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MasterTredem
Over 90 days ago
Straight Male
United States
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MasterTredem
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Quote by GingerKitty
Oh and direct all ire to Ian, for he is the friend who asked me, I'm just the messenger.


Kill the Messenger ;)


Quote by GingerKitty
I mean, really? It's a lifestyle? Do you all really run around submitting to or dominating the one you are with?


No, Prefer to walk casually running gets exhausting. Yes, I do Dominate on a regular basis (like always)

Quote by GingerKitty
Do you carry it out in your everyday lives?


Yes, obviously around the house; more importantly she still submits in public. It is just a really toned down version. We lead our lives, surrounded by all the vanilla's.

Quote by GingerKitty
I'm just confused, as to why it is a lifestyle. Are you all saying that you never have "vanilla" sex? Really? Never?


Its a Lifestyle, because it happens 24/7. Just because it is a lifestyle doesn't mean we don't enjoy some good ole traditional sex. I don't have to have her tied down and blindfolded all the time. I prefer to have "Vanilla" sex often, its a lot of work to go through all the tie down stuff if your looking to just love and have fun.

Quote by GingerKitty
So, just because you like to use persuasion on someone, that makes it a lifestyle choice? Huh? I'm just not really getting it.

Persuasion is definitely not the correct word. Its a Lifestyle choice, because the submissive chooses to offer her submission to the dominate and the dominate chooses to accept it. My Wife to the outside world, is a strong, independent, loving, stubborn person; that never takes no for an answer. When she's with me, its a total 180. She does what I ask and in return I care immensely for her. She wishes to please and I in return wish to guide her.

I was told not to try and convince you to join the "lifestyle". I am willing to explain anything regarding the lifestyle if you wish to understand without "joining".


GingerKitty, I do hope that helps clear up some of the confusion Ian has.
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MasterTredem
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Quote by Magical_felix


I'm just asking for pointers. Doesn't being the Master imply being the boss? Or are you saying that title is a misnomer? I was trying to understand your advice.


Felix, you are trying to make the BDSM relationship way to simple. It is so much more than simple. If you maintain the attitude I'm the boss deal with it, then it's not a relationship. Relationship are equal trade offs of give and take, what you are trying to imply is just take.
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MasterTredem
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Quote by Magical_felix


Oh sweet, so like in order to eventually lead to that I have to be subtle and clever. Like, make her think it's all open communication and that she actually loves me being the boss. But I have to be tricky about it. Like pretend it's a whole thing, like a lifestyle we live 'together'. But really, I'm just planting the seeds of control?



Felix, if control and being the boss are what get you excited, I wish you the best of luck finding a woman to share your interests.
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MasterTredem
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Quote by Magical_felix


So like, cunning manipulation? So the sub doesn't catch on?


it can lead to that Felix, The goal however is to have open communication so the dom can learn what the sub loves and hates. D/s should be viewed and treated like any other relationship, if it cant carry the basic principles of a good relationship. Then it stands no chance of ever surviving.
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MasterTredem
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Quote by Magical_felix


So like, cunning manipulation? So the sub doesn't catch on?


it can lead to that Felix, The goal however is to have open communication so the dom can learn what the sub loves and hates. D/s should be viewed and treated like any other relationship, if it cant carry the basic principles of a good relationship. Then it stands no chance of ever surviving.
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MasterTredem
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Quote by apainter


The term you use ""aftercare"" freaks me out. it is the exact same term my friend has said to me after we had a session. I already have a problem with the idea that there is ""äftercare"" like an obligation before I am sent home; also a problem. So tell me plase how you feel about what that term implies. Also I think one of my soft limits needs to become one of my hard limits because I am getting too hurt, but I am hesitant to talk about it because we are having problems with intimacy already and I am worried this will only make it worse. I need a little more sensuality and kissing in particular. My friend seems to be less and less into it.


Communication is the largest piece of the D/s relationship. Without it, it becomes one person controlling and clueless to what is really going on. The other person gets more and more emotionally distraught.

I had a big fight with my sub recently, a lot of what turned out to be her scared to speak her mind. I have told her from the beginning I need to know what your thinking. We settled our arguement. My point is that communication is key. Aftercare is the most critical, I always pull my babe in and apply lotions if needed, I always cuddle with her to assure her all is good. Aftercare is equal in importance to communication.
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MasterTredem
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Quote by sprite


*nods* My wife and tried out the D/s relationship thing for a bit, though in the end, we decided it wasn't quite our thing, at least not full time. i enjoyed it - that said, it was more relaxed then what you see in typical bdsm stories - i wasn't on pins and needles about constantly breaking rules and she wasn't stressed out about constantly having to Mistress over me every waking second. we'd laugh about things, and yes, spankings were (still are) for fun. when i did need to be punished, she never made me feel bad about it - it was more like a time out and afterwards, i'd adjust my behavior accordingly. it is, after all, a relationship - i think that there needs to be room to relax, to turn it off, to just have fun or it turns into a job and it gets stressful. it sounds like you have it right. smile





Thanks Sprite,

This lifestyle can be so much fun if done correctly.
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MasterTredem
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Quote by sprite


no, i know you are, and so was i - like, instead of big brother, it'd be Big Dom/Little Sub or something like that. i'd totally tune in every week to watch it!



I will bring the beer, always need to have a good laugh.


On a serious note, I enjoy cherishing my sub, pampering her for being herself. I detest having to give out punishments, now that doesn't mean, she doesn't get spanked when were having fun. The keyword there is fun. I want to always be ready to reward, treat, and love her with all my heart. The rest just finds its own place in our life. I do like to push her boundaries, test her limits. I have to say the most amazing thing about my sub inst her body its her mind. She is very intelligent, loving, and always there for everyone. I could never dream of changing her.
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MasterTredem
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Quote by Magical_felix
Sounds like you were whorin' around with multiple doms and covering it up. No biggie, it's lush. The dom that got pissed should know that happens.



Really, she just got done explaining about how she had a distaste for people saying she was something she wasn't. Are you really that clueless, I have at least 3 subs i am friends with; does that make me their Master or insinuate that I am cheating on the love of my life and my sub. HELL NO, so you have no right to call her a whore because she talked to a few people on lush.

I have read countless posts by you Felix, your whole mission is just to stir up trouble. Which I guess the world wouldn't be complete if we didn't have a mix of people like you to give us a pissed off balance to our rather happy days.

As for littlebirdie92, nobody has the right to order you around or accuse you of anything. The only person with that right is the Master/Mistress you choose to offer your submission to.
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MasterTredem
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Hey everyone, I would like to say my lovely wife and I have been practicing this lifestyle for just over a year now full time. I lead and she follows, we have yet to settle on a titles for our roles as they mean nothing to us. At the end of the day we are married, our lives are intertwined and while we are still learning so much about this world. We try to discuss as much as we can together, D/s requires the same attentiveness and communication as all relationships. I cherish my wife/sub she is my everything. It is so fulfilling to see the joy in her eyes as I try to handle the gift of her submission, to guide her and myself down the path of fulfillment. I have yet to come across any black and white rules for any relationship of any class. I dominate, love, guide, care for, and nurture my sub. In turn she follows my guidance and relishes in my love. One of my favorite things in this relationship of mine is prying into her heart to hear her laughter and her intelligence. No title will ever change that. Our relationship works like every other mutual respect and love.
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