Hello ladies
I stumbled across lush years ago, but never had the need to create an account for what I was up to (no prizes for guessing). However, I’ve got a question I want to ask and so here I am.
My girlfriend died about 9 months ago. Don’t worry, I don’t want to talk about this and certainly don’t need any comments on it (I hate nothing more than false sympathy from strangers!)- I mention it only because I need to for the question I’m posing.
Now, we had quite the sex life. I’m not saying I’m a sex god, but with her I certainly felt like one! And the way she made me feel, physically, was unbelievable, so I think she would probably say the same about herself!
But over the years, we developed a deep sexual interest that neither of us had done before- and was surprising to us both. I’m not sure what the word is for it, but I (at times) became very dominant, and she quite submissive.
Not in a real BDSM type way- we never had the need for tools or props, and I certainly had no interest in tying her up (or being tied up!). But sometimes (and increasingly often), I would do things including grabbing her by the neck- and sometimes in a very aggressive manner.
Sometimes the sex we had was very rough- if someone stumbled across us having sex in this way, I’m more than certain that the police would be called! **Content removed by moderator. Violates Lush TOS.** A fantasy that we sometimes carried out- although I did it for her, and I never really felt comfortable getting that far.
After death, and until recently, I became somewhat asexual (if that’s actually a thing….). I’m still not ready to be with another girl, but I have started become more interested in having sex again. My fear is, though, that my new sexual interest is going to get me in trouble!
I’ve been googling it for the last week, and the people who like it (male or female) do so in for reasons that were very different to me
What I mean is, people pose the question and people respond with ‘If a guy ever did that to me, I would….call the police/get my brothers on him/kick him in the balls’ type way.
Or, on the other end of the scale, people really liked to do it for some fucked up reasons. Either men wanting to degrade/punish women because, it would seem, they hated women. Or women who did because they, seemingly, hated themselves; and needed someone to prove their own dis-worth to themselves.
When we did it, though, it really was about being closer to each other. I asked her what she got from it, and she said that giving herself to me like that was a real turn on. It was a sign of love. When I did it, I felt much much closer to her. That might sound fucked up, and I can’t really explain why, but I just felt like we ‘became one’.
The problem I have now it that when I look at girls, especially recently, one of the first things I’ll notice about them is their neck; and that’s not something that I really want to admit to a real life friend- hence my post here!
My questions to you all, therefore, is:
1. How common is this (ie am I panicking over nothing and I need to grow a pair)?
2. What is the likely response to grabbing a girl by the neck? And if you feel okay to indulging me, how would you respond (positively or negatively- so that I can get an idea of what to expect!)
3. For the girls who are into this; how would you recommend I introduce it to the bedroom (I kinda understand it’s not something I should be doing on a first date, I know!!! But when and how should I start it)?
Thank you in advance!
What an honest post.
I can only offer a PERSONAL take.
A recent partner of mine, after several dates, during one of those OH FUCK IT conversations, confessed to EXACTLY this fetish/desire... (She wanted me to grip her by the throat and FAUX-FORCE her...) Now, NOT REALLY, but in a Role Play kind of way...
(I'll try anything once...)
She LAUGHED ME OUT OF BED!!! (I was actually really embarrassed!!! And KIND OF FUCKING LIVID!!!) But, quite frankly, it wasn't going to happen!!!
So, I GUESS my observation is that SOME WOMEN are into that, AND SOME MEN can do it... (But not all women and DEFINITELY not THIS MAN!!!) And I can be MACHO!!! I CAN!!! HONESTLY!!!
xx SF
(To Be Clear, if you are holding somebody by the throat while saying, "Take That Cock Bitch..." and they are desperately trying not to laugh... Oh, Jesus! Why am I even sharing this???)
This by the way REALLY DID HAPPEN and NO we no longer date!!!
Hello sexy lady. Would you like rough sex.
Sorted!
first, let me say that this is one of the most well thought out, and well written, first threads EVER! obviously this is something that is taxing your mind. being somewhat familiar, i thought i'd give my two cents:
1. RELAX! what you are fantasizing about is NOT all that uncommon. if you mingle here a bit more, you'll find plenty who share this desire. it's nothing that should make you feel 'deviant' -especially since this was practiced in a happy healthy relationship.
2. grabbing a woman by the neck unknowingly during sex could result in a swift kick to the balls -if you're lucky, that's all.
3. rough sex isn't something i'm 'into' but i honestly enjoy it from time to time. as far as bringing it up, i can help you there. i once had a VERY unpleasant experience preforming oral sex that ended up with my ending the relationship. it actually caused me to shy away from the activity for awhile. this wasn't good for me because i enjoy doing it. i had to develop a way to bring it up. since oral sex is often a precursor to sex, i have to do it quickly. when i'm having a relaxed discussion with a new boyfriend, i bring up sex casually. asking what was the funniest/most embarrassing thing that ever happened during sex, etc. then i move on to dealbreakers. that's when i share my experience. guys i've been with have appreciated my being open about it. i think it's best to be proactive and prevent a bad incident.
like you stated, you won't be doing this the first few times you have sex, so you have time to gauge how she might react. by ALL means, have the conversation! she could be harboring this fantasy, or you may learn she's not into it. it could also trigger her to open up about something else that you may want to explore together. this will be a learning experience and another chance to connect.
i wish you luck!
In my opinion wanting rough sex is not uncommon for both sexes but anything that might be considered too aggressive should be talked about before hand to see if both parties are into it. I think most women, even those who are into that kind of thing might freak if it is done without some discussion in advance.
As for bringing it up I think you could try bringing it up in a conversation of what both of your sexual fantasies are, maybe have a drink, some honest conversation, then turn it towards sex and bring it up.
I think the key is communication. Talk about likes and dislikes with any partner. If you don't ask. You won't know. If you can't talk about sex with a woman you shouldn't have sex with said woman. I love having my neck grabbed btw. Not squeezed just grabbed. I asked my ex hubby to do it, but he never felt comfortable with it. I never got mad or disappointed with our sex life until about 8 years before we seperated cuz he stopped having sex with me all together and rejected my advances every time for years. Then he felt
I was a sex addict. When he was the one with sexual issues. I am very open because I know that I'll not get what I want if I don't ask.
Thanks all, you've put my mind to rest a fair bit (in that it obviously isn't all that uncommon).
I think my problem was that for both of us, it really was uncommon. It's something that developed over the years, as opposed to something that we both wanted straight away. Neither of us had done it before, and I guess I was thinking therefore that what we had developed was a weird sexual interest. But maybe, what we developed was quite a common sexual one!
Just to be clear, also, is that I wouldn't squeeze her neck to 'choke' her. At no point did I want to hurt her, and that's not what it was about. As you put it, Sultrysexysweet, is that it was a desire 'out of passion', and 'not a way to demean'.
I don't watch porn that often (won't say I never have/do, but it's not something that I particularly needed to do for a long time) and so I recently looked up some porn that showed throat grabbing. What I saw really did turn my stomach, and was NOT what I was doing with her. I think watching what I did, combined with not thinking it was that common, was the birth of my fear!
Okay I would have never have trusted my X husb with rough sex. However, there was a man who introduced things to me that I had no idea that I would like, esp since I hated sex with my ex so much, I thought I'd be happy to do without sex forever.
The first time this man & I were together & he slapped my arse I will tell you I was surprised. He talked to me about trying things, but said if I wanted he'd keep it vanilla. I said I wouldn't know if I liked it, unless we tried. So he asked, I agreed & we did have safe words although no was always enough.
From there it went to rough thrusting & I found I would orgasm & preferred it. I had never done that before. He was rough on my nipples & they were quite happy. Then there was the hand around the throat. Again, I would never have done these things without the trust I had for this man.
Its fun and many girls like it.
one instance my BF tried on public...
He put two vibrators in my pussy and two in my butt hole and tied with a rope to make sure its not coming out.
Told me to wear a thin light blue gown. And took me to the club.. when i got out of the car.. my gown was half wet with squirt cum.
Can't forget the pleasure of being stuffed with huge vibrators for more than 6 hrs
I know Mr Jaune has looked up "rough sex" in those free sex video sites. Yes we have had rough sex but I generally like a smack on the arse.
Bf knows, slap my ass, push me onto the bed, and punish my asspussy. V.
Sometimes, usually early in a "session" while I still have my bra and panties on, I pull away from a kiss and give my lover a hard slap across his face. Even after all these years it still shocks him because I don't do it often, but it tells him IT'S ON!
thanks everyone for your thoughts. I ended up writing down my first 'rough sex' experience, and it just got put up. For those who are interested, it's:
https://
Edit: it didn't come up. But I'm guessing it's on my profile, if you are interested enough...
I didn't read the comments above, so sorry(ish) if this has been answered for you. But here's my feeling....if it's the first time having sex and you haven't had any "chats" about rough sex, I say dive right in. The look in her eyes and certainly her response will tell you if it's okay or not. I love rough sex. The choking thing is really difficult to discuss. I am going to ask a question. How do I go about asking someone to choke me? Will he think I am completely nuts and be freaked out?
"Hubs" once told me something years ago, at a bar (liquor aid) that he wanted to take me in the bathroom and fuck me hard, smack my ass, and pull my hair. And then he said he couldn't because he had too much respect for me. I laughed and said I'd lose respect for him if he did not do those things. I learned a great lesson that day. Before then, I never mentioned my kinks with him for fear he would lose respect for me. At my age I am quite vocal about what I want with a man. And women...well....I just go for it. We judge ourselves far more than anyone else does.
So yes, grow a pair
and a very sincere ( not fake) sorry for your loss.
just passing through..