I've been reluctant to ask this for fear that it sounds whiny or needy, both of which I hate, but since this is "Ask the Gals," I guess I'll ask.
What do women want when it comes to contact from guys here?
I don't message a ton of women here. I'm not looking to completely man-whore around, and I'm not ever looking for something sexual on first contact. If I just need to get off, there's plenty of porn on the internet.
But generally, in the times I've reached out, there doesn't seem to be any interest. Most of the time I get no response, sometimes I get a polite but lukewarm response, at best I get some casual interest for a little while that doesn't develop. If you want to confirm, see my friends list--it's six people, 3 are guys, and I'm completely straight.
I also think any of those 6 would tell you that I'm generally polite and friendly. I don't reach out to women with pictures of my dick, or overtly sexual tones. I think I'm an interesting enough guy, but maybe that's being too generous to myself.
What am I missing?
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Be yourself.
Don't ask about others members--if you want to get to know someone, we all have the same contact info. on our accounts, use them.
Don't cuss so much. That's something you did so often and that's why I dipped out.
We had just started to talk and every* third or fourth word was a "fuck"
Seems like you are putting too much thought into it.
Relax and you can always try again.
I'll send friend request and we can try again.
Oh, and hit and run type of chats are the worst. Don't start something you can't continue.
--
Edit:typo fixed*
Don't ask about others members--if you want to get to know someone, we all have the same contact info. on our accounts, use them.
Don't cuss so much. That's something you did so often and that's why I dipped out.
We had just started to talk and every* third or fourth word was a "fuck"
Seems like you are putting too much thought into it.
Relax and you can always try again.
I'll send friend request and we can try again.
Oh, and hit and run type of chats are the worst. Don't start something you can't continue.
--
Edit:typo fixed*
Active Ink Slinger
Jack, I wonder about not offending others here also....and your questions are valid.
Yet, I have always found you to be polite and honest in your public posts.
Yet, I have always found you to be polite and honest in your public posts.
Active Ink Slinger
Quote by jjf68
I've been reluctant to ask this for fear that it sounds whiny or needy, both of which I hate, but since this is "Ask the Gals," I guess I'll ask.
What do women want when it comes to contact from guys here?
I don't message a ton of women here. I'm not looking to completely man-whore around, and I'm not ever looking for something sexual on first contact. If I just need to get off, there's plenty of porn on the internet.
But generally, in the times I've reached out, there doesn't seem to be any interest. Most of the time I get no response, sometimes I get a polite but lukewarm response, at best I get some casual interest for a little while that doesn't develop. If you want to confirm, see my friends list--it's six people, 3 are guys, and I'm completely straight.
I also think any of those 6 would tell you that I'm generally polite and friendly. I don't reach out to women with pictures of my dick, or overtly sexual tones. I think I'm an interesting enough guy, but maybe that's being too generous to myself.
What am I missing?
I look at this as a site to publish things, not a dating site. Probably that has a lot to do with my, ah, advanced age.
I was on dating sites about twenty-years ago; I even wrote about one experience in an essay here. "Love Is The Drug." It was a different world without Tinder, Facebook, and . I didn't know what I was doing, but no one else did either. Perhaps things were more relaxed back then. I would have to find someone now closer to my age who is as clueless as I am about the present scene.
Quote by LakeShoreLimited
I look at this as a site to publish things, not a dating site.
This is understandable and I'm sure a lot feel the same way. However, I view it more as a kind of adult social network, and I assume (maybe incorrectly?) that a lot here take the same approach. I also never send a message without viewing the profile first, and I only message if it seems the person is open to contact.
Quote by Joinin
Jack, I wonder about not offending others here also....and your questions are valid.
Yet, I have always found you to be polite and honest in your public posts.
Thanks for your response. Maybe we're all sorta struggling to know the right ways to communicate. Helps to know I'm not the only one who feels that way sometimes.
nympho manic pixie dream bunny
I thought we had some nice conversations, Jack, but you sort of faded out on me. lol Some general advice. We're all struggling right now. Life is not perfect for anyone with the pandemic. Stick to fun topics. Keep it light. Don't complain about your situation. When you get closer as friends, it's different, but at first, just talk about things that interest you or are passionate about, find some shared interests. It doesn't have to be sex and you can flirt talking about anything. Movies, skiing, hockey, music, whatever.
Also, some people just connect right away. Not everyone does, though. You need to be okay that you're not going to connect with everyone or that it takes time to connect with some people. Just keep trying and don't give up. There's a lot of people out there to chat with. I've found a few that I really connect with and a lot that I don't. That's pretty normal, I think.
Also, don't start the conversation off (and you didn't do this, but some guys do) "What are you doing? I'm horny." lol.
Also, some people just connect right away. Not everyone does, though. You need to be okay that you're not going to connect with everyone or that it takes time to connect with some people. Just keep trying and don't give up. There's a lot of people out there to chat with. I've found a few that I really connect with and a lot that I don't. That's pretty normal, I think.
Also, don't start the conversation off (and you didn't do this, but some guys do) "What are you doing? I'm horny." lol.
Quote by fillelapine
I thought we had some nice conversations, Jack, but you sort of faded out on me. lol Some general advice. We're all struggling right now. Life is not perfect for anyone with the pandemic. Stick to fun topics. Keep it light.
*****
Also, don't start the conversation off (and you didn't do this, but some guys do) "What are you doing? I'm horny." lol.
Duly noted on the first part. I'm still trying to figure out how to be single again, I suppose, and I'm sure there are times I can be a downer.
And on the latter part, I've always figured that if you wouldn't say it to someone at a club, don't say it here. I don't always know the right things to say, but I hope I at least know how to avoid the wrong things.
Troublemaker
Offering a guy's perspective
We're all different but for me I'd say don't say anything you wouldn't say to someone at work (forget the club idea) at least not until you get to know someone. You'll discover each individual's boundaries over a few conversations and go from there. Being yourself is excellent advice. I basically treat everyone the same way I would meeting anyone in real life. Don't overthink it, I don't have a ton of friends here either but I do have some exceptionally good humans on my friends list. The vast majority of my conversation is non-sexual and has been for the entire time I've been on Lush.
Maybe change up your avatar, there's nothing wrong with yours but "The Darkness" may not have the most positive connotations for some. There's enough darkness in the world already. From what I recall they were pretty big in the UK but in North America they reached a limited audience. I'd guess the average female is less likely to be a fan of that music genre although there are definitely some out there. You may want to put a bit more info in your profile. People are looking for things you have in common with them so the more you put in the profile the broader the appeal. Post something interesting in your Profile page blog and maybe add some photos to your page that gives an inkling of who you are and what your interests are.
Lush should be fun so just chill and go with the flow. Good luck!
We're all different but for me I'd say don't say anything you wouldn't say to someone at work (forget the club idea) at least not until you get to know someone. You'll discover each individual's boundaries over a few conversations and go from there. Being yourself is excellent advice. I basically treat everyone the same way I would meeting anyone in real life. Don't overthink it, I don't have a ton of friends here either but I do have some exceptionally good humans on my friends list. The vast majority of my conversation is non-sexual and has been for the entire time I've been on Lush.
Maybe change up your avatar, there's nothing wrong with yours but "The Darkness" may not have the most positive connotations for some. There's enough darkness in the world already. From what I recall they were pretty big in the UK but in North America they reached a limited audience. I'd guess the average female is less likely to be a fan of that music genre although there are definitely some out there. You may want to put a bit more info in your profile. People are looking for things you have in common with them so the more you put in the profile the broader the appeal. Post something interesting in your Profile page blog and maybe add some photos to your page that gives an inkling of who you are and what your interests are.
Lush should be fun so just chill and go with the flow. Good luck!
Active Ink Slinger
Quote by jjf68
Duly noted on the first part. I'm still trying to figure out how to be single again, I suppose, and I'm sure there are times I can be a downer.
And on the latter part, I've always figured that if you wouldn't say it to someone at a club, don't say it here. I don't always know the right things to say, but I hope I at least know how to avoid the wrong things.
Yes, I see that there are 520,000 members and only 61,000 stories, so a lot of people are not here to write, that is for sure.
Since I'm sixty-five, albeit a male, forgive me if I give some advice about some of the things you've written. In your profile, even if it's true, don't say you are reluctant to make the first move. Leave that unsaid.
Don't ask women about what they expect from contact with guys. Even if they knew, they're not going to tell you. Don't say that you can be a downer; everybody can be one at times. Say as little as possible about your ex or exes.
If you are serious about this, make approaches, get shot down A LOT, and keep going. There are tens of thousands of other prospects on this site alone. Give the impression that you have plenty of other options out there. You don't have to be rude, but don't get too invested in one person at the beginning.
You can always write some stories or essays - those are good for conversations. It doesn't happen too often, but sometimes a woman will add it to her favorites list.
Quote by fillelapine
I thought we had some nice conversations, Jack, but you sort of faded out on me. lol Some general advice. We're all struggling right now. Life is not perfect for anyone with the pandemic. Stick to fun topics. Keep it light. Don't complain about your situation. When you get closer as friends, it's different, but at first, just talk about things that interest you or are passionate about, find some shared interests. It doesn't have to be sex and you can flirt talking about anything. Movies, skiing, hockey, music, whatever.
Also, some people just connect right away. Not everyone does, though. You need to be okay that you're not going to connect with everyone or that it takes time to connect with some people. Just keep trying and don't give up. There's a lot of people out there to chat with. I've found a few that I really connect with and a lot that I don't. That's pretty normal, I think.
Also, don't start the conversation off (and you didn't do this, but some guys do) "What are you doing? I'm horny." lol.
Yes to this.
And please don't ever say, "I'm online cause I'm bored and there's nothing else to do."
I will tell you to "hit me up when you aren't suffering from boredom" or I'll just say, "Enjoy."
I'm really confused why you find it so hard to chat up users?
Gravelly-Voiced Fucker
Quote by jjf68
Generally when I send a message to someone, I either never hear back at all, or maybe I get a response and we have a pleasant enough conversation for a bit and then at some point I don't hear anything back.
People really like to talk about themselves. And it's fun to learn about other people. Be curious about them. Ask them about their lives.
I remember it being difficult to meet people here at first too. Good luck!
Gravelly-Voiced Fucker
Quote by LYFBUZ
Offering a guy's perspective
Maybe change up your avatar, there's nothing wrong with yours but "The Darkness" may not have the most positive connotations for some. There's enough darkness in the world already.
Yeah, people warned me that an avatar of a giant stupid flying fire-breathing turtle "may not have the most positive connotations for some," but I think it worked out pretty well for me. Ignore the pearl-clutchers! Fight the power!
Quote by Verbal
Yeah, people warned me that an avatar of a giant stupid flying fire-breathing turtle "may not have the most positive connotations for some," but I think it worked out pretty well for me. Ignore the pearl-clutchers! Fight the power!
Knowledge is power. I asked for input and am taking it all to heart. Once I know what some of the issues may be, I can decide what changes I'm willing to make to see different results.
So as to my avatar...it so happens that I believe in a thing called love. Maybe there's a girl with the hazel eyes out there who will find it charming. If not, I'm giving up, giving up giving a fuck*.
(Sorry Natalya. Blame Justin Hawkins for that one.)
Quote by jjf68
Generally when I send a message to someone, I either never hear back at all, or maybe I get a response and we have a pleasant enough conversation for a bit and then at some point I don't hear anything back.
I'm a chatter.
As much as I love talking about myself, I like talking w/ users and not talking at them. There's a difference.
If you hit me up, you'll hear back.
Quote by jjf68
So as to my avatar...it so happens that I believe in a thing called love. Maybe there's a girl with the hazel eyes out there who will find it charming. If not, I'm giving up, giving up giving a fuck*.
(Sorry Natalya. Blame Justin Hawkins for that one.)
This made me
(laugh)
Active Ink Slinger
Everyone here has said something that we've talked about (eg: go with the flow, don't overthink, be yourself), with the exception of "don't cuss too much" --- interestingly, in our chats, you seem almost hesitant to even cuss!
I've also told you this: Don't start something you can't continue.
Most things that you're struggling with, I'd say most also struggle with, so....
I'm sure you're a great guy...just relax and enjoy it (whatever "it" might be), don't overthink!
I've also told you this: Don't start something you can't continue.
Most things that you're struggling with, I'd say most also struggle with, so....
I'm sure you're a great guy...just relax and enjoy it (whatever "it" might be), don't overthink!
Active Ink Slinger
To address your question in this OP: "What do women want when it comes to contact from guys here?"
I'd say everyone looks for something "different" - even different wants with different persons. There's no one answer fits all, and that's for both genders.
Some come here purely for sex-chats/jerk-off sessions (those with an opening line: "horny?" usually gives that away, you know?), some just want to be watched (yes, seriously), some want to be arrogant assholes, and some - hopefully most? - like to chat, get to know, make a connection, be a real human etc etc, and some others come here as an escape from real life.
What are you looking for?
I'd say everyone looks for something "different" - even different wants with different persons. There's no one answer fits all, and that's for both genders.
Some come here purely for sex-chats/jerk-off sessions (those with an opening line: "horny?" usually gives that away, you know?), some just want to be watched (yes, seriously), some want to be arrogant assholes, and some - hopefully most? - like to chat, get to know, make a connection, be a real human etc etc, and some others come here as an escape from real life.
What are you looking for?
Constant Gardener
Exhibit #1 why Lush needs an Incel FAQ sub-category under the Personal / Relationships grouping. It's been needed for about a decade, actually.
This hurt, to read. However, as with an Elmore Leonard story, I just couldn't tear my gawping eyes from the carnage.
This hurt, to read. However, as with an Elmore Leonard story, I just couldn't tear my gawping eyes from the carnage.
The same GQP demanding we move on from January 6th, 2021 is still doing audits of the November 3rd, 2020 election.
Chatterbox Blonde- Rumps Mystical Bartender
I dont think having an Incel section is that helpful, are we going to have a coming out section too?
Just be nice to people, read their damn profile and ask them something that shows you did.
Works for me but I have a very healthy Leo ego that loves to be stroked.
Also sometimes you have to accept you might be the nth person to contact them in a short space of time and they're just swamped.
Just be nice to people, read their damn profile and ask them something that shows you did.
Works for me but I have a very healthy Leo ego that loves to be stroked.
Also sometimes you have to accept you might be the nth person to contact them in a short space of time and they're just swamped.
Whatever was posted is always meant in love and respect never to offend.
I'm also highly likely to have posted this from a phone so there may be typos or odd word changes, auto correct can be a pain.
I've been listening to my kinky pencil here's my current work
Quote by WellMadeMale
Exhibit #1 why Lush needs an Incel FAQ sub-category under the Personal / Relationships grouping. It's been needed for about a decade, actually.
This hurt, to read. However, as with an Elmore Leonard story, I just couldn't tear my gawping eyes from the carnage.
I don't completely get what you're driving at, but I've known you to be a right asshole every time I've encountered you so I'll play it safe and tell you to go fuck yourself.
Constant Gardener
Quote by jjf68
I don't completely get what you're driving at, but I've known you to be a right asshole every time I've encountered you so I'll play it safe and tell you to go fuck yourself.
Of course you wouldn't get it. You make yet another salient point for my suggestion.
What kind of cheese do you prefer with your whine, btw?
The same GQP demanding we move on from January 6th, 2021 is still doing audits of the November 3rd, 2020 election.
Have you ever been to a speed dating event? There is always the one thing in the beginning that makes it breaks it. I don't think most guys or girls know what the one thing was. So, you can spend your time trying to figure it out or move on when you don't get a response. And yes, change your av 
Quote by whatshallwedo
Have you ever been to a speed dating event? There is always the one thing in the beginning that makes it breaks it. I don't think most guys or girls know what the one thing was. So, you can spend your time trying to figure it out or move on when you don't get a response. And yes, change your av
I appreciate the input but specifically about the avatar--what do you suggest for that? I'm pretty particular about not putting my face in the avatar, but I want it to still be me.
Mystical Dragonfly
Fix up your bio. It’s a bit wishy-washy.....you can go to Bing or Google and pick a avi. My avi is never me, and I do well with people. Stop whining, stand up straight, and write a poem or story. It’s fun to do. Oh, go to Rumps bar, it’s a blast and people are so friendly!!! Hope that all helps, byeeee
PLEASE READ MY COMP. STORY
.. https://www.lushstories.com/stories/occupations/-quickie-in-the-parking-booth-.aspx