(I don't think I have ever ignored pokes or chats from you, but if I have, I apologise profusely!)
My take is as follows:
If we are friends then sure, poke me - if I'm at my screen I'll poke you back. If I poke you back than you can IM me - poking back and forth gets boring quite quickly and I might stop responding...
Don't assume that because I appear online that it's ok to open a chat window without asking - I think it's presumptuous to just do that before a little chit chat.
I will generally respond to an IM - I sometimes 'lose' IMs when refreshing my screen and what not, but I would hate to think I appeared rude.
In saying that, although I do like to chat, I tend not to cyber and I hate it when guys just IM with the 'wanna fuck?' sort of thing? You know, get to know me first!!!
There's nothing better than chatting with someone when there's great chemistry...
Does that answer your questions?
If a girl is set to online and visible, there is no way she can respond to every message she receives... it would be too overwhelming and exhausting. I see the pokes, 'hey wanna chat' PMs or IMs very much the same way I'd see guys approaching me in a bar. I might smile and keep walking, say hello and go back to talking to my friends, or indulge in chit-chat if I'm in the mood. I don't really see it as an obligation to reply to everything, the same way as I don't feel like I have to talk to every single guy that approaches me in regular life. It's a two-way street of course. I wouldn't feel offended if the situation was reversed.
Things are also coming at you way faster online than in regular life. The last time I left myself visible/online and got on the phone and forgot that my Lush screen was open, I returned a short while later to find 17 chatboxes opened by random people and a bunch of IM boxes. If someone spent the time required to reply to all of these, then they would become a slave to cyberspace, and who wants to do that?
I agree with everything Sprite said. I accept friend-adds from people who like my stories, voted on them, follow me as an author or have sent me a nice intro PM that leads me to believe they actually took the time to read my profile. Do I want to chat with all of them? No... I simply don't have the time. My profile openly says that "I rarely do online chats" though, so I assume people understand that before friending me anyway. It took a while for me to get to know the core group of people I talk to before I started bantering via IM or PM on a regular basis, and that really is only a handful of people. Sometimes you have things in common with people and sometimes you don't.
There is an assumption that most of the guys on this site are looking for some kind of cyber or intimate chat. I don't like to waste people's time if that's their end-goal or desire. I think my profile is pretty clear in establishing that I'm not available and not interested in any of that, but I still get a lot of people that try. For me it's easier to avoid the whole thing unless that 'buddy' vibe is established early on (which I have with a few great guys on this site).
My advice would be... really read the person's profile before contacting them if it's for social purposes. If it's a profile that says that they are here to write, network, use the forums, that they rarely chat and/or are already taken, it's probably best to skip ahead to the next profile or head into a chatroom.
I also wouldn't take anything too personally on Lush when it comes to replies to messages. The person isn't intending to be rude, they are probably just super busy. Once you establish contact, if they are interested, they will probably get in touch one way or another.
This is the sort of question that depends on the individual. There are some girls (though my suspicion is that they are most guys) that are here pretty much just to cyber. Then they are the rest of us that are here for the stories, the friends and the forums.
I used to always leave my online status as online for anyone and everyone to see....it's pretty well impossible, as a girl, to reply to every single message you get. I currently have 15 unread messages that I probably won't look at for days yet.
Because I have no stories to promote, I keep my friends list reserved for people I a) like b) find amusing/nice to talk to and c) have had a decent conversation with before I add them. So if someone on my friends list online chats me or opens a window I'll respond if i'm sat here, if I happen to have wandered off and accidentally left this on....well, I'm sure they can cope ;)
Quite often I am doing a hundred things while I am online. Whether it´s writing emails, verifying/reading stories, writing, catching up with friends back home...I don´t always catch messages immediately and quite often when I notice someone has sent me a message they have already logged off.
There are also times I get inundated with cyber messages, they are tiresome, especially since I am not going to cyber with anyone. There are times I get fed up with this and when "7indick4u" or "needhotpussy" open a chat box, I usually assume they are wanting to cyber and don´t always answer if I am currently in the middle of something.
The 'flag' is already there - it's called the away setting. But it's just like any other chatting system:
a) sometimes we have it set on away even when we are really there
b) sometimes we're busy
c) sometimes we just don't want to chat to that particular person
I like everybody on my friends list but there are days when I don't want to talk to certain ones of them - just like real life. And so on those days I might simply ignore them or I might be 'busy'. It's nothing personal, it's just based on my mood each day.
If you dislike being ignored or some such then I'd suggest you simply keep hunting for lasses who do less ignoring - there's got to be some out there, right?
This may seem odd coming from a guy, but I figured with the solid advice on this thread that perhaps it might be enlightening hearing from a guy who has tried these approaches. I tend to do many of the things on this thread that are suggested practice (strike up convos in non-sexual ways, actually read profiles, etc.).
I tend to break these things down into how people are generally, rather than a 'male does x' and a 'female does z'. I generally think breaking things down in male/female terms is not very constructive.
People, generally, really just want to talk to who they want to talk to. Many people add others as a nicety, not really because they want to have the hottest cyber with you. So take it for what it is. You may get the random person to talk to you, but it's probably a one-off. Especially if they are a woman (and hot), there are probably about three other guys talking to her while you are.
So, my advice, just be friendly and have fun. If the woman doesn't respond, even while you are acting respectful and not like a total creepazoid, then take it for what it is. And if you have a good chat with someone, again, take it for what it is. Don't expect her to want to cyber just because you once had a good chat.
When I first became active on Lush (actually about a year after I joined, LOL), I wrote some things about myself in my profile hoping it would be read and people, men and women, would know a little about me and decide iof they wanted to contact me. I made it pretty clear that while I am very bisexual, I really only wanted to chat with women and would not friend any men until I get to know them first (either in forum or chatroom). Well it didnt take long for me to learn that 99% of the people on Lush either dont read profiles or dont take them serious as I got inundated with men that wanted to be friends and cyber. I responded to most of them explaining my desires and how I do things. Some understood and some celled me a "Stuck Up Lezzy Slut", LOL! So I eventually stopped responding and became very familiar with the delete button!! But I continued to add most every woman who wanted to friend me. Well I soon found out that most of the women just wanted to get as many friends as they could as I never heard from most of them after adding them. So now I prefer to get to know even the women before I will friend them. And I always am INVISIBLE when on Lush! But somehow people know I am on sometimes even if I dont go in forum, not sure how, LOL!!
As for chatting, I usually will chat with any of my friends if I have time and if I cant, I let them know I am busy and hope to chat later. I only chat regularly with several of my friends. Some who I consider very good friends, I really do not chat with but we communicate via e-mail, forum or by posting pix on each others wall. Some of my friends dont chat with many people either or just a select few, which is very cool and undertandable. Buteven though we hardly chat, they are very important to me
So my advice is get to know what each person wants and doesnt want and respect their desires. Treat them how you want to be treated. Just because a woman is very sexual and open doesnt mean she is here to be your sex toy. Just beacuse she is alwways open to chat, doesnt mean she is always open to cyber. I am about as sexual and open as any woman on here, but I am not really into cyber sex. I will occaisionally with some very special friends but they will usually initiate it. But I love to chat about sex, share experiences, maybe masterbate together(not really cxyber). I really hardly ever visit the caht rooms any more, too much drama!!
But I am always ready to chat or at least say hi to my dear friends, I think (or hope) they know who they are. I love you all!!!
