I was sitting in the passenger seat of his car, looking out the window to my right. We drove through a forested area; I was only able to see a faint outline of the trees from the light of the bright moon. I looked to my step-brother, Zach, who was driving. I could barely see him, unless an occasional street lamp illuminated his face. When I did see his face, he had a look of apathy, almost like he was empty inside. I wanted to speak, but was too afraid. The silence paralyzed my words. I knew something was coming; it was the fear of his unknowns that scared me.

Not too long after, we took a right into the parking lot of a small recreational park. The park was connected to a lake; the same lake we lived on, only our house was on the opposite side.

“Walk with me,” he said calmly.

I unfastened my seat belt and opened the car door. Zach was already out, and as soon as I shut the door, his car locked. We walked together to the lake. I could hear the rustling of the leaves underneath our feet. The cold air made me shiver. I only wore a hoodie, jeans and sneakers. I dug my hands into my hoodie’s pocket, trying to keep warm. Zach wore tight jeans, black shoes and a black leather jacket over a navy colored hoodie.

It wasn’t long before we reached a bench overlooking the wide and flat lake. We sat down, and said nothing for a little longer. Freezing wind flew through us as I watched the beauty of the moon’s reflection against the black water.

“I… needed to talk to you about something,” he said softly.

I looked into his eyes as he looked into the lake and asked, “What is it?”

He took a deep breath, “Dad has been telling me to join the Marines more often, almost daily now.”

Sadness was all I felt when I heard those words. For a moment, I couldn’t breathe and attempted to keep my composure.

“Why does he want you to so much?” I asked with all my strength.

He smirked, “You know him, it’s never enough.”

“Why do you care what he thinks? He doesn’t know who you are, Zach,” I said. More cold air pushed through my body. I shivered even more than before.

“Here,” he said, as he took off his leather jacket and put it around me. I slipped into it, and the warmth from his body still remained. “And to answer your question, he and I both know it will make me stronger as a person.”

I grabbed his right arm, and pulled up his hoodie’s sleeve. I exposed the eight scars on his wrist. I ran my fingers across each one.

“You are strong. If you got through this, you can get through anything. You’re the strongest person I know,” I protested.

“It’s not the same,” he said.

“Yes it is!” I exclaimed, pausing to take a deep breath. “I don’t want you to go.”

“Neither does Lexi,” he said, “But I just feel like it’s something I have to do.”

I raised my voice, “But it’s not! It’s what dad wants for you. I wouldn’t be able to handle it here without you, and I can’t even think about you being killed…”

There was a long silence between us. Only the sounds of waves crashing and trees flowing in the wind could be heard. Our eyes never met during the silence and we stayed separated from each other.

A few moments later, he spoke, “Lydia…”

“Yes?” I asked, looking at him. He stared back.

“Remember when you kissed me?” he asked.

My heart began to beat faster with a feeling of heavy nervousness, “I do…”

“What made you want to do that?” he asked.

“The same thing that made you want to masturbate in front of me…” I said softly.

He paused for a moment, “Why do you feel that way for me?”

“Honestly because you’re perfect,” I said.

He smirked, “I’m far from perfect.”

“You’re perfect to me,” I said.

He was silent for a moment. “I’m not… good,” he spoke up softly.

I questioned, “What does that mean?”

His tone of voice shifted on a dime, and became almost animal-like, “I’m not a good person. Everyone around me I hurt, and they eventually hate me. I don’t want to hurt you, Lydia.”

I slid closer to him, “You’re never going to hurt me. And everyone around you, loves you, more than you know.”

“Do you love me?” he asked softly.

“Just a little more than a step-sister should…” I whispered.

There was a long pause again. I was overwhelmed with the fact that I just told my step-brother I love him, and I knew for a fact I didn’t know what to say next.

“Can you do something for me?” he asked.

I questioned, “What?”

“Just… stay still for a moment.” he said softly.

I froze. I had no idea what was going to happen, but I watched him carefully. He leaned forward to me, our faces were close. I bit my lower lip in anticipation and it happened. He kissed me, and for a moment, there was nothing else in the world, just his warm lips against mine. And just as quick as it started, it ended. I was breathing heavier, and I bit my lip again. I wanted to feel that moment again. I wanted more. I needed more.

“How did that make you feel?” he asked.

“Honestly? Excited, warm, loved, admired… wanting… what about you? How did it make you feel?” I asked.

“Fascinated,” he said sternly.

I didn’t know what he meant by that, but I was hoping to God that he enjoyed it as much as I did.

He stood up from the bench, “Come on, let’s get outta here.”

We didn’t speak on the way back to his car, the air still blowing on us, colder than before. He unlocked his car, and I looked up into the clear night sky. I gazed at the stars one last time.

At home, I put Zach’s jacket on the coat rack and walked into our white kitchen. I opened the stainless-steel refrigerator and grabbed a carton of orange juice. I moved to the granite counter and opened the wooden cabinet, grabbing a small glass. I shut the cabinet door, opened up the carton of orange juice and poured some into the glass. I took a deep breath, and took a sip. The stinging sensation of the citrus touched my tongue, just before the flavor of the orange fruit. I swallowed before I heard Zach walk into the kitchen. Orange juice has always been my own form of alcohol; it gave me the uncanny ability to keep myself relaxed in anxious situations.

My back was turned to him. I was too embarrassed to look at him. I thought for sure this would be the end of our more than step-sibling’s relationship. But suddenly, I felt his hands reach across my sides and to my tummy. He locked them there, his strength like a vice grip pulled me into him. I placed my hands over his. My back fit perfectly into his chest and tummy. He placed his forehead against the back of my head, resting it on my perfectly straight, bright blonde hair.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered.

“For what?”

“For this.”

I smiled, “I’m not. I love doing this with you.” The embarrassment left my body, I felt more confident.

“It shouldn’t be with me though. It never should have been.”

I pushed his arms a bit and he let go. I turned around to face him, and wrapped my arms around him and dug my face into this chest. His grip re-tightened around my back. I turned my face to one side, resting it against his chest.

I could hear his heart beat. It was slow, and in a perfect rhythm.

“You’re everything to me and I want you to have every piece of me,” I whispered.

He sighed, “What are you trying to say?”

I’ve already come this far. I’m not going to back down now. “I want you to take it,” I whispered.

“It wouldn’t be right,” he said.

I lifted my head from his chest and gazed into his eyes, “I don’t care.”

He looked down for a moment, “Just don’t tell Lexi.”

“It’s not cheating. We’re a step-sister and step-brother who are expressing how much we love each other,” I said. I had no idea if that would work. I still thought he was cheating on Lexi every time he and I kissed. But I thought that if I could make him think that he wasn’t, we would go through with this.

“That’s a good way to put it,” he said softly. I thanked God for those words.

He kissed me, and I kissed back. We didn’t stop this time. Every passing second I grew more excited and scared by what was going to happen now. I had the urge to drag him down to his bed, throw him onto his bed and hop on top of him. But I knew if I did that I could do something wrong.

We ceased kissing for a moment, both of us breathing intensely.

“Zach… I’m scared to go further,” I whispered.

“We shouldn’t do this.”

“I want to… just please guide me.”

He let me go and took my hand. We left the kitchen and walked together down the stairs into his blue room. There was a large window covered with shades. The closet was wide open and his black bed was messy. Large maps covered portions of the walls, and the wooden shelves filled with books. We stood in the center of his room, kissing. I reached behind his back, and pulled on his hoodie. He moved slightly, helping me pull off his hoodie and t-shirt. His rippling muscles slapped my eyes. I bit my lower lips slightly, completely blinded by what I should do next. He grabbed my hoodie at my waistline and took it off for me. I thought for sure he was going to take off my bra next. But instead he slowly took off his jeans. I was too afraid to help. I only watched as his jeans slid down his thighs, exposing boxers and hidden stiffness. Everything in my body ached for what was just beyond that thin layer.

He guided me onto the edge of his bed, laying me on my back. He kissed down my tummy, to my jeans. He unbuttoned them, and slowly slid them off my body. Now, I was only wearing a black bra and thong. My heart pounded with nervousness, sweat formed on my head and I trembled. He got down on his knees, and gave my clitoris light kisses through my panties. Surges of intense, but pleasurable, burning sensations raced through my body upon each kiss.

He got back on his feet, and placed his knee on the bed. I pulled myself further onto the bed, to give him room. He leaned forward onto me, and dug his hand into my back and unhooked my bra with ease. He took it off me, exposing my breasts to him. He kissed them softly, and I felt small bursts of pleasure in each kiss. He licked my nipples as they slowly became erect. Intense arousal rushed through my chest.

He stopped, and reached down to his boxers, slowly pushing them off him. I was paralyzed. I couldn’t move, but only observe. It felt like an eternity, but there it was his cock, bigger, better and stronger than I had ever imagined. My first thought was it would not actually fit inside of me. Then my second thought was it would hurt when it was inside me. But I tried not to think about it, because his gorgeous body was completely bare. I still had panties on, which he slid his fingers into and slowly pulled them off me. I watched as his magnificent blue eyes observed my naked body. I was nervous, wondering what he was thinking, if he was comparing my body to Lexi’s.

He smiled, “Perfection.”

I didn’t know what to say, I was still paralyzed by what was about to happen. But then the words just flowed out, “Will it hurt?”

“I don’t know. Are you sure about this?”

“Yeah, I am. I want this.”

“Okay... you ready?”

“When you are,” I whispered, but secretly terrified by what was about to happen.

I felt I was wet enough for him to penetrate me with ease, but it was hard to tell through the mix of fear and desire I was going through. He put his hand on his cock and I felt the tip of him touch me. He pushed a little further and his tip entered me. I felt nothing but a slight pain as he did. I swallowed and closed my eyes, half of me wanting more and the other half wanting to stop. He pushed more, and pain radiated from my vagina. I cringed, not knowing what to do. Should I tell him to stop or should I take it?

“Zach… it hurts,” I whispered.

“Baby, look at me.” I opened my eyes and he was directly over me. We gazed into each other’s eyes for a moment, “You’re going to be okay.” He gave me a long kiss, pushing more of himself into me. I focused all of myself on the kiss, trying to forget about the pain. Slowly, it worked and I couldn’t feel anything but Zach’s lips against mine.

In the same second that his lips left mine, I was hit by a wave of intense, stinging pleasure. He wasn’t going fast, but not slow either. It was the sort of pace that was perfect for me. I moaned loudly, unable to control every inch of my body. I gasped for breath as his cock touched my cervix with each entrance deeper into me. I now understand why Lexi screams every time she has sex with him. His cock made my world spin with such excitement and relished in this new experience. It just never stopped the amount of excitement he gave. It just kept giving, more and more. I screamed, as an orgasm overtook my entire body. I could see lights and colors, as my nerves were paralyzed from head to toe. It was like a rave inside of me. There was nothing else in the world but him and I.

He began to moan slightly, “Lydia, should I pull out?”

“No… I want it in me.”

My orgasm began to subside even though he fucked me harder than before. He moaned louder as he pushed his cock as deep as he could inside of me. I could feel his strong cock begin to pulse as his hot cum drenched my cervix and filled me.

He pulled his solid cock out of me. I laid there with my eyes closed. My legs were trembling uncontrollably. I breathed as if I had just run a mile. My body was hot and I was still sweating. I couldn’t move. I didn’t want to move. I had just lost my virginity. It was now gone forever. I had almost forgotten who took it, until I opened my eyes, and I saw my brother looking back at me, smiling. I smiled back. I knew my virginity was taken by someone who loves me, and that’s what I wanted. The dream of losing my virginity to someone who cares for me more than I care for me had finally come true.

“You must be tired now?" he spoke.

I giggled, “Just a bit.”

He reached out for my hand, and I grabbed him. He pulled me up to him, both of us standing naked together. His still hard cock slipped up between my legs, touching my sensitive vagina. He kissed me, holding my back. I kissed him, holding his chest.

He smiled at me, “Come on, cutie, you need your sleep.”

I giggled softly, “I guess.”

He reached down to the blankets over his bed and pulled them up. He slipped into his bed, lying on his back. I cuddled into his side, as he wrapped his arm around my body and placed the blankets over us. The touch between our bare skin reassured me I was loved, and that this was all for me.

“I love you,” I said.

“I love you too,” he replied.

I laid in his warmth, surrounded by his strong body, and slowly the world faded away.