I am absoultley flustered lately, the romance department doesnt seem to have any good deals for me, I go out with this nice girl I have a nice time she claims she had a nice time, and boom she starts ignoring me cant even tell me that she isnt intrested, You know the maybe he'll take the hint card hurts alot more than Im not intrested in you. And if you didnt have a nice time why did you say as much. Even when shes on face book I give her a polite how are you doing and nothing, it sucks.
My question is why cant you say what you mean, and just be strait foward. Id leave you alone faster then maybe he'll take a hint. I dont take a hint well and last time I though a girl wasnt intrested she was most certianly and I ended up hurting her by jumping the gun.
(In truth I understand her past relationship makes her weary of men just wish she could tell me as much.)
Me personally I would just tell it to you straight, but as that I am a girl I can see the other side too. Most girls worry about hurting your feelings by telling you that they aren't interested, or they are scared that you won't like them if they tell you how they really feel. Girls are a weird mystery you will spend your whole life trying to figure out, sorry.
I'm guilty of this on first-dates.
Even if we had a "nice time" or even a great time, if there's no chemistry/sparks or I'm not interested, I do the "fade-out" and hope he takes the hint. I think protocol after a first date is that if you're not interested, you just cease communication and that sends a silent message that the other person can interpret, however they want - thereby leaving them the option of assuming it's because she's not ready for a relationship, she has emotional issues, or she's not over her ex. If you have to call the guy back to tell him "gee, sorry, but I find you boring", or "you're a nice guy but I'm not attracted to you", it just feels awkward and nobody likes to hurt feelings if they don't have to.
I think once you venture into multiple-date territory, it's better to be straight-forward, especially if the person is persistently calling/emailing/facebooking you looking for a response, but yeah I think everyone does the "ignore and hope they get the message" thing, especially when it comes to casual dating.
If after a first date I know there is nothing there, I rather just say so. I feel bad about it especially if the person is nice but think it is better then making them wonder.
I know no one likes to be rejected, I know I dont, but I think it hurts less when it happens fast( maybe it doesnt feel that way at first) then after a few weeks of thinking maybe there is a future there.
I never actually went on a "date", so I'm not sure if my feelings would change in that formal kind of situation. But I am always upfront and honest about things, although I say it kindly.
If I wanted to be just friends rather than something more, I would tell you right out that I was glad to have a new friend and I was happy with just that, nothing more.
I completely agree with Mazza. Not talking or phasing out communications is mean and more hurtful than many people who do it know. Just say it, because at least then people don't waste their time trying to make excuses on either side. If somebody did it to me, I would not be thinking it was their problem. I would know it was me they didn't like and it would make it worse that they didn't have the decency to tell me they weren't interested. In my opinion, there is nothing worse than someone leaving a grain of hope alive, because the more it grows, the more it hurts when it gets ripped out again.
So in answer to your question, Ryario, I can say what I mean, but I do it as kindly as possible.
Ut incepit fidelis, sic permanet.
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