I'm Dane, twenty-six, bored with pretty much everything life has to throw at me. That is, until I heard about EpicureApp. Apparently, this new app pairs you with someone who matches your specific sexual needs and desires. Even if you don't know what they are yourself. Yeah, right. But let's face it, my few forays into the world of getting naked with a partner were nothing to write about. The relationships lasted about as long as the intercourse.

"We're just not compatible."

"I didn't really find it very satisfying."

Or, my personal favourite, "I enjoyed it more when you stopped."

Maybe I haven't met the right woman, maybe I need to play the field — as my friends recommend — or maybe I need to figure out what it is that I enjoy. I'll be honest. I wasn't that into it with my previous, ahem, lovers, either. Don't get me wrong, I get horny. Very much so, but not at what people have coined 'vanilla' sex. It's pretty random.

The other day, I was sitting in traffic, sweating in the ridiculous heat. A girl was walking along the pavement. Not what you'd call stunning, just an average girl. She was wearing a flowery dress with sheer tights and a large bag over her shoulder. The bag must have been rubbing against her hip in such a way that it was hitching up the side of her dress. My eyes were drawn to her, she had an amazing gait, hips swinging side to side, and with each swing, the dress rose that millimetre more. Her thigh was visible through her tights and I could see the hint of her buttocks as she walked. I swear I saw the edge of her black knickers too before she'd gone past. The lights changed and I carried on, erect as a tent pole and pre-cum oozing into my boxers.

Maybe I'm a voyeur.

But having said that, one of my previous, for want of a better word - girlfriends, was into hiking and camping. She inevitably dragged me along but we were always too tired from hiking to do anything other than sleep in the tiny tent we carried. Which wasn't an issue really. But one thing that really got me going was when she needed a wee. We'd stop for food and a drink every couple of hours, and to answer nature's call. She'd have me keep a look out for other ramblers when she went. She'd pull her leggings and knickers down in one and squat behind a bush or wall or something, then let out a golden shower onto the ground. I realised how much I enjoyed watching her, rather than for other people. Each time she went, I found myself trying to position myself at a better vantage point. I liked to see it coming out and hearing it hit the floor, imagining I was lying under her made me hard as iron, pumping pre-cum into my shorts. I never asked her to pee on me, nor do I know if I'd actually enjoy it, or even if she would. The relationship, naturally ended, so I never found out.

Maybe I'm a pee fetishist. 

So, long story short, I signed up to be a beta tester on this app. I'm not sure how legal or legitimate it might be, but, sod it. The world may end soon, it'll be fun finding out.
I was paired with 'Katherine'. The app users (in the beta testing stage) are using pseudonyms, this is for everyone's anonymity. It might be weird to find your work colleagues on there, and supposedly, it won't happen. Unless you're up for it, apparently. Katherine describes herself as twenty-seven, career-focused, with a need to release. I describe myself as twenty-six, bored with life, with a need to discover.

Obviously, the extensive questionnaires, psych tests and cognitive games on sign up match you to a partner, rather than your own, inept descriptions. Also to protect a user's true identity, we upload silhouette photos of ourselves in our underwear and this is all we receive in return. Instructions on how to identify our partners and where to meet up are given before the first date.

So, wearing a blue bandana on my left wrist, I ventured out one Friday evening to the Epicurean, a new and exclusive club that had recently opened to coincide with the app going live. Phones and recording devices safely stowed in a small locker, I was looking for a slim shadow that wore it's long messy hair in a high pony tail. Oh, and she'd also have a blue bandana on her left wrist. It was a relatively quiet place, I'm guessing the only patrons were beta testers.

An interesting mix of individuals; a group of four couples of retired-looking folk all seated at a dining table with an expensive looking banquet laid out, maybe swingers? A couple of skinny-jean wearing lads animatedly chatting, dangerously close to one another, coupled with a pair of, what could have been lingerie models, who seemed to be communicating telepathically as they drank shots in unison, possibly making up the gay contingency. A few wallflowers of each sex, hard to categorise on first sight. Then there she was. I think. The silhouette could match, just take away the figure-hugging long black dress and surely that'd be her; high pony tail, but wearing a red bandana on her right wrist. Maybe not then. She was casually engaged in conversation with three, muscle-bound gentlemen, all in expensive suits covering bodies that could have been built in the terminator factory. Possibly gangbangers?

I took up a stool at the bar. 
"I'm Anthony, what can I get you?" The bartender seemed to have been waiting for me. 
"Some Dutch courage please, Anthony." I'm not a drinker. It all tastes like a concoction you'd give to somebody you didn't like. It serves a purpose, I suppose. He returned with four shot glasses and some sliced lemon. 
"Mexican courage is more fun," smiled Anthony as he filled each glass with tequila then left me to serve another customer. I downed the first one, it made my eyes water. I hastily grabbed the lemon to get rid of the taste. It felt like a warmth was spreading throughout my veins! I looked over to see the would-be Katherine whispering to Anthony and pointing at me. The three gentlemen must have left. When she straightened up, she waved at me, clearly showing the blue bandana on her left wrist, then parted through a door at the end of the bar. Surely she wasn't wearing that before? I downed another tequila and grabbed some lemon, now debating whether to leave and check my phone or stay and see what happened when she returned. Anthony provided clarity:

"The lady says you're to finish your drinks then join her upstairs. No need to rush, she'll be waiting," he said.

"What's upstairs?"

"A safe environment," he said in a serious tone.

The plot thickened. I'll stay then. The tequila certainly was doing the trick, warming me from within like a house party building in intensity, threatening to break out into the night. I figured tonight would be more of a meet and greet. A few drinks, get to know you, maybe meet again somewhere less weird. But that would be through a dating app. This was something else. What the hell is a safe environment?

I downed a third tequila. Without lemon, I think I'd be licking the bar to get rid of the taste. How long is long enough to keep a lady waiting? I was still unsure if I was staying.

Turning my back to the bar, I did a retake of the occupants. The banquet attendees seemed to have hit full flow, two ladies were taking turns blowing the man between them and opposite, one man was fondling a ladies breasts whilst another had his hand between her legs. A couple of staff were pulling heavy velvet curtains around the table for privacy.

Well, I was right about them.

The two skinny jean wearers had disappeared, leaving the models slow dancing in the sparse crowd. It looked like the start of a lesbian porno. If I wasn't three quarters full of Mexican courage, I'd probably want to watch it. The wallflowers seemed to be pairing off into screened booths, so I wondered what was in store for me.

Tequila number four was the catalyst I needed. And lemon was the taste I needed. Anthony nodded as I threw down the lemon rind; it seemed it was time. 

Standing up made me realise that tequila gets you drunk from the feet up. My head felt clear and focused, my body felt like it was on a boat on a choppy sea. I slowly willed it towards the door at the end of the bar, and went through.
A dim, red glow cast on the stairs, making it a surreal climb up to the next floor. Ornate doors appeared along the corridor, all closed but for one. My wobbly legs propelled me toward it. Cautiously peering in, I could hear low moans beyond the privacy screen, several male moans. I looked up and down the corridor again. The dim lights were obviously leading me here, I ventured inside. 

Katherine was on her knees, the three well-dressed terminators all with their erections out before her. She was busily sucking and stroking one whilst slowly wanking another. The third guy was watching her and stroking his own. She swapped to suck the last whilst stroking the first, her saliva making it slippery and glinting in the mood lighting of the room.

My own arousal surprised me as much as this spectacle, I'd been paired up with someone I'd get to watch perform sexual acts on others? Was I allowed to masturbate? Was I supposed to join in? They seemed oblivious to my presence, Katherine taking turns sucking, licking and stroking each hard cock. She bobbed her head back and forth, noisily sucking one cock as she took the others in each hand.

Stopping to look up at the three, some kind of silent agreement was formed as two of them, a man with a severe and serious crewcut and a bald-headed one, helped her to her feet and the third, a blonde, stepped up onto a double bed that dominated the room.

I hadn't noticed the surroundings until now; a luxurious hotel room, tastefully decorated with framed, black and white close ups of various parts of the human anatomy. On the right, the bed took up most of the main room with a comfy chair next to me, a door off the the left must be an en-suite, a privacy screen stood in front of the now closed entrance door. 

Katherine kneeled on the bed in front of the blonde, stroking his cock slowly with one hand and undoing his belt and pants with the other. She pulled them down, revealing thighs that could crush walnuts, his cock in all its glory, this guy hadn't been wearing underwear. She continued stroking, her other hand now teasing his balls, rolling them round, cupping them, then leaning forward to suck each in turn.

Crewcut was behind her now, he'd lifted her long dress to expose the black lacy knickers that adorned her small, round buttocks.

I could feel my pre-cum soaking my boxers.

He cupped her buttocks in his big hands, running his fingers underneath to rub her pussy, not a gentle movement, more a perfunctory act to see if she was ready. I'm guessing she was, he pulled down her knickers roughly and positioned his cock. Reaching between her legs, Katherine lined him up and he pushed forward eagerly. Working back and forth he managed to push fully inside her, she moaned around Blondie's cock as Crewcut rythmically pumped his cock into her pussy. She held onto Blondie for support, moaning loudly with each thrust. The bald guy knelt next to her, freeing her breasts from her dress, groping at them as he pumped his own cock in his fist.

My wobbly legs managed to get me into the chair, my cock was throbbing; pumping pre-cum into my boxers, I was sure there'd be a big wet patch if I looked down. Though, I couldn't drag my eyes away from the gangbang before them. 

Gripping Katherine's hips, crewcut rammed hard into her, grunting loudly, his skin making loud slapping noises as it hit her buttocks, his body jerking as he emptied his balls deep inside her.

That was quick?

Blondie grabbed her hair and pulled her head back, off his cock, a string of saliva trailing from its tip to her lips. He took up position behind her as Baldy stood up and pushed his cock between her waiting lips. Crewcut making his way to the en-suite. Blondie started rubbing the tip of his cock between her buttocks, his thick fingers spreading them wider. Slowly, the tip opened her anus enough to slip inside. A harsh growl emanated from her throat as he pushed insistently, edging deeper into her tight bumhole.

I could feel my pre-cum dribbling down my shaft now, wetting my balls.

She moan and growled around Baldy's cock. He must have been shorter than his predecessor; she took him fully into her mouth and was using her tongue to lock and flick his ball sack. This had him breathing fast and gyrating his hips. All the while, her tight anus was being penetrated deeper and deeper as Blondie pulled her back onto his thick shaft, millimetre by millimetre, not giving her chance to rest as he filled her with cock.

Her growling, licking and sucking proved too much for Baldy, he grunted loudly, grabbing the back of her head as he slammed into her mouth, his hips jerking as he came hard. He held onto her until he'd emptied his balls, then slowly relaxed his grip as his softening cock slipped from between her wet lips. He too retired to the en-suite, Crewcut leaving the room discretely.

My balls were now soaking in a puddle of my own pre-cum, I daren't fix the tent that was my trousers for fear I'd explode in a torrent of my own cum. Well, definitely a voyeur then, but if I came now, I doubt I'd want to stick around for the grande finale.

Quite the vision; Blondie had one hand on Kath's shoulder, holding her upright, her back arched, her anus now fully impaled on his cock, her knickers halfway down her thighs. Her breasts, still free from her dress, being groped and squeezed from behind by his free hand. He ground his hips slowly against against her milky, round buttocks, her face a picture of tortured pleasure, his; a volcano about to erupt. He cried out, his body stiffened, his stomach contracting as he delivered his payload deep into her bumhole. Katherine fell forward onto her hands and knees, visibly relaxing as the anal intrusion both shrank and was withdrawn, she'd hardly made a sound, I guess she hadn't cum. 

Withdrawing to the en-suite, Blondie did not acknowledge the bald guy as he, Baldy, left the room. My cock was still hard as steel, soaking my boxers and balls, Katherine was slowing her breathing on all fours.

She was a sight to behold; her dress hiked up around her waist, knickers halfway down her thighs, small firm breasts, pale as milk hanging over the front of her dress. I must have been staring a while, the last of the suitors had tidied himself up and closed the door behind him.

Should I leave? Should I have cum too?

Katherine looked at me for the first time since the bar, she beckoned me to her, still silent. My wobbly legs obeyed her. She stood now, not straightening her dress, holding her hand out for mine. I slowly lifted my arm towards her, she grabbed my hand and pulled me to her, her lips pressing hard against mine. As she opened them slightly, I expected tongue, instead, a warm mouthful of cum was pushed into my mouth first, followed quickly by her tongue. She kissed me passionately, our mouths awash with her saliva and another guy's love juice.

To my surprise, my cock throbbed violently, I was on the brink. This is why she had gone quiet, she had been holding this in her mouth. For me. I kissed her back matching her passion, my enjoyment mounting, I was going to make an even bigger mess in my boxers. She pulled away suddenly from the kiss, a knowing smile on her wet lips.

I looked at her face properly for the first time, she was very attractive, unusually so. Sky blue eyes with a hint of mischief behind, pale skin and a mouth that seemed too big for her face, but fit perfectly at the same time. Her long black hair a tidy mess.

She placed a hand behind my neck, guiding me downwards, my wobbly legs seemed to lose all strength as they slowly bent to her will. My eyes took in her details in the way down, the pale skin of her chest, rosy with the exertion of the recent happenings, her small, shapely breasts ending with perfectly round, pink nipples. Down lower over her trussed up dress to more unblemished milky skin under her navel. Her dark, triangular bush stood out against her skin, drawing my eyes to her pink labia glistening below.

She guided me lower, leaning back a little to push her pussy lips towards mouth. I silently obeyed, my eager mouth tasting...sex. I let my tongue slowly explore her wet lips, circling around the outside, lapping up all her wetness, taking extra time to alternate circling her clit and pressing my tongue hard against it. I could hear her gasp above me.

Realising I had my eyes closed, focusing on the taste and my tongue, I opened them to look up into hers. Her strange mouth open, breathing fast, her sky blues like thin slits, looking down into mine, my eyes must have been wide open in comparison, looking up.

Her hand had slid onto the back of my neck urging me to continue. My tongue flicked and circled her clit, egged on by her rapid breathing. I changed pace, licking from her clit to her opening, my tongue slipping between her soaked labia, new wetness covering my mouth. I rolled the tip of my tongue around her opening causing her to moan softly, I still don't know how I didn't cum there and then. I pushed a little farther, my tongue dipping just inside, the taste changed. Saltier. Of course! More of another guy's cum, I lost track of who now. Not that I cared, it just tasted like sex, her pussy juices soaking my face and now this. It started to come out in wads, my tongue slipping inside her allowing it to escape into my waiting mouth.

She was grinding against me now, one hand clamped to the back of my head, her other squeezing her breasts and pinching her own nipples, she was moaning loudly with every exhale. Her breathing became faster as her hips pushed against my mouth.

The last glob of cum escaped her pussy as she cried out in ecstasy, her own juices semi-squirting out of her, soaking my face and dribbling down my chin onto my shirt. She was shaking, her whole body orgasming, I grabbed her buttocks hard, they felt so nice, quivering in my hands, my mouth clamped to her pulsating pussy. Her convulsions slowed as she caught her breath, releasing her grip on my head.

I remained kneeling at her feet looking up at the expression changing in on her face from unadulterated pleasure to deep satisfaction. She smiled down at me, turning around. Her round buttocks centimetres from my face. Reaching behind her, she guided my head once more, this time, to the valley her buttocks made, her little pink anus waiting expectantly.

I gripped her legs, stopping suddenly. She gasped. I moved my face so I could kiss and lick each buttock in turn. She moaned appreciatively as I covered her soft skin with kisses and licks, working my way further between them with each kiss. I finally licked from her soaked pussy slowly up over her anus to the top of the cleft and back down again, she let out a long low growl. I focused on licking from her pussy opening up to her little bumhole, it was hard to imagine anything had forced it's way inside not so long ago, I pushed gently with the tip of my tongue, her anus opened slightly. I licked around it then pushed again, slightly deeper. The sound she made was nearly a whimper of pleasure, she placed her hands on the bed in front of her, allowing me deeper access.

I grabbed a buttock in each hand, my tongue pushing further inside each time before I withdrew it, I was tongue fucking her tight bumhole, my cock felt like it was pouring pre-cum now, I could feel my soaking boxers slippery against my shaft. I tasted cum again, I lapped at it, I wanted to get it out of her, clean her up, I sucked and licked noisily, soaking her anus and bum crack with saliva and the leaking cum, she was moaning again. I slid one hand a little lower so I could roll a thumb around her clit as I tongued her anus, the effect was almost instant, she half screamed, half gasped as her legs trembled and I pushed my tongue deep into her back passage. I held my thumb against her clit as her orgasm shook her body, my tongue wiggling a little to keep her cumming. As I felt her trembling slowly start to calm, I released the pressure of my thumb and allowed my tongue to withdraw.

I knelt back on my haunches, it was quite a view, long milky white legs, with her black knickers still half way down her thighs, her pussy trailing a string of juice down towards them, her anus glistening with saliva and cum. I leaned forward and licked the string of juice back up to her pussy, she gasped loudly and stood up, turning around.

One hand under my chin, she lifted my face back up level with her's, her hands then fell to my belt buckle, opening it slowly as her eyes searched my face. She unbuttoned my pants and slid her hand inside, gripping my steel hard erection through my soaking boxers. I was too far gone to be embarrassed now, besides, her smile and raised eyebrow told me she was happy to find such a mess.

She stroked me very gently and very slowly, she must have known I'd been on the brink for ages, my body was shuddering with each slow stroke. She eased down my pants, careful not to touch my cock, then gripped the elastic of my boxers and peeled them away from me and down to expose my leaking, pulsing erection. She kissed my lips softly then let her tongue glide over them, tasting the combined mess, her hand slowly slipping on the wetness of my shaft, I was nearly immobile with anticipation, my body felt like it was vibrating.

She kissed me harder, her tongue pushing into my mouth, playing with my own, her grip tightening a little on my cock as she sped up the slippery stroking. I returned her kiss eagerly, grabbing her hips to steady myself as she tugged on my cock with one hand and cupped my balls in the other. 

I exploded. I cried out into her mouth, she kept her lips on mine, her hand slowed, one milking my cock, the other emptying my sack. I felt eruption after eruption from my cock, pointing straight at her. I rolled my head to the side, slipping my forehead onto her shoulder, I could see the fountain from my cock slowing, I'd shot my cum all over her triangle of pubes. It was oozing down between her pussy lips and dripping into her knickers. My cock was finally going soft.

She lifted my chin, kissed my lips softly and smiled sweetly. She pulled the top of her dress back into place to cover her breasts, then careful not to spill anything, slid her knickers back up, squelching them over her pussy. They were a mess. My cock twitched again.

SERIOUSLY?

She let her dress fall back into place, smiled once more then turned and waltzed out the door. 

Half naked and covered in pre-cum, I entered the en-suite, finding a change of clothes in my size and plenty of toiletries for the shower. Small mercies! 

As I showered, I wondered what the events of the evening told me about myself. I couldn't pick a label. I'd never done anything like that before, any of those things really. Maybe I didn't need a label, maybe there wasn't one for me. I couldn't think of one for her either. Perhaps we'll talk about it when we meet again in a few days...I've already had the text. But then again, I'd yet to hear her speak. Would we even get to say hello this time?!
I'll be sure to write again and let you know.