It is an interesting fact that amongst women on Lush, those who are over 34 are FOUR times more likely to be interested in "Wife Lover" stories than those who are under 24.
This would suggest that opinions on the morality of cheating change as people get older. It's not just hair that turns grey, your opinions do too.
Warning: The opinions above are those of an anonymous individual on the internet. They are opinions, unless they're facts. They may be ill-informed, out of touch with reality or just plain stupid. They may contain traces of irony. If reading these opinions causes you to be become outraged or you start displaying the symptoms of outrage, stop reading them immediately. If symptoms persist, consult a psychiatrist.
Why not read some stories instead
NEW! Want a quick read for your coffee break? Why not try this... Flash Erotica: Scrubber Interesting how some threads just polarize people.
While I don't think that cheating is generally a good thing, it really isn't as cut and dried as some people imagine it to be. It can be a lifeline to some. I mean, how many people here on Lush dabble with others who are married or in relationships? Is that cheating? If someone plays with someone who's already involved online, is that cheating? Obviously, if you go out and fuck someone who's already in a relationship it is cheating, but I mean, there are different levels of cheating too, well, I think so.
There are those who cheat just for the fun of it, the game, the thrill. I don't like to see that.
There are those who cheat because there are areas of their life which are lacking in some way. Perhaps it's not quite as straightforward as being able to simply separate in order to pursue their goals?
Life is complicated, not black and white at all. We all have our buttons that can be pushed, differing opinions and motivation, baggage, damage, goals etc.
I think it's important that while our points of view may be very different, we should try not to be too judgmental of others - you can never really know a person or what they're going through.
I have, and I really enjoyed it. The way he treated me, the things he would do to me mmmm,
I would do it again in a heartbeat.
Yes I had an affair and left my wife - it was one of the most horrible times of my life and I would think very hard about doing it again - it caused pain to four people. That said we are human and these things happen for a reason sadly - some because he/she doesn't give a damn about their partner or because something is not right in that relationship. People make a choice and its not always the best one.
A very tricky subject on which everyone will have their own views - we should respect each and every one of them
Just read most of these posts, so my 2 cents worth: I think Dutch Mike has it right. No need to be a facilitator. If you are with someone, be with them, through the good and the bad. I know it is hard, because sex is all around, but don't we search for more than that? Shouldn't or couldn't it be more? I'm not being a priest here, and I'm not judging, but I have been in the situation where most people would have told me it would be okay to "stray" from my wife for some gratification. (she was terminally ill and slowly getting worse over an 8 year period.) Some things in life are worth more than one's own pleasure. I know, if I had done something with someone else and she found out, it would have been like a nail driven into her coffin. Is giving one, especially a loved one, that kind of pain worth the small bit of sexual pleasure? I thought not, and still think that way. If you are in a "loveless" relationship… end it, or at least tell your mate your intentions so will have their "blessings," or whatever they bestow on you.
Before I was married I was mistress to an older married guy - it was hot and fun but now I'm married myself not sure I would want to do it again - make life far too complicated!
Yes... but it was during a phase of doing really bad and self-destructive things in general - so it kind of worked with my reckless spirit. I don't recommend it. I definitely have never (nor would ever) touch a man with kids - that line was never crossed. I don't condone it, but I try not to judge too much. I hate to sound jaded but it's just so commonplace that it's lost a lot of its shock value. That's not to make light of it - I've been cheated on as well (although not in a marriage) so I know both sides of the coin to some degree. I don't have much of the 'cheaters blood' running through me personally though - I have always been extremely loyal when in a relationship.
It is very easy to judge others. Unless you have walked a mile in one's shoes, or own a crystal ball and can see everything, NOBODY has a clue what goes into any decision made by either party in a relationship. Right, wrong or indifferent, ultimately its their decision to make and its not for anyone else to judge.
I was married for over 35 years and never cheated. My wife had a disease that affected her mind in the later stages before she passed and accused my of cheating 24/7. It was devastating to be accused but I knew she couldn't help it. I kinda believe if you are going to cheat then leave your spouse first. Better all around.
My lover is still legally married. Even though he has seperated from his wife two years ago. She lives 3 hours away and only visits their kids once a year when it is her favourite kid's birthday. I was an aquaintence to my lover for almost two months when I meet him.
We work in the same building and would do some projects together but that was it. Cut long story short he barely talked about his romantic life, happy to talk about his kids. Three months after meeting him I broke up with my long term partner (for various reasons) and found a good listen who didn't judge me and offered advice.
A month later we fucked and agreed to be fuck buddies. I had no idea he was legally married for almost six weeks after we first fucked. It was by accident when I saw mail addressed to "MRS J R Blogs" that it hit me. I am fucking a married man.
He would always refer to his wife as "My ex partner". No idea that he is married at the time. I believe his wife doesn't know who I am. I try not to involve myself when it comes to him and his wife as I don't see it as my business.
Since he is raising his kids, the hardest thing is not to get attached to them. They know me as the family friend. I now only see the kids once every forenight. Even when I do go to his house through the week we wait for the kids to go to sleep so I can go over.
I disagree that someone always gets hurt.
My ex cheated on me and it was what I needed to realize our marriage was truly shit, truly over, and the only way to officially end it was if I left. Of course, that was amid all the other things like his abusive nature and drug use, but the cheating, for some reason, was the thing that made me realize I could do better in life than be with him.
Did it hurt me? In that moment - when I found out - yes it did.
Did it have long term hurt? No - the moment I decided to leave him I felt like a weight was off my shoulders. It was my "ahha!" moment.
What did hurt? I don't know, maybe he cried over me leaving him. I know I didn't. I was scared to be on my own, but glad I did it.
Dating vs marriage:
In my younger years (teens/early twenties) dating was not the same as marriage.
Dating = boyfriend/girlfriend = light weight, casual, fun, temporary, not serious.
Marriage = husband/wife = serious, heavy, permanent.
I suppose being engaged is the grey area in between the two.
Marriage was 'accepting that we are together' and dating was 'to see if we were compatible, etc' - I never looked at my dating relationships with the same serious eye that I saw my marriage in (my first marriage and my current marriage). I held the two in very different views. Boyfriends came and went. If I was cheated on it didn't break me. If I fooled around I didn't care. I assume some were hurt, but I don't recall anyone ever crying, having a breakdown, telling me I stabbed them in the back, etc. . . we were all just casually floating around together in a strange way and it didn't matter that much because none of us were committed and we all knew it.
Hindsight: I wouldn't have just casually 'dated' anyone - I would have taken 'dating' more seriously in general. Not because it led to cheating / etc - but because I might have gotten more out of relationships if I was more mature about it.
Marriage:
I'm married, now, and we have children together - we've been through hell together.
Having an affair is far different than cheating while dating, in my view. Worlds apart. My husband could break me as a human if he did that to me. I never did let someone have that power over me while I was just dating them.
Why am I pointing out the difference between the two? Because I've seen some people talk about 'cheating while dating' in the same heft as 'an affair during marriage' - and 'people always get hurt' . . . and that, really, depends on who you are.
Everyone has valid opinions on this subject and to be honest I wish I could turn the clock back on what I did to my very dear wife because she did not deserve being cheated on. It is now over two years since that happened and I can honestly say it will never happen again. I hate what it did to her and our marriage and I hate what it did to me I feel horrible everyday knowing that she is afraid to rely on me fully. Someone mentioned it earlier communication that is what I did not do or my wife for various reasons and partly because of that we weren't as one as we should have been.
I in no way blame anyone else for my actions. I will never let my integrity be put into question ever again.
Enjoy the moment, never look back with regret. Truth is if you were faced with the situation again you most likely would make the same choice!
I have never knowingly been with a married man nor would I ever do that. I have had one nighters where you never really know the guys true story. I have had a little fling with a married woman but her husband knew about it and was cool with it so that really isn't cheating right.
But overall I don't believe in cheating, but who am I to judge what others do!
This is a very interesting thread, as it is provoking very strong emotional reactions from many readers. Thus "cheating" seems to be very personal in its definition, and I felt that Nikki's point about her fling with a married woman (whose husband was comfortably in the know about it) was very helpful, in that this defines the difference between an open and an exclusive relationship. To further that point one could argue that "cheating" isn't just about the sex, but about one partner lying to the other, the betrayal being at least as much emotional as sexual. So in a mutually agreed open relationship, there may be lots of sex with different people but no betrayal, depending on what has been agreed between the partnership which brings us back to that great point someone was making about communication.
In my personal experience, whenever I have been approached by a man in an exclusive relationship who wanted an affair with me, the main thing that has struck me was the lack of thinking ahead of any consequences of such actions; as though it was perfectly possible to keep an on going secret, and live two separate lives without them leaking into each other and imploding simply through an act of will; followed by the blankly dismissive look when I pointed out that this wasn't realistic (possibly not thinking with their brains at the time!)
Life is complicated, and this is a very grey area and each person's experience is varied and can't be judged. Its been really enlightening to read such honest responses.
We're cynics by nature and tend to focus on the bad more often than the good. Forcible habit. Comes with the trade.
