My parents were really strict about me being alone with boys in my bedroom while I was growing up. As such, I was a big fan of the back seats at the local cinema and spent an unreasonable amount of time sitting in stationary cars, testing out the suspension and upholstery.

That background is my excuse for what I did to Alex.

Alex was ‘the Korean kid’. He was very different than the rest of us 'Middle England' 16-year-olds, watching anime through his bottle-bottomed glasses, rather than joining in with the games that the rest of us played, such as 'Catch and Kiss' and 'Grope'.

Unlike me, he was very introverted and he definitely didn’t talk to girls, let alone 'Kiss' or 'Grope' them – he didn’t even know how to act around girls, which is perhaps why my parents thought it was safe to let him up into my bedroom.

I might have been safe from him, but he wasn’t safe from me.

It wasn’t like a cliché romance plot that you see in films – not that I actually watch the films when I go to the cinema - and I wasn’t interested in "coaching" him on how to talk to girls.

He didn't have a crush on me, nor was I interested in him at all.

But I was interested in his cock.

And his spunk.

What I really wanted to do was give him a ‘proper’ blowjob where I could actually see what I was doing.

What Alex wanted to do was homework, play around on his phone – which is exactly why my parents had thought it safe for us to be alone.

“Alex?” That didn’t even get a reaction. “Alex!”

“Huh?”

This was getting annoying and I had had enough. “I want to suck your cock.”

“Huh. OK.”

I knew he hadn’t heard what I’d just said but lowered myself into position by his legs anyway. He still seemed unaware as I unbuttoned and unzipped his jeans.

"Hey, what are you doing?"

"Oh, shut up,” I snapped, feeling frustrated. “You won’t be complaining in a minute.”

I pulled his penis through the hole in the front of his boxer shorts. He was unexpectedly hairy down there, given that the rest of him was girlishly smooth.

Flop.

Out came this thin, smooth penis. The first thing that came to mind was that it looked like a cute worm – not the thick-veined beast full of blood lust that I had imagined: more earthworm than cobra.

Without any fanfare whatsoever, I jumped right in and began kissing and licking, running my tongue and lips up and down the smooth skin protecting his shaft.

The bastard didn’t even put down his phone!

When he moaned, it was because the back of my head had jolted his precious screen.

For fuck’s sake! This is not going how I had imagined.

‘I forgot - this is probably his first blowjob, isn't it?’

Licking my lips, I slid them over his cock and began playing with his penis. His cock didn't reach the back of my throat – which was OK; it wasn’t hard yet.

I could hope.

In fact, it settled just over halfway along my tongue. I’d never had a cock that I could take all the way in and being able to do it was really turning me on.

However, it wasn’t turning Alex on. I gave his little dick my undivided attention for about five minutes, but disappointingly, there was no magical transformation from earthworm into spitting cobra; his cock wasn't getting hard at all.

It was still completely limp.

He had started moaning after I started sucking and he seemed to be enjoying what I was doing.

"Willyougetoffthatfuckingphone!"

"Don't talk with your mouth full," he said.

“Don’t you dare make a fucking joke, you little shit!” My first ‘proper blowjob’ was not going well.

"I was just kidding!" he said, desperately back-peddling while looking so nervous that he might have an accident; yet he still didn’t put his phone down.

"Fine." I confiscated his phone and stomped off downstairs with it.

“How’s it going, love?” Dad asked.

“No matter what I do, he won’t stop playing with his fucking phone,” I said angrily.

“Language.”

“Will you watch it for me?”

“Sure thing, love. We’re just going to watch the rest of Bargain Hunt.”

I rolled my eyes. Was everyone mad in this house apart from me?

I was going to go mad if I didn’t do something about my rampant horniness; having stomped back into my bedroom, I went rootling around in a box under my bed for ‘a close personal friend’ of mine.

"What the fuck is that?” Alex asked, his eyes bulging in a way that his cock had completely failed to do. “Is… is that a dildo?"

I didn’t answer him as I pulled my knickers off. "Well, you don't seem to want to help me at all,” I snapped irritably, “but I'm horny as fuck and I need to sort that out before Bargain Hunt finishes."

Alex looked completely lost – no doubt perplexed by the loss of his phone, the sudden appearance of my genitals and a large fake cock, combined with the contextless mention of Bargain Hunt. To be fair, who wouldn’t?

“I know you’re not interested,” I said, tossing my knickers in his general direction, “but you are going to get a show.”

“What kind of show?” Alex asked.

“A fucking sex show,” I fairly shouted. “Maybe that'll help get that little worm of yours to spring into action. I know I’m not some exhibitionist internet slut, but I’m here… I’m real and it might work for you.”

“Work?”

“Fuck’s sake,” I muttered, as I dipped my fingers into my juicy slot and smeared them around the head of the fake cock. The length and girth made Alex’s wiener look like an itty-bitty stringy sausage that had been left in the butcher’s window for too long.

However, the fake cock was wonderfully satisfying, and the grunt of satisfaction which filled my room was completely genuine.

OK – it was a little bit exaggerated because I have watched exhibitionist internet sluts, even if Alex hasn’t, and I secretly get off on the idea on someone watching me masturbate – even if they are too stupid to understand that that is what a girl is doing when a six-inch sex toy disappears when she sits on it.

“Are you OK?” Alex asked, his spectacles making his eyes look like black dinner plates as he stared at me intently.

“I’m much better than I was a few seconds ago,” I said, sighing with satisfaction as I slid right to the bottom of the impressive penile pole.

I gasped for air each time the sexual joy of a downward thrust squeezed the air out of my lungs; for once, Alex seemed equally breathless… and restless as he got up and moved around.

To be honest, I didn’t care what he did now that my pussy was getting some proper attention.

Oh God, I love this toy. I’ll be able to come before the end of Bargain Hunt if…

"Where’s it going?" Alex asked, breaking my concentration.

“What do you mean?”

“Well, I can see that it’s not going up your arse.”

I actually stopped what I was doing so that I could look at him properly. “I’m a girl,” I said, mockingly. “I have another hole to stick things into.”

Alex just stood there, looking confused.

“Remember biology? Vaginas and penises?”

“I remember the diagrams.”

“Diagrams?” I almost spat with frustration. “You’ve got a penis, Alex. I’ve got a vagina.”

I demonstrated that I had a hole by bouncing up and down on the solid cock between my legs while he watched.

Bounce. Bounce. Bounce.

“Mmmm.” It wasn’t me who made that noise - I looked up and saw that Alex’s hand was on his penis, and he was gently fondling it.

And as he fondled it, it started to grow.

Seeing him finally doing something with himself got me even more turned on. Arching my back with my hands planted on the floor behind me, I upped my motion.

Mutual masturbation – if that’s what Alex was doing – was actually very, very hot.

Fwuck. Fwuck. Fwuck. Slwuch. Slwuch.

My pussy was getting wetter, and very embarrassing sounds started coming out of me as I drove down harder and faster.

Plop.

“Fuck!” I swore as I over-extended myself and the dildo popped out.

“Oh!” Alex exclaimed, as I fed the toy back inside my frothing cunt. “I see what you mean. I saw your hole. Like the one in the end of my - “

Alex was hard.

Properly hard.

Impressively hard.

And he was actually masturbating in a way that I recognised, alternating between a fast blur and much slower strokes.

“Alex,” I said, aiming for deliberately low brow. “You know when you do what you’re doing… after a while, does white stuff shoot out?”

“How do you know about the white stuff? Is that normal?”

“It is normal. I’ve made other boys do it… I like taking the white stuff in my mouth.”

The way Alex’s face screwed up told me that he had tasted his own spunk at some point, and not enjoyed the experience.

“Will you do it in my mouth?”

“I don’t know why you’d want –“

“Why is up to me. Can you manage to spunk – do it – in my mouth, or not?”

“Yes. I guess so.”

“When I tell you?”

“I suppose.”

It was absolutely exhausting to have a conversation with this sexual simpleton while riding my great big dildo, so I stopped talking and concentrated on riding and thrusting.

All the time Alex continued with his stop-start wanking technique. Normally, that would be edging along a climax - but with Alex, who knew?

“Are you ready?”

Alex nodded.

I decided to let him come first, and then I would either instantly explode in response to whatever he managed, or I could work myself up to a frothing climax – so long as I didn’t start laughing too much.

“OK. Go.”

Alex did the exact opposite of what every other man does when he shot his load - he crouched so far forward over his own cock that he looked like he was trying to intercept his emissions on their way over to me.

If he was trying to steal the spunk, he was completely unsuccessful, although the shock of his movement made his spunk hang in the air like Michael Jordan in Space Jam before it descended onto my hair and face.

Not much made it into my mouth, but it was seriously sexy to see spunk flying freely through the air for the first time and nice to feel its liquid heat on my skin again and get the astringent taste in my mouth.

Quite simply, you needed a man to get access to spunk, and Alex, for all his faults, had given me exactly what I needed.

Dragging my fingers back and forth across my smooth, slippery flesh, I quickly whipped my clitoris into submission and forced out a mind-bending orgasm; an orgasm which was made much more intense by Alex standing there open-mouthed, staring at me, wanking his drippy little cock.

If I ever did become an exhibitionist internet slut, this is exactly what would be happening on the other end of the web stream.

Speaking of streams, I excused myself to the bathroom to clean myself off.

Inevitably, due to the conclusion of Bargain Hunt, I met dad on the landing on the way back to my bedroom. “Have you guys made any progress since you confiscated his phone?”

“A little,” I admitted, feeling kind of awkward that I wasn’t wearing knickers and I couldn’t be 100% sure that I had removed all of Alex’s spunk from my hair and face. ”He’s very slow on the uptake, which is frustrating.”

“Well, so long as he gets you there in the end, sweetie. Slow and steady wins the race.”

I looked at dad long and hard, trying to work out whether this was a cryptic remark related to something he had heard during Bargain Hunt.

“Sorry,” dad said, suddenly acting even more awkward than I was feeling. “I didn’t mean race race. I know he’s Korean. But… I’m sure… I didn’t mean he’s slow because he’s Korean. I wasn’t being…”

“There’s nothing wrong with his language skills, Dad. He’d just be a lot more useful to me if he paid more attention in class.”

Particularly biology.

“Not everyone is as studious as you are, love.” Having given a motivational compliment, Dad gave me a quick peck of a kiss on the top of my head and made his escape towards the bathroom.

“Did I just lose my virginity?” Alex asked, looking up from his fucking phone as soon as I went back in my bedroom.

“Say it a bit louder, why don’t you? I don’t think the perverts in the park heard you.”

Alex looked mystified again; sarcasm was totally wasted on this guy.

“No, you did not ‘just lose your virginity’, and what’s more, you’re never likely to either.”