I do journal. Else I will go mad! Some thoughts, if I may be allowed to use this as my scratch pad...
Some of you might remember me from the last time I was active here. It was a while back. I was motivated for a lot of things - To lose weight, to become desirable, to be more sexy. I am growing old, faster than ever, and my biggest fear was growing ugly 'unfulfilled'.
It got to me, my presence on this platform. I ran away, fearing what I had become. But I could not, for long. Mentally, I am at a much worse state now, than I was when i first came here. I feel dark, depraved, and seek thrills that I cannot even talk about openly. I am losing myself. And I hope this time around, I lose myself beyond repair. Yes, I mean it.
Posting something of mine - I am more unfit physically and mentally than I have ever been. But the last few weeks, I have tried to become sexy again. Some have looked at me, and some have body shamed me.
Happy new year, to all you amazing men and women.