I looked around but didn't find a topic like this, so I'll just start one. If I overlooked something: Mea culpa ;-)
From a pure Reader standpoint: What really bugs you off when reading a story. What immediatly turns you off or maybe even makes you stop reading? See it as a chance to vent some and a chance for aspiring writers to learn of some things they can avoid to better the quality and reception of their stories.
To start things a big peeve of mine (and one that just ticked me off twice this morning):
Measurements... what do numericals have to do with eroticism? Why have breasts have to be measured in cup size alone or dicks in inches? What is wrong with adjectives and leaving some things to the readers imagination? Ample, supple, engorged, humungous... need more? ;-)
Great topic question! Fairly new to Lush, but have read many stories so far. My main pet peeve is spelling and grammar. A couple of mistakes is ok, but when there are some in every 2-3 sentences....ugghh! Spell/grammar check is available for a reason...USE IT!
Okay, my rant is done!
My biggest pet peeves as a reader are spelling, grammar, and clichés. I enjoy reading fresh, well-written stories that leaves me wanting more!
words spelled incorrectly for emphasis eg: cummmmmmmm
I have to agree with Kat, the use of numbers is a cheap trick to keep from having to describe a person properly.
I try to set aside grammatical errors when reading, but I am bothered when conversations between two characters seem more like one character playing both sides. I want to be able to know who is speaking by the way they speak and their choice of words, keep it in character.
I also detest shallow stories that seem to pander to the crowd. Using incest, jumping into sex immediately, tossing in lesbians and BJ's in the first paragraph is just writing for the most reads.
Give me a story that transports me to someplace new, introduces me to new interesting characters and has a story line that builds into a surprising, satisfying ending will quickly put that author in my follow list.
DirtyMartini, note I did start new paragraphs frequently, thanks for the tip.
I agree that the measurements thing is annoying. Based on my experience, I never thought "Wow, she has DD breasts" when I was about to have sex. I think the one that annoys me most is when the author gives too much exposition. I want to feel like I know the characters and the stories are definitely hotter if each character has a personality and even a little backstory, but that does not mean I need their entire life story, especially not in the form of a long expositional narrative.
LMAO Wellmade, you just made my day...cheers!
Overuse of measurements might get annoying to me. I do enjoy the adjectives used to describe genitalia better than numerical measurments, however numbers are really great and to the point in describing height, weight and distance.
As for as grammar and punctuation I think we all will have to live with those weaknesses since those things are not a priority in education anymore. Political correctness is now deemed more important in education than reading, writing, and arithmetic.
What annoys me is also the measurements. It's typically bad when the characters have huge wangs or boobs. I know that everyone comes in all shapes and sizes, just quit with the big.
To me it's like reading a teenage erotic fanfiction when for example "Hermione" and "Ron" have sex and they like have big boobs and he has a huge cock and it shocked them both.
Another pet peeve would have to be the novice author who goes "This is a real story but I changed the names of the people so no-one knows who it is about."
Great you are retelling a story but I didn't need to know that you changed the names. Because it's the internet as if I or any reader will know you in person.
Another example that peeves me off:
"Hi I'm Rebecca, but you can call me Bec. I'm 17 years old and I got long blonde hair, green eyes. I'm a size 2 and I have big tits. All the boys love me but I have a boyfriend called Tristan. We had you know what yesterday, it was kinda scary. It hurt a bit and there was like a bit of blood. Yeah that's right I was a virgin."
And on it goes.
Show don't tell lol.
To me, one of the greatest turnoffs is the use of the second person for the reader: "Your breasts are heaving as you..." works well if the reader is a female, and not at all if the reader is a male. By describing the actions and feelings of the participants in the third or first person, the reader can imagine being in either position. By arbitrarily determining the sex of the reader, at least half the potential reading audience is automatically lost. I suppose more may be lost as the author attempts to control or predict the reader's further reactions to particular situations, and misses the mark (I never get that far into any such stories, so I wouldn't know).
It seems more than a tad egocentric and controlling (or at least an attempt to be so).
To me, I find it annoying to read that a spouse or a relative had died in recent times or character was raised by a single parent because of the death of another. Please find another solution to remove a character rather than death. This turns me off quicker than reading an extra paragraph of how they just took off one night and never came back. I never really keep reading after the death part.
I agree with everything everyone has said and can't think of much to add except that I hate when sentences exist for no reason. Every word should add something to the story.
Phrases like, 'love tunnel', 'love cave', or the latest little gem I've just read, 'juicy jugs'. They stop me from being able to take the story seriously.
Text speak - you have the use of a keyboard, and you're nowhere near to hitting the word limit, spell your words properly.
Lack of punctuation and over punctuation. And the overuse of full stops. Stop it, it makes my head hurt!
Impossible movements, 'Standing behind her he bent her over and pushed her face into the carpet, before kissing her hard on the mouth' - really? Is one of them a contortionist? Or does he have magical powers so he can move his lips onto inanimate objects like carpet?
Generally it's any story that leaves me reaching for a red pen, or wanting to roll up a newspaper and hit the writer on the nose with it.
I know this may sound pedantic, but the thing that brings me up short every time is the use of "that" when referring to a person. No matter how well the rest of the story is written, or how interesting the plot, my mind keeps reverting to the offending sentence.
"There's only three tempos: slow, medium and fast. When you get between in the cracks, ain't nuthin' happenin'." Ben Webster
I have to agree with those coming down against second person stories - and there seem to be more and more of them. What are we meant to get out of this - are we reading someone's mail? This isn't a story this is like something you tell a person with amnesia. There are some authors who seem to write exclusively in this turgid drone.
Also agreeing with the measurements: fine if you're writing a cake recipe but i don't want to read your fantasy shopping list.
One final thing that bugs me - unnecessary adjectives/adverbs. "Expectantly, she painstakingly slowly moved her delicate feminine hand lightly over his engorged swollen love muscle" - SHUT UP!
Warning: The opinions above are those of an anonymous individual on the internet. They are opinions, unless they're facts. They may be ill-informed, out of touch with reality or just plain stupid. They may contain traces of irony. If reading these opinions causes you to be become outraged or you start displaying the symptoms of outrage, stop reading them immediately. If symptoms persist, consult a psychiatrist.
Why not read some stories instead
NEW! Want a quick read for your coffee break? Why not try this... Flash Erotica: Scrubber I like to get to know the characters of a story.. I want to know more about them rather than just their sexual desires.
I have to agree, a well developed plot and characters make for a hot read. When the author takes the time to really build the story, describing the how the encounter came to be is very important. I hate it when stories jump right into the dirty stuff.
I have just skimmed through all the posts in this thread, and think i can sum up what most are saying. I think what we all want is realism. We want characters who are real people, not just bodies that happen to accidentally be attached to genitalia. We want to know who the people are, and we really don't care if they have twenty four-inch horse cocks hanging between their legs, or 54 G-cup boobs hanging to their knees. We also don't care if they are true blonds, unless it is germane to the story plot.
"There's only three tempos: slow, medium and fast. When you get between in the cracks, ain't nuthin' happenin'." Ben Webster
