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Pleasing Himself vs Pleasing You

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What interaction do you prefer?

A man focusing on pleasing himself
A man focusing on pleasing me
Results
SereneProdigy
Cryptic Vigilante
Good day, this poll is for women only.

Which attitude/approach do you prefer from a man during sex?

- A man focusing on pleasing himself
- A man focusing on pleasing you

A man focusing on pleasing himself would fuck you passionately according to his own urges ; he won't harm you or do anything you don't agree with, but will simply perform what pleases him.

A man focusing on pleasing you would still provide a passionate fuck, but will carefully notice your little hints and act accordingly ; he will still enjoy the sex, but prefers to put emphasis on your pleasure rather than his.

So, what turns you on the most : to be used like a whore or to be treated like a queen?

Note : I know a combination of the two is completely possible, but I prefered to ask in terms of absolutes to better isolate your overall preference.

Thanks!
Guest
Lurker
Quote by SereneProdigy
Good day, this poll is for women only.

Which attitude/approach do you prefer from a man during sex?

- A man focusing on pleasing himself
- A man focusing on pleasing you

A man focusing on pleasing himself would fuck you passionately according to his own urges ; he won't harm you or do anything you don't agree with, but will simply perform what pleases him.

A man focusing on pleasing you would still provide a passionate fuck, but will carefully notice your little hints and act accordingly ; he will still enjoy the sex, but prefers to put emphasis on your pleasure rather than his.

So, what turns you on the most : to be used like a whore or to be treated like a queen?

Note : I know a combination of the two is completely possible, but I prefered to ask in terms of absolutes to better isolate your overall preference.

Thanks!


Well - it depends, sometimes pleasing himself with raw, uninhibited desire pleases me quite a damned bit. ;)
Dirty_D
Head Nurse
Neither. All the focus on one party leads to disinterest.
SereneProdigy
Cryptic Vigilante
Quote by naughtynurse
Neither. All the focus on one party leads to disinterest.


Both partners are actually pleasured in either scenario. Only the approach is different.

- A woman can still enjoy a whole lot of pleasure when the man is focusing on his own

- A man can still enjoy a whole lot of pleasure when focusing on his woman
Guest
Lurker
Bit of a tricky question to answer. By pleasuring himself he would be pleasuring me. But as long as he is still focused on me while doing it.

Oh wait, I misread it. It said 'pleasing himself'? Well that could be interpreted as just climbing on top and thrusting for 30 seconds? Not for me. But if he is pleasuring himself while teasing me and maintaining eye contact then yes, that gets my vote!
Dirty_D
Head Nurse
Quote by SereneProdigy


Both partners are actually pleasured in either scenario. Only the approach is different.

- A woman can still enjoy a whole lot of pleasure when the man is focusing on his own

- A man can still enjoy a whole lot of pleasure when focusing on his woman


So many variables go into something like this. Some days a queen wants to be a whore, sometimes a whore wants to be a queen. This kind of question is pointless.
SereneProdigy
Cryptic Vigilante
Quote by naughtynurse


So many variables go into something like this. Some days a queen wants to be a whore, sometimes a whore wants to be a queen. This kind of question is pointless.

Sometimes I like to eat healthy, yet sometimes I enjoy eating pizza. Still, I can establish eating healthy as a preference.

Also, what variables do you have in mind? Maybe I can clarify them in my original post...
Guest
Lurker
I think it depends on the type of sex session. If you’ve got a few hours in a nice big bed then there’s time to do lots of things and the focus can alternate. If it’s quickie/spontaneous sex the focus is on the man. That’s not a criticism, being with a guy who’s hot and horny and wants to do me or get me to pleasure him NOW is a different kind of pleasure (giving selflessly).

Even after a few drinks at a party and getting playful with some hot guy I can’t imagine leading his hand to my wet panties and asking him to give me a quick lick job.
Dirty_D
Head Nurse
Quote by SereneProdigy

Sometimes I like to eat healthy, yet sometimes I enjoy eating pizza. Still, I can establish eating healthy as a preference.

Also, what variables do you have in mind? Maybe I can clarify them in my original post...


Okay, you seem to want to cut and dry answers to complex questions. Things are not so simple to answer. Things are not simply good or bad. There are varying degrees within everything.

I've had both scenarios. One bf was totally into himself. "I know what I like and I see no point in changing." Yes we had some very steamy sessions, but that attitude grows old when you find yourself becoming frustrated. And yes there is frustration involved; whenever someone is that focused on themselves they ultimately neglect your needs.

Enter another guy, as different as day from night. This lead to more frustration, because the demand for performance overshadowed the act itself. When your every move is under that scrutiny, the fun evaporates.

So neither, give me a partner who knows what they need, but cares enough to listen to what I need.
Dancing_Doll
Alpha Blonde
I think sexual compatibility comes into play here. If it would please me to have a guy be rough and fuck me hard and make me his dirty little whore, would that be pleasing me or him? Hopefully both, but it would probably bother me if the guy wasn't into this at all and always had to do something that wasn't natural for him when it came to sex. If I wanted to sneak in behind him in a public bathroom at a dark bar and suck him off or pull up my skirt and get into the dirty talk, that still might be pleasing me if he feels awkward about public sex or isn't into it. So in general - I am happiest when we have mutual shared fantasies and sexual tendencies.

I've been with guys where we've been out of synch this way and it can be frustrating. In those cases, I'm probably the type to push the pace at first (to please me) but if he's not into that kind of thing, I'm not going to force it, so in the end I guess it's still about him.

As far as strictly just the physical goes - I do tend to enjoy being dominated (not always but definitely more than equal 'this or that'), so I guess I would pick pleasing him. It inadvertently ends up pleasing me anyway - just in a different way than focusing on my orgasm. I think this is where the energy is important. If it's just a guy that expects to passively lay on his back, enjoy his own pleasure and have me do all the work, that would not be fun for me. If he's active and the intensity is there, the same sex acts can be equally as exciting for the giver. It's kind of the difference between being sexually dominant vs selfishly passive. The guy is getting pleasure in both scenarios but for the girl - one is appealing and the other is boring.
SereneProdigy
Cryptic Vigilante
Quote by naughtynurse

Okay, you seem to want to cut and dry answers to complex questions. Things are not so simple to answer. Things are not simply good or bad. There are varying degrees within everything.

I've had both scenarios. One bf was totally into himself. "I know what I like and I see no point in changing." Yes we had some very steamy sessions, but that attitude grows old when you find yourself becoming frustrated. And yes there is frustration involved; whenever someone is that focused on themselves they ultimately neglect your needs.

Enter another guy, as different as day from night. This lead to more frustration, because the demand for performance overshadowed the act itself. When your every move is under that scrutiny, the fun evaporates.

So neither, give me a partner who knows what they need, but cares enough to listen to what I need.

Thanks for that reply, it was very informative. Between, when I (or anyone else) post a question or a poll, the purpose is generally to open up for a deeper discussion anyway. You could have answered with that post straight away rather than saying that my question was 'pointless'. Just saying.
SereneProdigy
Cryptic Vigilante
Quote by Dancing_Doll
I think sexual compatibility comes into play here. If it would please me to have a guy be rough and fuck me hard and make me his dirty little whore, would that be pleasing me or him? Hopefully both, but it would probably bother me if the guy wasn't into this at all and always had to do something that wasn't natural for him when it came to sex. If I wanted to sneak in behind him in a public bathroom at a dark bar and suck him off or pull up my skirt and get into the dirty talk, that still might be pleasing me if he feels awkward about public sex or isn't into it. So in general - I am happiest when we have mutual shared fantasies and sexual tendencies.

I've been with guys where we've been out of synch this way and it can be frustrating. In those cases, I'm probably the type to push the pace at first (to please me) but if he's not into that kind of thing, I'm not going to force it, so in the end I guess it's still about him.

As far as strictly just the physical goes - I do tend to enjoy being dominated (not always but definitely more than equal 'this or that'), so I guess I would pick pleasing him. It inadvertently ends up pleasing me anyway - just in a different way than focusing on my orgasm. I think this is where the energy is important. If it's just a guy that expects to passively lay on his back, enjoy his own pleasure and have me do all the work, that would not be fun for me. If he's active and the intensity is there, the same sex acts can be equally as exciting for the giver. It's kind of the difference between being sexually dominant vs selfishly passive. The guy is getting pleasure in both scenarios but for the girl - one is appealing and the other is boring.


I agree with all of this ; in fact my initial question is quite paradoxal. A lot of times, a man focusing on his own pleasure might also end up giving his partner more pleasure than any other way. This is what I learned from experience. I'm quite respectful of my partners and I've always paid careful attention to their needs, but I figured that most of them actually prefer that I simply pound hard and deep anyways, according to my own satisfaction. So focusing on their pleasure often rapidly shifts to focusing on mine. I think most women really get turned on by seeing a man obtaining great pleasure 'fucking' them raw. They feel desired and competent that way.

What I often like to do is initiate the sex by being more gentle and showing the woman that I care for her needs (often times this means oral sex), then I follow up with something more intense where I'm focusing more on my own pleasure. At other times, the girl gave obvious hints that 'proving' my good intentions wasn't necessary, and that I could proceed with something harder right away.

But as naughtynurse said, some guys might not fully understand that mutually shared pleasure, and might fall into extremes.
Guest
Lurker
Quote by naughtynurse


So many variables go into something like this. Some days a queen wants to be a whore, sometimes a whore wants to be a queen.


I'm not sure there can be a clear answer due to the number of variables, or that the poll results will reflect what we really think. Some of us might vote differently on a different day and the question is too broad for me to give a specific answer to.
Dirty_D
Head Nurse
Quote by SereneProdigy

Thanks for that reply, it was very informative. Between, when I (or anyone else) post a question or a poll, the purpose is generally to open up for a deeper discussion anyway. You could have answered with that post straight away rather than saying that my question was 'pointless'. Just saying.


I stand by my previous assessment of your question. It's pointless in it's current form.
SereneProdigy
Cryptic Vigilante
Quote by trinket


I'm not sure there can be a clear answer due to the number of variables, or that the poll results will reflect what we really think. Some of us might vote differently on a different day and the question is too broad for me to give a specific answer to.


Can you clarify? Or maybe you can agree/disagree with what the others already replied?
SereneProdigy
Cryptic Vigilante
Quote by naughtynurse


I stand by my previous assessment of your question. It's pointless in it's current form.


Strangely, I'm learning quite a lot. It might not be that pointless.
Guest
Lurker
Quote by trinket


I'm not sure there can be a clear answer due to the number of variables, or that the poll results will reflect what we really think. Some of us might vote differently on a different day and the question is too broad for me to give a specific answer to.

Quote by SereneProdigy

Can you clarify? Or maybe you can agree/disagree with what the others already replied?




The poll questions as they are, are too broad to give a definitive answer to. I would think that most people wouldn't want to have sex the same way every time they have sex. As I understand it that is what you are asking. You have given only two choices for an answer, and I personally cannot say that I ONLY want one or the other.
Guest
Lurker
Pleasing one's self when there are two, leaves one out with nothing to screw. NO! All should be pleased, not one.
SereneProdigy
Cryptic Vigilante
Quote by trinket


The poll questions as they are, are too broad to give a definitive answer to. I would think that most people wouldn't want to have sex the same way every time they have sex. As I understand it that is what you are asking. You have given only two choices for an answer, and I personally cannot say that I ONLY want one or the other.


I never implied it would be the ONLY kind of sex you'd have for the rest of your life. Just your overall preference. Like if I ask "do you prefer oral sex or penetration?", you can still experience both while having a preference.
Guest
Lurker
Quote by trinket


The poll questions as they are, are too broad to give a definitive answer to. I would think that most people wouldn't want to have sex the same way every time they have sex. As I understand it that is what you are asking. You have given only two choices for an answer, and I personally cannot say that I ONLY want one or the other.

Quote by SereneProdigy


I never implied it would be the ONLY kind of sex you'd have for the rest of your life. Just your overall preference. Like if I ask "do you prefer oral sex or penetration?", you can still experience both while having a preference.




I don't have an absolute preference. One day I might prefer being treated like a queen, another day I might prefer being treated like a whore. It's 'in the moment' and changes from day to day. There is no definitive preference. As I said earlier, it is not just black or white.
Guest
Lurker
I believe in Mutual Satisfactionsmile
SereneProdigy
Cryptic Vigilante
Quote by trinket


I don't have an absolute preference. One day I might prefer being treated like a queen, another day I might prefer being treated like a whore. It's 'in the moment' and changes from day to day. There is no definitive preference. As I said earlier, it is not just black or white.

Thanks for your feedback . When I created the poll, I thought about adding a 3rd option to propose a 'mix' of the two, but thought it would screw the objective since most women probably would have chosen that.
BelleduJour
Active Ink Slinger
Quote by trinket


I don't have an absolute preference. One day I might prefer being treated like a queen, another day I might prefer being treated like a whore. It's 'in the moment' and changes from day to day. There is no definitive preference. As I said earlier, it is not just black or white.


I'll echo Trinket's response BUT for the sake of your survey and the search for an answer in absolutes, I'd say the second option would be my preference if I HAD to choose. Although it would be quite interesting given that I'm very much a pleaser and giver so my partner and I might go several rounds to see who pleases the other first
Guest
Lurker
Quote by BelleduJour


I'll echo Trinket's response BUT for the sake of your survey and the search for an answer in absolutes, I'd say the second option would be my preference if I HAD to choose. Although it would be quite interesting given that I'm very much a pleaser and giver so my partner and I might go several rounds to see who pleases the other first



That sounds like an excellent strategy to me Belle.
theallegorist
Active Ink Slinger
As a woman, it's always nice to know that my partner's doing it to please me.
Unknown User
It's always nice to know that he always pleases me