It didn’t take long for Julie to hear about the shooting at Cravings Coffee. Her heart raced as she read the terrifying news on her phone. It was a quiet Tuesday morning, and had she not cancelled her coffee date with Sarah, they would be dead.  It was obvious to her that the gunman who had shot up the coffee shop had intended to target her, but because of her last-minute change of plans, she had once again cheated death. The realization that her life had been spared at the expense of two innocent women was weighing heavily on her conscience. Guilt and disbelief mixed with gratitude as she grappled with the knowledge that she had narrowly escaped death for a second time.

The two victims of the drive-by shooting were identified as twenty-six-year-old, Michelle Cudlipp, and thirty-two-year-old Michelle Lalley.

Julie's best friend Sarah was on her mind.  Sarah wasn’t one to read the news and most likely hadn’t heard about the shooting at Cravings and Julie knew this.  She knew she had to talk to Sarah as soon as possible.

Anger quickly replaced the disbelief.  She felt guilty because two innocent people had taken her place in the coffee shop, and anger at the man responsible for ordering the shooting.  The weight of her gambling past which she had long since forgotten was now turning into a violent nightmare. She couldn't escape the truth that a few bad choices had led to such tragic repercussions. The burden of knowing her past had cost the lives of the innocent made her blood boil with anger, and she swore right there and right then that whoever did this would pay with their life; she had no choice. Her illusion that somehow this nightmare would just blow over was now shattered.  It was kill or be killed, and she was too young to die.  It was just that simple.

As the anger continued building, her eyes once filled with the blue of the sea, now turned darker.  They now harboured a steely determination as her mind was filled with a relentless quest for retribution and vengeance. It was obvious whoever wanted her dead would not stop until she was no longer breathing.  They were reckless and didn’t care how many bodies piled up in the morgue in the quest to end her life.  Someone was actively plotting to end her existence.  With an unsettling level of detail, the anonymous adversary knew her name, her home, and her daily routines. It was as if her life had been meticulously cataloged for the sole purpose of causing her harm.

It sent a chill down her spine to think that some man, or some group of men were actively plotting to kill her, and were following her every move.  A wonderful sense of calm came over her when she thought about how the two men she had shot and killed at Willowbrook Mall were now dead and gone.  They could no longer threaten her, but now a new wave of danger had emerged.  She had no way of knowing who the sinister evil was or where they were.  She made a decision right there that she would always keep her gun with her at all times. She would carry it in the waistband of her jeans, secretly concealed, with a fully loaded magazine of bullets ready to put an end to anyone who might be dumb enough to come after her.

*****************************

When Julie received Jay‘s message telling her to come over, she sped her way to his seaside apartment taking a back road to avoid having to pass Cravings Coffee.  The thought of seeing that quaint little coffee shop surrounded by yellow police tape made her sick.   

When she entered Jay’s apartment, her heart dropped into her stomach. Jay didn’t greet her, he said nothing. He was sitting motionless on the couch, staring straight ahead.  He didn’t respond to her presence.  His face was devoid of any real emotion.  He looked like a man in shock, the hollowness he felt inside was very apparent to Julie. The air was thick with unspoken words, she knew something was wrong.  Jay spoke first.

“So I had a good day at the gym today. Was training a new client, you might know him. Brad Simmons?” he said while staring blankly ahead at the wall.

A silence of just a few seconds passed, and Julie was completely lost for words.  She had been living a double life for the last year, juggling her committed relationship with Brad and a passionate affair with Jay. Now her world was about to come crashing down, and she knew it in an instant.  It was a sobering moment of reckoning, forcing her to confront the consequences of her actions once again.

“You…you were training Brad Simmons?” she stuttered.

“Yep.  The one and only.  Your boyfriend Brad.  He walked into the gym today for his first training session with me.”

Julie felt like a bullet had just gone straight through her body.  Her mind was blank struggling to find the right words.

“So how long have you been sleeping with him?” Jay asked.

“What?” she said quietly.

“You heard me.”

“Jay, baby—“

“I wouldn’t baby me right now,” Jay said, with a dominant tone that made it clear he wasn’t in the mood for any bullshit.

Julie was torn between the love she felt for Jay and the love she felt for Brad. With tearful eyes and a trembling voice, she struggled to reconcile her actions and the complex emotions she felt as her world seemed to be crumbling before her.

What she wanted to explain was that Brad and Jay weren't separate entities, but two essential parts of her life.  She wanted to describe how each of them fulfilled a unique aspect of her personality, creating a harmonious balance that was difficult to find in just one man. Her love for both men was equal.  She yearned to continue this unconventional relationship, convinced that the love they shared transcended traditional boundaries and could survive within the confines of a love triangle.  She wished for them to coexist, believing that the affection she felt for both men was interconnected, forming an intricate mosaic of feelings that blended into one singular existence.  But how could she put that into words?

“Well? What’s it like being a cheater?” Jay asked impatiently.

She was almost scared to speak, the last year of her life was coming back to haunt her in an instant.   She should have known that it was unrealistic to date two men at the same time, and sooner or later this reality would come back to bite her, but she was powerless to her needs.  Her mouth was bone dry, and her nervousness was obvious in her voice.

“It doesn’t work that way, Jay.  It's complicated. I love you both equally and I need you both.   I can give all of my heart to both of you and my body too.  My sex drive is higher than it’s ever going to be, as it is I can barely get enough, and it’s almost unbearable at times.  Even on days we have sex, I still go home to my vibrator to cum more.  I-”

“I can’t believe I’ve been dating a slut for the last year.”

“It’s not like that, and don’t call me that! That’s not how it works,” Julie said, as though she was on the right side of the argument.

“Oh no? How does it work?” Jay asked sarcastically.

Julie sat down slowly on the edge of the coffee table in front of Jay.  She wanted to choose her words carefully.  The feeling that her life was crumbling was real.  How does a woman tell her boyfriend that she’s been sleeping with another man and expect him to accept it?

“Jay, you give me something that Brad can’t, it’s a raw, uncontrollable, animalistic instinct that you bring out of me.  You affect me in a way that I can’t even begin to describe. Sometimes I have a hands-free orgasm just from thinking about your body.  Every time I have sex with you, it’s like I’m losing my virginity. Every time! That rush never goes away, it’s every single time! It’s almost like nervousness, I get butterflies in my stomach when I come to see you.  When we’re driving home at night, and I’m sitting in the passenger seat of your car, watching your strong hands controlling that steering wheel, the way you powerfully shift gears so it’s you that’s controlling that car and not the other way around; I can’t even describe it.  It’s intoxicating.  My soul has sex with Brad, but with you, it’s my body; if that makes sense. Every nerve ending in my clit, and my G-Spot just come alive when you fuck me.  If I looked into your eyes for too long, I would probably have an orgasm from that alone.”

Jay was burning with anger and confusion. He didn’t know if he should be flattered, or pissed off.  The words she had spoken, revealing her year-long betrayal, echoed off the wall, long after she had spoken them.  The room, once filled with shared laughter and whispered promises now felt cold and unfamiliar. He struggled to come to terms with the harsh reality that Julie had been unfaithful. With each word she spoke his feelings of betrayal, anger and sadness grew.

“And what about Brad? What is it about him that you love so much?” he asked, as his voice grew quieter.

“Bradley touches my soul differently. Neither of you is superior to the other, just different.  It’s hard for me to describe.  Me and Brad fuck each other souls, you fuck my body. God, that sounds so stupid.  Jay, you’re asking me to express feelings in words, and I don’t know how.”

“Is he rich?” Jay asked, “I couldn’t help but notice he doesn’t drive a Ford Pinto.  He drove away in a Bentley.”

“Yes he is,” she said slowly.

“Is that what you find attractive about him? The money?”

“Yes, that's a part of it, I’ll admit that.  His wealth is enticing beyond words. He connects with my soul in a way that no other man can.  I can share things with him in the most amazing way, like, I can tell him something, the smallest little thing, like a passing comment, and he’ll bring it up months later.  He doesn’t just listen to my every word, it’s as if he’s listening to my every syllable.  Sometimes I think he already knows what I’m going to say before I even say it.  There are no words to describe it.”

Julie wanted to tell Jay that he often cuts her off mid-sentence, that he has a short attention span and is not a good listener. But she held it back.

“And what do you find attractive about me? What do I have that he doesn’t?” he asked.

She didn’t want to make Jay sound like he was nothing more than a sex object but she was realizing in this moment that perhaps she had been in denial about that all this time.

“When you're near me, I can barely control myself. It's like this raw, instinctive magnetism I've never experienced before. You make my heart race, it's almost overwhelming. It's like a deep desire that's always smouldering beneath the surface. I can't help but be drawn to you in the most primal way, and it's both exciting and a little scary at the same time.  There is nothing wrong with a man having a body like yours, there is nothing wrong with having that ability to seduce a woman physically to the point where she’s just begging to suck your cock. Do you have any idea how much power you have over women, Jay? I see the way they look at you when we’re walking down the street together, they look at me with so much jealousy.  I see the way servers gush over you in restaurants, the way they can barely wait to get to our table to give us the best customer service imaginable, do you think it’s like that when I go out with Sarah?”

“Sounds like Brad is doing okay himself.  What’s his net worth? Fifty million?”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Julie barked,  “he leases all of his cars. He does okay obviously. It’s not fifty million.”

“How much then? Twenty million?”

Julie didn’t answer.

“This last year of my life has been the best, having you and Brad. It can’t end, I don’t want it to end. I want both of you and I want the two of you to accept it. I can love you both equally, and I can fuck you both equally. Don’t underestimate my capacity to give my soul to both of you. I’ve been doing it for the last year and it hasn’t been a problem for the three of us,” Julie said.

“How would you feel if I was sleeping with another woman behind your back?” Jay asked.

“It’s different for women, well for me it is anyway.”

Jay had a look on his face that suggested he couldn’t believe what he was hearing.

“Oh really? That’s rich. So you get to cheat on me and just get away with it? How exactly is it different for women?” Jay asked incredulously.

“Men are more physical, everybody knows that.  Everyone knows men think with their dicks.  But women, we need more, we need the spiritual. The problem is, I’m different than other women. I need that physical aspect too, I swear I was a man in a previous life.  I need the spiritual connection and the physical.  I can’t get both of those things from one man, it’s impossible.  My feelings for you are just as intense as my feelings for Brad, but they exist on a different plane; the physical plane.  Fuck, this is so hard to explain.”

Julie sat on the edge of the coffee table and put her head in her hands as her frustration silenced her.   They didn’t speak a word for five minutes until Jay broke the silence.

“Tell me one thing, Julie, have you ever slept with both of us on the same day?”

Julie wasn’t ready for the question but should have known it was coming.

“Of course,” she said almost in a whisper.

“Well, I don’t do open relationships,” he said, dismissively, ”you’ll have to leave him for me.”

“Never! Not in a million years!  He fulfills a different part of my life, and I care for him deeply. I want you to accept this love triangle because I don't want to lose you either. I value what we have Jay, but I believe that love can take many forms."

They both fell into a long protracted silence, Julie was still sitting on the side of the coffee table. Jay was staring out the window, his anger less intense.  A sense of calm was starting to descend over him as he processed the reality of Julie’s words.

“I need time with this. The amount of fucking bullshit that just came out of your mouth could fill an Olympic size swimming pool.  I don’t even know what to think right now.”

Jay was a devastated man, and the conversation he just had with Julie only left him that much more confused about how to move forward.

“You know what sucks about this Julie? My feelings for you run deep.  I’ve been with a few women in my lifetime, but I’ve never been with a woman like you. The way you make me feel…” Jay said as he shook his head slowly.

They sat in silence for a couple of minutes and agreed that Julie should leave, which she did reluctantly.   As she drove away from his house, their parting words reverberated in her mind. The air held the fragrance of early summer, carrying with it a sense of bittersweet freedom. Tears threatened to blur her vision as she glimpsed the allure of the setting sun in her rearview mirror, its radiant colours mirroring the conflicting emotions within her. Her life was rapidly unravelling, her relationship with Jay was now behind her, and in front of her, a violent fight for her survival against a violent mob of men intent on killing her.

As the powerful engine of her Mustang carried her up a cliffside road away from Jay’s apartment, she felt the cold steel of her Glock 18 semi-automatic handgun firmly in the waistband of her tight blue jeans.  The balmy summer air tousled her hair as she leaned into the exhilarating curves, the engine’s purr echoing against the rocky cliffs. With every twist and turn, the view expanded, a panoramic spectacle unveiling the vast expanse of the ocean to her left.

She drove straight to Sarah‘s house.