gotta get this champagne on ice. Great, thanks.
So, er -- where do we leave our clothes? This bad boy is ready to PAR-TAY!
Um... yeah, I just need to know where the fridge is. Gotta get this champagne on ice. Great, thanks.
So, er -- where do we leave our clothes? This bad boy is ready to PAR-TAY!
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Good golly Miss Molly, what a plethora of photo sites you've unearthed, Mistress Katland! My hat is officially doffed in honor of your mad skills. Or as my Zen master might put it, "Your lesbian erotica fu is indeed powerful." I'll be checking out some of these immediately, if not sooner.
Me, I only discovered the Joy of Tumblr a few months ago, but the pull of these photo archives is irresistible... if the internet is an ocean, such sites are like a riptide dragging innocent souls into a smutty grave. (Davy Boner's Locker?) Unlike in the ocean, we are smiling as we go down for the third time.
Truly, this is a golden age for connoisseurs of erotica. When I was a youngun, we had to score our porn at convenience stores, where glossy beaver mags jostled for shelf space with dirty novels like "Lola On the Loose," "His Hot Little Sister," or even "Mom Does the Dog." And since the vast majority of erotica was heterosexually inclined, a devotee of sapphic delights like your humble servant had to make do with whatever meager crumbs of lesbianology he could scare up.
Now we have erotic story sites, photo sites, film clip sites... a veritable landslide of titillation to fill our wicked heads. Thanks, Katland, for adding another ton or two to this sinner's personal avalanche. You will be included in my prayers tonight.
Me, I only discovered the Joy of Tumblr a few months ago, but the pull of these photo archives is irresistible... if the internet is an ocean, such sites are like a riptide dragging innocent souls into a smutty grave. (Davy Boner's Locker?) Unlike in the ocean, we are smiling as we go down for the third time.
Truly, this is a golden age for connoisseurs of erotica. When I was a youngun, we had to score our porn at convenience stores, where glossy beaver mags jostled for shelf space with dirty novels like "Lola On the Loose," "His Hot Little Sister," or even "Mom Does the Dog." And since the vast majority of erotica was heterosexually inclined, a devotee of sapphic delights like your humble servant had to make do with whatever meager crumbs of lesbianology he could scare up.
Now we have erotic story sites, photo sites, film clip sites... a veritable landslide of titillation to fill our wicked heads. Thanks, Katland, for adding another ton or two to this sinner's personal avalanche. You will be included in my prayers tonight.
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Wonderfully done, Sprite. It can be brutally hard, trying to make sense of it all in what often seems like a senseless world...
Thank the Fates that there are good souls like you out there making the effort, inspiring the rest of us to do the same.
Thank the Fates that there are good souls like you out there making the effort, inspiring the rest of us to do the same.
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Guilty as hell!
Have you ever attempted to entice someone into bed by making up some sex act you never actually experienced, in order to get them all hot and bothered?
Have you ever attempted to entice someone into bed by making up some sex act you never actually experienced, in order to get them all hot and bothered?
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Rocket J. Squirrel (better known as Rocky the Flying Squirrel)
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While not especially dark, my favorite fantasy is an Olde Nasty Classique: to engage in heated and intensely passionate sex in a dangerously public place with a woman I'd just made eye contact moments earlier. The attraction is instantaneous, the erotic impulse too powerful to deny. There's not even time to exchange names.
Something like this:
I'm shopping for shirts in a department store when a fetching salesgirl's eyes meet mine. She asks me if I need help, her hand brushing my arm. The contact is electric, and a warm rush of desire instantly suffuses me. She recognizes my arousal, smiles knowingly. Seizing my hand, she draws me into the dressing room area, glancing over her shoulder to make certain that we haven't been observed. Opening the door to the last cubicle, the salesgirl beckons me inside. Scarcely has the door clicked shut when our mouths meet in a hot, hungry kiss, my hands slipping beneath her skirt to fondle a luscious panty-clad ass...
I'll let you imagine where it goes from there. I have, in the past, attempted to get all flirty with my lady love in changing rooms, but she has far more common sense than I do, and made me cease and desist. (Turns out that people actually get caught and in big trouble doing dumb stuff like that -- who woulda thought!?)
Something like this:
I'm shopping for shirts in a department store when a fetching salesgirl's eyes meet mine. She asks me if I need help, her hand brushing my arm. The contact is electric, and a warm rush of desire instantly suffuses me. She recognizes my arousal, smiles knowingly. Seizing my hand, she draws me into the dressing room area, glancing over her shoulder to make certain that we haven't been observed. Opening the door to the last cubicle, the salesgirl beckons me inside. Scarcely has the door clicked shut when our mouths meet in a hot, hungry kiss, my hands slipping beneath her skirt to fondle a luscious panty-clad ass...
I'll let you imagine where it goes from there. I have, in the past, attempted to get all flirty with my lady love in changing rooms, but she has far more common sense than I do, and made me cease and desist. (Turns out that people actually get caught and in big trouble doing dumb stuff like that -- who woulda thought!?)
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Innocent.
Ever search for a loved one's hidden porno collection, with the intention of getting off on its contents?
Ever search for a loved one's hidden porno collection, with the intention of getting off on its contents?
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Innocent.
Ever tell a lie (whether white or ugly) to someone to get them into the sack? "I love you," doesn't count.
Ever tell a lie (whether white or ugly) to someone to get them into the sack? "I love you," doesn't count.
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I began collecting erotic stories from websites that dabble in such things, once I'd finally obtained internet access. My inclination has always been toward lesbian fiction (yes, Virginia... I'm one of those guys), so sapphic stories made up the vast bulk of my personal library.
I began to idly tinker with some of those stories, fixing dumb spelling mistakes (like "didlo," "tounge," or "throws of passion"), bad punctuation, misused words, mangled sentence structure, etc.
Then I graduated to editing out obnoxious terms like "fun bags" or "cunt meat" -- in fact, anything comparing women's body parts to meat. You know, the kind of things that really immature guys write.
And then there were writers who had their characters dropping trite lines like "Eat my fucking cunt, you little pussy-whore!" or screaming "Cummming!" at the moment of climax. (Does anyone actually do that!?) I tried to make the talk a bit more like what you might hear in real life, even in the heat of sexual passion.
The next step was removing whole scenes with sex acts I wasn't into, like scat, bestiality, serious violence and humiliation.
Soon I began to write male characters out of sex scenes, something that grew amazingly easy with practice. Then I tackled rewriting male characters into female -- a trickier proposition, but not too difficult after a few tries.
Finally, I began to write my own parts, fleshing out the characters, adding more sex and -- most important of all! -- putting more detail into the buildup to sex. To me, that's the crucial part of a good erotic story. A well written seduction can be even hotter than describing the fucking itself.
I never really thought of doing anything with these stories, you understand -- at that time, they were intended only for personal enjoyment.
Eventually, though, I summoned up the courage to post a story at Lush, one rewritten so completely that nothing of the original remained.
The response was positive, so this time I wrote a story completely from scratch and nervously made it public. Well, how 'bout that -- they liked that one even more! So now I'm an erotic writer. Wow.
I began to idly tinker with some of those stories, fixing dumb spelling mistakes (like "didlo," "tounge," or "throws of passion"), bad punctuation, misused words, mangled sentence structure, etc.
Then I graduated to editing out obnoxious terms like "fun bags" or "cunt meat" -- in fact, anything comparing women's body parts to meat. You know, the kind of things that really immature guys write.
And then there were writers who had their characters dropping trite lines like "Eat my fucking cunt, you little pussy-whore!" or screaming "Cummming!" at the moment of climax. (Does anyone actually do that!?) I tried to make the talk a bit more like what you might hear in real life, even in the heat of sexual passion.
The next step was removing whole scenes with sex acts I wasn't into, like scat, bestiality, serious violence and humiliation.
Soon I began to write male characters out of sex scenes, something that grew amazingly easy with practice. Then I tackled rewriting male characters into female -- a trickier proposition, but not too difficult after a few tries.
Finally, I began to write my own parts, fleshing out the characters, adding more sex and -- most important of all! -- putting more detail into the buildup to sex. To me, that's the crucial part of a good erotic story. A well written seduction can be even hotter than describing the fucking itself.
I never really thought of doing anything with these stories, you understand -- at that time, they were intended only for personal enjoyment.
Eventually, though, I summoned up the courage to post a story at Lush, one rewritten so completely that nothing of the original remained.
The response was positive, so this time I wrote a story completely from scratch and nervously made it public. Well, how 'bout that -- they liked that one even more! So now I'm an erotic writer. Wow.
Active Ink Slinger
One blunder that I've seen quite a bit -- and ONLY in erotic fiction, for some inexplicable reason -- is the 2-in-1 word "eachother."
A ridiculous word that used to be quite common in smutty paperback novels (back when you could find such things in every local convenience store) is the adjective "cuntal." As in "Bill buried his face in her cuntal split." I'm guessing this one was coined by someone who didn't have sex very often, if ever.
A controversial confession: I've always hated the use of the word "cum" when taken to mean "orgasm," as in "When Bill ate Annie, tongue flicking at her clitoris like a velvet chainsaw, he made her cum so hard that she died." Some of you may scream in outrage, but the correct word in that context is "come," damn it.
(We need someone to rewrite the old Lenny Bruce song so it goes "Cum is a Substance, Come is a Verb.")
A ridiculous word that used to be quite common in smutty paperback novels (back when you could find such things in every local convenience store) is the adjective "cuntal." As in "Bill buried his face in her cuntal split." I'm guessing this one was coined by someone who didn't have sex very often, if ever.
A controversial confession: I've always hated the use of the word "cum" when taken to mean "orgasm," as in "When Bill ate Annie, tongue flicking at her clitoris like a velvet chainsaw, he made her cum so hard that she died." Some of you may scream in outrage, but the correct word in that context is "come," damn it.
(We need someone to rewrite the old Lenny Bruce song so it goes "Cum is a Substance, Come is a Verb.")