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exploring new things

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Rookie Scribe
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Hey, folks. My boyfriend and I have been together for about 4 months. He grew up in a very conservative catholic household, and has not had many sexual partners before me. Apparently, he used to think giving or receiving oral "was gross". His previous partners also thought so, so he never experienced it (giving or receiving).

I happen to LOVE both. I actually fantasize more about pleasuring him than vice versa, but that's more than welcome, too smile Keep in mind, he is no longer catholic, and is now very interested in learning new things in bed with me. But I think he is very nervous, and maybe still getting over some mental hurdles, because he still hasn't given me any, and whenever I try to go down on him, he either loses his erection or just grabs me and wants to go back to vaginal intercourse.

Now, I am more than willing to admit I need to learn a thing or two about sucking cock, but I've never had anything but rave reviews before. I did buy some books about it, and also tried to have a conversation about what feels good to him. He opened up a little, saying he liked the underside (frenulum, I assume he was speaking about) stroked/touched. I already knew that, but the point is that he was willing to discuss it, which is improvement. I also asked him about his fantasies, and what he imagines when he touches himself. He mentioned basically "wanting to be inside" of me, and that sort of thing. I am willing to accept if he just simply won't ever want to do that, I mean we all have different sexual interests. But I think he just doesn't know what he's missing, and if only I could get him to come once that way, he'd never look back!

I have told him there is no rush in any of this, and we have all the time in the world to learn about each other. But I think he's never going to initiate oral alone, so I need some ideas. How can I get him to be more comfortable with this?
Lurker
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The first thing I would say is well done for looking into it and, more importantly, talking about it.

You said he has issues and by talking about them, you can decide if you think he will overcome them, or, more importantly, want to overcome them. Then you have to decide how important this is for you and if you want to continue a relationship if he can't overcome his issues with oral. Four months is still quite new so you have time on your hand to talk about things and then see how it goes.

I wish you luck and hope you both manage to sort things out.
Rookie Scribe
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Thanks, Southerner. I am wiling to be patient about this. And as for if it's a deal breaker, only time can tell. Like you said, four months isn't long!
Active Ink Slinger
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Or you can go wild on him by tying him up and blindfolding him. Then you can ravage him and make him see what he's missing out on.
Insert typical super smart ass comment courtesy of thepainter here.
Active Ink Slinger
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I can only speak from personal experience here. I've dated many men who are more adventurous than I. They quickly discover that if they wanted to get me to try something new... drop a few hints (and not just wiggling his ass hoping that I can read his mind that he wants me to slide a finger in there, I may be Woman but I cannot read minds!!!!). Drop a story. Tell me in the morning after singing my praises from the night before. But never push. Wait a while, then bring it up again. Chances were usually that once I got my mind around a new adventure in the bedroom, and he explained why he wanted to do this, I would usually agree.

What about inviting him to join Lush? Printing out a few stories, to read together? You've got him talking about what he likes, so you've overcome that hurdle of talking about it. What about toys? Have you tried toys as well?

Next time, try something like wearing a sky high push up bra, or or something while you are on your knees looking up at him make sure your body language is just in total bliss at being there. I mean it could always be that he has been brought up to think that any form of oral is just dirty.

If I were in your position? Personally; I would have fantasies of tieing him up and getting over my dislike of the 69 position and tell him I'd not let him go till he cums and makes me cum. But then again... sometimes I can be a real meanie. And fantasies stay in my head. And in these Forums. Shhhh!! Don't tell anyone!
Living life and enjoying life are two different things... just need to figure out how to do both at the same time to live it right!

Woman... GO FLY A KITE!!!!! Take a slideshow walk with me on a walk through the parks of Inner Mongolia, China. Then enjoy the tale of a very traditional day in the life of a white Woman in China.
Active Ink Slinger
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Quote by thepainter
Or you can go wild on him by tying him up and blindfolding him. Then you can ravage him and make him see what he's missing out on.


*reaches up and theifed that idea.. YOINK!!!! add to the fantasy column in my head!!!!
Living life and enjoying life are two different things... just need to figure out how to do both at the same time to live it right!

Woman... GO FLY A KITE!!!!! Take a slideshow walk with me on a walk through the parks of Inner Mongolia, China. Then enjoy the tale of a very traditional day in the life of a white Woman in China.
Advanced Wordsmith
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All of these are great ideas, what I would add to it, is maybe he still feels "dirty" for engaging in all of this. To maybe ease his mind a little bit, I would try to have an extremely romantic night and do nothing but the classy date. Then when you get home, start slow then lead to dirtier and dirtier. He might need more then just the physical stimulation maybe? Either way, at least you are open about it, and that's good.
Rookie Scribe
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Appreciate all the ideas, ladies and gents! I have definitely thought about some blindfold/tie action! But that may be pushing it too far just yet.

Progress update: Last night, we were lying in bed (not fooling around), and he asked me, "I hope this isn't rude to ask, but I know you said you liked giving me oral, and I was wondering, if you did that, would you want me to come?" !!!!! I proceeded just exactly how much I would love for him to come and the myriad ways (and places) he could. He seemed very interested in the idea smile
Lurker
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A Catholic? Where in the bible does it say thou shalt not have oral? Serioulsy though, rather than keep on at him about oral, pester him to go with to a relationship counsillor that specialises in sexual councilling. He might have deep down pychological reasons, that need exploring. There are exercises you get, like wish lists, and step by step exploring, rather than diving in to full on oral. Like a phobia of spiders you start with cuddly toy spiders.
Lurker
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Quote by missmollyrose
Hey, folks. My boyfriend and I have been together for about 4 months. He grew up in a very conservative catholic household, and has not had many sexual partners before me. Apparently, he used to think giving or receiving oral "was gross". His previous partners also thought so, so he never experienced it (giving or receiving).


I have told him there is no rush in any of this, and we have all the time in the world to learn about each other. But I think he's never going to initiate oral alone, so I need some ideas. How can I get him to be more comfortable with this?



Miss Molly...just remember...the body follows where the mind goes! If he isn't there mentally....well..."the mind is a terrible thing to waste...or wasted...can't quite remember!"
Advanced Wordsmith
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Quote by missmollyrose
Hey, folks. My boyfriend and I have been together for about 4 months. He grew up in a very conservative catholic household, and has not had many sexual partners before me. Apparently, he used to think giving or receiving oral "was gross". His previous partners also thought so, so he never experienced it (giving or receiving).

I happen to LOVE both. I actually fantasize more about pleasuring him than vice versa, but that's more than welcome, too smile Keep in mind, he is no longer catholic, and is now very interested in learning new things in bed with me. But I think he is very nervous, and maybe still getting over some mental hurdles, because he still hasn't given me any, and whenever I try to go down on him, he either loses his erection or just grabs me and wants to go back to vaginal intercourse.

Now, I am more than willing to admit I need to learn a thing or two about sucking cock, but I've never had anything but rave reviews before. I did buy some books about it, and also tried to have a conversation about what feels good to him. He opened up a little, saying he liked the underside (frenulum, I assume he was speaking about) stroked/touched. I already knew that, but the point is that he was willing to discuss it, which is improvement. I also asked him about his fantasies, and what he imagines when he touches himself. He mentioned basically "wanting to be inside" of me, and that sort of thing. I am willing to accept if he just simply won't ever want to do that, I mean we all have different sexual interests. But I think he just doesn't know what he's missing, and if only I could get him to come once that way, he'd never look back!

I have told him there is no rush in any of this, and we have all the time in the world to learn about each other. But I think he's never going to initiate oral alone, so I need some ideas. How can I get him to be more comfortable with this?



The first thing he has to do, if you two are ever going to have oral, is get over his phobia of oral. I lived in a Catholic house, and I know what they say about it, the lies they will tell. And if he was told young enough, the damage is deep. The next is to start with hand jobs with your hand soaked in warm water. Third, get him used to imitating going down on you. Then finally do it. It'll take a while, and he might just never get used to the idea, but you have to be supportive either way.

"So how does it feel to know that someones kid in the heart of America
Has blood on their hands, fighting to defend your rights
So you can maintain the lifestyle that insults this family's existence"


Security is mere illusion; yet in that illusion lies security.
Advanced Wordsmith
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Quote by lapdanceSimon
A Catholic? Where in the bible does it say thou shalt not have oral? Serioulsy though, rather than keep on at him about oral, pester him to go with to a relationship counsillor that specialises in sexual councilling. He might have deep down pychological reasons, that need exploring. There are exercises you get, like wish lists, and step by step exploring, rather than diving in to full on oral. Like a phobia of spiders you start with cuddly toy spiders.


You'd have to grow up in a Catholic house hold to understand just how conservative and anti sex-that-isn't-missionary bullshit that they spout.

"So how does it feel to know that someones kid in the heart of America
Has blood on their hands, fighting to defend your rights
So you can maintain the lifestyle that insults this family's existence"


Security is mere illusion; yet in that illusion lies security.
Lurker
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Practice Practice Practice!! :-)
Rookie Scribe
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A few years ago, Lisa Chavez wrote the best ever article about pleasing a woman orally. It was entitled "Gourmet Eating at the Y." She followed it up a few weeks later with a sequel, "Gourmet Eating at the Y -- The Second Course." They are both fairly short articles, yet easily readable, quite detailed, and very informative.

I don't know if they are still available on the Internet.