This book, improbable as it is, would have been impossible without the help, care, feeding, and receptivity of various experts, friends, experts who became friends, friends who became expert at one thing or another, and the various benefits each and all provided. To everyone involved or engaged, even those with little or no knowledge of the project at hand, I extend my heartfelt thanks.

Amanuenses, transcribers, keyboardists, and researchers—angels all, with a remarked taste for, and devotion to, scholarship, and a stirring attention to detail—collectively constituted the great, chuffing engine behind this little train that not only could, but did.

Zoe K., who gave unstintingly of her wet and remarkably tight cunt, when this author’s turgidity extended beyond prose, exacted a much-needed and welcome release; her heart-shaped ass, and the valentine dip at the top of her bottom, as she bent over this writer’s desk, and took what became a habitual a tergo fucking, cannot be overvalued.

Professor C., from the Classical Studies department at a prestigious university she would prefer I not name, and one of her teaching assistants (a petite, flexible redhead), kindly read early outlines of the manuscript; they provided valuable insights and, after a long boozy lunch, a three-way that culminated in an ardent and stirring snowballing of my cum that was so memorable, so erotically formidable, that I was compelled to enlist their help on several subsequent occasions, each of which yielded delightful variations on the first, and certainly improved the accuracy of the final manuscript. They were astute; they loved to fuck—an indispensable pairing.

Personal assistant Janet L., small of stature and ample of bosom, was Swiss-watch reliable when it came to smoothing the pathways toward a day of productive composition—making sure, as she said, that I did not experience any episodes of “writer’s cock”—on her knees and at the ready to relieve me of my morning loads.

Her cheerful and avid unbelting of my dressing gown, her careful attention to head, shaft, and full balls, her unfeigned delight when her finishing strokes brought forth that blissful spasm, those warm ropes that she always took on, and massaged over, her buoyant breasts, were inestimable.

Both Lacey J. and Angela B. provided yeoman’s work when it came to interpreting my hand-written edits and retyping pages, as well as sharing responsibility for sucking me off when such service became essential. Their attention to detail was laudable and matched only by their enthusiasm for swallowing semen—mine, to be precise: sometimes two, three ejaculations a day. They maintained a playful rivalry, tallying their respective number of loads, until things got a little too competitive. I, as well as the next writer, would have found it delightful to be fellated all day, but there were still deadlines to meet.

Kay V. was a scrupulous fact-checker and, on my occasional trips to New York to work with her in person, enforced a rigorous routine of chasing down sources before taking me in her mouth, her pussy, and her tight, sweet ass (in that order). Like me, she loved language as much as she did accuracy, and would pepper our vigorous work sessions with pleas to, “fuck my tight little cunt! Fuck it!” and, “pump your big load in my ass! Give it to me! Fill me!”—suggestions that I gratefully took to heart.

Other language lovers offered heady contributions. My research assistant frequently crawled beneath my desk and requested that I “jack that thick, creamy load off” into her mouth “while I rub my wet little pussy.” A library science major in the Special Collections branch at a certain university library, a curvy scholar with a cute blonde bob, let me suck her full, round breasts and finger-fuck her to climax, then kindly gave me after-hours access to both the collection and other “special areas.”

Lakshmi K., ever the Girl Friday, demonstrated a pronounced fondness for soixante-neuf arrangements, and regularly ground her dark, smooth sex to a whopping orgasm against my mouth as my jizz spurted massively into hers; her help with my correspondence was also invaluable.

Innumerable other helpmeets, fact checkers, punctuationists, and grammarians appeared and vanished, suck and swallowed, came and came again and went, etc. For those whose contributions tact restricts me from acknowledging, rest assured that your nubile attentions have been notched in my private pantheon.

To all who gave and gave and gave some more, in contribution to the effort behind this book, your exertions cannot be overstated or overvalued, and your flexibility and energies cannot be matched. And that ointment that I’ve recommended really does work wonders so, you know, give it a try.