I looked deep into Clarissa’s eyes. We were breathing hard, have both just exploded into orgasms. I dropped my face down and kissed her softly, then I started moving my hips again, feeling her tight wetness hugging my turgid member. I loved her deeply, and making love was the extension of our intimacy. Her hand went to the back of my neck, gently stroking that sensitive area as her lips found my carotid artery, her tongue flicking out as she licked that area. She knew all my sensitive spots. I lowered my thrusts just a little and she gasped in appreciation.

This action was reserved for round two when we had finished our frenzy. Now I was caressing her g-spot, and it would last longer. I knew she would make me bleed with her nails soon as the pleasure starts to ravish her. Clarissa knew that round two was for her. I rarely had a massive orgasm, but her soft mewling was my reward. I felt her wrap her legs around mine and I knew it was starting for her. Her body started to move with mine again and her free hand dropped to my butt as she pulled my face to hers again, her lips hungrily hunting mine. Her other hand dropped to my butt as well and she started to pull me into her.

Her orgasm grew, then hit her. She groaned loudly into my mouth. Now I focussed and worked hard to keep her on the high with my targeted thrusts. If I get it right, she will have a twenty-minute orgasm with distinct peaks. I got it right, and I finally felt mine hit me. Clarissa held me against her as her pleasure center milked every last drop out of me. We would stay like this for up to an hour, enjoying the intimacy and the way the tension would flow out of us. We had stressful jobs and this was what we did, apart from outdoor activities like mountain biking and trail running.

Clarissa was an intern at a military hospital in Maryland and she saw some horrific things. She had a fiery personality with her raven hair and blue eyes. She was slim-built and stood at five-eight. I was five-eleven and carried almost no fat. I was well defined, but not muscular by most standards. My job was tricky. I worked for an agency. I would be called a problem solver by most, except my preferred tool would be some form of weapon. I knew Clarissa sometimes felt bothered by the secrecy, as I have never been able to reveal anything about my job to her. But she trusted me and told me that regularly. She had no idea how dangerous my job often was when I was not analyzing reports.

We were talking about the menu for a get-together on the weekend when she groaned loudly. My phone had buzzed.

“Dammit, JJ. It is after nine,” she muttered. JJ was short for Joshua Jameson, my real name.

“I am so sorry, Clari. They would not contact me if it was not important.”

“It is just a little irritating.”

I did not miss the cloud that passed behind her eyes. I needed to get her cleared for more information, but for that, I needed to formalize our relationship, like a ring. I had no problem proposing to her as she had not unsettled me in the two years we had been together. And then I loved every single part of her body too. Even her fiery temper turned me on. She was the opposite of my sanguine temperament.

I checked the message, they needed me ASAP. The message was a simple ’Can we meet.’

It purposely looked like normal texting in case my phone is compromised. I kissed Clarissa deeply, apologized then got up. I dressed as there was no time to shower. I opted for the Yamaha superbike as the traffic would be light and I could get there faster. It seemed a person of interest had surfaced and was now a suspect. I needed to confirm in person. An hour later I was on a plane to Germany, reading floorplans of the villa the target had rented.

‘See you soon.’ I texted Clarissa. She knew it could mean days or minutes.

‘Fine.’

Her terse reply was disconcerting. I called Samantha, my handler.

“Sam, I need to settle Clarissa. Can I formalize the relationship, or do you have concerns?”

“If that is what you want, then do it. I hope I am invited.”

“Of course, you are, with Dylan and the kids.”

“He hates weddings, but he will make an exception for yours.”

Samantha’s husband was an artist. His formal training was as an architect, but his designs were pure art. I loved visiting them and looking through his drawings. He would stand to one side and nod as I highlighted features I liked. They were my friends, and I hoped they would be Clarissa’s. The mission went well, and I confirmed the target was a danger through information I found in the villa. I dealt with him and flew home. Weapons-grade anthrax should not be available on the black market at all.

The rest of the week, I browsed for engagement rings, settling for a promise ring to ask her with. I knew I will not get it exactly right. Saturday evening at the get-together with her colleagues, I proposed, going down on one knee. Clarissa said yes, and she was happy. The crowd was not my type at all, but they were her friends. I did not like the arrogance I sometimes saw. I wrote it off as the God complex people often say doctors had. I also sensed that they looked down on me, seeing me as lesser educated. None knew I spoke seven languages, eight if you count sign language. This I learned because Rebecca, one of my co-workers was deaf.

Clarissa settled down into our engagement, but I noticed her increased irritation when I was called in. Samantha was working hard on her background checks. We met with her friends once a month, and three months after we got engaged, a new friend joined us. His name was Chad and he was the IT specialist they used at the hospital. He was good-looking and the girls in the group vied for his attention. Clarissa never did, not where I could see it in any case. The week after I met him, Clarissa asked to see my phone.

“Sorry, Clari. You are not allowed to as you do not have the clearance,” I answered gently.

This did piss her off and she started to give me the cold shoulder regularly. I knew she was struggling with my lack of transparency. We were still intimate, but she started to shorten the intimacy we used to have after sex, often pushing at my chest before I could orgasm. I tried speaking to her, but she kept telling me that it is not true, that nothing had changed. Then she hit me with the “I think you are cheating” conversation.

“Why?” I asked, shocked.

“You are secretive, Joshua. You hide your life from me. I have not met your friends, not even one.”

“I am not cheating. You are the only one for me,” I tried but it went nowhere good.

We had an almighty row that night, which put me on the couch to keep the peace. I noticed her texting more, and taking calls away from me. I was at a loss now, and we did not have sex for almost three weeks. She rejected all my advances and it pissed me off. I asked her if wanted to break the engagement, which seemed to make her change a little. I started to get more hugs and smiles, but still no intimacy. She started to stay later after work, saying she went for dinner or drinks with her friends. It made me uneasy, to say the least.

At the next party, things went very wrong. I was preparing the grill for burgers, and she was deep-frying handmade fries for us. Her friends were in the kitchen, and she started again.

“I think you are being unfaithful,” she said in front of her friends.

“Can we do this later?” I asked.

“NO!” she yelled, “Tell me the truth! All my friends agree that you are being suspect!”

“Well, you are all wrong,” I said calmly.

They all started laying into me, telling me that they believe I am lying. Clarissa was crying and I felt my anger rise. I walked outside to grill the burgers, and for some peace. I took a beer, wondering if this was where I take my ring back. The disrespect was not what I expected from her at any time. I finished a batch and walked back inside. They were in the lounge, and I walked there. My heart dropped for two reasons. Clarissa and Chad were sitting very close to each other on the couch, and she smiled softly at him. She gave me a smug look.

“I knew you were cheating,” she grinned viciously and her friends piled into me again.

The bigger problem was that they had my phone and Chad clearly had hacked it as the messages were displayed on the television. She was reading the texts from Samantha out loud. I rushed over and she tried to yank it away, but I pinned her and took my phone.

“You should not have done that, Chad,” I growled as I straightened up. He lost his smile in a flash.

“I asked him to. I knew you were cheating. Who the fuck is Samantha?” Clarissa said loudly.

“I am done discussing this,” I said as I walked outside.

I called Sam.

“Sam, my phone has been compromised. Some cunt called Chad hacked it on Clarissa’s instruction. I think they are fucking as well,” I said. I sensed Clarissa behind me.

“Yes, you cheating fuck. I am fucking Chad. The pain sucks, doesn’t it,” Clarissa said with a cold tone.

I saw her relish the pain that hit me and she turned into the kitchen. I followed her, fighting for control. It was over as far as I was concerned. Infidelity could lead to compromise. But my heart was shattered. Clarissa was at the stove as if nothing happened. She was removing a batch, and Chad stood next to her, his smug look back.

“I want my ring, and then I want you out of my house, Clarissa,” I matched her cold tone, and she turned to me.

“You can get out, Joshua. I am staying here, and so is Chad. The ring is mine now.”

“I will not ask again. Ring, and pack. It is my house. Get the fuck out or meet the dark side.”

“Bud, she told you to fuck off, so do it,” Chad said as he stepped forward. The rest of the friends were piling in as well, some recording on their phones.

“Step back, Chad,” I growled.

He did not and threw a punch. I sidestepped him easily and punched him out. The rest of the guys seemed to not be interested in more as I looked at them. Then I sensed movement from Clarissa, followed by searing pain. I heard someone scream, realizing it was me. The left side of my body all the way to my face was on fire and I screamed again as I fell, then blacked out.

***

I woke to the smell of a hospital, then screaming. It was still me, then I passed out again. I woke again, this time the presence of painkillers was evident. I heard Clarissa speaking.

“Please Joshy. Please wake up. I am so sorry. Please wake up so I can tell you.”

“Get away from me,” I tried saying but I had no voice.

I opened my eyes and saw her tear-streaked face.  My left side was in pain and I could not turn my head. The nurse and my doctor came in and pushed her away as they started to check me. The pain was excruciating.

“We have you on the maximum dosage,” the doctor answered my unasked question.

Then I heard Sam’s voice, soothing a sobbing Clarissa. It was obvious she was lied to. The doctor started a count so I could tell him where the pain level was. I nodded at ten out of ten.

“We have you in a head brace, as the skin on your neck is gone. You have to try and not turn your head until we are sure the carotid is intact,” the doctor informed me.

“You have third-degree burns on the left side of your body and face,” The nurse added softly. I could feel exactly where those burns were. They finished and Samantha joined me.

“What were you thinking, messing around with boiling oil. You can be grateful you had a house full of medical professionals.”

I started to cry, my heart shattered. I wondered how long they took to decide if they wanted to help me, including the bitch.

“Joshua, we arrested Chad. Clarissa gave him up. She is not in the clear, but we are looking at her involvement.”

“Joshy, I am so sorry. I understand now,” Clarissa added.

I closed my eyes and clenched my jaw, trying to make a sound. I tried to speak but there was no sound. Samantha bowed down to my mouth.

“Get… her… out…. of… here,” I hissed.

“You want Clarissa out?” Samantha confirmed, and I nodded.

Samantha told Clarissa to leave, and I fell asleep again. It was dark when I woke again, and Clarissa was back, still begging for forgiveness. I kept my eyes closed.

“I will spend the rest of my life begging for forgiveness, Joshy,” she whispered.

“Why… not… just… leave?” I tried.

“I could not believe you would cheat, even if the evidence said so. The problem was that I believed everybody but you,”

“Why… are… you… here?”

“I will not leave you. I will not expect you to love me again, and I do not deserve it. Please allow me to stay until you are better. I beg you.”

I had a feeling she would not leave in any case, so I nodded.

***

They started to prepare me for skin grafts. I realized Clarissa had moved to the hospital, doing her shifts and taking every break with me. Her features were gaunt with sunken eyes. I never saw her with food and I could see her lose what little weight she had. This was not me. I was not into revenge, so I forced her to eat by telling her I will forbid her my room if she does not. My voice had come back, but it was raspy. I screamed a lot when they changed bandages. In some places, I had no skin left. The first graft was from my butt, and they set it on my neck. It burned differently where they peeled the skin off. After a week, they were happy. I was looking at being discharged to a high-care facility.

Clarissa begged me to let her take care of me, and then she confessed to Samantha that she had thrown me with the pot of boiling oil. I thought Sam would shoot her from pure rage. But Clarissa persisted, begging for the chance to take care of me. She told me she will stop eating again, and I capitulated against Sam’s wishes. I was moved home, where most of Clarissa’s friends were waiting. They worked out a roster to come to take care of me as their shifts did not line up. All of them cried as they begged for forgiveness.

Samantha was also there, and she nodded her approval that I would always have at least two interns watching over me. I tried to smile when she stationed two marines in my house in full battle gear.

The pain was fading, mostly. The pain in my heart stayed. My carers all slept in my bed, male and female. I had three more skin grafts and most of the bandages came off. Clarissa wanted to use a mirror to show me, but I declined.

“I know I am hideous, so I am not interested.”

“Please, Joshua,” she cried, “You can never be hideous.”

“I am, and I am a cheater, right?”

“No, no. I know you are not. You never cheated.”

“Why are you so sure?”

“The fact that Chad has vanished. The fact that Samantha did not show you any intimacy beyond the deep care of a friend. And the main fact is this. You would not do that. I was so stupid.”

“Yes, you were. I was working on getting you cleared so I could give you more information because I needed you.”

“Can you still do that?”

“I do not want to. I cannot trust you.”

“I will work so hard to win it back.”

“I don’t want you to. You broke my heart. Why are you wearing my ring?”

Clarissa started to sob as she pulled the ring off. I asked her to hang it on the chain with my dog tags. I was gaining use of my left arm now, but the skin pulling when I moved it still hurt.

Clarissa rubbed oils into the scars, taking care as the skin was hyper-sensitive. She slept next to me, and I watched the nightmares ravish her whenever she slept. I put my hand on her one night, and she calmed down immediately.

Her leave had run out, and she went back to work. She rushed to me every afternoon when she got home.

I hated what she had become. She was barely a shell of her former self, and I hated that it was partially because of me. I gave her more time, and I could see her spirit rise after that. Samantha sent me a shrink, even though I could start to move around. I started to deal with the permanence of my scars.

It had been six weeks now, and Samantha sent Rebecca with work for me, mostly because I threatened to not behave. Rebecca would sweep the room, looking for devices. Then we would get into it. She recorded all my summations. None of what we did was above secret, but she still had an armed escort. I often saw Clarissa’s eyes flick to mine when Rebecca left the room when she arrived home. The care stopped, but Clarissa never moved out. I never told her to either. She improved mentally, but her guilt was taking a heavy toll on her.

I made peace with the fact that I loved her once, and that I needed to make peace with what I might still feel. I started to work on my fitness again, hating the way the mirrors at the gym showed me how hideous I looked. At night when she was not at work, Clarissa would rub the oil into my scars. We had switched to tea-tree oil now. Clarissa was very gentle, and would almost always be sobbing by the time she finished. I did not miss the way she looked at the ring, sometimes stealing a quick touch. She slept on my left side now, as I could sleep on my right side again. I would wake with her sleeping against me, her shoulder against my back.

We spoke a lot, her telling me of her day at the hospital. She started to notice the positive things again. I was confused by my feelings for her. She was definitely working very hard, but I was worried she was not getting better. I made a choice.

“Clari, I forgive you. I need for you to move on and close this chapter of your life, so you can live.”

She started to sob violently as she sat next to me on the couch. Then she reached for my hand, grabbing it with both of hers.

“Joshy, I know what you are saying. But I am staying right here. Even if you never love me, I can never be with another. I also will not fight it if you have me charged with assault, because I deserve it.”

“Stop feeling guilty, I have set you free.”

I saw her search for the words, still holding my hand. Her one hand started to gently stroke the scar tissue on my arm.

“I love you. It is not guilt as much as it is love.”

“I cannot return it, Clari.”

“I did not ask you to return it. I am asking you to let me stay here, and to love you.”

“How would it work, when you get nothing from it?”

“Your eyes still have a gentle look. You have not called me names, JJ. I get to care for you. It does sound convoluted, but am getting what I want from it.”

“What happened that night?” I asked softly.

“I remember blind rage, and then I remember your scream and me holding the pot. It was an ungodly sound, and I knew I caused it. I tried to help you, but they kept me away from you, thinking I was going to hurt you more. I remember screaming your name over and over. I remember screaming that I was sorry.”

“Who called the ambulance?”

“Someone, I am not sure. I hated myself in an instant because I became a monster that hurt the person I loved the most. I had to lie to Samantha so would let me be with you. The administration gave me time to sit with you. You would start screaming as your consciousness came back, and then pass out again. Your voice lasted a day, then it vanished. I will never forget the sound of your pain, ever.”

“You need to get into therapy.”

“I know,” she answered as she looked at me.

“Here is the thing, I will not tolerate your penchant to self-harm if you want to stay. Get into therapy. Start eating properly. You are barely skin and bones,”

“How do you know?”

“Because I put my hand on you when you have nightmares.”

“You touch me?”

“Not like that, no.”

“That is not what I meant.”

“Then yes, to keep you calm.”

“Do you care for me?”

“I care for your wellbeing.”

“Okay, I did not know.”

“It is what it is. Do not read anything into it.”

“I have to. It means your gentle heart is intact.”

***

She did find herself a therapist and the changes were almost immediate. She also started a diet, weighing her food to make sure she was taking in enough calories. I took her to the gym with me, then we started to cycle again. Clarissa got better and lost her co-dependency. I started to see the woman I loved so deeply, and I was scared. I would not allow myself to consider love again, not with anybody. Six months after the incident, I had long hair that covered the scar. Clarissa was now spooning me at night, and more often than not she would be holding my hand as we slept.

My fear changed one morning after she left for work. It was replaced with a fear of being alone. I knew I would not find someone again. I feared the day she would leave.

That evening we sat down for dinner when my phone buzzed. I checked, Sam was calling me in.

“Let me pack your food quickly, Joshy,” Clarissa said, rushing to the kitchen. I quickly changed and came out to her waiting with a container.

“Thanks, Clari,” I smiled and her face lit up. I walked out to the bike, then heard the front door bang, and she came running out, hitting me at full speed.

“Please come home, Josh. I love you, and I will not do life without you,”

I put my arm around her, and her hand snaked to the scar on my neck. I kissed the top of her head and cursed myself for doing it. Then I felt her lips touch my chin.

“I love you more than I ever thought I could, Josh. Come home, to me. I have faith, not false hope.”

“Clari, I am scared to love. I am scared because we loved so deeply and it destroyed me.”

She pulled back and held my face as she spoke.

“No, Joshua. You are so much stronger than you believe. I have seen you overcome, and not once lash out at me except in the beginning when you had so much pain.”

“I don’t see it,”

“Ask Samantha. She will confirm.”

I had to go to France this time and stayed there for five days. Things went wrong and I got wounded, though it was not serious. I found myself dreading Clarissa’s reaction. I arrived back and was taken to the hospital for a check-up. I saw Samantha smile as she and Clarissa waited for me. I understood immediately that Samantha had called Clarissa.

“You came home, my love,” Clarissa said as she hugged me gently. She kissed my jawline again.

“I am wounded,” I said softly.

“I know, Sam prepared me.”

I looked at Samantha and she nodded in agreement. She confirmed that I could share more with Clarissa. That evening I lay quietly as Clarissa checked my wound, and also the burn areas that seemed slow to heal.

“Thanks, Clari,” I said when she was done. I got up and helped her prepare dinner.

“I will do it, Josh.”

“Let me help, please,” I asked and she nodded.

I was not ready to tell her that I did not want to be alone right now. One of her male friends came over and ate with us, chatting with me a lot. It was different from before and I did not feel any arrogance from him. He asked me about a lot of things and understood that I could not share much. I got the distinct feeling Clarissa had spoken to him regarding my secrecy. The next evening, two of her other friends dined with us. I got the same feeling, that I was seen differently by them. I called Samantha as I made us coffee, which took a lot of begging for me to also have a cup. We spoke Russian as I was worried. She assured me that it was all them and that she was happy I was making friends. I corrected her, saying that they stood by when things went wrong. She just laughed at me, telling me that my protest sounded limp. She was right, I was still in my mind.

The next morning, I dropped Clarissa at work and went to see the therapist. After that, I went to the office and kept busy with analyses. Clarissa begged for lunch and I joined her at the hospital cafeteria. She gently tugged at my long hair as we chatted.

“That looks so good,” she said, “Your dark hair with those gentle green eyes makes it sexy.”

“Clari, I have no idea what to say to you about it. I am still scared of the power you used to have over me. If we return to that I will have issues.”

“I know, which is why we are doing a new thing. I neglected you before because I was proud.”

“And now?”

“I am still proud, but of you. You are my hero.”

“How much did Samantha share about me?”

“Not much, but you are my hero because you are so very brave. You are sitting with me when I caused you the worst pain imaginable, both physically and emotionally.”

“You never left,” I stated.

“No, you never left. Your heart never ended us, even though you are so damaged.”

“Do you really believe I never cheated?”

“Absolutely, and I hate myself for what I did with Chad. Where is he, by the way?”

“No idea. I have not asked, but what he did was serious.”

“Sam told me I was almost on the hook for treason and espionage.”

“Sounds about right.”

“Josh, I will never pull that shit again.”

“What are your plans with me?”

“Grow old with you. I have so many suitors, but none of them are you.”

“I have none, now more than ever.”

“Josh, please believe me when I say that you are beautiful to me.”

“No, I can’t.”

“If the roles were reversed, just in terms of the scar, would you think me beautiful?”

“Before the incident, yes.”

“I know I have a long way to go for you to believe me that that hideous monster I became is gone.”

“I have seen you become more placid. Why?”

“I realized I was entitled, thus the consequences of my actions did not matter at the time.”

“I will not ask you to leave me again, but I will understand if you do.”

Clarissa started to cry softly as she reached to the left of my face, putting her hand on the scar.

“My shrink says I need a hobby. I want to try kitchen stuff.”

“Kitchen stuff?”

“Yes, so I stay at home. Gourmet cooking, baking, etc.”

“And you can gain some weight back too.”

“I like being skinny.”

“You are unhealthy skinny, doc.”

“How would you know?” she teased.

“I also studied anatomy, you know.” I realized I had just given away a secret.

“For different reasons. Joshua, I know what you do.”

“You do?”

“I am not stupid. I figured it out that evening when I tried to get into your room as your fiancée, and you had four armed guards.”

“Oh. How did you get in?”

“I am a doctor, so I pretended you were a patient.”

“Samantha would have known.”

“She did, but she did not do anything after she heard me weep at your bedside. She got very difficult when I confessed. She loves you.”

“And I love her.”

I started to allow myself to be honest regarding what I still felt for Clarissa. She was working very hard on us. Two weeks after the cafeteria conversation I woke up with my arm around Clarissa as I was spooning her. She had both her arms holding mine tight against her chest, her face in my hand. I gently caressed the soft skin of her cheek as I felt the wetness of her tears on my hand. I knew I would love her again, but it would not be blind love.

I also knew she was forgiven in full. She also woke eventually and her lips gently touched the palm of my hand. She turned until she was facing me, then I pulled her close again. She snuggled into me, so small and vulnerable. I had the power to destroy her, but that was not where I was going to go. We held each other, wide awake and not speaking. Eventually, I spoke.

“Thanks, Clari.”

“I love you, Josh.”

“I know.”

“Can I make love to you, please?” she asked against my chest. I could not say no and pulled her over me.

For the first time in eight months, our lips met. I let her lead, and she came at me with a hunger that could not be sated as she kissed me. She moaned softly as she kissed me, her hips undulating. It took two minutes for her to scream out an orgasm from rubbing herself on my abdomen. She lifted up and pulled her shirt over her head. Her ribs were prominent, but I knew she was working on it, I reached for her small breasts, hearing her gasp softly as I made contact. She tugged at my shirt and I lifted on my elbows, reaching for her breasts again.

“No, Joshua. Please. God, please,” she begged, then her back arched as she orgasmed again.

I had never seen her like this and I let go as she stood up and pulled her panties off. She was perfectly groomed. She tugged at my shorts impatiently, nearly breaking my turgid cock. She crawled over me with a crazed look in her eyes, and I caught a glimpse of her sopping pussy before it contacted my cock. She was impossibly tight, but the shock was that she had another orgasm as she was working me into her. She started to ride me frantically, and I held her hips to balance her. Clarissa was on a peak and she stayed there.

I could not even detect her orgasms, as it seemed she was having one long one. Her psychological need for me overshadowed everything else. We had never been this frantic, this needy, and yet I wanted it.  She started to come down of what I thought to be her fifth or sixth orgasm, and I flipped us over. I looked into her eyes and saw adoration and need. Ultimately, I saw love as I started to make love to her. I did not last much longer and slammed deep into her as my orgasm hit. She held me inside, then begged me for more. This time I went harder, using my whole length. Clarissa defaulted to profanities and mewling as I felt her fingers dig into my back with every orgasm. I had never seen her have as many.

It had to end, with her again digging her fingers into my back as I pulsed my seed into her. She held me again, pulling my head down and I felt her lips on the scar. She held me as I went soft in her, and then I fell asleep, peace filling my soul. I woke about twenty minutes later as she kissed my lips. I knew for a fact that she was staying if she wanted. We made breakfast in the nude and ate in the nude. We showered together and made love against the wall.

She begged me to drop her at work again, and I loved that her hand was on my thigh as we drove. We made plans for lunch again. I was distracted for most of the morning, thinking about my feelings and my needs. Clarissa was meeting most of my needs, including transparency. She reads all her texts to me or shows me the images. She would text me if she gets hit on at the hospital. Just before lunch I had the epiphany and drove to her for lunch.

“You look troubled,” she said apprehensively.

“I need something from you, Clari.”

“What? I will do anything.”

“I need a list of things that you need me to meet. Too little attention, not engaging enough. This is not negotiable. I want that list.”

“I need nothing,” she tried.

“I will walk if I do not get a list, and it needs to be serious.”

“Why now?”

“Because for eight months you have been catering to my every whim and I have enjoyed it. Do not start with what you deserve and what not. I want to love you, which means I need information. We crashed because things were not in the open.”

“You want to love me?” she barely whispered the words.

“Yes. I do feel it, but I need that list to choose it as well. I have tried to see life without you, even right at the start of the current journey, when I came home. You always appear in my thoughts.”

“Are you still scared?”

“Yes, but I will apply it for good. If I am scared, then you are. I will try to assuage those fears for you.”

“Same here. I have one requirement right now, Joshua. This is not negotiable.”

“Shoot.”

She reached over to me and pulled the dog tags out, then unlatched the chain. She pulled the ring off. Then she held it up, with a question mark on her face. I took it and pulled her hand to me.

“Will you marry me, Clarissa?” I asked softly.

“Yes Joshua, every day forward I will say yes,” she cried softly, then reached into her pocket. She had a ring in it and put it on my finger.

“Will you marry me, Joshua?”

“Yes, Clarissa, even if I am the ugliest motherfucker ever.”

She punched me in the arm, hard enough for me to lose the use of it.

“Don’t you ever fucking say that again, are we clear?”

“But….”

“But fuck-all. I will take it as a personal insult to my love for you.”

“Okay, Clari.”

“Forgiven,” she smiled and pulled me across the table, then kissed me softly. I kissed her again after she broke the kiss. I loved her, and it was different. We had to fight for it this time.

“Josh, tonight we start baking,” she grinned.

“Okay, it will be fun.”

Rebecca was the first to see the ring, and she rushed to me, hugging me hard. I had to tell my co-workers what happened.

“Yeah, yeah. We knew you would get back to her. The goofy smiles when she texts, the fact that you never allowed anybody to badmouth her. We knew you loved her, but you needed to work it out,” Samantha chuckled.

“It is different now, purposeful. We have moved into the area of choosing to love regardless of feelings.”

“And you have moved into the territory of transparency. She has been cleared. No mission details, but you can almost talk freely with her.”

“Thank God,” I sighed.

That evening the baking started. I was given a muffin recipe and she started a cake. We were covered in flour when the oven was closed on our creations. It was still early. About five minutes after I closed the oven, I bent down to see what was happening, when the pain seared through my butt. I jumped up and saw Clarissa stand with the cloth she just flicked me with.

“You fucking little bitch! You will pay!” I yelled and rushed her.

I grabbed her and picked her up. In the lounge, I dumped her on the carpet and pinned her down. Her pupils dilated, and I knew. I reached under her skirt and just ripped her panties off. I was rock hard, and she frantically undid my pants. I had never had my cock out that quickly. She yanked her skirt up and I plunged into her tightness. Clarissa screamed out her orgasm, and seconds later, I exploded in her.

“Jesus, Josh. That has never happened?”

“Did you want it?”

“God, yes. I almost passed out. Now punish me as you promised.”

We started rutting on the carpet, my only aim is to hear her scream in my ear as I gave her pleasure. And scream she did. Every scream validated me again as she restored my manhood. I finally groaned out loud as she reached between us to cup my balls when I started to cum. Then we heard the doorbell.

“Fucksakes,” she moaned as I pulled out. She pulled her skirt down, and we started giggling as I tucked my recalcitrant cock away. It was Sam with Dylan and the kids, Natasha and Simone, ten-year-old twins.

“Uhm, hey,” I smiled, “come in, please.”

“Are we interrupting anything?” Samantha asked as she looked at Clarissa’s just-fucked face.

“No no, I will start the coffee,” I said after greeting Dylan and the kids. They both took their time to touch my face, then kiss my cheek. Dylan followed me to the kitchen and pointed to my zipper.

“Perhaps close that up,” he laughed.

“Oh, shit. Sorry.”

“Was it good?”

“Explosive, Dylan. We are different. The passion is wild.”

“New?”

“Yes, some of it.”

I finished the coffee prep and we walked to the lounge. I almost burst out laughing as I watched Clarissa try to nudge her torn panties under the couch whilst trying to stay coherent.  I just bent down and picked them up, shoving them into my pocket. Thankfully the carpet was white, so the wet spot was not visible. I looked at Clarissa and we started laughing again.

Later we ordered pizza, then the muffins were ready. We had some with the coffee and I received a lot of praise. I started getting horny, knowing Clarissa was not wearing panties.

“I wanna fuck you silly tonight,” I hissed into her ear for a moment alone.

“Get in line, lover. Tonight I break your cock,” she grinned back.

She pulled her cake out and set it down to cool. We joined the others again, and I was hijacked by the twins, who flanked me and held my hands as they updated me on preteen life. I saw in Clarissa’s eyes what one of the items on her list will be. Kids. Our guests left just after ten, and we watched them drive away.

“I want you right fucking now,” Clarissa hissed as she reached for my cock.

I had no idea how it got hard so quickly. I pushed her against the front door on the outside and pushed into her. Anybody walking past or driving past would have had a good view. We did not care, we had needs. It took all of five minutes to unload into her as she mewled her orgasm into my neck. I opened the door with her writhing on me to get me ready for the next round. I closed the door after carrying her through and pushed her against the other side of the door. Clarissa was going wild, and I met her hard, slamming her clit with every thrust. She exploded into an orgasm and she passed out on me. I carried her to the couch, where I softly kissed her until she woke up properly.

“Sit down, my darling,” she asked and I did.

She straddled me and then kissed me. She held my face as she gently started riding me. This was different, sweet, and gentle. I unbuttoned her blouse and pulled it off, then her bra followed. I held her delicate mounds as she rode me. Her lips almost never left mine as we worked on our intimacy. We kissed through it all, and Clarissa had her orgasm just before mine hit. I pulled her down hard on me as I flooded her. She leaned forward and dropped her face into my neck. I put my arms around her and held her as she started crying softly. I knew why as I felt the same emotions. We fell asleep, only waking after two. We were stuck together so I carried her to the shower. She managed to get my shirt off and then I managed to get my pants dropped. We stumbled around as I lost my balance trying to step out of my pants. We were laughing silly as she got her skirt off. Then we showered, letting the water soften my dried cum. I got hard and I made love to her again.

That night, I slept with her facing me, tucked in my arms. I knew she felt safe, and I loved that I made her feel safe. The next morning, she asked me to give her time in the kitchen. I was called eventually and walked into the kitchen naked, her equally naked. She had a red rose in her mouth, and next to was the cake with “Happy 5th Anniversary” on it.

“You only took your ring back, my love. You never broke up with me.”

“No, I didn’t,” I agreed, then lifted her up on the counter.

She was dripping wet by the time my cock found her opening, and I slid in gently. She awkwardly cut the cake and fed it to me as I slowly pumped into her. I did the same for her and we both screwed up our faces, then laughed. Somehow she put salt instead of baking powder into the cake. We ate it in any case, deciding that this was our life, the recipe might not be right, but it still became a cake.

“I love you with everything I am, Clari,” I whispered after cumming, her ankles crossed behind my back. There was no doubt, this woman will be mine for as long as she chooses.

I started to do small things for her. Clarissa knew that at any time she could open a drawer or container to find a small gift for her. She used to love yellow roses, but we both fell in love with the Cherry Brandy variety with its vibrant orange colors. It reminded us of our new passion. Right at the top of her list, she had written kids. Her fiery personality did restore after she found herself again. She never lost her temper, though.

We had three daughters. Clarissa still asks me for forgiveness, but I understand it as her being triggered into realizing what we almost lost. On our anniversaries, we have salty cake.