As a guy who formerly suffered from extreme shyness I quickly realized that if I didn't overcome the shyness I would be very alone. So basically you need to put your foot in the water and test it. A girl won't get to know who you are if you don't put yourself out there to be known. We have all "heard" the stories about a girl chasing down the shy guy, "Cuz he's so darn cute!" But it never happens. Now granted being shy heading to a meat market bar is probably not your best bet, or it might be who knows. But in the end you have to #1 Be yourself, cuz check this out girls can tell if you are being fake. I know its hard to believe but its true. #2 and this is important you have to have the confidence in yourself. #3 be funny if you can, making a girl laugh is half the battle. #4 have a 14" penis ok not really but its FUNNY because most girls will run fast and far away from a 14" penis. LOL
Be yourself. There's no point in being anything but yourself as eventually pretending to be something you're not will just break down a relationship. She should be attracted to you for who you are.
You just have to do your best so show your humorous and caring side. Be yourself, but show off the best parts of you. Don't lose hope - it'll happen sooner or later!
1. Don't use locations where you will be competing against outgoing guys for a woman's attention as you will probably end up fading more to the background. Eg. instead of going to a loud bar or club to meet girls, maybe try more low-key places where you have a natural interest/hobby that you can use as a conversation point, eg a sport, a park, a library/academic centre, an art gallery or theatre, the beach etc.
2. Don't set your sights on the outgoing, popular party girl. If you are shy, there are many other shy girls in the same situation. The times when I see the shy-guy getting frustrated by dating or getting past the 'friend-zone' is when the object of his desires is the exact opposite of him - the hypersocial girl that attracts a lot of attention. Be aware of who you will honestly be compatible with and don't fixate on the wrong girl.
3. Try an internet dating site where you can get to know each other at a relaxed pace first that will hopefully make you feel more comfortable when you finally meet. Also, this sets the tone of the relationship... you are both interested in dating and not 'just friends'.
4. If you are interested in a girl, let it be known upfront. Don't do the 'buddy' thing for six months while trying to figure out a way to reveal your intentions. This puts you in the friend-zone, sets up the 'friendship' on a false premise and usually ends in frustration and hurt feelings (by both parties).
Well of course yo have to get over being shy and you just have to be yourself and you'll be ok..........sorry even I can't believe that load of crap either, you want women to notice you have to be in at least one of these Categories, Rich Guy, Famous Guy, Tough Guy, plus you have to be an total asshole, then your luck will change.
Thanks all for the advise. I know I have to get over being shy but for me it's hard to do. I am by nature a quiet person and I think it's hard to open up to people who want me to be more open. Being myself is another hard one since I am not good with flirting and I am deffinetly not that funny. As I stated earlier I have an introverted personality and that means I don't like going out or being in large groups and I tend to think about things before I act or say them.
Bars are not my thing as I am not really a drinker and I find it boring to be there. I would much rather go grocery shopping and make a meal together at home and watch a movie where we could cuddle up on the couch together. I have tried the online dating thing and in small town minnesota(1000 people) you can't find anyone and even in a 50 mile radius there are not many that I am attracted to. Not to be rude they are all beautiful in their own way but I am not attracted to either super skinny women or obese women I like a happy medium. Also if they have kids that's another turn off for me as I have dated a mom and she didn't have enough time to put into the relationship as she had to take care of her kids. It takes two people to make a relationship work and I would like someone who has just as much time as me.
As for being the rich, famous, tough guy that I can see will never happen. I don't have that kind of money, I have only a few friends ouside of my family, and I believe we should respect each other for who we are and not be the jerk / asshole to others. My ex is actually completely smitten and in love with a guy that is a total jerk to her and just uses her for sex, and she keeps going back for more like a yo-yo.
I guess I am an old fashioned kind of guy that will eventually figure things out and what works for me. Thanks Again
The decisions we make dictate the life we have.
Follow your dreams, for those that do not will only try to discourage others.
Part of it is that I know a bunch of guys who are nice guys and I enjoy having sex with all of them -- they are some boyfriends, some fuck buddies, whatever, but they are "now and here" - I know that the chances are that I won't have any relationship with any of them a few years from now - there will be a whole group of "new guys" rotating through.
But - for guys that are in the "friend zone" - I really value these guys - I love them all, and I want to have a relationship with them until I die - they are excellent friends, confidants, etc etc.... If I move them to the other category, something ALWAYS happens and lovers and fuck buddies drift apart ... I had a really close wonderful guy friend all through high school - never had sex ( we made out a little, did some touching etc, but no sex) - he and I could talk about anything, anytime, and I knew he would walk on hot coals for me... Just after graduation, going to different colleges - we decided to have a sexy summer, and take our friendship to a "higher level" -- well, it definitely was a different level, and we fucked our brains out and had a super summer. But we weren't in love - I went out on one date (nothing happened) with a guy I met at the beach, and my friend got jealous. He thought that I was fucking the other guy, and started thinking I was fucking every dick I could find, since I "cheated" on him. We tried to get past it, but we never could, and he couldn't grasp that I wanted to stay friends and thought we could still have sex on weekend breaks at home, etc - but he took all the intimacy as falling in love ... so even though I didn't mean to, and I did NOT have sex with anyone else that summer, I hurt him because I went out on a date and that planted a nasty seed in his mind. We're still friends, but at a much different level than before our sex romp ... we laugh and joke about the sexy summer, but I can tell he would fall right back into it - and get hurt again - if we got back together. He was an awesome fuck buddy - I'd have sex with him again in an instant if I knew he knew that it was just sex, not something more. I remember so much about so many times we did things - he is athletic, strong, nicely hung -- but I'm his poison apple....
So guys - if you find yourself in the "friend zone" - you can probably take that as a big compliment. You might have that girl as a great friend forever. If you try and succeed in getting out of the friend zone, you'll undoubtedly enjoy it for a while, but it will end, and you'll probably lose her .... Personally, I like strong friendships. There are lots of guys to fuck and have fun with, same for you guys -- lots of girls who love to fuck and have fun.... just don't fuck up a good friendship.
(sometimes I get so tempted if I'm with one of my good friends - I might be feeling a little horny, or just playful, and I have come so close thinking -- "its only a handjob or blowjob..." what harm can that do? I haven't crossed the line since freshman year college - I probably will someday after a few drinks and I'm horny ... I just hope getting laid or sucking a cock doesn't cost me a friend)
