Hi, being new to bdsm since recently joining lush I would be interested to find out how people define it, or rather what it means to them... It seems to me that it's more than the general stereotypyical views of whips etc and really enters into a psychological "role play" situation. Every body seems to see it slightly differently though...so what does it mean to you?
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What is bdsm for you
Active Ink Slinger
I think it's thoughts of whips chains, cages, dog dishes, ball gags, and rack, etc. that make those 4 letters so scary to some.
Sure, that can be part of it, but it's certainly not all. We dont have any of those..well we have dog dishes, but they are for the dogs.
It doesn't all have to be about making a girl as uncomortable as possible thru pain and pretzel positions. For us it's all about the sensuous nature of what we do.
Some of what we have/do:
blindfold: If you haven't tried it, DO! Wow! Not being able to "see what's coming" is an EXQUISITE torture
candles... Not the beeswax, pariffan store bought candles. These were professionally made by a great friend and trusted woman in the scene for many years. Made from soy and designed to melt at lower temperature so its just VERY warm and not burning. Absolutely amazing! And, get this the wax can be massaged into the skin like a silky lotion! Terrific when combined with blindfold and...
ice: The effect of ice and heat of candles is amazing! sometimes when you are really on edge and every nerve is alive and screaming with the sensuous torture of it all, you cant tell hot from cold at times!
paddles, floggers, etc.... spanking can be such an erotic act. I feel his strength, power, and masculinity. Each spank causes an immediate spark of some pain but very soon after turning to a heat that spreads thru the whole area that causes a delicious squirm and sting.
restraints: which really are some of my old pantyhose and stockings so there are no rope burns. Being tied up and "helpless" can be an incredible turn on
These are just SOME of the things we use and have. And see??!! No whips, back breaking positions, blood, rope burns, etc. Just ecstacy. There is so much more to enjoy and explore.
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Sure, that can be part of it, but it's certainly not all. We dont have any of those..well we have dog dishes, but they are for the dogs.
It doesn't all have to be about making a girl as uncomortable as possible thru pain and pretzel positions. For us it's all about the sensuous nature of what we do.
Some of what we have/do:
blindfold: If you haven't tried it, DO! Wow! Not being able to "see what's coming" is an EXQUISITE torture
candles... Not the beeswax, pariffan store bought candles. These were professionally made by a great friend and trusted woman in the scene for many years. Made from soy and designed to melt at lower temperature so its just VERY warm and not burning. Absolutely amazing! And, get this the wax can be massaged into the skin like a silky lotion! Terrific when combined with blindfold and...
ice: The effect of ice and heat of candles is amazing! sometimes when you are really on edge and every nerve is alive and screaming with the sensuous torture of it all, you cant tell hot from cold at times!
paddles, floggers, etc.... spanking can be such an erotic act. I feel his strength, power, and masculinity. Each spank causes an immediate spark of some pain but very soon after turning to a heat that spreads thru the whole area that causes a delicious squirm and sting.
restraints: which really are some of my old pantyhose and stockings so there are no rope burns. Being tied up and "helpless" can be an incredible turn on
These are just SOME of the things we use and have. And see??!! No whips, back breaking positions, blood, rope burns, etc. Just ecstacy. There is so much more to enjoy and explore.
.
Active Ink Slinger
The definition of BDSM can only be found withing the dynamics of a single relationship. That is, it is different for each and every person, because it is a very personal and very subjective journey, and so what you experience with one partner will be different from what you experience with your next partner.
For a long time I steered clear of BDSM because of the stigma that goes with it. However, my desires were what they were, and so i began to research and explore online. What I found was that BDSM could be what I needed, so long as I was true to myself and knew exactly what that was.
Not all those involved in BDSM like to receive or inflict pain. Sure, some do, but some don't. It's a personal preference. Me?
Not all submissives are sluts! Goodness, how many times do I hear that? A submissive will not go boink anyone just because she is told to.
For me there is a need, a desire, an urge to submit. That doesn't mean I'm a door mat. Like many submissives, I'm a smart woman, I do well in my job, I have strong opinions, and I am not weak willed. When I choose to submit to someone it is a sign of respect, of trust, of a deep connection with that person. It is a gift, and not something that can be taken from me- I do not submit to just anyone.
BDSM is what it is to you and you alone, and that is the beauty of it! It's a chance to explore your desires in a world where people will (usually) not judge you for it, where you can be embraced for it. To me, it's a deeper level of sexuality, sensuality, and spirituality that I have not found elsewhere- it's a part of who I am.
For a long time I steered clear of BDSM because of the stigma that goes with it. However, my desires were what they were, and so i began to research and explore online. What I found was that BDSM could be what I needed, so long as I was true to myself and knew exactly what that was.
Not all those involved in BDSM like to receive or inflict pain. Sure, some do, but some don't. It's a personal preference. Me?
Not all submissives are sluts! Goodness, how many times do I hear that? A submissive will not go boink anyone just because she is told to.
For me there is a need, a desire, an urge to submit. That doesn't mean I'm a door mat. Like many submissives, I'm a smart woman, I do well in my job, I have strong opinions, and I am not weak willed. When I choose to submit to someone it is a sign of respect, of trust, of a deep connection with that person. It is a gift, and not something that can be taken from me- I do not submit to just anyone.
BDSM is what it is to you and you alone, and that is the beauty of it! It's a chance to explore your desires in a world where people will (usually) not judge you for it, where you can be embraced for it. To me, it's a deeper level of sexuality, sensuality, and spirituality that I have not found elsewhere- it's a part of who I am.
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Active Ink Slinger
I agree with Just-SJ, I steer away from BDSM simply due to the image it creates in my head but i suppose the BDSM stuff are things i like just not on such a hardcore level.