Mrs Delaney. She was tall and lithe and the day she walked into my office I knew she was trouble. I could smell it in her heavy aroma and read it in her walk. She wasn't a conventional beauty. But I won’t hold that against her, in fact it played in her favour. She had something more than beauty could ever offer; she had grace, she had class, she had style. And she had chosen me. For whatever reason. There was no reason, I guess. And therein lay the beauty again. But I should start from the beginning, for the beginning is a good place to start. Particularly with a narrative …
It was a cold, callous Tuesday afternoon. The kind of afternoon that set your teeth on edge and froze your bones to the core. The wind alone was enough to bend the wills of strong men and break the backs of sons of bitches. I was in my office, sipping on bourbon. Trying my best to keep jack frost from my fingers and the debt collectors from my heels, when there was a knock on the door.
“Come in,” I said for that seemed the logical thing to say.
She walked through the door leaving a trail of cigarette smoke and perfume. She was red, from tip to toe. Her flame coloured hair fell in thick cascades down her shoulders. She was wearing a red dress that was struggling hard to contain her copious curves. And this girl had more curves than Mulholland Drive, in fact she was curvier than the Ohio river, she had more curves than a bowl of spaghetti... You get the picture. Her red stilettos slowly tapped onto my floor as she casually sauntered over to my desk. She sat down in the chair opposite me and crossed her legs.
“Please, have a seat,” I said.
She withdrew the cigarette from her red lips, and exhaled in my face. “You don’t mind if I smoke do you?” she asked.
“Not at all, I love the stench and the restrictive effect it has on my throat,” I deadpanned.
She inhaled again, “Good.”
I leant back in my chair and waited.
“The sign on your door says you’re a detective Mr Ford.”
“Yeah, I been meaning to get that fixed.”
“It also says that you can help find people.”
“That’s a lie. I’ve never found anyone. Generally, all I‘ve found is that if people want to get lost, they stay lost.”
“It also says you can help with marital issues.”
“It says a lot for a small sign.”
“I need some help in that department.”
“Don’t we all."
“My husband has been hanging around Little Russia.”
“And that’s a problem?”
“He doesn't like Russians.”
“Maybe he’s changed his mind.”
“That’s what I need you to find out.”
I leant back in my chair and eyeballed her. She seemed legit, but there was something about her that wasn’t ringing true. Maybe it was the way she clung so tightly to that cigarette, or maybe it was the way her heel kept tapping on the floor.
“Look Mrs …”
“Delaney.”
“I’ve done this job a long time and I can’t tell you how many times a dame has walked into this office claiming to want to know the truth about her husband and his extracurricular excursions. But it’s a lie. They don’t want to know. They want their life to continue as it always has. They want the money, the lifestyle, the beach house. They fear losing it, so they think they will have power in knowing the truth. When all they have to do is go home and give their husband a blowjob every now and again. He’s not going to leave you Mrs Delaney; it would cost him too much.” I put a cigarette in my mouth and lit it.
“I don’t fear losing him and I’m not interested in my lifestyle. In fact it bores me ceaselessly.”
“So what is the problem?”
She stood up, placed her hands on the edges of my desk and leant over. Her cleavage was just about bursting out of her dress. I did my best to ignore it and looked her in the eyes.
“The problem, Mr Ford,” she said, leaning in closer, “is that he is putting his cock into some other bitch’s pussy!” Her nostrils flared and her eyes darkened. She gripped the desk tightly before angrily stubbing out her cigarette into the ashtray. She spun on her heels and slunk over to the window. Gazing out, she lit another cigarette as she composed herself.
“I apologise Mr Ford, it’s just gets me so heated. The number of times I have sucked that man’s cock and let him do despicable things to my anus and this is what I get?” she said as she inhaled deeply.
“I can quite understand Mrs Delaney, the anus is a sensitive subject.”
“Damn straight it is.” She turned around and faced me, her eyes welling with damp tears. “So do you think you can help me, Mr Ford?”
I was a sucker for women and women with tears in particular. Particularly hot ones who let despicable things happen to their anus. “Yes Mrs Delaney, I'm sure I can.”
She turned and looked back out the window. “It’s just that I don’t quite have the funds to pay you right now Mr Ford …”
“That’s ok,” I said, stubbing out my cigarette and walking over to the door. “I'm sure we can work something out.”
“Yes, I'm sure we can.” Mrs Delaney swung her ample ass over towards the door and stood close to me. She pressed her body tight against mine, and then slotted a piece of paper into my trouser pocket. Her hand grazed my cock slowly through my pants. “My husband’s details,” she said before she walked out the door.
I held the door open and watched her sashay down the hall. Her ass jiggled like mound of jello.
“Very nice to meet you Mrs Delaney,” I said to no one but myself. But it felt good to say it and hear it, and it felt good to have her hand graze my cock, if only for a minute. I walked to my drawer and grabbed more bourbon. Pouring myself a glass, I felt a strange sensation settle in my stomach. It was neither good nor bad, but it foretold of interesting things to come.
I scoped out the address Mrs Delaney had so tenderly put in my pocket. It was eight in the morning and I figured Mr Delaney would be making an appearance soon to head off to work like all the other rats in the race. When he exited the family home, it was a disappointment. Fat, squat, bald. I had a hard time figuring why the hot Mrs Delaney let his cock anywhere near her anus. He must have a big one I thought, or a big wallet. From my experience of women it was one of these two assets that were the deciding factors in anus fucking. That or she was just a plain whore with no ambition.
Anyway, he climbed into his black Buick and started to navigate his way down the streets. I followed at a discreet distance. Watching him pick his nose and fart his way along. He was definitely heading towards Little Russia. 'Maybe this thing will be over soon,' I thought, 'and I can be a hero for Mrs Delaney. Perhaps then she will let me do despicable things to her anus'.
He parked up alongside the curb and cumbersomely hauled his chubby ass out of the car. I watched him cross the street and enter a bar. I gave him five minutes. I used the time to entertain myself with thoughts of the divine Mrs Delaney and her attractive anus. Just as I was about to exit the car and go into the bar, out came bald Mr D with a young woman at his side. Now don’t get me wrong she was no Mrs Delaney, but she was just as hot in a nymphet, Lolita kind of way. Her tits were small and perky, with no need for bra support. She wore short cut-off jeans that gave plenty of room for her ass cheeks to protrude. Her tits only slightly bobbed as she ran across the street. The fat Mr D shook all over as he waddled cross the street.
I followed behind them, weaving through the traffic, my mind back on the job now. He pulled up at a seedy motel and entered the office. She got out and blew bubbles with her gum as she twisted her hair around her finger. Just how old was this kid? The pederast Mr D, who already got to shove his cock into Mrs Delaney’s adorable anus, now pinched this girl’s ass and led her into their room. I got out of the car and entered the office. The bloke at reception was the filthiest fucker I had ever laid my eyes on. I admired his audacity and ambivalence.
“The fat man and Jail Bait come here often?” I asked.
“Who wants to know?” he replied.
“Me clearly, since I am the one asking. Was that a trick question?”
“Who wants to know?” he replied.
“Look you smelly little shit,” I said grabbing his collar, “I have a serious situation here. A young girl next door might be having despicable things done to her anus, and I don’t have time to fuck around!”
“She’s 26.”
“What?” I said, shoving him back.
“She’s 26.”
“You have an annoying habit of repeating yourself, Ricky,” I said looking at his smeared name tag. “She can’t be 26. She looks like she’s never bought a tampon in her life.”
“Well she has, she’s a junkie who sells her wares to the pervert with the biggest wallet.” That confirmed my suspicions about his wallet size, and why the delectable Mrs Delaney lets him pound her sweet ass.
“She’s got five kids, man,” he said, sadly shaking his lice ridden head in shame.
“How often do they come here?’
“Every day man, every fucking day.”
“Look, I need to have that room once they've finished.