This is an anonymous question I received from a fellow Lushie:
Due to the fact that both my fiancé and I travel for work, we spend weeks, sometimes months apart. He has mentioned that I could have a "pass" and hook up with a man, if I wanted. I have steadfastly said no, I do however have a female friend that I play with on occasion. Read: I haven't seen her since a month ago when the three of us were together.
I will not take a pass and sex a man because my body may need it. I merely am trying to understand this "pass"mentality. I even think there was a movie about passes. What say you?
This type of scenario is quite common in long distance relationships. A "Pass" is a no-strings (probably one-night-stand) hook up that your partner will allow for the purposes of getting the pipes cleaned until you can be together again. The assumption is that emotions aren't involved with whatever partner you choose for this (whether they are a fuck-buddy or some new guy you just met while drunk at a bar).
The emotional impact of following through on this can be problematic for many couples. Knowing that your partner allowed you to put your hand in the cookie jar may make you start to wonder how many cookies he's eating on the side as well. Not only that, but it opens the door to consistent extracurricular play outside the relationship. Unless your connection/commitment are strong, this obviously leads to the possibility that either one of you may find a stronger connection with the other person. Things start sexually, but many women especially find it hard to separate sex and emotion and one invariably leads to the other.
Being away from your partner can be isolating in itself. Knowing that they are enjoying a physical connection with someone else during this time of distance can be a difficult concept to swallow.
It's a bit like Pandora's Box... but it's also a very modern and novel concept. For someone who has the outlook that "sex is just sex", this can help to alleviate the long periods in between being together by still allowing each other to enjoy some fun. The key is that both people have to be comfortable with it, and both people should understand that if one person wants to veto this concept at any time, they can.
An easy way to look at it is to see your hook up with your girlfriend in the same way. You play together and enjoy the sexual connection but you don't feel emotionally attached to her in any way, right? This is sort of how the "pass system" works too. Guys can very easily have this same outlook when they hook up with a girl. It's just sex. If you can look at another guy and just see him as a human sex-toy, then you are well on your way to enjoying that 'pass' while your man is away.
You might also enjoy it more if you make it part of your sex-play. Maybe he wants to hear details of what you did. Maybe you will want to hear about what he did too. The kinky aspect, heightened by a tinge of jealousy may be a turn-on when you finally do see each other again. It's not for everyone, but it might make it feel more like the experience is bringing you together as a couple.
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